Comic advice - cool, harmful, adults, children, pensioners, for a wedding

A selection of jokes in a poetic form to raise the confusion of relatives and friends, colleagues at work.

Content

Comic advice - the best selection about work

Comic advice is the best selection about work:

If a person is good
You came across on the "SOUT",
You bite as much as possible
About working conditions,
About great prospects,
Rite about salaries too.
And then tell him
That he understood you incorrectly,
And in fact at all
He will not get anything.

***

Forbid at work
Use the phone.
Forbid breaks
Open. And further
Scold everyone for a minute
Late to work
And, of course, force
Explanatory to hand over.
And install it
On the computers of the program,
To follow the correspondence.
And colleagues will immediately
You are immensely grateful to you.

***

All employees are striving
To advance in a career.
Why do you need it?
Do you have a little work?
You tell all colleagues -
Let them sit on the pope exactly,
No increase
And there is no increase in the increase!

***

If one of the colleagues suddenly
Wanted to go to the courses
Or somewhere on the Internet
I found the conference.
You say so directly:
There is no money, goodbye
Why do you need very smart
Promising staff?
May colleagues not increase
Your experience in these courses,
But they are in another
The company will not leave either.

***

Never approve
Actions of your "wards"
They will receive money already
So why do they praise?
Better you are a colleague strong
Report for work,
After all, he is not at all worthy
Your warm kind words.

***

If suddenly your colleagues
They say that you need to do
Offer options,
How to improve life in the office ...
Even if they are right
You do not need to listen to them at all.
You yourself are fine
You can come up with everyone.
Let them not even climb to you
The smartest is you.

***

The resume is cool
The candidate sent to the mail.
But you don't call right away -
Let him torment a little.
And then get him
A couple of lines of SMS
Like, call back yourself,
On Monday, three fifteen,
And then, they say, there are a lot of work,
There is no time even to sit down.
The candidate will understand this right away
That he interests you.
And it will be very happy
And, of course, he will call!

***

The interview is needed
Prepare a little.
But, of course, no need
Summary to read a draw.

Better give the candidate
Old -fashioned questionnaire
With tests where there are no pictures
On five to six sheets.
Let him be convinced right away
That everything is serious here.
Let the logic of tasks
To begin with, everything will decide.
And then ask him
Sell \u200b\u200byou, say, pen
So you immediately cut off
Those who are not suitable for you.

***

In the text of your ads
Creative is not needed at all.
Better write dryly
What do you need a seller
With extensive experience
Nine thousand for a salary.
And what is fine
Anything to sell.
What is your office in the very center
And you have cookies.
So every applicant for you
He will send his summary.

***

The office is light and cozy -
This is a waste of money.
There is no need for your colleagues
Admire the beauty.
And then suddenly they are over tea
They will stop working,
And on brand new sofas
They will only rest.
You already give them everything -
Table, salary, stationery.
Really for work
Do you need anything else?

***

If a couple of billions suddenly lost in the report -
This is not a problem at all to spend time for you:
Collect the numbers in a heap, as if there was no sadness -
And give up calmly - let the boss look for himself!

***

All are tired ... Let's just say - you need to urgently leave
You will certainly be released - after all, there are no prohibitions for you:
Explain - better, married, that you will go to study
And, it doesn’t matter that billiards are still, “learning is light”!

***

If suddenly, on a speakerphone, they wish you directly to the chef
And they don’t just want it - but, now, on the carpet
Explain that you are not “no” to all comrades in the workshop
The chef will cool down, and colleagues will think: "Well, cunning!"

***

Tired of waiting at the door - envy the paper?
Draw the signature yourself, more carefully than the boss.
He will appreciate your courage, impatience, courage:
Maybe what he will ask for yourself - you, because this is “no question”?

***

Is there a task - the client "keep on the phone"?
Do not worry - he may be annoyed, misses, waits ...
Sing a song ... an anecdote about the Patron chief
If it will get through again - you, specially, will call you!

***

Too early to work - reluctance to rise?
Calm down, everything is fine: continue to sleep peacefully!
Than later in the office you will begin to appear
All the more welcoming colleagues will meet you in the morning!

***

If you have nothing to do, and on the street of SIEST -
Bring a TV, chair, umbrella - and go
Before entering work, get a place in the morning -
And calmly rest: no one will find you here!

***

If you have come to you on the case, even someone is very important-
You drive him in the neck so that it does not spoil the break!
A, - do the job - so, everyone will begin to ask,
Without any limit, having buried you in business !!!

Comic advice for a wedding for newlyweds

Comic tips for a wedding for newlyweds:

The education of the spouse
Start in the honeymoon:
Let it bring you coffee
And champagne - to bed.
Let it perform whims,
Gives valuable gifts.
If you don't teach right away -
Then it will be hard.

***

For flowers and on sweets
Never buy.
Demand a mink coat,
In extreme cases - Manto.
You can, in general, and the ring
With a diamond. But no less.
And for other gifts -
Make a sour face.

***

If you are unhappy with something-
Declare this right away:
Stamp your leg, hit the dishes,
Do not hold offense in the shower.
Do not be silent. Swear louder.
Threaten your husband divorce.
Let him be afraid. Otherwise -
In vain you will kill the dishes.

***

If you bought a dress,
Skirt, blouse and blouse,
And then I went by accident
To the perfume store,
Pick up perfume, lipstick ...
And tell after - to your husband,
How all my life I dreamed about them,
Hint for a gift.

***

Well, if it does not give -
Let him wash and cook,
Removes the whole apartment
He goes to mother -in -law on a weekend.
In a month - he will give everything,
Even more. Or earlier.
Just to still
I did not forget to apologize.

***

If the husband came home from work
And lunch is not cooked,
Never confess
That woke up an hour ago.
Do makeup,
And meet your husband’s smile.
Say you wanted
Go to the cafe with him.

***

If the husband is early in the morning
Leaving to work,
You call him no less than him
Than four times per hour.
He will offer you then
A bunch of all kinds of classes:
Fitness - clubs, driving school
SPA- salons, etc.

***

If you have managed to break
Husband is a new car,
Agree that it's guilty
And give him the keys.
Let from now on, daily
Himself carries you everywhere.
And then, in a week,
He will return the keys to you.

***

If you are a month for a month
Suddenly I could spend it right away -
Do not despair hard:
You can take another loan.
And when from a credit card
The entire limit will be spent,
Then please your husband -
Let him pay off all debts.

***

If you said to your husband
What you want to buy something:
Jeans, hat and gloves,
Or new perfumes -
Repeat him about it
Regularly, every evening.
So he remembers all the time
About your desires.

***

If there is reluctance
Wash the floors and vacuum,
Declare what you need to do
Redecorating.
Or completely capital ...
Order design - projects,
And then - almost six months
You can not remove the floor.

***

If the husband came with friends -
Be a caring wife.
Stay all the time with them,
Speak constantly.
Friends also have wives,
And therefore, of course,
An hour later, friends will disappear
And probably - forever.

***

Maybe you will happen to you
What we did not discuss
Or, the husband will not be right away
Perform all the vagaries ...
You do not work, improvise;
Experience is a profit.
Well, if you don't have it -
I will help with advice again.

***

If the husband, having come from work,
Scattered socks everywhere,
Do not lag behind your girlfriend
Borsch around the room of the spill.

***

If your husband is after sex
Turned away and snoring
Avenge him with an advance
You set you on time.

***

If my husband is not like
Where you work and by whom,
You have a stripper
Men love it.

***

If he laughs loudly
Above your female logic,
You remind you how beer
He ran five times yesterday.

***

If suddenly in what question
Your muni dispersed
Do not argue with your beloved husband,
Start to cry right away.

***

Take care of your husband’s health,
Don't say everything at once
How much do you spend on purchases
Take care of the nerves of the husband.

***

You don't spend money on creams,
To moisturize your hands,
The husband will do everything with his own
They are not sorry, he is a man.

***

When he promises
To carry you in your arms,
Write on the recorder everything,
Lay out later.

***

If you decided to steal
To stare at the girls,
Take your wife with you,
Let others look.

***

If women's day today,
March 8 in the yard,
Do not let her wash the dishes,
Tomorrow will rewind everything.

***

When the house of the kids is full,
You send them to mother -in -law,
You will not have time to look around
They will go to the army.

***

The wife asks to wash the dishes,
But I don't want to at all
You encounter plates on the floor:
"Oh, it fell, I'm sorry."

Cool comic advice to raise mood

Cool comic tips to uplift the mood:

If you are early in the morning
You can't get out of bed
And the alarm clock is very harmful
The third time is already calling
Do not go to work.
Let the boss call you.
Who even came up with this?
And spit on a loan.

***

If you slept in the morning
And go without makeup
Not to the face of an elegant lady,
And how do they know you?
Do not rush, do not freak out,
Cook, meet
And by dinner to work.
You bring beauty!
If you are at a stop
Waiting for a very long time
And for some reason, minibuses
Everyone goes to another area,
Run on the road
With a cry of wild, like an Indian,
Screaming that there is strength
What to go far!

***

If you are to glass in a minibus
With all their face they are pressed
And the size of forty -fifth
Pressed your legs to you
Try to turn around
And reception of kung fu panda
Wipe all those standing,
What did you remember the dress!

***

If you have eaten at night
And now you are very ashamed
You are afraid to hang
"Sandwiches" on the sides,
You are not to blame for anything
Because exactly at midnight
Your beautiful refrigerator
Starts to attract you!

***

If you suddenly realized
That you have few clothes,
What is quite natural
And you have nothing to wear.
Immediately bullet to shops,
You need it.
After all, justice must
To triumph already!

***

If you want to find out
How much during the winter they got
Then close the doors tightly
And, preferably, the key,
Because if someone
Suddenly he recognizes the weight from the lady,
Then one dull blow
Direct him.
And then with a naive face,
And referring to the weather,
Say that probably
The head hurts to the rain!

***

If you play sports
Suddenly decided
Lose a little by the summer,
Pour the iron press,
It is worth weighing for and against,
After all, it’s not for nothing that you are all winter
Put all the supplies
Warming from the inside!

***

If the city does not know
Your taxi driver is unshaven
Only after leaving five meters
He will ask - do you know the road?
You explain the way
So that he drove longer
Crack by the alleys
On the launders off -road
Circle around the city
You are fifteen
And then he is all the change to you
It will give it to a penny.

***

Are you afraid of a dentist?
He is scared to avenge
So break Bordmashin
So that no longer buzzes
Let him treat teeth manually
They do not care the sadists

***

If you are in the library
Detectives will come across
Then the last pages
You always tear out
And readers are different
They will come to you on the knees
They will beg tearfully
Tell them who is the killer
And you will be in the reading room
The most important person

***

Kohl wife on the anniversary
Suddenly he wants diamonds
Or an expensive fur coat
You will surprise her
Spinning, inflatable boat
And a set of hooks of Japanese
Bring her with a smile
This is her dream
And so glad she will be
What will kiss you right away
Well, the mother -in -law will give you
Three hundred grams of bloodworms

***

Kohl watch you go thriller
Then always take with you
Horn, brilliant pioneer
It will come in handy in the cinema
To the audience to neighboring
It was more fun with you
You are trumpeting at those moments
When terrible and dark
And if the zombie is terrible
It crept in to the heroine
Let it be louder for the audience
The mountain dawn will play
People will admire you
Turn on the light of the eagerly in the hall
Two beer will bring for you
And give all popcorn

***

If it's boring in the store
In a long line for you
Then come up with fun
What would be more fun
You are a cashier right in the ear
Shout loudly - fire!
You will see for free
Products will give you

***

If my husband is fishing
It is necessary early in the morning
He will be glad to be a joke
Fishermen are cheerful people
Hide at night you are away
His cloak and boots
And what was more fun
Burn the fishing rods in the stove
And when your husband wakes up
Then advice yes love

***

Never inferior
Places in trams and metro
And when you exit, push
All preventing everyone from going out
Drink beer from a bottle
Legs stretched out into the passage
And then everything will admire
The gentleman is immediately visible

***

If suddenly for a day of birth
The boss will invite you
Do not get lost and arrange
He is a holiday as soon as possible
Collect all your friends
Father -in -law and friends
And of course don't forget
Take a cat and hamster
And then you will see you
How he will be delighted
And raise you a salary
From Monday five times

***

You wanted to marry
And the parents of the bride
Do not consider you serious
And a solid groom
Do not be discouraged right away
Come to visit them at night
Mother -in -law, boldly tell us
Indecent joke
Pull the bride by the nose
Lum the fiction on the forehead with a spoon
And you will see at once how they will respect you

***

If you want a dog
You will certainly take a walk
Then then lead it
To the grocery store
There are a lot of sausages with meat
And the dog will be delicious
And guards with flowers
You are spent to the door

***

If you come to the theater
Do not forget that you should
Be a cheerful in the hall
After all, on stage boredom
Sing songs and ditties
Explore pyrotechnics
Build tangerines
And throw yourself at the ballerin
And offer neighbors
Together with you, get on stage
And you will suffer a storm of applause then

***

If you got with a girl
You are a good restaurant
And you want the evening
She was always remembered for her
Order many oysters
A lot of rowing caviar
And more champagne
More expensive and tastier
And when you have to pay
Run to the toilet
And then she is of course
Will love you for a long time

***

If you were found by the boss
In classmates suddenly
All be on the admin
Like, the admin made you
Climbing at work at work
Buy in classmates
And admin for it at once
A new computer will give you a new

***

If you want to be healthy
Then look for a sign everywhere
You will recognize her right away
There are letters "Do not smoke!"
Then get a cigar
And smoke her in a puff
After that, heal
Never will never have to be

***

If you want to
You were considered witty
Come on the tank
On the garden ring
Put it across it
So that no one can drive
And see how people
They will laugh for a long time

***

If you are the eighth of March
You will come home on horns
Without a gift and in lipstick
The wife will not be upset
You will tell her honestly
What were you on intelligence
And lipstick and vodka
Enemies poisoned you
And then the wife will believe
Will give you a lot of delicious vodka
Sleep, but in the morning
Tell you that you are a hero

***

You buy in the store
And put on the balcony
The machine gun is large beautiful
By the name Maxim
It will definitely come in handy
And the neighbors will like it
And the district police officer
He will walk joyfully

***

If you go home
From beer under the bald
And to meet the police
A patrol will come across to you
Do not be scared and do not hide
And break into their car
And then in the morning for sure
A lot of beer will be given to you

Poems - comic advice

Poems - comic advice are harmful:

With an unfamiliar lady
Do not enter the elevator together.
It is not known who is
And what to expect from her.
Suddenly decides that you are a robber
Or even a maniac.
From the spray can he bursts!
Like a foot in the crotch will give!
Caution in this matter
It will never hurt.
Because of two minutes is not worth it
You are risk of such a risk.

***

There is a lot of vodka.
This should be taken into account
Going for fishing
Or, say, on a picnic.
And so take it
how much is able to carry away
at least a guarantee that is enough
No one will give.
There is such a law of nature:
No matter how much vodka will you take -
Anyway, then behind the new
You have to send a messenger.

***

If you are stuck in traffic,
then don't stand like a stump -
Try to rebuild
Click with force to the signal,
Bruly headlights blink
And, sticking out the window,
indecent words
Call everyone in a row.
This entertainment
You and the rest;
they also have a joy
sticking around without movement!
And brothers in misfortune
will leave their cars,
To express publicly
You have your gratitude.
They will tell you for your performance
They are a lot of warm words,
and others even by deed
They will be actively supported.

***

If you want to go to the sea
And the spouse, on the contrary, is to the mountains,
so as not to aggravate the conflict,
Offer a compromise:
You both go to the sea, both
But he can take with him
ice ax, backpack, tent,
Well, the compass, so be it.

***

If you are going to visit,
where, according to intelligence,
There will be many pretty
and liberated ladies,
I need a husband under the pretext
Antiglippes measures
To force before the exit
Eat the head of garlic.

***

If the husband is intimate at the time
You called you, let's say, Katya,
(at least you are a passport) -
You are five days later
In the situation the same
Call Katya too;
Let the man scratch the turnip,
Let him think.

***

If the husband said it will
control your shopping -
You say that you agree
Only from the present day
Under control, take strict
His sauning, fishing,
At work, delaying
And the garage garage.

***

If the husband is an unbearable critic
your minor flaws,
If to place and out of place
He ultimate on this score -
Well, you quarrel: “Honey!
You have no advantages
But the main thing is too
You have a shallow. "

***

Past the mother -in -law of the house
You don't go without jokes.
Everything that requires custom,
Stick her out the window.
Even if you are in timekeeping
Make a hook specially
And something funny
Show her on the run.
Do not be shy, fantasize!
The mother -in -law will be flattered
What a little attention
Daughter was given to her by her husband.
The elderly is terribly important
To remember them.
Mother -in -law also wants affection.
Mother -in -law is also a man.

***

So that during long flights
Do not miss the plane,
Pass it with smuggling
On board a dozen mice.
Secretly release them there,
And then for sure
Time is fun and fast
It will fly before landing.

***

Educated people are very much appreciated everywhere.
Partners give preference to their business.
And no one will reproach you in a vain spending of money,
If you buy yourself a red university diploma.
This, however, is yesterday; Eka Nonvidal - diploma!
Any businessman has such, or even two.
Buy, it is better at once a doctor's degree to you
Or the title of member of the Academy of Sciences.
Yes, not cheap. However, a candle game is clearly worth it.
Just do not overdo it, do not have enough over the edge.
For if you contact the Nobel Committee,
To buy laureature - they may not understand you there.
Market relations have not reached them yet.
However, maybe the matter is in total; It will be necessary to clarify.

***

It's no secret that very often
The head hurts the wives,
And in moments these are better
Do not climb to wives with caresses.
And you just have libido
And the hormone is seething in the blood.
For some reason, it happens
This is exactly then.
But you should not poke the patients
Panadol there, Pentalgin -
offended, and even
Rough words will say.
But with the signs of earrings -
This is the very thing
like, here, they say, dear,
From me a surprise ...
And - Oh miracle! - instantly
The headache will pass.
Healing will come
From their type of one.
It will be very grateful
for the medicine you have a wife,
And unbearable libido
Stop tormenting you.

***

Make the stupid things large
Have you yet had time?
Well, you, friend, and give
Native to the country of coal!
What, Pushkin or something for you
Will they make them?!
Or maybe you, such,
I was going to live forever?!
Understand: the sooner you porn
You can brew
the more time to
To get out later.

***

Never argue with the wife with the goal of the truth to give birth.
Will not be born, even though you crack, in a dispute with a woman she is.
That's when men argue - it is easy to become fathers to them.
Truth, lousy, is a homosexual child.
But then ordinary children do not give birth to two men.
Here is such a blue dialectic, a fellow countryman.

***

If strong sensations
In life, he doesn't get it,
If your mind is inquisitive
And with the imagination of Okay -
Put two nails in a socket
and write on them;
In the sense of sensations, this
Full, I will tell you, atas!

***

If you want to find out
how many needles have a hedgehog,
And over time tense -
just sit on him,
And then, at leisure,
Counting slowly
holes in a soft place,
Their number is the answer.

***

If you are symptoms of flu
discovered at home -
two hundred grams of vodka with pepper -
And everything will be removed like a hand.
If there are no symptoms,
Drink vodka anyway;
The infection sits deeply -
So not to see her.

***

If you saw the window
that the neighboring Toyota
Hangs from the parking lot
bad person -
Wait, when you steal
And rather down, go down
so that in the place of that "Toyota"
Parrow your "saab".

***

If the spouse is dripping
Every day you are on your brains
that you are a stump, a fool stuffed,
unestitioned churban;
And that everything is on the drum
Hockey hockey, you -
You say: “Dear!
I got it. I will change! "
And next Saturday
You strongly in the museum
Carry out, from viewing
Turning off the series.
On Flemish landscape painters,
on the art of Degas,
And on the pre -Raphaelites
Let, in kind, look.
And then drag it
In a chamber concert hall -
performed by a chapel
Listen to Rondo la Dieza.
And then - soon in the lecture hall;
Lecture theme: “Tolstoy
In the discourse of postmodernism
as a phenomenon of "anti-" I ".
There are many centers of culture,
You can’t get around for a year.
I suppose for success
Enough for you five or six.
Very soon on the knees
A wife will crawl to you in the morning
and a ticket for the hockey match
With tears, he will hand you.

***

If a girlfriend calls you
- after reading about them in the newspaper -
clairvoyance courses
Together with her to visit,
You’rend your brains,
You can imagine the consequences
And ask yourself a question:
Do you really need it?
Clairvoyance is a thing
Curious, of course,
But what about a cultural shock?
(And he cannot be avoided.)
For the collapse is awaiting you
romantic illusions;
You will clearly see you,
That the goats are all men.

***

If he wants a top model
become your own daughter,
Don't even try to knock out
The girl is dope from her head.
Useless occupation:
Turtle of nerves and in general.
Today is every second
He sleeps and sees himself there.
After there will be tears, stresses,
The collapse of unfulfilled hopes ...
We need to a daughter, save, in short -
And immediately.
Forget about salads
tomatoes cucumbers,
Buy in stores
Only fat with flour.
Let him eat a day on the cake,
And in other even two.
Yes! Save on bread
God also deliver you!
It will stop very soon
Daughter in the door to climb,
and sit on two chairs
She will have at the table.
And then her for the competition
"Miss Tolstukha" will be invited,
Where are she other participants
His beauty will overshadow.
Crown your child
diadem gold
And they will put a lot of euros
On her foreign exchange account.
All television channels will become
Call her to a talk show,
And she will publish a bestseller
"My thorny to fame is the way."

***

Avoid the polemic sharp
And do not go into the discussion.
Smell! And let them think
that you did not come out with the mind.
This, you know, is still better
how to open a mouth once
and dispel all doubts
The fact that it is.

***

If you pull you to the left
and the further, the stronger -
This means heard
You are an eternal call.
And when nature calls,
We must obey her.
After all, she is a native mother to us,
She, caring, is more visible.
Mother always wants children
Exclusively good.
And if so - go to the left
And don't think about anything.

***

Car if in the morning you
unable to start,
Do not go with the keys to the hood,
Do not pull the wires.
And her old junk
Do not try to call.
Talk to her heart to heart,
Prescribing for a living.
Say that you work like a wave,
And they pay - like a donkey;
that the son is a dunce, the boss is the beast,
wife - nightmare of night;
that everyone does not care about you,
And only with her alone
So frankly you can
To talk for life.
And your heart will touch your speech
her iron,
And the engine will work,
There will be a spark.
And rude power you are problems
I would not have decided.
We underestimate
Simple word power.

***

Comic, harmful advice
Pants torn, and wife
Doesn't want to repair them?
Hang them somewhere in the closet
To the best to time.
What the hell is not joking, suddenly a wife
You will find another you
And that in a fit of kindness,
It will fix them, you look.

***

If you repeat all the time
With intonation tired:
“... and don't, God's sake,
I can drip on my brains here! " -
You are famous for the ignorant
But at least
Some really believe
As if you have them.

***

About the dangers of random ties
We know the diapers, but
on the same rake
We advance again and again.
From unpleasant surprises
To insure yourself,
When meeting with a lady passport
Ask the first thing.
And also right and pass,
Photo in profile and anfas,
Help from the personnel department -
where it works and by whom;
A couple of characteristics,
TIN and resume,
policy number, as well as
Phones and e-mail.
Plus, of course, of course,
Of course, a certificate of
state of health
For yesterday.
Study everything thoroughly,
Make sure it's not bullshit -
And then only with her
enter into a love connection.

***

Resting in nature
And going to leave,
do not try to clean up
All garbage is behind him.
This is a custom alien to us
We are not on the way with this.
Russian mentality
He is deeply disgusted.
This is there, in Europe,
The people are tiny;
The latitude of the soul of the Russian
They, wretched, do not understand.
If you are a bunch of bottles
You will not leave the river
You will act as a traitor
Like a cowardly renegade.
And with a contempt will turn away
Your friends from you
And the wife will go to another,
Who is not a shame for Russia.

***

Longing, despondency, spleen - where is it all?
And this average age gives your signals.
Have you heard about the age crisis? So it is.
That's why you are so dull and depressed like that.
The buddy, stupid at forty years old, fall into glooming sin!
A wide range of other sins provides life.
While you are young and strong, you better get into them.
Determined, leave for later, you will grow old when.

If your husband is cheating on you,
If he started another -
on sorceresses and sorcerers
God be rid of you!
Their love spells -
Nonsense, sucks and charlatanism;
They will shake you, like a sticky,
But the bastard will not return.
Cardinal decision
Only one thing: for the Communists
wives with a difficult fate
vote together.
And then you will be happy
The party committees will be arranged everywhere,
Where are the wrong husbands quickly
They will explain what's what.
“Come on,” Garkn, “Casanova!”
You, a tappy sex symbol!
Marching to his wife legal,
Or - a party card on the table !! .. "
And how cute will return
All trembling, you are your shake,
Even if a party party
He had no rejoicing.

***

The wives have one belief:
The bonds of marriage will be stronger,
If your husband will form
Feeling persistent guilt.
Yes, their reproaches are absurd,
Their claims are ridiculous,
The accusations are ridiculous -
But it works!
Justification is useless
to the meaning of common calls;
Socrates himself Ksantippe himself
I blown in these games.
Come on! When the wife will run into
For you for something again-
Immediately ask for forgiveness
Without delving into affairs, the essence.
Repeat on the machine:
Yes, my angel, I'm a club,
This will not happen anymore
I will improve, give a tooth ...
You will save a bunch of nerves,
And how nice to the wife:
With the main function of your
She coped again.

***

Do not take people, bribes,
Take bribes is not good.
And that you do not take them,
They know everyone around.
Well, with someone who will not believe
You conclude a bet,
that the proposed bribe
Do not take for anything.
He, naive, will agree
And, hitting hands,
will become you an envelope with money
Pull up feverishly.
How surprised he will
And shocked when
He has that envelope
You will not really take it!
And he will go back
All shameful, giving
the amount of the hand -toed you -
Well, let's say, a hundred thousand.

***

If you are tormented by a question
Who are you in life
To solve the problem this
you try at five in the morning
In the courtyard of the Great House
shout loudly: “People! Who am I?!" -
Most answers are true
Your essence will be determined.

***

Drink, smoke and fuel
Has the harmful doctor forbade you?
Do not rush to lose heart
And put a cross on life.
Better find somewhere
More accurate than the doctor.
Drink, smoke and fuel,
Maybe he will allow.

***

This is all the basics, of course,
But it does not bother to remind:
Turn out gifts
Stupid right at a party.
After all, then they will all see them,
And you will not succeed
None of the invited
Then transfer them.

***

If you are a psycho resident,
It is not worth annoying doctors;
called Napoleon -
Well, stand your own.
“Where,” shout, “her with Murat?!
Where are the olan with the rangers?!
I don't see the old guard,
Silvuple Sherche la Fam! "
Doctors will console you,
convince her in order
And that the guard will return
Only the Austrians will break.
"Not! - you shout. - Cheating!
You are damned British
Sold for a handful of pounds!
I will give everyone to the tribunal! "
You scream shouting-
And in your eyes you have a smile
After all, your great secret
You did not give the doctors.
Let them continue
You are considered Bonaparte,
And what are you - Philip Kirkorov,
To know them at all.

***

You climbed into the wilderness of the forest
got lost and tired
And the raven was already rushing:
"All! Khan to you, dude! "
To hell with a crow! Use
Old grandfather's reception -
Having found a bear in the bushes,
Give me a kick in the ass.
We guarantee: fatigue
It will immediately take off as a hand,
And from the forest your legs
They will bring you yourself.

***

The table is upset by snacks;
It breaks directly - and you
You look at him with longing
Fear to gain excess weight.
What is the problem! Well, drink it
Cognac is fifty grams;
A sense of fear is effective
dulls alcohol.

***

There are many old truths.
How, let's say, you like this:
"From the descendants of the grateful"
Write on the pot.
It seems to be a trifle, but pleasant;
somehow at once more fun
Somehow even more festive even
It will take it out.

Comic advice to women and men

Comic advice to women and men:

Harmful tips for young mothers

Behind the threshold stepping on the maternity hospital
Baby hanging in a sling,
Do not hesitate for a long time -
Stand at the stove.
After all, while you gave birth there,
The husband was stolen, poor thing,
Ate only beer from cereals,
Unexpected at all.

***

And don't try to a pan
Get for the whole week:
Need fresh and tasty
Feed it every day.
After all, he plows at work,
And not that you are on maternity leave
Sit all day at home
And they are not busy.

***

After all, your child is in joy
It's not difficult for you at night
Bayut him every hour,
Better in complete silence.
Because the husband needs
Sleep well
He receives money,
It works, not like you.

***

If the husband changed the diaper,
Immediately a monument during life,
And maybe even equestrian
He has rightfully deserved.

***

Do not call your mother:
The mother’s mother -in -law is annoying
After all, it was not in vain that they were pumped
Jokes about her.

***

You are fine without her
Watch the diapers
And cut off the apartment,
And stroke the linen.

***

Well, what is in the grocery
You go out with a stroller -
So it is even more convenient
You can put everything in it.
By the way, you have long wanted
Grow your natural
Hair color, almost forgotten, -
This is he, a cherished chance.

***

Your old clothes
The one to the cottage
You still wanted to take it,
To scare the raven there -
Feel free to put on immediately
There is no need to go in a beautiful
All the child burns out
It will not be a pity for you.

***

All friends regularly
Report how to shout
Whether the teeth are cut today,
How many times did “AGU” said.
There is no more interesting topic,
Than a growing man,

All three years are very difficult
Something except discuss.
You are all your health, after all,
Time, youth and strength
They put it on the child -
He will grow up and understand.

***

Harmful advice to men ...

Having received your salary
Put on your beer!
On Saturdays on beer
Feel free to demand from your spouse!
You will see - certainly
Screw up on cognac!

***

If you drank a lot
Maybe a liter, or more
And you are sick a little
And the head is spinning
Do not give in a panic
Better give a friend in the face
In a drunken fight in any way
Alcohol will disappear.

***

If your boss, bitch
Pays a low salary
Do not rush to quit
Or give him a face
You work worse
And be late more often
So that he understands at last
That without you he will disappear.

***

If the age of solid
You suddenly became impotent,
Walking through prostitutes
Continue anyway.
Because it is very cool
If you don't get up
A prostitute fuck in an ear
Accusing her of everything.

***

If your wife is tyranny
Tearing away from football
And also does not want
Make you blow
You and your wife do not get divorced
Nothing is more important!
Just come in more often
Behind the blowjob you are to a neighbor.

***

If you have sat with a friend
It is until late for prostitutes
And the wife suspects
You are not in case of infidelity
You come home with a friend
Kiss him on the lips
And the wife will understand of course
That you did not go to the women.

***

If the son got a question
"Dad, how do children take?"
And trying to mumble something
You blush and wrinkle
You plant it for the computer
Open the site YaPlakal
Here without storks-leackers
They will explain everything in detail.

***

If you came home from work
Without erasing the lipstick from his face
The secretary of your Nastya
That fucked in the toilet
You say to your wife: “Today
All readers of Japa
Congratulated me gently
For a grinding creative. "

***

Tips-plays for women

If the tap flows in the kitchen,
Husband is not alarm in vain!
Picking up a saw and a hammer in his hands, -
Feel free to repair the crane!

***

If the husband comes late
It smells of an outsider lady, -
You buy two dresses for yourself!
You will see, - he will be silent.

***

Having discovered in the toilet
My husband’s secret nursery
Do not scream or swear.
Quietly spend it on shopping!

***

If you see that a lover
He began to forget about you, -
Call his wife,
Tell her all-all-all!
To know how to forget!

***

When going around stores
Do not take my husband with you!
Give him a dollar for beer
And enjoy calmly
Stalivkov
(Only so you will spend more!).

***

In order to quarrels with her husband
Took place within the framework of the rules
Call your mother at quarrels,
All girlfriends and neighbors!

***

If this does not help, -
Beat your wife a frying pan!
Only hit not very much -
So as not to damage Teflon!

Councils of pensioners are comic

Commercial pensioners jokes:

Forget about the air fresh
The main thing in the house is laziness.
On the sofa soft lying down
In the dark, read all day.

***

Do not ventilate for years
And what? And so it will do.
What? Microbes next to you?
No, quite the opposite!

***

In the morning, water procedures
Put the barrier immediately
Wiping, dousing
Throw out out of life.

***

Do not chew
Food hard a hundred times,
And forget, of course, for sure
You are talking about hygiene eyes.

***

Sweet, my friend, get carried away.
Eat it is added one hundred times a day,
Do not go in for sports
Put on a hundred clothes in the morning.

***

The main thing is to forget about the rest,
Rest is our sworn enemy.
And do not brush your teeth in the morning
Nothing, it will come off.

***

These harmful advice,
You listen, friends.
It is unlikely that it is worth performing them.
I do not fulfill them!

Harmful advice in joke form for adults

Harmful advice in joke form for adults:

Kohl was born homosexual -
Urgently demand a gay parade:
Without a parade is very boring
People in your city.
Show that we, like the West,
We know the price of blue
And ready with men
Fear to “Hurray”!

***

If you suddenly baptized you -
Insult atheists,
After all, the will of the Lord will -
To cause them good to all.
Well, if they suddenly answer -
Demand to introduce the law,
To feel the feelings of the Orthodox
He could always protect.

***

If you were born a girl -
Silve the guys sooner
Say that God is chosen,
Because there is a hole.
And then all these guys
Your legs will lay down
So that you shared for it
Sometimes a hole with them.

***

If you were born a Jew -
Complain to the Holocaust,
Even if not touched
In the past, he is your relatives.
Well, those who do not cry,
You call the fascists:
Them, in a difference from Jews,
You can’t be fascists.

***

If you are an old grandmother -
Come into the tram with obscenities,
Insult sitting girls,
Even if they are with children.
Not applied to the old grandmothers
The place to ask for polite
After all, then attention to yourself
It is harder to attract at times.

***

If you want to become a rapper -
Do not read these lines,
Because thinking is harmful
All rappers like you.
Through thought-thoughts
You can lose your talent
If suddenly quite by chance
You grow up your IQ.

***

If you are in anti -fascists
Finally signed up -
Beat fair -haired women,
If they do not sleep with the Caucasians.
The Russian woman did not fit
It is not shared by beauty
With those who love lambs
Due to the shortage of women.

***

If you are a real kid
Then sit down,
And when you get drunk beer -
In the elevator in the evenings.
Well, if suddenly they are fanned -
Sent three letters,
So as not to interfere with cattle
The boys need to celebrate.

***

If you want to be beautiful -
Swage on the lips of Botox.
And at any time of the day
Dark wearing glasses.
And when you start to verify -
Do it only in your nose
To the emphasis of the aristocrat
Show gray masses.

***

If you want to get married -
Sick a condom,
And then you are with the child
There will be a strong husband to love
And your mother
It will just adore:
Then the duty is direct
Real men.

***

Kohl made his way to the deputies
Then not Majus nonsense
Type of the needs of the electorate
And such shit.
Better to benefit this time
For yourself, you will conduct
To leave the legacy
In Swiss on the account.

***

Do you want a director?
Grow a mustache
And play in your own films
You are kings, nobles, gentlemen.
To make it too much enlightened,
Who is the count here, and who is shit
And your own did not forget
The place in the herd is never.

***

Kohl made its way to the presidency -
Get yourself a friend
And change regularly
With him places every other time.
To remember the voter:
Democracy in the country!
And from power as a tyranny
Never to be here.

***

If it has become a primadon -
You can not protect your voice.
The main thing is to do it more often
You are your farewell concert.
And pull the guys in bed
Bruck to their taste.
To have a toy always
And PR man in reserve.

***

If you were born a Caucasian -
Come soon to Moscow.
You can always buy there
Red diploma in the subway
And rape
The girls are fifty.
After all, cops will always let go
All after dumping on Rusakov.

***

If you go to the stage -
Sing more often about love.
And how very bad
In this world without love.
And then in the album of the new
Sing again about love
To always understand she can understand
Your songs by Shkolota.

***

If you want to be successful
Then buy an iPhone on credit.
So that the last is the model
And he caught in the eye.
And it doesn't matter what you are now
With a naked ass, all in debt.
This should not soar
Real Muscovites.

***

If you are a human rights activist -
Toad to grow face.
Anti -Russian ideas
Viciously kwacai in the lens.
And then you will not be forgotten -
You will get a grant in speed,
So that, having no work,
Live successfully without worries.

***

Kohl decided to be a monarchist -
For a lot of forget about
How to improve in your country
The life of simple popular masses.
If only there were a king and a church,
And a little of the nobles!
Because power from God,
And you cannot judge her!

***

If you suddenly are a proletarian -
Insult other people
If they are not at the factory
Earn bread.
To know the Belarusians,
That there is no truth behind them,
For only factory
Make more beautiful the world.

***

If you decided to suddenly become
Real chansonnier -
Songs go about the zone only
And about how bad there.
And how the world is crippled
Court, law and garbage.
After all, without them, for a long time in the world
Paradise was built by the earth.

***

If you are a brave paratrooper -
Beat all those who “did not serve”.
And it doesn’t matter that they are all
Citizens of your country -
About the Fatherland protection
After the demobilization, forget!
You are not a defender for them now,
And a dashing alpha male!

***

If you were born a black man -
Never work!
Booked in full
Your ancestors are long -standing.
Hate white for this -
They can’t atone for the fault,
At least your ancestors freedom
The white man knocked out.

***

If you live in Holland -
Enterity with drugs
And again about the "parades"
Harmful Read the advice.
Because there is no freedom
If you are not homosexual -
You are not democrats then,
And the continuous “scoop” and “Reich”.

***

Kohl called the Satanist -
Round graves, cut cats,
Worship servile
Satan Lord!
And be baptized as often as possible
Inverted cross!
Follow the canons of the church,
But slightly the opposite.

***

If you suddenly become a ghoth -
You don't laugh at smile!
Show with all your appearance
That suffering is full of the world.
Despise all those people
Who is without powder on the face -
For that criterion is the main
Misanthropes of all stripes.

***

If virginity has decided
Savior to marriage -
Remember: only in the mouth and in the ass
You can get access to guys.
And about the "most secret"
Let them forget! It is a sin!
Let not even dare to think
Distribute your honor!

***

Kohl was born as a zoophilus
Then de facto well done!
You don't need advice here -
You are already a hero!
Is that more porn
Take off with animals,
So that great deeds
The whole country saw.

***

If you started a passion,
Then kiss
With her more and longer
You are in public places.
And "in contact" post a photo,
How you pose in a bump
Not because of love, but to
Show that you are not a sucker.

***

If you decided health
Raise your nation -
Prohibit parsley soon,
It has bad substances!
Only harmless products
The citizen should eat,
To enjoy life
Could and tobacco and tobacco.

***

Well, if you are a pedophile -
Create a party urgently,
So that at the level of legal
To instill in children love.
Unloved kids
They are developing wrong!
And they always need someone
Who could brighten up childhood.

***

Well, if in boarding schools
You decided to register -
SRI in the comments indiscriminately,
To scan for a smart one.
Grammatical errors
Stick to prove:
You are cool, and “grammer-nazi”
For you here is not a decree!

Comic advice to children funny

Comic advice to children is funny:

Hands never anywhere
Do not touch anything.
Do not get involved in anything
And do not go anywhere.
Silently step aside,
Become modest in the corner
And quietly stand, not moving,
Until old age.

***

Who did not jump from the window
Together with my mother’s umbrella,
That dashing parachutist
Not counted yet.
Do not fly to him like a bird
Above the excited crowd,
Do not lie in the hospital
With a bandaged leg.

***

If the whole family swim
You went to the river
Do not bother dad with mom
Sunbathe on the shore.
Do not arrange a scream
Let adults rest.
Not pestering anyone
Try to drown.

***

No more pleasant thancoming
Than to dig into the nose.
Everyone is terribly interesting
What is hidden inside.
And who is disgusting to watch
He let him and does not look.
We do not climb into his nose,
Let him not pester.
If mom caught you
For your favorite business,
For example, behind a drawing
In the corridor on the wallpaper,
Explain to her that this is
Your surprise by the eighth of March.
The picture is called:
"Blue Mom Portrait."

***

Do not take someone else's
Aliens are looking at you.
Let them close their eyes
Or come out for an hour.
And what to be afraid of your own!
They will not say about their own.
Let them look. Grab someone else's
And drag him to his own.

***

Never questions stupid
Do not ask yourself
And not even stupid
You will find an answer to them.
If stupid questions
Appeared in my head
Ask them immediately to adults.
Let their brains crack.

***

Visit more often
Theater buffet.
There are cream cakes,
With bubbles water.
Like firewood on plates
Chocolates are lying
And through the tube you can
Drink a milk cocktail.
Do not ask for tickets
On the balcony and to the ground,
Let them give you tickets
In the theater buffet.
Leaving the theater,
Take with you
Under the trembling heart,
In the stomach, sandwich.

***

Born by a girl - tolerate
Strens and shocks.
And substitute the pigtails to everyone,
Who is not averse to pulling them.
But someday later
Show the cuckoo to them
And you say: “Figures, for you
I won't get married! "

***

If you and your friends are together
Fun in the yard
And in the morning they put on you
Your new coat
Then do not crawl in puddles
And ride the ground,
And climb the fences,
Hanging on the nails.
So as not to spoil and get dirty
Your new coat
You need to make it old.
This is done like this:
Climb right into the puddle,
Take a ride on the ground
And a little on the fence
Lay on the nails.
Very soon will become old
Your new coat
Now you can calmly
Have fun in the yard.
You can safely crawl in puddles
And ride the ground,
And climb the fences,
Hanging on the nails.

***

If you are on the corridor
Rush on a bicycle,
And towards you from the bathroom
Dad went for a walk,
Do not turn into the kitchen,
In the kitchen - a hard refrigerator.
Better in the dad.
Dad is soft. He will forgive.

***

If you are forever accommodated,
Illuminated and lead
Do not try to evade
From movement to the celebration.
All the same it will raise the work
And inspire a feat
You are great and mighty,
And our reliable stronghold.

***

The main thing of your life
Any trifle can become.
It is only necessary to firmly believe
What is more important is not.
And then it won't hurt
You are neither cold nor heat
Panting with delight,
Engage in nonsense.

***

Beat frog sticks.
It is very interesting.
Tear off the wings to the fly,
Let them run on foot.
Train daily
And the day will come happy -
You are in some kingdom
They will accept the main executioner.

***

The girls must never
Nowhere to notice.
And do not give them a passage
Nowhere and never.
They need to substitute their legs,
Scare from around the corner
So that they immediately understand:
You do not care about them.
I met the girl - quickly to her
Show the tongue.
Let her not think
That you are in love with her.

***

Starting a fight with dad,
Staging a fight with mom,
Try to give up to mom, -
Dad does not take prisoners.
By the way, find out from your mom
Did she forget -
Prisoners beat a pope belt
Prohibits the red cross.

***

If you are the whole world of violence
Are you going to destroy
And at the same time you dream
Everyone, not being anything
Feel free to move after us
On the laid road,
We will have this way for you
We can even give in.

***

Do not agree for anything
With anyone and never,
And whoever agrees with you, those
Cowardly call.
Everyone will start you for this
Love and respect.
And you will have everywhere
Full of friends.

***

If the kitchen is cockroaches
Marching on the table
And they arrange mice
On the floor is a training battle,
So you have to go for a while
Stop the fight for the world,
And all your strength to quit
To fight for cleanliness.

x x x

If you are going to a friend
Tell your misfortune
Take a friend
It is useless - it will run away
And it will leave you as a keepsake
This button is a friend.
It is better to give him a bandwagon
Throw it on the floor, sit on top
And then already in detail
Tell your misfortune.

***

If you came to friends
Do not be healthy with anyone.
Words: "please", "thank you"
Do not tell anybody.
Turn away and questions
Do not answer anyone.
And then no one will say
About you that you are a talker.

***

If something happens,
And no one is to blame
Do not go there, otherwise
You will be guilty.
Hide somewhere on the sidelines.
And then go home.
And about what I saw this
Do not tell anybody.

***

If you haven't bought you a cake
And in the cinema they did not take with them in the evening,
You need to be offended by parents,
And leave without a hat at night cold.
But not just like that
Roam the streets,
And in the dense dark
Go to the forest.
There you are immediately a wolf
Hungry to meet,
And, of course, quickly
He eats you.
Then dad with mom will recognize
They will scream, pay and run.
And they rush to buy a cake,
And in the cinema with you
They will take you in the evening.

***

See what is going on
In every house at night.
Turning away to the wall with the nose,
Silently adults lie.
They move their lips
In hopeless darkness
And with eyes closed
The heel is pulled in a dream.
Do not agree for anything
Go to bed at night.
Do not let anyone
Put you in bed.
Do you really want
Years of their children
Spend under the blanket,
On the pillow, without pants?

***

There is a true remedy for adults:
In the morning, start screaming and finding
Listen, whimper, rush around the house
Frog and beg gifts for everyone.
Hamit, steal, tease and go,
And by the evening, suddenly stop for an hour - -
And immediately, with a smile, stroked stroking,
All adults will stole you on the head
And they will say that you are a wonderful boy
And there is no child more pleasant than you.

***

If you came to the Christmas tree,
Require your gift right away
Yes, look not sweets
Santa Claus did not heal.
And don't think carelessly
Bring the remains home.
How dad and mom will get crumbling -
Half will be taken away.

***

If punishment awaits you
For bad behavior
For example, because in the bathroom
You bathed your cat
Without asking permission
Neither the cat nor the mother
I can offer you a way
How to escape from punishment.
Knock the head on the floor
Beat yourself with your hands
And sob and shout: “Ah, why did I torment the cat!?
I am worthy of a terrible punishment!
My shame will only redeem death! "
It will not pass and half a minute
How, sobbing with you,
You will be forgiven and, to console you,
They will run after a sweet cake.
And then calmly a cat
You drive the tail in the bath
After all, a cat is in reality
Will never be able to.

***

For example, in your pocket
It turned out to be a handful of sweets,
And you came across towards
Your faithful friends.
Do not scare and do not hide,
Do not rush to run away
Do not shove all the sweets
Together with candy wrappers.
Come to them calmly
Without saying unnecessary words
Quickly taking out from his pocket,
Extend them ... palm.
Grind their hands tightly,
Say goodbye slowly
And, turning over the first corner,
Rush quickly home.
To eat sweets at home,
Climb under the bed
Because there, of course,
No one will meet you.

***

Take thick cherry juice
And the white mother's cloak.
Lei carefully juice on a raincoat -
A spot will appear.
Now, so that there is no spot
On my mother's cloak,
The cloak must be put in its entirety
In thick cherry juice.
Take a cherry mother cloak
And a mug of milk.
Leg Milk - Leg -
A spot will appear.
Now, so that there is no spot
On my mother's cloak,
The cloak must be put in its entirety
In a pan with milk.
Take thick cherry juice
And the white mother's cloak.
Lei neatly ...

***

If you broke the window
Do not rush to admit.
Wait, - will not begin
Suddenly a civil war.
The artillery will hit
Glasses will fly everywhere
And no one will scold
For a broken window.

***

Beat friends without a break
Every day for half an hour
And your muscles
It will become stronger than brick.
And with mighty hands,
When enemies come,
You can in difficult times
Protect your friends.

***

Never wash your hands
Neck, ears and face.
This is a stupid occupation
It does not lead to anything.
Hands get dirty again
Neck, ears and face
So why waste strength
Time to waste.
It is also useless to cut yourself, too,
There is no sense.
By old age itself
The head is bald.

***

Never allow
Put a thermometer for yourself,
And do not swallow tablets,
And do not eat powders.
Let the stomach and teeth hurt,
Throat, ears, head,
Do not drink drugs anyway,
And don't listen to the doctor.
The heart will stop beating
But for sure
They will not fit you mustard
And they will not make an injection.
If you got to the hospital
And you don't want to wallow there,
Wait when to your ward
The most chief doctor will come.

***

Bite him - and immediately
Your healing will end
That evening from the hospital
They will take you home.

***

If mom is in the store
I bought only a ball
And the rest does not want
Everything that sees is to buy,
Become straight, heels together,
Arrange your arms to the sides
Open your mouth wider
And shout the letter "A"!
And when, dropping bags,
With a cry: “Citizens! Anxiety!"
Buyers rush away
With sellers at the head,
To you the director of the store
He will crawl and tell mom: “Take everything for free,
Let him only shut up. ”

***

When your mother
Leads to dentists,
Do not expect mercy from her,
In vain tears not lei.
Silent, like a captive partisan,
And grit your teeth so
So that she could not unclench them
A crowd of dentists.

***

If you stayed at home
There is only one without parents,
I can offer you
An interesting game
Under the name "Bold cook"
Or "Brave Culinary."
The essence of the game in preparation
All kinds of delicious dishes.
I offer for starters
Here is such a simple recipe:
Need daddy boots
Pouring mom's perfume,
And then these shoes
Lubricate shaving cream,
And watering them with fish oil
With black mascara in half
Throw into the soup who mom
Cooked in the morning.
And cook with a closed lid
Exactly seventy minutes.
What will work out to find out
When adults come.

***

If your friend is the best
Slipped and fell,
Show your friend with your finger
And grab the stomach.
Let him see, lying in a puddle, -
You are not upset at all.
A true friend does not like
Upset your friends.

***

If you are not firmly
They chose the road in life
And do not know why
Labor way to start,
Beat the bulbs in the entrances -
People will tell you "thank you."
You will help the people
Protect electricity.

***

To drive out of the apartment
Different flies and mosquitoes,
It is necessary to pull the curtain
And twist over your head.
Will fly from the walls of the picture,
From the windowsill - flowers.
The TV will somersault
The chandelier will crash into parquet.
And, fleeing from the roar,
Mosquitoes will fly away,
And frightened flies
The flock will rush south.