Fun for adults decent - for a feast, corporate party

A selection of adult jokes that will help make the holiday more fun.

Content

Ground jokes are decent, ridiculous for entertainment of guests

Funning for adults is decent, funny for entertainment of guests:

For the sake of my woman I will postpone all things.
So that I do not sit in the longing by the window, then I will set fire to the horse, then the hut.
She can’t do without her favorite business!
*****
We are not afraid of work:
There is no work - we go to bed,
There is work - we also sleep ...
We are not sitting without work!
*****
I found out that I have
There is a huge family:
Monitor, system unit,
I'll stick the wiring on the network,
Windows, the sky is blue,
This is all mine, dear ...
You cannot live without an Internet -
This is my homeland!
*****
I successfully and inexpensively fight with any ailment,
I am especially confidently flying a fruit ...
*****
I have a joy today -
I made a muck to someone!
*****
My light, mirror, tell me,
Yes, report the whole truth!
I am in the world of all dumber
Useless and drunk?
Says the mirror in response:
You are moron, no doubt
But he lives in the world ...
Here are two -thirds like you.
*****
I cook deliciously, I remove my house,
I wash socks and shirts separately.
I am an approximate, and never a bitch.
I read books, terribly manner.
I dance, I sing and embroider a cross,
I am writing poetry, and on Saturday ... I am thumping!
*****
Boring, sad life is my life
And, it seems, this process is eternal ...
Here are up to the salary for two days,
And there is nothing to shit today.
*****
Well, in general, I live and do not miss!
I give joy, affection and peace!
And for good - I answer good ...
Well, and for muck - what is at hand ...
*****
How good it is to lie with you
Whisper words to your ear
Hug your hands gently,
My favorite pillow!
*****
I usually get drunk
I fight against the wall.
Either alcohol is harmful to me
Either just age.
*****
We are looking for everything without exception:
Soul - peace, adventure on the ass.
*****
I once had a wonderful dream ...
Four loaders carried my salary.
*****
When you look in a purse
Where instead of money is a bunch of dust,
Do not speak with longing: no!
But with gratitude: they were!
*****
Spring came, birds sang,
And the "tower" blows out of habit.
She carries her somewhere upward.
Well, ass, now hold on!
*****
Yes, I'm cutting, sometimes malicious,
Conquest in me is not visible,
Stubborn and rude sometimes,
As gunpowder is quick -tempered, I will not hide ...
But that’s all - only the view from the outside,
Inside, believe me ... even worse!
*****
I am smart, beauty!
I like it!
Everything is arguing and getting along, for which I will not take!
I am stylish and brave, funny, skillful ...
And rightly I do that I trudge from myself.
*****
Birds fly away to warm edges.
Only one cannot, fat like me.
*****
As you want, guys,
To score everything, to swear obscenities,
Hip, give to the neighbors by erysipelas ...
But I can’t, because I'm a lady!
*****
The country is good Russia!
Here the horse grazes in the coat.
Born here, lived and died
Famous Grandfather Pichto!
*****
Sometimes it happens so disgusting
That even tea does not climb into the throat,
And only beer climbs into the throat,
Which you drink vodka ...

New jokes for adults at the table - alcoholic saying

New jokes for adults at the table are alcohol saying:

Drink - grief
And do not drink - twice!

* * *
The first glass is a stake,
The second is a falcon,
The rest are small birds!

* * *

Something hands began to chill,
Isn't it time for us to dick?

* * *

Something began to cold.
Isn't it time for us to give?

* * *

To promote the gut
I have to drink in the morning
And when the brains are upside down
We must drink before bedtime.

* * *

Who rumble in the stomach -
Take a liter per day,
And when the soul is abroad -
Just drink all day in a row!

* * *

A month shines, shines clear,
We drink wonderful for this moment!

* * *

The month is a young month,
Isn't it time for the second?

* * *

Let's make a "overson"
For the health of our wives!

* * *

And why pull the rubber?
- Let's drink just for a pattern!

* * *

We have been sitting for a long time,
Maybe we will give in a little?

* * *

Let's drink the brothers so far,
In the next world they will not give.
Well, if they give there,
Let's drink the brothers here and here

* * *

In paradise they will not give us beer,
Therefore, we drink here.

* * *

It is very dangerous to drink water,
A lot of bacteria in it is terrible!
And she is tasteless
Poisons - chemistry is full!
The water blurs the mountain,
The water of the mill breaks!
And terrible with its spill.
Sprinkle with beer!

* * *

When the beer ends,
Who will you want to live?
In the meantime, we drink beer -
We will be alive, we will not die!

* * *

That we are woe and sorrow,
If the glasses sounded?

* * *

So that life does not go in vain,
Cover the stopar!

* * *

Fill the glasses to the edges.
Reason! .. God with you ...

* * *

Gloomy and sluggish,
We are sitting, tired
To cheer the heart,
It is necessary to pour a glass ...

* * *

Let's drink a glass to the bottom,
So that life is full!

* * *

So that we drink and danced,
And the ports would not have fallen!

* * *

Do not harm the liver and cells
Do not trust beautiful labels,
And to be healthy and happy
Drink only a home spill wine!

* * *

The sun shines behind the window
And the birds fly,
For the women present
Let's drink a glass!

* * *

Cut the glass
For Sasha’s health!

* * *

For Yurka's health -
Let's drink the polythery!

* * *

Do not accept. Lord, for drunkenness
Take the medicine.

* * *

We do not drink, Lord, but we are treated.
And not on a teaspoon, on a tea glass.
And not in a day, but every day.
And not for drunkenness for the sake, but so as not to wean.
So shift, unclean power, remain pure alcohol,
And do not harm the servant of God (name). Amen.

* * *

God forbid is not the last
And if the last, then God forbid! Amen!

Joke for adults for free

A joke for adults for free:

Let's drink and do not stream!

Leading:
Let's drink, drink, and do not stream,
And we bite the cucumber,
And the salad probably
Guests are invited to choose one card with the inscription what they will drink from.

Leading:
Firm so that there was a gait,
From a thimble, drink vodka.
To dance the legs,
Drink out of a spoon.
So that they do not let down anything,
Drink you from a spoon of tea.
Be strong, don't hurt -
From the bucket, drink vodka.
You surprise us:
You drink from the cork for the third time.
But you are beautiful, deftly
Glove the vodka from carrots.

Action: a small recess is made in the purified vegetable.

Leading:
Lucky today a little -
You got to drink from the saucer.
For happy days
From the hollow of bread.
Something was found for you-
I had to drink from Kulechka.
So that in life there is a stream in life,
Take a sip from the flask.
Drink from your hand now
Support, men!
For the character of the gold
Drink beer from the can.
You swallow three rags
From a large basin.
Happiness in life for you family -
Drink coffee from the cup.
Something you are not very drunk-
Here you can choose glasses.
So as not to eat your tablets,
Tap in a mouth from a pipette.
To be always healthy -
A sip from a can half-liter.
So that you are appreciated by the boss,
We pour a full kettle.
So that your wife loves you -
We drink from the glass to the bottom.
Do you want you or you don't want
Speak from the balloon.
For the happiness of your darling
Speak from the bottle.

Jokes for an adult corporate party musical

Jokes for an adult corporate party musical:

Competition "Guess the song by words"

A parody of the composition of Zemfira - Do you want?
Please, do not go
We will drink with you together
I'll let you eat
The most delicious cucumber.

Chorus:
Do you want palette vodka?
Do you want a beer of moonshine?
Do you want me to hand over all the bottles
I will hand over all my bottles.

A cheerful parody of the song "Two funny goose lived with the grandmother"

Two merry geese lived with granny
One is gray, the other is white, 2 funny goose.
Our grandmother was waiting for our grandmother
boiled moonshine, bold sala
Here the goose is rolled into the hut
And the bottle with moonshine was famously attached
Moonshine drank to the drop from the grandmother
And they fell into the ditch, extended their paws
-Oh, -the grandmother shouts, -the geese rested
One is gray, the other is white, my geese, geese!

Alteration of the songs of the red cap about traffic jams in Moscow
If for a long time, for a long time, for a long time,
If for a long time on the strip,
On the bus strip
You will go around traffic jams
Then, perhaps, of course,
Then probably,
Then, possible, possible,
You will pay a large fine!

Aaa - fines in the capital are such a width,
Aaa - fines in the capital are such an embroiderer,
Aaa - both bankers and taxi drivers,
Aaa - and pop artists,
AAA - this fine will not be pulled!
AAA - this fine will not be pulled!
And just like that
And as soon as on the strip,
On the trolleybus path,
You will meet the traffic police,
Then, perhaps, of course,
The officers will say gently
Very quiet, very tender:
"Come on a million rubles!"

(on the motive of the song "How does the Homeland begins")
Why do the hedgehogs multiply? -
So that there is more hedgehog.
So that their tribe lives and multiplies -
They lie on each other.
Maybe they multiply
From pictures about naked hedgehogs,
Which are often printed
In overseas magazines of strangers? ..
Why do the hedgehogs multiply? -
From what they want to sleep
Much stronger than for the winter
Collect mushrooms through the forest.
Maybe they multiply
From the spring scruff of the starling?
Although no one has found out
The influence of starlings to the end:
Why do the hedgehogs multiply? -
Is it that they drink milk?
But it is unlikely from the birch that in the field,
Since it is high from her.
Maybe they are propagated,
Going out of business at dawn,
With good and faithful comrades,
Living in a neighboring hole? ..

Alteration of the song Lyapis Trubetskoy "Spring"
When the board ends, and a small bull -calf sighs,
When Gerasim throws the dumb gerasim into the river
When a ship with DiCaprio in a huge iceberg beats a stem,
When you gave someone in the face, and suddenly the whole village gathered,
Know - this is a pindyk, with him a kapets wings with his wings.
Know - this is a paragraph, this is a kirdyk, the end will not miss!
When a frog sits in the grass sitting in the grass,
When a student to one old woman leaves with an ax in his hand,
When a hungry bear drove you to a thin pine tree,
When Chapaev tries to swim cold, cold
Know - this is the Urals, with him near the Amur, you spend in vain.
Nine nine-one-one, do not dial, you can’t pay a call!

Alexander Barykin "I will drive a bike for a long time ..."
I will bend a bicycle for a long time.
I will tie the frame with two knots,
Of thin knitting needles narva a large bouquet
And I will put the trunk under KAMAZ.
I will throw a gear under the tank
And I will put the wheel under the tram,
I will send the pump and the steering wheel to the Swiss bank,
I will pour a rotten egg into the bearing.
I will tie dynamite to the pedals,
I will attach the bicfords cord to the call,
I will blow the saddle - and the nipple will fly away,
Ringing the brakes on the ceiling.
I will cut the tires with a big knife,
I use them with considerable benefit ....
And tie a chain on the neck with a knot
To the girl I love.

Alena Apina. "Electric train"
“He is crazy” - they told me.
Two orderlies came to us,
The injections were injected, they wanted to take it to jail.
And I do not believe, but I do not believe.
It's just nervous, it's just nervous.
Yes, he drinks, but what should not be drunk?
Well, what? Ambulance will come to him at night
Hands calling a nationwide shirt.
White burning, white burned down.
He left on the night at the lawn mower,
After drinking four bottles before that.
The orderlies in vain brought a stretcher -
He ran away from them without pants.
He went crazy with a crazy love,
He rushed off at night from love, who had touched,
And the doctors did not catch up with him, of course.
How much strength gives us, people, love.

"Song of bandits" from the m/f "Adventures of Captain Vrungel"
You, of course, are not a bandito
You are all honest guys-oh,
But admit, in fact,
Wouldn't you want-oh
Constantly full-drunk,
Drink for every day Chinzano-oh,
Store millions in banks
And the palette on the legally-oh.

"Girl Video" - alteration

It was an ordinary gray St. Petersburg evening
I ate sneakers and a barrel of jam,
I took it on my chest, and even on my shoulders
In order to drop a droplet.
There is a problem that bothers me -
This is the personalities of my bifurcation:
Sometimes I even forget who I am -
Either a girl, or a vision.
And I'm hanging like cholera in green waves,
Like lumberjacks near the old stump,
I sat down to notice if she was sitting,
In order to notice if I got the same.
And I will pass like an iron on a very crumpled pants,
And I get out of the tap like a stream
I looked around to see if she had looked around ...
And he did not notice how he crashed into a pillar.

Adult fairy tales for adults

Adult fairy tales for adults:

The power of magic

Author:
In the kingdom, behind the mountain
Lived and was the king of lame.
I raised three daughters,
He loved them very much.
But what's the trouble -
Never to the kingdom
The grooms did not come
After all, everyone had known around for a long time,
That one was a curve
And the second daughter of Kosai,
Well, the third is just a class,
But she had 8 eyes.
Nobody took them to marry them,
Even though everyone knew in the district
If they take them to the wife,
Then they will fully flaunt:
Land, meadow, commissars,
And a rich place ....
And the king decided then
Invite the sorcerer to them.
To conjure -
He gave them to his wife soon.
And for the holiday, under the "Neptune",
A sorcerer came to the palace.

Witch:
I am a college! Great Gross !!!
Here are my rates of the boss.
Read and study,
Pay me rather.

Author:
Here the king and say the word

King:
All for a long time, sorcerer, ready!
Here you have money! Perform!
I want to give everyone to marry!

Witch:
Well, the king, we will help you
We'll see what we can!
May your brides come
Let them come to this place!

Author:
Then the brides went in a row,
And the sorcerer said

Witch:
Open
I always did not believe the rumors!
But now I fell in spirit ...
So let's start! Come!
Middle night! Come here !!!
I will turn you now
You will be a dancer-class ...

(The sorcerer touches a magic wand to the next daughter, who is a curve and she begins to dance)

Well, the eldest, your turn
Right now Divchina will pound.

(Applies to a magic wand to the eldest daughter, the one who is slanting, and she begins to sing)

Well, the third, you don't sing -
You will own magic!

(Applies to a magic wand to the third daughter, the one with eight eyes, and she begins to show tricks.)

Well King, take work,
I took care of your shoulders ...

Author:
Suddenly from nowhere
Grooms appeared.
They fell to their knees at a time
They kissed everyone in their hands.

King:
Thank God I am glad!
Immediately weddings are three in a row!
One of the grooms:
We’ll take them to the wife now,
Only we will leave with them.

Author:
There is no limit to magic
This knows the whole world!
This is not nonsense to you!
We are always waiting for magic!

Comic fairy tale-expromd "Put the diagnosis

The host reads lines of songs. And players on characteristic features should “make a diagnosis”:

I. Why are thoughts so confused?
Why is the light so often fading so often? (Fainting)

2. I rush into the night to catch up with you.
But I understand that I am standing and I can’t run. (Paralysis)

3. Unfortunately, but I, fortunately, not one
I got into your dependence insidious. (Addiction)

4. We walked with you.
I roared, oh, roared . (Hysteria)

5. This girl is nothing.
And this is not enough.
And this, I note
Puzo is sulking from tea. (Binge eating)

6. Ah, and now I myself have become unreal,
I will not get home with a friendly drinking house. (Alcohol intoxication)

7. The eyes are black, passionate eyes,
Burning and beautiful eyes!
How I love you! I am afraid of you!
Know, I saw you at an unkind time! (Hypnosis session)

8. I'm not an angel, I'm not a demon,
I am a tired wanderer.
I returned, I resurrected
And he knocked on your house. (Clinical death)

9. I never said
But there is no more patience. (Dumb)

10. Night! Expectations are cold.
Pain! As if I will split.
I do not see anything.
I hate myself. (Chicken blindness)

11. And my heart stopped,
And my heart froze. (Acute heart failure)

12. If you don't hear me,
So winter has come. (Otitis)

13. And I will know the sweet one by gait. (Flatfoot)

14. I tried to get away from love
I took a sharp razor and ruled myself. (Suicide syndrome)

15. There is no logic in your thoughts,
How can I find the truth in them? (Schizophrenia)

16. What are you, dear, you look squinted,
Tilt your head low? (Osteochondrosis)

17. And the dawn is already more noticeable,
So, please, be good ... (Hangover syndrome)

At the Lukomorye.

I'll tell you guys now
What a miracle I saw once
Everything happened near the sea.
Pour me off soon.
In short, an oak stands by the sea
Three hundred years old
And if the wind blows -
Cracking the whole dams of the target.

And there was little happiness for oak
So the chain was put on the stump.
The kitty was put on the chain
With feeding three times a day.

Kotyara was a married male
Loved females for a walk
And how to go home to oak
So begins to compose.

Having heard all these fairy tales
Wife, nowhere to go
While the cats are on the branch
He grabbed him straight by ... neck.

The wife left, and the cat remained.
Now only fairy tales speak
To the left, the cat is no longer going.
And Aibolit will not help.

There is a certain guy Leshy there
He walks quietly, slowly
The mermaid is all of him like
He loves her a little breathing.
Then the flower will tear it off the clearing
Then the strawberries will bring
Mermaid Zh to our hero
It does not basically give (the pause is small)
No promises, no hints
Sits on a branch without everything.
And the goblin walks, the poor wanders
Such a fate.

There are animals somewhere nearby
It is unclear what their name is
I would not see - I did not believe
What can you see ento here.
The beast has a deer head
Horn in the chandelier knocks.
When funny, he laughs like a horse
And sad - he meow.
How to get angry - he whistles
That everyone has a headache.
There is still a hut there is there
Nobody lives there now
But it’s clear that that hut
The bank does not give a mortgage.
Under that hut in a dungeon cries
Device with a long scythe
But cries as if laughing
Closing the mouth with his hand.
Brothers came to the sea
Heroes, as for selection
All yesterday we walked for glory
It was affixed to the Black Sea.
A decent dug is from them.
From exhalation, all the animals are withering
Hence the phrase and was born
Here is the Russian spirit. It smells of Russia here.
And all the people from the Lukomorye
At our wedding here now.
And they are in a hurry to congratulate them soon
Newlyweds, that is, you.
They flew on an airplane,
Then minibus, tram
And in order to shout loudly
Three times together "Congratulations!"

Riddles for adults - jokes

Riddles for adults - jokes:

Who will take off from the flower about?
Multi -colored ...
Answer - Hippo (Moth)

*******

Very slowly and quiet
It crawls along the sheet ...
Answer - rabbit (snail)

*******

When it flies, it always buzzes
And he flies into the meadow.
Where there are odorous flowers
Collected nectar ...
Answer - spider (bumblebee)

*******

Everyone is afraid of me -
I can bite
I fly and food -
I'm looking for a victim,
I have no time for games at night
Guessed who I am? ...
Answer - tiger (mosquito)

*******

Friend of animals and friend of children
Good doctor ...
Answer - Barmaley (aibolit)

*******

With blue hair
And huge eyes
This doll is an actress,
And her name is ...
Answer - Alice (Malvina)

*******

He lived in a bottle for hundreds of years,
Finally, I saw the light
He has grown a beard,
This kind ...
Answer - Santa Claus (Old Man Hottabych)

*******

He mined leeches
Karabas sold,
All smoked swamp mud,
His name was ...
Answer - Pinocchio (Duremar)

*******

He walked in the forest boldly
But the hero’s fox ate.
In parting, the poor thing sang.
His name was ...
Answer - Cheburashka (Kolobok)

*******

He was on the way for many days
To find his wife,
And the ball helped him
His name was ...
Answer-Kolobok (Ivan Tsarevich)

*******

Both beautiful and Mila,
Only very small!
Slender figure,
And the name is ...
The answer is the Snow Maiden (inch)

*******

Riddles of tricks about everything
In the yard in the morning the game -
The kids played out.
Screams: “Work!”, “Past!”, “GOOD!”
So there is a game ...
Answer - Football (hockey)

*******

And capricious and stubborn,
I don't want to ...
Mom's answer (daughter)

For vaccinations and injections
Moms of children lead to ...
Answer - schools (clinics)

*******

Sumo champion for cargo
It’s good to have a big ...
Answer: Puzo

*******

Already both the halims have expired,
And on the scoreboard is still ...
Answer: zeros

*******
I, as a karate, will not calm down
If they don't give me black ...
Answer: Belt

*******

Small lambs climbed across the field.
The lamb fired, the rings lost.
Answer: Bigudi

*******

Think about this a little:
Koloradsky beetle - Who is he for potatoes?
Answer: Pest

*******

Gently slowly
Did the left -handed manner?
Answer: Bloch

*******

Liner sank in the ocean
And triumphantly popped up on the screen.
Answer: Titanic

*******

But no one will drill ice.
Emelya sits on the stove
After a stormy ...
(hangover).

*******

If it was yesterday
With alcohol fun
So this morning
Waiting for a poor fellow ....
(hangover)

*******

Vodka and beer, wine, moonshine, -
Do not take a snake potion.
Hum in the head and in the ears of the chime
Promises you the next day ....
(hangover)

*******

My father bequeathed to me: not be afraid
Drink vodka. But you can’t ....
(hang out)

*******

Blue nose and thoughts shallow
So always after ... ..
(Phmelki)

Adult lottery with jokes - universal, comic

Adult lottery with jokes - universal, comic:

Ball
A cheerful bright ball
And so jumps, and jumps!
Take care of him
Do not pierce it with a nail!

*******

Pencils
Hastily hasten for a gift
Pencils are waiting for you
Everything that you will see around
Draw and write down!

*******

Bubble
Come and look:
Your gift is bubbles!
Inflate them with friends
And, of course, with us!

*******

Balloon
A wonderful gift -
Here is such a balloon.
You hold him in your hands
So as not to disappear in the clouds!

*******

Clap
Not a toy, not a little animal,
Watch out - you are a cracker!

*******

Small ones
Multi -colored crayons
Draw with us!
The sidewalk is painted,
Everyone is glad: both young and old!

*******

Flomasters
You are not an artist for now
But it's time not far:
You will immediately become a master
With a brand new felt -tip pen!

*******

Plasticine
Plasticine is like clay,
But everyone is happy with plasticine!
What to blind - you decide
You can create a whole world!

*******

Book
All girls and boys
Love brand new books!
If they do not know how to themselves
Trust your mother!

*******

Dudochka
Everyone has talent,
You are probably a musician!
Play us on the pipe,
Invite everyone to the dance!

*******

Coloring
Painted timidly
All pages are black and white ...
This is a coloring!
You color her!

*******

Magnet
This little thing is known to everyone
And in its own way wonderful
After all, by all means
Will be attached to the metal!

*******

Mask
You are more cunning with us,
The mask for you is just a class!
Nobody is already in it
He will not recognize for anything!

*******

Eraser
Does not bark, does not bite,
And what is written - is erasing!

*******

Soft toy
This teddy animal -
He is forever your friend!

*******

Rubber duckling
You have a joy today:
You got a duck
It's so great to swim with her,
Swim and splashing in the bath!

*******

Whistle
All around was clamped
And they trembled out of fear!
With this new whistle
You will whistle a nightingale!

*******

Album
You get an album
There will be pictures in it:
Sun, rain, house and garden
And portraits of all guys!

*******

Sticker
Run away soon,
Here you have a sticker!
You can glue on a notebook
Or even on the bed!

*******

Bear (soft toy)
Tired of studying you
So pulls to play?
So it will definitely come in handy
What I want to give you.
Remember childhood golden:
Kindergarten and pot ...
Bear is a sacred
Do not drop on the floor, my friend.

*******

Wallet
If you put the money in your pocket,
Every thief and bully
Of course, they will steal them.
This subject will not let you down!
If the hole is in your pocket,
Your "mani" will also perish.
Full of money
It is better to put in a portfolio.

*******

Cosmetics
A very necessary thing.
You can turn into a witch,
Well, if you know the measure,
You can become beautiful.

*******

Dog (soft toy)
Without it, you are like without hands
This is your reliable friend.
Let it not bark, do not bite,
But at the same time it does not sink.

Eraser
If the letters are squiggles,
Then take me in the pens.
On a piece of paper skok and skok,
Here is a clean leaf!

*******

Ruler
Wooden and slim,
I will measure at least an elephant
Even the house is multi -storey,
If it is important.

*******

Sweet prize (any sweets)
You got a sweet prize
Take a treat, bravo, bis!
If you like chocolate,
Then you will be madly glad.
And you do not love - it does not matter.
Dad will eat him then.

*******

Two in one (two prizes in one package)
This gift is unusual,
It looks colorful and bright,
Well, what's it inside,
Better look at home!

*******

Hole puncher
If you need a hole
Click - and here she is.
You can make confetti
Just take it and want!

*******

Coloring with cars
If you are in the shower,
You love to ride for a long time,
Choose your car:
Doors, body and cabin ...
You can even choose a color.
It’s only a pity - there is no right in the bag.

*******

Soap
If jeans do not climb you,
Do not rush to cut them.
This small item
You will help you put them on.

*******

Teeth (marmalade)
If the teeth have thinned
Broke, flew off,
You won’t find these better
Only the time will kill in vain.

*******

A toy
I am a cheerful toy
Not a dog, not a parsley ...
Who am I? Guess quickly
And play with me!

*******

Scrunchy
Supermodic little thing,
Fasten the pigtail with it.
Everyone will say - beauty,
And herself will like it.

*******

Caramel
I am a simple caramel,
Sweet, viscous.
Ride me for a week
On this occasion.

*******

Ball
The ball is light and airy
You should not put under the pillow,
Otherwise he will so jerk
That the neighbor is gasping behind the wall.

*******

Toilet paper
Entertaining designer!
And you do not need an instructor.
You can twist the rose,
You can customize texts.
And wrap it on the body,
You can play in the mummy.

*******

Socks
From sorrow and longing
You are terry socks.

*******

Five rubles
I'm a five-year-old coin
I'll hide in the chest.
You run in the stall as soon as possible
And buy something.

*******

Marker (yellow)
River, forest, thick grass,
I will draw anything.
With yellow paint to Cherkan,
I will draw a moon.

*******

Plasticine
Everyone has known plasticine since childhood,
You can take off the inheritance:
And the cow and the eagle,
If only Silushka was!

*******

Glue
Liquid glue as a gift,
Here are a few ideas:
You can glue the wallpaper for them,
Tiles, tiles and more.

*******

Scotch
If you want to lose weight
You just need to want.
As you see a sandwich,
Turn your mouth more soon.

*******

Pin
If you are a bandit
At night the "gun" will threaten,
Pinch at his ear,
He will run away right there.

*******

Chewing gum
If you sit on these things,
Then shout: "Farewell, trousers!"
You are in vain puffing and rubbing
You only eat a hole.

*******

Fish (figures growing in water)
If you know in Chinese,
You translate more or less,
Then without any difficulty
Fish will grow then.

*******

Handkerchief
If a runny nose all year round, -
This present will save you.

*******

Candy
In this little thing
So much joy is stored!
Do not listen to doctors
Eat it - and be healthy.

Adult prick scenario-guests entertainment

Adult-prick scenario-entertainment of guests:

Based on the work "Fly of the Tsokotuha" and "Thumbelina"

It sounds funny music

AUTHOR:
Fly, fly, basement. Gilded belly,
The fly went across the field, a fly found a money ... "

/Fly appears/

FLY:
I am so glad! Here are the times!
That the money was found now!
Here luck turned up - I was bent without finance ...
I’ll go on Wednesday to the bazaar and buy Tal Samovar.
I will look for all neighbors and treat them with a seagull.

/Leaving appears with a salovar. Behind her go to the toad and her cut/

FLY:
Come Kvakusha into the house,
And get tired of the seagull
And I run to the neighbor:
I see her very rarely with her.
After all, she is an inch
And he lives completely alone.

/Leaving/

TOAD:
Well, go here, son,
Do not stumble about the threshold.
As you got to the midges,
So in the morning he was eager.

SON:
What are you rushing me?
I woke up from the shit
Tea at home and here is tea
So you burst by chance.

TOAD:
Well, you're at all caught
This tea is the whole pretext.
While you slept this night,
I already ran to the point ...

/Takes out a bottle, prints/

SON:
What are you crazy about your mother?
We have to wait all of us ...

Jaba:
You sit and don't teach
Better wet your throat.
And bite as it should
Here, sniff chocolate.

/Pour, drink/

Here you are with me
And all my food is not in the horse.
I was exhausted through the swamps,
Look, one skeleton remained.

SON:
There would be bones and belly,
Well, the meat will grow!

/Continues to eat/

Here, to sleep for an hour or two,
What a dream is with you.

TOAD:
You slept all the brides,
And how to sleep will not get tired.

/appears a fly and an inch /

FLY:
Well, the hospitals, here I am,
And my inch!

/Son, seeing an inch, falls into a fainting/

TOAD:
What are you, what are you, God with you ...

FLY:
You are the fields of his water,
On a freebie how I got drunk
That he fell out of happiness.

TOAD:
No, friends, he didn't get drunk
He fell in love without memory.

/The son has recovered/

SON:
Oh, mother, what's wrong with me
I seem to be not my own.

TOAD:
Do not strangle, get up,
Look at the bride better.
Look, beauty-girl,
In the daughter -in -law will definitely fit me.

Son: /Looking at the Thumbelina /
Yes-a, the beauty is good,
There is a body and a soul.
Well, I'll sit closer,
I see something badly ...

MUXA:
That's okay, now
We instead you to sink you.
/Cozyats appear, they sing the song "A grasshopper was sitting in the grass"/

TOAD:
Look, how is it right there
Two goats crawl

First Kozyavka:
Yes, there is a feast with a mountain, look,
And there are three bottles ...

Second Kozyvka:
What is the reason for fun?
We are now with a hangover ...

FLY:
Yes, we’re sitting, sitting,
We drink and eat.
Well, sit down, if you came.
They found us in smell?

First Kozyavka:
We are just always lucky
He who seeks will find.
Second Kozyvka:
What to tremble in a wonderful moment,
Let's drink everything for the young!

/Drink everyone/

First Kozyavka: /Turns to the Thumbelina /
For a long time in the girls you sat,
Eka Franta looked after.

Thumbelina:
It hurts thin, it hurts
No, I don't need one.

SON:
Look at yourself
There are six people like me in you!

Thumbelina:
Shut the skeleton filthy,
There is no mind when you are drunk
I'll press you with my hand
And I’ll still squeeze it with my foot.

FLY:
No, this is not good,
You need to urgently put up.

TOAD:
Steam-to-the-stroke,
There is some kind of porn.
Who was imposed on the daughter -in -law?

/Interrupting the fly/

I haven't said everything yet:
Lapshi hung with us
Do not mix neighbors ...

Thumbelina:
Not a groom, but a laugh
I'll marry a mole!
Though he is blind, but rich,
And they say with the apartment!
And you have a goner with your son,
Rot in a swamp like tramps.

SON:
What are you going here
Do not know my mother yet?
If he finds it,
The pieces will smash everything!

/Fight/

First Kozyavka:
Here we are with you
Mordobia insistence*

Second Kozyvka:
Thought that the wedding to be,
And have to leave ...

FLY:
Oh, Kozhavochki, save!
Find a mosquito soon!
Since I saved me from death,
Let it help now.
Stop noise and din
I will put Magarych to you.

/Boys go away, come with a mosquito, he has a bottle/

MOSQUITO:
Hey, neighbor, what happened?
And how did it all start?

FLY:
Oh, mosquito dear,
They made a scandal!
They are unhappy with her, /nods to an inch /
Relieve them as soon as possible.

MOSQUITO:
To reconcile them all,
It is necessary to pour vodka to them.
Hey friends, it's time for business
Are you not tired yet?

/Dumb scene, everyone looks at the mosquito/
/Mosquito to son/

What are you sitting like an idol?
Take your glass.
And offer the bride,
Put her salad.

/To toad/

That I opened my mouth ...
And I pour you now.
Quickly make up with a fly ... /Fly /
Well, you sit here ...

/Sit down/

Everyone sat down, gentlemen?
Listen to me then ...
We will drink worldwide
What else to pour.

/Drinks, put up, and hug/

And I wanted to say now
We will play two weddings.

Fly: /Fly gets up /
I have come to tell me
I go out for a mosquito.

TOAD:
Here we have gone a life
And an inch, and a fly ...
How did they determine
Quickly their fate developed.

MOSQUITO:
And you, Kvakusha-Mother,
It's time to look for the groom.
You defined your son,
I dumped this mountain from my shoulders
We will find a man in the newspaper,
He will fly to our rocket.
We’ll hand you a wedding at once,
If something is wrong, we’ll fix it.

Adult verse

Adult-spell verse:

Sea. Sun. Summer. Rain.
Sky. Stars. Race. Night.
Givenchy. Armani. Hugo.
Mother. Dad. Friend. Friend.
Romanticism. Love. Spring.
Arms. Lips. Life without sleep.
Cottages. Acers. Chocolate.
And someone's look in love.
Impeccability. Style. Perfume.
Perfect manicure.
Nelly. Coolio. SOLAAR.
Delicate bronze tan.
The beauty. Smile. A photo.
Height. The dream of flight.
Books, ICQ, Inet.
Step by step. 15 years.
Youth and creative.
Sincerity and positive.
Pride. Speed. Face-Control.
Flame. Passion. Fire. Bonfire.
Butterflies. Delight and joy.
Heart. Tears. Laugh. Accident.
Rainbow. Flowers and children.
I live, live all this!

*****

When a whiner dies inside.
And it does not care what the flock will say.
When herself is the first critic.
The crown holds like a glove.

*****

I am smart, beauty! I like it!
Everything is arguing and getting along, for which I will not take!
I am stylish and bold, cheerful, skillful
And rightly I do that I trudge from myself.

*****

I will brew in a mug of tea in a bag,
I will bring cookies to the computer.
I will read my friends hello,
I will listen to music from the wall.
So the evening goes after the evening,
Without family conversations with samovars.
Humanity changes.
They go with phones ... not in pairs.

*****

I won't marry you
And take your ring -
That's how it should have answered
You are me fifteen years ago.

*****

What kind of men went?
Jeans are made, rhinestones on a T -shirt,
Cowards are stitched, all such a bunny,
Gel is applied, good and good.
Only a woman, damn it, is very similar.

*****

Autumn! You are a beauty and a fashionista,
My eyes are a dream, all year round
Beautiful mood is a saint!
It is a pity that the stripper is still that.

*****

You look at my eyes ...
In the world there is no more beautiful than a miracle ...
I came to you from a good fairy tale ...
Well, they just drove it out.

*****

Grandfather told the old woman:
“Remember, grandmother, at the age of 20.
How did you jump a goat
Seeing my bouquet? "
Grandma answered grandfather:
“That you are a goat, no doubt.
Your only bouquet
Remember eighty years! ”

*****

The hosts have completed the repair
The cat also came true,
After all, he decided to forget about the past
And shit from scratch!

*****

And now men are reluctant to ride for men
Ah, knights, damn you!
There is more care for the current knight,
Than before - behind their horses!

*****

To solve the problem with the dough,
Your chef requires "to take it."
If you become "take it"
There will be everything: both the house and the cottage,
And the car is a business class.
It's a pity not with you!

*****

Once said Pushkin to people
Looks like Bolshoi Bodun:
The less we love a woman,
The more she loves us.
We will not argue with the poet,
But here is what I will say my friend,
The less we love a woman,
The more homosexuals around!

*****

Either I want sex, or new shoes
True, somehow everything is too lazy.
And the weather is shitty again outside the window
Well, okay, I'll go.

*****

It’s not enough Cinderella to be born
In the house to work all day,
You still have to know the address
Where to lose that shoe!

*****

I usually get drunk
I fight against the wall.
Either alcohol is harmful to me
Either just age.

*****

Do not believe the man when he tells
How insatiable and cool he is.
All this is bragging, and experience will show
Two poses and eight minutes.

*****

I remember a wonderful moment
At 12 in the morning you got up,
Then bread, cookies disappeared,
Eclairs, cupcakes, cakes.

*****

If you began to laugh loudly,
Songs to sing, dance and thump,
Stopped swearing with friends,
And sob in a pillow at night.
If a desire reappears again
Change hair color and outfit,
Run on a date without looking back ...
So you have paid off the loan!

*****

I do not need any sun or clouds,
I need you alone in this world.
I'll give you a wrench,
Twenty -two by twenty -four.

*****

Sorry to contact you
Close me to the deputies.
I want to engage in garbage
Raising his own salary.

*****

Where are you going? I'm going to the doctor.
And what are you carrying? Your urine.
Where are you going, an eccentric?
And I am to the doctor, I carry cognac.
Puzzle yourself,
To whom the doctor will help sooner.

*****

If it becomes tight in life,
Look at a friend's snout
Look at this snout
Remember everything that was with you!

*****

I approached her slowly,
I stumbled with my hand, breathing a little
She moved. trembling.
Heat, thoughtful, tender.
Her eyes shone blue,
And the look said so much about a lot
I began to caress her hand
And slowly spread his legs.
The hand was filled with warmth
Her breast movements up and down
She waited ...
And the white liquid flowed.
And at that moment I felt at Eckst3
So I finished the cow for the first time.

*****

You, of course, are a brave man!
And I am pleased to look at you!
Only everyone can undress the lady!
Sorry, not everyone is able to wear.

*****

Semyon went to VKontakte in the evening
And he gives likes to the women,
The very bedroom has nearby
The wife of not Laikana lies.

*****

And we have a cat today
I gave birth to kittens yesterday
I threw them into the window
Look how great they fly.

*****

Do not be ashamed of their habits of harmful.
Smoking, wine, gusts of passion,
Of course, they shorten life,
But they can extend the moments of happiness.

*****

The first day nibbled her nails
On the second, bit my elbows,
The third - washed everything at home,
At the fourth, my husband beat,
The fifth cried all the time
Further, I ate one hundred dumplings,
It turned out - this is not enough
No more, everything is gone!
I don't know how to take myself -
Simply, I quit smoking.

*****

In the burning huts - no, did not enter.
I honestly want to tell you about it.
But I slowed down the horse.
Now I got sick of maintaining it!

*****

As you want, guys,
To score everything, to swear obscenities,
To plunge, give a to a neighbor.
But I can’t, because I'm a lady!

*****

Hot gulls in the morning is good,
As a remedy for drowsiness and laziness,
Especially when you pour it
From a teapot to bare knees.