The child is offended at school - what to do about it?

Any normal parent is alarming for his child. And if unexpectedly we find that our child has become an object of bullying in the classroom, then we experience no less pain and suffering than himself.

In this article, we will try to teach parents whose children are offended in the school team, make the right decisions and help their children cope with the difficult situation. After all, inner calm and mental comfort affect not only the child’s performance, but also contribute to his successes in further life.

How to understand that the child is offended at school?

• Sometimes children's ruthlessness has no boundaries. The Internet is full of terrible videos in which children beat a classmate and shoot it on the video. Mockery at school deprive the child of self -confidence, break his psyche And often pose a threat to physical health. More and more often in our time we are faced with such a concept as bulling.
• Bulling - This is a systematic intentional pressure on one of the members of the team. With bullying, it is clearly traced the inequality of the forces of the aggressor and the victim. This is terror in any form: psychological or physical.
• For various reasons, not all children tell parents that they have become the subject of “bullying” in their class. Many stubbornly refuse to speak this topic. Boys are especially often silent in such situations. How to understand parents that their child became the object of bullying?

There are a number of signs that help to understand that the child is offended at school:

• Unwillingness to go to the educational institution. This circumstance can also be expressed in frequent delays to school and even absenteeism of lessons. This is perhaps one of the main signs that the child has problems at school. At the same time, he often refuses to explain the reasons, but simply searches for any reason, if only to stay at home hemulates malaise, refers to other affairs, etc.
• A sudden decrease in performance. Children can bring bad grades not because they do not want to study, but because they feel bad in the team.
• Appearing stuttering, nervous tick, sleep disturbances and appetite are evidence of the depressed emotional state of the baby.

• Irritability and even aggressive behavior of a return from school. A child who is subjected to mockery from peers often takes out his negative in households.
• You began to notice that your baby's personal belongings are spoiled: Notebooks and books are described, a diary is torn, a pencil case is broken, etc.
• The child often returns after school in dirty and torn clothes, with bruises and abrasions. This may be a confirmation that he is beaten. Please note that if your baby boasts that he could stand up for himself, then we are not talking about bullying, since in this case there are no deep hidden experiences. But if the child is silent and does not say where he got bruises, this is an alarming call for parents.
• Child does not tell any interesting stories About the life of the class, not divided What happened during the day. Him there are no friends in the class.
• The child constantly walks sad and depressed, became tearful and extremely touchy.

Why is the child offended at school?

• It should be noted that any child can sometimes be in ridicule in a children's team. But not every student becomes the object of persecution and bullying.
• Most often they poison those children who stand out among peers, differ from them externally or their behavior, non -traditional views.

The reasons because of which the child is offended at school can be very different:

• Disadvantages of appearance (completeness, problems with teeth, acne, etc.).
• Another nationality.
• Defects of diction or physical vices.
• Excessive shyness, self -doubt or excessive phlegmatism.
• New team, Especially if in the past the child was a leader and now he has to give in his championship to other children.
• Low -income or dysfunctional familybecause of which the child stands out with his clothes against the general background of peers.
• Flaw psyche, When a quick -tempered child acutely reacts to jokes and creates conflict situations himself. Odnoklassniki often provoke such children and for the sake of laughter bring to “white heat”.
• A defective or funny surname.

It is hard to believe, but parents themselves can sometimes be the reason for the bullying of their child. Often, those guys whose personal boundaries in the family are constantly violated are subjected to persecution in children's groups. Parents harshly criticize everything, no matter what the baby does, they constantly pull him, pushes them. It is not surprising that due to his own uncertainty, such a child cannot fend for himself in society. Indeed, in most cases, “aggressors” accurately feel who, due to low self-esteem, is not able to fight back.

• And there is another extreme, when parents erect their child to the pedestal, indulge all his whims and inspire that "everyone should."
• Arriving at the team, such a baby expects from others such worship, but is faced with completely different realities.
• Inconsistency of expectations and reality It becomes the reason that the child cannot establish normal relations with classmates and he becomes an outcast.

What to do if a child is offended at school?

Some parents believe that the child should cope with difficulties at school and solve his problems with classmates on his own. However, such a policy of non -interference is far from always true. After all, ridicule at school can develop into real bullying, and even physical violence.

Parents are offended at school, psychologists give the following recommendations:

• Talk heart to heart with your child. This is the first and most important step for solving the problem. When talking, be prepared for the fact that the child will be reluctant to answer you, perhaps even reject the fact of moral or physical violence. The reasons for this denial can be different: he is afraid to be known as a yabeda, does not want to upset you, shame prevents him. Try to start the conversation from afar, share your experiences. The child should feel that you can be trusted.

• Talking, control your emotions. Whatever the child tells you about, try to react as calmly as possible. The baby is so bad, so he does not need an excited and irritated parent now. Say that you always support him and help, if necessary. Let it make it clear to your child that you understand him and he is not alone. Generate that adults are with him, they know how to help and will help.
• Analyze the situationTry to identify the possible reasons why your baby has become an object of bullying. Disassembleing them, in no case do not tell the child that he himself is to blame for the current situation. It is impossible to justify a person’s persecution of a person. No one is safe from mistakes in behavior. And it is possible that one day your child was really to blame. But in such a situation, a one -time quarrel between children will be adequate. However, in constant bullying from the team, there can be no guilt of the child. That's why do not dump the inferiority complex on the baby. It’s hard for him now.

• Think together How can you solve the problem. Ask the child how he sees a way out of the situation. Maybe it is worth taking specific steps to solve the problem. For example, if a child is poisoned due to clumsiness, write him down for dances or gymnastics, if the problem is in acne, contact a dermatologist, and self-doubt can be adjusted in the classroom of oratory.
• If the cause of persecution in the school is infilacy and temper Your offspring, write it for an appointment with a child psychologist. When discussing the probable ways of solving the problem, you thereby unobtrusively teach your child decisions and bear responsibility for them. In addition, participating in the discussion, the baby may not be worried that the parents will “come” to school and begin to understand without him.
• If one or a couple of students terrorizes your child, talk with their parents. Of course, the situation is quite likely that they themselves cannot cope with their own offspring. But this should not worry you. Threaten that contact the appropriate instances with specific evidence. In addition, raise the question of bullying at the parent meeting. It is likely that not only your child is offended, and you will find support from parents of other students.
• If the child categorically does not want you to intervene in his conflict with peers, show the exposure. Say that you respect his opinion, but let him remember that you are always there and come to the rescue. Control the situation. Let it be unobtrusive, maybe even secretly from the child himself. Try to “look” at school as often as often as possible or meet it after lessons. Watch for some time from the side. And if the situation begins to get out of control, intervene, no matter what your child tells you. As an adult, you are obliged to stop the bullying of your child.

• Remember that bullying is the problem of the entire school team, including teachers. Therefore, you need to talk to the class teacher. Of course, you should not arrange interrogations with addictions and pour anger on the heads of teachers and students. Go to the question neatly and carefully. When talking, try to remain calm and be objective, operate with facts. Take an interest in exactly what steps the teacher will take to stop the injury and mockery of your child.
• Of course, the age and gender of the child plays an important role. In elementary grades, it is sometimes enough just to talk with the class teacher and ask him to pay attention to the fact of bullying the child. But in the middle and even more high school, the problem is unlikely to be solved so simply. However, you still need to talk with the curator of the class. He must calmly calm the conflicts and quarrels of students. If you feel that the conversation with the class teacher does not give the desired result, then you have to go to the director. You must make sure that the problem is heard and your child will try to help.
• If all your attempts to stop bullying are exhausted, and the situation is not allowed, Think about contacting law enforcement agencies.

Sometimes parents ask the question whether in such situations it is worth transferring the child to another school. There can be no definite answer here. Sometimes the change of team really helps to solve the problem. But if the deep causes of bullying are not detected, then ridicule in the new team is only a matter of time. Most likely, the child will have the same difficulties in the new school as in the old one. In addition, adaptation in a new class is always a stress for a child who can aggravate his self -doubt.

• If you still decide change the educational institution, do not focus on the fact that the cause of the translation was the persecution of the baby in the previous school.
• The child should not perceive the transition as a flight. Let the reasons be different - the new school gives better knowledge, it is closer to the house, it has more interesting extracurricular activities, etc.

If a child is offended at school: a psychologist

Often in life it is necessary to act ahead of schedule. So that your child is not offended at school, try to socialize him as much as possible from early childhood and behave correctly in difficult situations:

• More often drive a child to different exhibitions, New Year's performances, Where he will be able to get acquainted with other children.
• Write it on some mugs or in sports sections. Let it grow a comprehensively developed personality. In addition, in other children's groups, the baby will start new comrades, gain additional experience in communication.
• Try to teach your child competently to get out of conflict situations, ignore teasers from classmates and not to form a “victim”. Explain that it is better not to cry, but to pretend that he does not give a damn about ridicule. Teach him not to lose his own personality, to defend his position and correctly express emotions.
• Create the baby the comfortable and calm atmosphere of the house, Support it in various endeavors. More often praise it and spend more time together.

• Invite you to your home classmates of your child. Arrange children's holidays. So you can watch how your child communicates with other children and can he be friends.
• Develop a child's love of reading. This advice will never lose its relevance. Thanks to reading, the children develop a vocabulary, the horizons expanding. They learn the behavior of book characters and try on art stories on themselves. A well -read baby will quickly select the words in a difficult situation in order to get out of it with dignity and not become an object of ridicule.

Teachers offend the child at school: what to do?

• Sometimes the reason for stubborn unwillingness to come to the educational institution is not persecution of classmates, but pressure from the teacher. A child at school may face the inadequate behavior of the teacher: screaming, insults, ridicule or manipulation. Unfortunately, such situations arise more often than we think.
• Often the attacks on the part of the teacher are subjected to children whose personal opinion is radically different from the authoritative position of the teacher. Or those whose parents have a conflict with the teacher.

What can be expressed by pressure from the teacher:

• Verbal insults
• Humiliation and ridicule in front of the whole class
• Orders to stand throughout the lesson
• Deliberate understatement of assessments
• Physical exposure (subtitlers, punches with the poisoning on the fingers)

• In most cases, children are silent about such situations, and parents learn about the conflict only when he goes too far. And sometimes they themselves dismiss the child’s complaints, believing that adults cannot behave inappropriately.
• Should parents intervene in the child’s conflict with the teacher? Depends on the situation. If the only thing is that the teacher reduces the assessment by one point, this circumstance should hardly be considered a tragedy. Well, I don't like your child to some teacher. Nobody is obliged to love our children. Explain to your child that the main thing is not an assessment, but knowledge. Teach him not to be upset due to such things.
• However, if the teacher is frankly humiliates or mocks the student - This is another matter. The child himself cannot cope with this situation, and parents should intervene.
• Make sure that the teacher really offends your child. That this is not the fruit of his imagination. Only a frank conversation will help clarify the situation. And if you are sure that your child experiences the pressure of the teacher, urgently take appropriate measures. However, remember that to prove The fact of moral or physical violence by teacher staff It can be very difficult.

How to act if the teacher offends the child:

• Talk with the offender. This is the first step to resolve the conflict. Try not to raise your voice. Your task is to hear the teacher’s explanations about the situation.
• Where to complain if the child is offended at school? If the conversation did not lead to a positive result, go to the school principal. Write a statement in duplicate. One will remain with the administration of the educational institution, and the second with the signature and date of acceptance is with you. You are required to respond to your appeal within 30 days.
• If no changes occur, then you need to contact ROO or law enforcement agencies.

Parents are a guarantor of child safety. Talk to your children, be careful and sensitive. Do not let the situation of bullying on its own. At the same time, do not forget that your child needs your help and support, but not excessive custody and fence from any difficulties.

Children's articles on the site:

• Finger gymnastics
• Project "My family"
• "Who protects us" - project
• Composition - "I want no more war"
• Signs and memo so that there is no fire for children

Video: Psychologist about what to do if the child is offended?