Funny statements about life, work, children, alcohol, love, age, sex

A collection of funny statements about everything in the world from famous people.

Content

Funny statements about life, people

Funny statements about life, people:

Oscar Wilde

It is always nice not to come to where they are waiting for you.
You should never trust a woman who calls you her age. A woman capable of this is capable of anything.
Positive people act on nerves, bad people - on imagination.
A man always wants to be the first love of a woman. Women are more sensitive in such matters. They would like to become the last love of a man.
Murder is always a miss. You should never do what you cannot chat with people after dinner.
Women have just amazing intuition. They notice everything except obvious things.
The happiness of a married person depends on those who is not married to.

Gabrielle Chanel

The woman should dress so that she is pleasant to undress.
For independence, there can never be too much money.
The best thing in love is to engage in it.
Aversion often occurs after pleasure, but often precedes him.
Women have no friends. They are either loved or not.
Fashion is what goes out of fashion.
I do not care what you think of me. I do not think about you at all.

George Bernard show

Dance is a vertical expression of horizontal desire.
My way to joke is to tell the truth. This is the most funny joke in the world.
I am happy because I have no time to think that I am unhappy.
People never grow up. They just learn to behave in public.
There is no woman who could say “goodbye” less than thirty words.
Everyone has the right to their own opinion - provided that it coincides with ours.
What is the charm of money if you need to work for their sake?

Funny quotes about life

“Not everything that can be calculated is considered, and not everything that is considered can be calculated.”
“Some arouse happiness, wherever they go; others - if they go, " - Oscar Wilde.
“If you think that no one is worried, are you alive, try to skip a couple of payments for the car.”
“My attitude in the exams. They give me questions that I do not know. I give them answers that they do not know. "
“Askhole. A person who constantly asks you for advice, but always does the opposite of what you told him. ”
"The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog", - Mark Twain.
“The best things in the world are free- and every penny cost”- Murphy laws.
“No, you do not need to repeat yourself. I ignored you for the first time. "
“The whole purpose of sending the text is to get an answer within a few seconds or minutes, otherwise I would send a letter by mail.”
“Do not worry about what people think. They do not do it very often. "
“Violence will not solve anything. But it makes me feel good. "
“If a person is not taken, it means that there is a reason.”- The laws of Murphy.
“Love your neighbor, but don't get it,” - The laws of Murphy.
“The babies were so lucky. They can sleep all day, and still everyone will be proud of them. "
“If you have never met the devil on the road of life, then this is because you both move in the same direction.”
“Ah, yes, divorce ... From the Latin word meaning to tear out the genitals of a man through his wallet,” - Robin Williams.
“Politics:“ Poli ” - a Latin word meaning“ a lot ”; and “tics” - “blood -sucking creatures” - - Robin Williams.
“We need money for college. We need college for work. We need work for money. Who was the ideological inspirer of this system? "
“All the good have taken” - The laws of Murphy.
"Life is good, you must get it."

Funny statements about children

Funny statements about children:

Do not have children - a crime, and have a punishment. ( Konstantin Melikhan)
Two pieces of dirt came from the streets ... They say that they are my children ... I’ll go washed - they seem to be like a voice ... (Anna Roosevelt)
And children need grandmothers to relax with their parents . (F.M. Dostoevsky)
And I always said: if parents correctly raise children, children do not drown in puddles. (Ricky-Togki-Tavi)
And I want to marry ten children. Only, you understand, if you want to have time to give birth to ten, you need to start early. (Diana Winn Jones)
And I, naive, thought that the person who could command me was not born ... in vain ... It turns out that I gave birth to him myself. (Brats County)
On the weekdays of the child, you wake up in the kindergarten, and on the weekend he takes revenge on you for this. (Leonid Leonov)
In children's fantasies, there are almost always situations in which the child rule over someone. (Alfred Adler)
As a child, he survived a concussion and since then believed everything that they write in Sunday newspapers. (George Aide)
In the family, children and dogs always know everything, especially what they are not talking about. (Francoise Dolto)
Everyone who is born a child automatically becomes happy. (Valentin Domil)
Yesterday, citizen Sidorova had a son. To which her neighbor said that all similarities with real persons are completely accidental! ( kVN TV show)
You will always be your child’s favorite toy. (Vicki Lansky)
The question takes the question - where everything comes from, adults - where everything goes. (Vladimir Turovsky)
Children must be spoiled - then real robbers grow out of them. (Atamansha)
Children do not appear along with instructions for use. (K/f "Sweet midnight")
Childhood is when you run from the toilet at night and rejoice that you have not eaten you. (Darya Dontsova)
If in childhood you did not have a bicycle, and now you have a BMW-745, then still in childhood you did not have a bicycle. (Eleanor Roosevelt)
A small child is like a curly lunatic. (Ralph Waldo Emerson)
An unpretentious toy is a toy that a child can break all his other toys. (Bates County)

Funny statements from Mark Twain about the human essence

Funny statements from Mark Twain about the human essence:

The only way to maintain health is that you do not want to, drink something that you do not like, and do what you do not like.
Good friends, good books and a sleeping conscience are an ideal life.
You can not rely on the eyes if the imagination is defocused. Pessimism is just a word that the faint of heart calls wisdom.
To be happy, you have to live in your own paradise! Did you really think that the same paradise can satisfy all people without exception?
It is worth giving a word that you will not do anything, as you certainly want it.
Summer is the time of the year when it is very hot to do things that it was very cold to do in winter.
There is nothing more annoying than a good example.
It is wonderful that America was discovered, but it would be much more wonderful if Columbus sailed past.
Anyone who does not read good books has no advantages over a person who does not know how to read.
Who does not know where he goes is very surprised, getting the wrong way.
Wrinkles should only indicate the places where there used to be smiles.
Thousands of geniuses live and die unknown - either unrecognized by others, or unrecognized by themselves.
The right to stupidity is one of the guarantees of the free development of the individual.
Classic is what everyone considers it necessary to read and no one reads.
The worst loneliness is when a person is uncomfortable with himself.
To create a man was a glorious and original thought. But to create after that the sheep meant to repeat.
If all people thought the same way, no one would play at the races then.
Once in his life, Fortune knocks on the door of every person, but at that time a person often sits in the nearest beer and does not hear any knock.
At 50 people can be a donkey without being an optimist, but it can no longer be an optimist without being a donkey.
We like people who boldly tell us what they think, provided that they think just like us.
“Children and fools always tell the truth,” says ancient wisdom. The conclusion is clear: adults and wise people never tell the truth.
April 1 - a day reminding us of who we are all the rest of 364 days.
There is no more miserable sight than a person explaining his joke.
Often the surest way to mislead a person is to tell him the pure truth.
To be good is so wears out a person!
I was praised a great many times, and I was always embarrassed; Each time I felt that it was possible to say more.
When my wife and I disagree, we usually do the way she wants. The wife calls this a compromise.
When I was 14, my father was so stupid that I hardly tolerated him; But when I was 21 years old, I was amazed how much this old man has become wiser over the past 7 years.
Quickly quit smoking. I threw myself a hundred times.
I never allowed the school to intervene in my education.
It is better to be silent and seem like a fool than to speak and dispel all doubts.
If you need money, go to strangers; If you need advice, go to your friends; And if you do not need anything - go to relatives.
Ask the goal of doing what is not to your liking daily. This golden rule will help you fulfill your duty without disgust.
If you notice that you are on the side of the majority, this is a sure sign that it is time to change.
Do not put off for tomorrow what you can postpone the day after tomorrow.
When doubt, tell the truth.
When you are angry, count to four; When it is very angry - swear!
The truth should be served as they serve a coat, and not throw it in the face, like a wet towel.
It takes more than three weeks to prepare a good speech by an impromptu.
Always do the right thing. This will enjoy some people and surprise all others.
Buy the land - after all, no one else has been producing it.
Never argue with idiots. You will go down to their level, where they will crush you with their experience.
Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let's save it.

Funny statements about alcohol

Funny statements about alcohol:

The last thing people stop doing is to drink. (A. Zimin)
You need to be able to drink, but it is better to be able not to drink. (Alexander Perlyuk)
Alcohol in small doses is harmless in any quantity. (Mikhail Zhvanetsky)
Alcohol kills nerve cells. Only calm. (B. show)
Alcohol for wimps. Strong enjoy depression. (Bon Scott)
Alcohol can be the worst enemy of a person, but the Bible says - love its enemy. (Bekhterev V.M.)
It is a pity that cognac does not expand the vessels in which it will be poured. ( V. Maleshin)
Alcohol is the most reliable and stable suppliers of people in prisons. (M. Oleinikov)
God sees, we drink not for the sake of the drunkenness of the cursed, but in order not to wean. (Peter)
Alcohol does not help find the answer, it helps to forget the question. (Bernard Sh.)
Last year, I tied with women and alcohol. It was the worst 20 minutes of my life. (George Best)
As a rule, thoughts about drinking appear on a sober head. (V. Domil)
Alcohol helps from all diseases except alcoholism. But its current alcohol also greatly facilitates. (D . Krasko)
Alcohol kills brain cells. But not all, but only those who refuse to drink. (Alexey Popov)
In alcohol, you need to know the measure. Well, I drank one, drank another, well, a liter, well, two. But why get drunk? (Bekhterev V.M.)
Weak man. Therefore, it pulls him to strong drinks. (L. Krainev-Rytov)
If you decide to carry nonsense, at least drink! (Mikhail Guskov)
Alcohol is the cause of many exciting adventures. (Roman Voronezh)
Alcohol increases sexual desire. It happens, you will drink, lie on the floor - and how to captivate that until the morning it is reluctant to get up. (M. Scott)
Alcohol is a slow death. Therefore, you need to drink in small sips. (Mikhail Mikhailovich Mamchich)
It is not difficult to refuse alcohol, it is difficult to understand why it is needed. ( Plutarch)
Alcohol must be taken as it is. (Romanenko Stepan)
Alcohol is completely excreted from the body after 21 days. That is never. ( Bekhterev V.M.)
If a person is drinking grief, then alcohol becomes poison. (Serdyukov Cyril)
Alcohol causes a short -term expansion of blood vessels and a circle of friends. (Bon Scott)
Alcohol is the strongest painkillers, thanks to which many can easily endure such a difficult operation as life. (Bon Scott)
Alcohol is like love: the first kiss like magic, the second is purely intimate, the third becomes a routine, after which you just tear off clothes from the girl. (Raymond Chandler)
One cognac expands the vessels, the other is also conceit. (Henry Cavill)
Alcohol is that which usually connects a man and a woman, but disconnects her husband and wife. (Konstantin Melikhan)
Each alcoholic in childhood was a dairy. (Don-Aminado)
Looking at the world through the bottom of an empty glass, one cannot but be surprised. (Bekhterev V.M.)
Alcohol is very useful. He always helps - if not sick, then the doctor. (George Bernard show)
Alcohol is a completely reliable tool when it is required to decide the mind. ( V. Ya. Danilevsky)
Alcohol does not help to solve problems. However, milk has the same effect. ( Miller)
Interestingly, the connection with the sky is easier and brighter in connection with the drink. ( T. Okunevska)
I removed more from a drink than a drink from me. (Churchill)
The mood is zero? Hello, strong alcohol. (Arkady Pilyagin)
When I am drunk, I think soberly. ( Berne)
Drunk and on a bright street dark. (K. D. Ushinsky)

Funny statements about friends

Funny statements about friends:

The most popular phrase when you walk with friends: "Well, everything is quiet, otherwise people go!"
A true friend is the one with whom it is even comfortable.
To quit drinking easily, it is difficult to convince friends of this.
Friendship is not a melted cheese, but a much more delicious concept!
A friend is a person who, in any unpleasant situation, will stand on your side, and then, in private, puts on the neck for all the "jambs".
The best friends are two morons, which simply categorically cannot without each other.
There are no temporary boundaries for classmates: we are still one gang.
Friendship is a round -the -clock concept.
When our company is going, we become those with whom the parents did not allow to be friends and ordered to stay away. Friendship is a terrible force.
Without friends like mine, I would die of boredom.
The best friends are ready in any life troubles to extend a hand to help ... But when it comes to the last piece of pizza: "Go to FIG, this is mine!"
The thicker the girlfriend is, the more fun the soul!
If I forget the details of the party, I will definitely ask my best friends: they will not only tell in their faces, but also demonstrate photos or videos.
Friends will never allow you to be engaged in stupid things ... Without them!
Friends are people with whom when talking on the phone for about 30 minutes, the last 5 minutes you both stupidly be silent in the phone because there is some film.
It’s good that I have real friends: they will help to throw the Christmas tree, and lower the offender from the stairs.
Friends are the people with whom you go to the toilet in the middle of the night in the country, because it’s dark and it’s scary to go alone, and when you go into this miracle, they, waiting for you near it, yell: “So that you fail, a hot-haired man! ""
Friends are those people who regularly hatch huge lines with you to see a doctor, and after each time they say: “I went to the ass, I won’t go to this fucking hospital!”
Friendship is a 24 \\ 7 service. Without lunch, weekends and holidays.
If life has become tight, look at the face of a friend!
A friend, like a corset, will always support and always nearby ...
Only best friends know better than you that you still have delicious in the refrigerator \u003d)
When the world bursts at the seams, you can fall into depression, go to an appointment with a psychologist or buy a bottle of wine and fall to a girlfriend with the words: “Well, we are walking?!”
The best friend is like a bra ... close to heart and always supports.
A real friend will not allow you to make nonsense alone!
A former friend about me is released by gossip of obscene content, and some of them are not not true.
Your girlfriends have guys and they forgot about you? Put the status "Damn! It seems that I fell in love with the guy of the best friend ... ".
A friend is not the one who jumps from the window for you, but the one who will say that the exit from the apartment is in the other side.
I went to pick up a drunk girlfriend from the guests ... Now we are sitting, we are waiting for us to be taken away.
She is such a friend ... you look at her, and she answered: "Yeah, I thought so too."
Only my friend can get into my refrigerator, bite the chocolate and ask: "Will you?"
I'll give a friend to marry! There is no longer enough health for a walk with her!
I wanted to cry to my friend, how poor I am ... In the end it turned out - I got baked.
If you fall, the best friend will certainly raise you ... as soon as he stops laughing.
I am always very worried when a friend does not pick up the phone. Suddenly she was kidnapped and raped ... But I did not.

Funny statements about love

Funny statements about love:

God created women beautiful so that men could love them, and - stupid, so that they could love men.
Marriage is formed from love, like vinegar from wine. (Sigmund Freud)
In love women are professionals, and men are lovers. (Francois Truffo)
In love, appearance means more than authority.
In love, it is impossible to distinguish victory from surrender. (Marlene Dietrich)
In love, it is annoyed that this crime cannot be carried out without an accomplice. (Charles Baudler)
In love, the most interesting, especially for men, is a victory and gap, everything else is a gimp. (Shawl Pierre Pore)
In old age, love turns into a vice. (Honore de Balzac)
In rheumatism and true love do not believe before the first attack. (Somerset Maugham)
For a girl, love is a great artistic work. For a guy - only a poem.
Friendship needs time, for love - a place. (Mikhail Zadornov)
When you love a person, you have every right to spoil his life.
When love enters the door, the brain jumps out the window.
The best way to keep a man’s love is not to marry him. (Catherine Denev)
Love is the battle of two sexes. The woman needs to defend herself first, the man needs to defend herself after, and grief defeated. (Alexandr Duma)
Love is an ideal thing, marriage is real. A real mixture with ideal is never passing with impunity. ( Johann Wolfgang Goethe)
Love is the best cosmetics, but it is easier to buy cosmetics. ( Yves Saint Laurent)
Love is not a light bulb, it cannot be turned off. (Shakespeare)
Love is a serious illness: she puts two at once!
Love is a disease that requires bed rest and transmitted.
Love is a toothache in the heart. (Henry Heine)
Love is a man’s attempt to be satisfied with a single woman. (Paul Geraldi)
If you are a person, so love a man, and not a dream of some kind. ("Love Formula").

Funny statements about teachers

Funny statements about teachers:

Great teachers are superior to ideology.
Teaching is the greatest act of optimism.
Great teachers are real students.
A good teacher is simultaneously a master of simplification and his enemy.
The task of modern teachers is not to destroy the jungle, but to irrigate deserts.
Teachers are ordinary people who can do unusual things.
It is easier for the teacher to command than to train.
The wise teacher turns training into joy.
Pupils are a biography of a teacher.
Modern teachers are heroes in each class.
The teacher takes his hand, opens the mind and touches the heart.
Written by the teacher on the board of life will never be erased.
Do not judge the teacher until you go through a mile in her boots.
There were no lessons without teachers in life.
A teacher is a candle that all his life illuminates the life of students.
Good teachers strengthen knowledge, great teachers bring up character.
Real superheroes do not wear raincoats - they are teachers!
The formation of young minds requires a large heart.
The teacher holds his hand, opens the mind and touches the heart.
Good teachers bring youth for life, and not for school.

Funny statements about age

Funny statements about age:

The most difficult thing to get a job for women! Everyone needs 18-year-old girls with 30 years of experience, with two formations and adults!
Kindness and mind are the properties of old age. At twenty years old, a woman is much more interesting to be heartless and frivolous.
Wisdom, oddly enough, comes to us with two “g”: genes and years
And up to fifty, I thought that I would always be eighteen years old.
Only one who has not achieved anything, having lived to forty or fifty years, does not deserve respect.
Life is divided into three parts: when you believe in Santa Claus, when you do not believe in Santa Claus and when you are already Santa Claus.
And up to fifty, I thought that I would always be eighteen years old.
An adult is one who stopped growing vertically, but not horizontally.
The older you become, the more stupid the world is, and the girls become more beautiful.
The age of a woman who criticizes everyone is called critical age.
If a woman treats humor, then he is really not funny.
Old age is not such a great misfortune, if we take into account another opportunity.
I'm not afraid. When you live for so long, you lose a lot, including a sense of fear.
He looked from the mirror with mockery of age.
A mature man: a creature who hopes to find a beautiful girl under a Christmas tree, but finds a tie.
With age, they think less and less about the fact that in front and more and more about what is ahead.
Age is an invention of boring people.
A woman has no age from birth. The older, the more mysterious she is. And brighter than the paint of passion inspired, like a daring taste of a rare wine
The most disgusting age begins when you are ceased to let you into children's carousels.
I am at an excellent age: from the girl-plug has already grown, but the gystar girl has not yet grown up.
Even in his 70 years, he regularly and regularly fulfilled his marital duty: in the morning he carried out the garbage, and in the evening washed the dishes.
At sixty, you begin to understand that your grandfather, who lived to 80, died not so old.
Maturity is a sign of not age, but mind!
A real woman has three ages: youth! The second youth and eternal youth!
We enter the various ages of our lives, like newborns, having no experience behind us, no matter how many years we are.
The life of a teenager is difficult, especially the first 30 years!
The woman is young as long as she can have a lover.
I can not understand women who write in the graph of the age of 100 years. After all, as the heroine of the film “Love and Pigeons” said - “So it is clear that it is not worse”
Age does not interfere with growing mind
Age - when you spend more on doctors than on girls.
Age can never be an obstacle, neither old or young.
The transitional age is when in the heat you do not understand what you want: ice cream or beer.
The woman has three ages: youth, youth and "how good you look"
Mature age is a period between the end of the illusions of youth and the beginning of the hallucinations of old age.
The older, the less you dream of peers.
In our youth, we turn mountains, and then try to get out from under them.
Your face at twenty is given to you by nature; What it will be in fifty depends on you.
In youth, all the clock is behind, in old age they are in a hurry.
I am still young, but the age of my peers throws into longing.
The woman is young until they love her.
The older you are, the stronger the wind becomes - and it is always oncoming.
Years take their own. I just don’t understand how they distinguish their own from mine.
The age of laziness is not an obstacle!
Every adult is a child who only behaves correctly in public.
Young people should not be treated down. It may well be that, having matured, they will become outstanding men.
It is better to be old than dead.
At 15 I was good. And at 30 I am twice better!
The best age is when you already know a lot and you can do a lot.
Round dates make a person zero.
At my age, a woman should be either smart or chic. Now I think what to join.
The woman does not stop talking about her age and never calls him.
Apparently such an age, everything is for evil to adults.
Gray hair in one place, hormone in another.

Funny statements about Monday

Funny statements about Monday:

"The pleasure of work makes work impeccable." - Aristotle
"On Mondays, there are no miracles." - Amy Nefsger
“New Monday. New week. New goals. "
"It is Monday. Time to capture the world. "
"Either you control the day, or the day controls you." - Jim Ron
“The worst part of my Mondays is to hear how you complain about Mondays.”
“Find a job that you like and you will add five days each week.” - H. Jackson Brown, the youngest.
"It is Monday. I'm happy. I was blessed. God is going to do amazing things this week. "
“Monday is a great chance to become too busy to die.” - Roy station
“Monday is a new beginning. It’s never too late to plunge and start a new journey to success. ”
“Happy Monday. It's a beautiful day."
“People can be great competitors on Sunday and friends on Monday.” - Casey Stonener
"It is Monday. Get a new perspective. Whatever obstacle you encounter, this is not forever. "
“Finding a joy in work means discovering a source of youth.” - Perl S. Buck
“When you wake up in the morning, think about what kind of privilege it is - to be alive, think, enjoy, love ...” - Mark Aurelius
“Hiring not a person who does your work for money, but the one who makes her out of love for her.” - Henry David Toro
“Monday is a new beginning of the week. This is the day when the slate is cleaned from the previous week. This is a day of new undertakings. "
“Your morning thought on Monday set the tone of your week. Watch how you become stronger and live a full, happy and healthy life. ” - Germany Kent
“Monday is a day of silence, the day of all white Masha, sacred to the moon.” - Chitra Banerji Divakaruni
“Wake up every Monday, knowing that this week you can create something amazing.”
“This is your Monday morning. Remember that you can cope with everything that this week throws you. ”
“Morning is an important time of the day, because how you spend the morning, can often tell you what day you will have.” - Lemoni will sink
“Employers are happier on Mondays. Happy employees on Fridays are happier. ” - Mokokom Mokhonoan
“The biggest excitement is not in victory on Sunday, but in paying salaries on Monday.” - Art Runi
“Every morning, opening my eyes, I say to myself: I, not events, can make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which one. It died yesterday, tomorrow has not come yet. I have only one day, today, and I will be happy in it ” - Graucho Marx.
“Monday is the beginning of the working week, which gives new opportunities 52 times a year! »- David Daucus
“On the morning of Monday, I devote myself to the statement that all men are created by morons.” - H. Allen Smith
“I remind everyone that today is Monday, just in case, if one of you is too optimistic.”
“Today is Monday, but this is also a new day, a new week, and this is a new opportunity for something special.”
“If you start a week with a positive mood on Monday, it will be much easier to fight the negative in the rest of the week.”
“Monday is just a reminder that the weekend has passed, and only a few days left before the next weekend.”
“It is best for people who extract the maximum of what is folded.” - Art Linkletter
“When you begin to do what you really love, it doesn’t matter whether it is Monday or Friday; You would be so happy to wake up every morning to work on your hobbies, ” - Edmond Mbiac
“Only one little positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.” - Dalay Lama
“What about Monday? Perhaps once we will look at things the same and wear funny shoes. ” - Kevin Dalton

Funny statements about sex

Funny statements about sex:

“Love is an answer. But while you are waiting for him, sex can raise some rather interesting questions. ” Woody Allen, director.
“Everything that my mother told me about sex is that a man should be from above and a woman from below. This is probably why my husband and I slept on a two -story bed for the first three years. ” Joan Rivers, actress.
“So many nonsense came up with this physical love. In my opinion, the dentist is more pleasant. ” Ivlin WHO, writer (from the novel "Nasty Flesh").
"Acquaintance gives rise to contempt - and children." Mark Twain, writer.
“I don't know anything about sex - because I was always married.” Jah Gabor, actress of old Hollywood.
"Sex: Minute pleasure, the pose is ridiculous, and the costs are huge." Philip Dormer Stanhoup, 4th Count Chesterfield.
“I do not object to someone’s sexual life until they practice it on the street and scare the horses.” - Oscar Wilde
“Sex is part of nature. I go with nature. " - Marilyn Monroe
“Career is a wonderful thing, but you cannot press it to it with a cold night.” - Marilyn Monroe
“If I am going to become a symbol of something, I would prefer that it be sex, and not some other things that we have symbols.” - Marilyn Monroe
“Before marriage, the girl should make love with a man in order to hold him. After marriage, she has to hug him to make love with him. " - Marilyn Monroe
“Sex is to kick death in the ass during singing.” - Charles Bukovsky
“I blame my mother in my bad sexual life. All she told me is “a man from above, and a woman from below.” For three years, my husband and I slept in bunk beds. " - Joan Rivers
“I have no sexual attractiveness; If my husband had not tossed turning on his side, we would never have a child. ” - Joan Rivers
“My personal life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; Most of it is absent, but what is, it stinks. ” - Joan Rivers
"I have not had sex for so long that I forgot who binds whom" . - Joan Rivers
“The two best things that you can do for a person is to have sex or make him laugh.” - Chris Rock“We have reason to believe that the man first got up directly to free his hands for masturbation.” - Lily Tomlin
“If your sexual fantasies were really interested in others, they would no longer be fantasies.” - Fran Lebovitz
“My boyfriend and I live together, which means that we do not have sex - never. Now that the milk is free, both of us have lactose intolerance. ” - Margaret Cho
“I think we can all agree with what to sleep with anyone is a great way to get to know people.” - Chelsea Handler
“I remember my first sex for one night, as if it were yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second ... or the fifth. I’ll just start with what I can remember, and I will not take care of the order. " - Chelsea Handler
“Men do not understand that if we sleep with them on the first date, we are probably not interested in meeting them again.” - Chelsea Handler
“In my sexual fantasies, no one has ever loved me for my mind.” - Nora Efron
“If you want to sleep, go to college. If you want to get an education, go to the library. ” - Frank Zap
“Women fake orgasms, and men fake finances.” - Suze Orman
“I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural and useful things that you can buy for money.” - Steve Martin
“Why worry about defecation and sex? We all have sex. We all have penis, with the exception of those of us who have vaginas. ” - Howard Stern
"Fight for the world is like being shook for virginity." - George Carlin
“Why should we accept sex tips from the Pope? If he knows something about it, he should not! " - George Bernard show

Funny statements about rest

Funny statements about rest:

"Overflow is when even a rest is not enough forces."
"No one died from work, there is nothing to talk about rest." Show B.
"Rest is the best pastime ... Now, if they also paid for it!" Toyshibekov B.
“Probably, in the summer, in the head of each person a secret switch“ Work - rest ”is triggered and eighty of the brains turns off.” Lukyanenko S.
"Rest is the right laziness." Avsharyan G.
"Only hellish labor deserves a heavenly rest." Toyshibekov B.
“Sunday is a pale, sick shadow of an energetic Saturday. Sunday is a day of a forced rest for people who are not inclined at all. " Robbins T.
"Who will remember those times when he really was resting on Sundays, and not on Mondays?" Hubbard F.
"If your reflection in the mirror has become like your photo in the passport, then it's time to rest." Khamdamov A.
"If you have no time to rest, it means it's time to relax." Harris S.
"The bed is the best place to read, reflection and nothing." Lessing D.
Rest: what you do when no one tells you what to do. Joseph PRENERGAST
Rest is a rare opportunity to think about business. Gennady Malkin
Rest is necessary. I can make the annual volume of work in nine months, but not for twelve. John Pirpont Morgan
Rest and labor are inseparable, like an eyelid and eye. Rabindranate Tagor
A change in classes is a kind of rest. Gilles Menage
If you have no time to rest, it means it's time to relax. Sidney Harris
You can’t work all the time. Everyone needs a little rest, and I believe that the early morning hours are best suited for this - five or six hours after you wake up. George Allen
If the husband sends his wife to rest, then he really needs rest. "20,000 quips & quotes"
If you have a fountain, shut it up; Let me rest and the fountain. Kozma Prutkov
Rest after mental work does not have to do anything at all, but to change the work: physical labor is not only a pleasant, but also a useful rest after the work of the mental. Konstantin Dmitrievich Ushinsky
You need to learn how to be happy in the moments of rest when you remember that you are alive, and not in moments of stormy life when you forget about it. Gilbert Kit Chesteron
The rest of the not tiring is tiring. Leshek Kumor
The easiest way to lime is free time. " Sandland Law "
Tourism is the best rest, but the rest is better than tourism. NN
If you cannot find time for relaxation, you will very soon have to find time for treatment. John Waynmaker
If you work all the time and never relax, you can become the richest person in the cemetery. NN
Rest is a change in classes. Ivan Petrovich Pavlov
Night for sleep, and a day for relaxation. Camp folklore
Nothing to do - does not mean to relax . Hans Selye
The joke is a weakening of tension, since it is rest. Aristotle
The greatest sensual pleasure, which does not contain any impurity of disgust, is, in a healthy state, rest after work. Emmanuel Kant
Little by little, humanity rises from centuries without light for centuries without rest. P. Nier
The merits and good deeds are the goal of our works, and the consciousness of those is the crown of our rest. Francis Bacon
The best workers work more than others and rest more than others. Tom Hopkins
Eternal holidays are a good definition of hell. George Bernard show
Nobody died of work, there is nothing to talk about rest. "PSKOVAY"
I am never busy as in the hours of my leisure. Cicero
How good it is to do nothing, and then relax! Spanish saying
With fatigue it will be done when it will not be necessary to work after non -working days. Pierre Duck
Nothing tires like that as someone else's vacation. Andrzej Stock