Who is Mamenkin Son: characteristic of a man. How to recognize a mother’s son, and what to do if your husband is a son? How not to educate a mother’s son: tips for mothers of sons

In this article, we will analyze an interesting psychological aspect, namely the characterization of the Mamenkins. We will also tell you how to recognize them and what to do if such a character is your husband.

Hearing the expression “Mamenkin Son”, in the imagination there is an image of a stitched Great-age share-boy, whom a caring mommy holds by the hand. However, in reality, such a guy can be quite successful and respectable, with high income and interesting hobbies.

Who is Mamenkin Son: Signs

You need to understand that not always a man who has a trusting close relationship with his mother is a mamenkin son. We are talking about such a concept in cases where the son cannot without the participation of the mother make any decision and does not represent his life without her guardianship.

By definition of psychologists, Mamenkin son - This is an emotionally immature man who, figuratively speaking, did not cut the psychological umbilical cord from his mother. He does not have an idea of \u200b\u200bhimself as an individual independent personality. He is able to exist only in interaction with his mother.

It is funny that such men, as a rule, do not realize their pathological psycho -emotional dependence on the mother and consider themselves completely free and independent in this regard.

The main signs of a typical mother’s son are:

• Mother's construction on a pedestal. Her opinion is perceived as the only true. The son is convinced that only she knows what is correct and useful for him and what is not.
• Inability to make decisions without coordination with the parent.
• The joint accommodation of an adult man with a mother and an unwillingness to move somewhere (such excuses are used as “it’s more profitable economically”, “the work is near the house”, “Mom needs to be careful”, etc.).
• Failures in personal life and in the search for a life partner. The reason is that the guy compares all the girls consciously or subconsciously with the mother. At the same time, they always lose, as mom is “perfect”.
• Infanticity and moodiness in sexual life as a result of spoiling in childhood.

However, it must be admitted that the Mamenkin’s son and positive qualities have. Usually such a man:

• galantins with women are very disgusting and gallant (mother raised him to be polite with ladies).
• he is always stylishly and neatly dressed (mother is happy to erase and stroke his things).
• often it builds a good career (at one time my mother picked up the “right” institute and advised “correct” work).
• an interesting interlocutor with a wide horizons (mother never saved in his education and hobbies).
• it has the right life attitudes and family values \u200b\u200b(mother sculpted the ideal of a man out of him, raising for herself).

How to understand at the beginning of the relationship that the man is Mamenkin Son?

At first glance, it can be difficult to recognize the mother’s son. How to understand that the young man you like belongs to this type?

Take a closer look at him. Psychologists assure that at the very beginning of the relationship you can notice the alarming signs of a mother’s son.

So, you should be alert if the gentleman:

• Often and has been talking with his mother on the phone for a long time, reporting in all details, where he, with whom, what is now busy, etc.
• At almost every meeting, he speaks of mom, quotes her and even sometimes compares you with her. At the same time, positive comparisons should also be alarming, for example, "You are almost the same as my mother."
• It shifts making decisions to you even in small things, for example, which movie to go or what to do in the evening. The guy is simply not accustomed to be independent. And I got used to the fact that someone else is always deciding for him.
• He leaves you during a date if my mother suddenly called and complained about poor health or that he could not fall asleep until he returned.
• He does not know how (and does not want) to do anything around the house, since since childhood he was fenced from all household problems and the need to serve himself.

Having discovered the listed qualities in a young man, the girl needs to seriously think about whether to continue meeting with him. After all, it will not work to redo it. And there will always be three in a relationship: a girl, a guy and his mother.

How does a son grow out of a boy?

In early childhood, the child looks at the world through the eyes of his parents. And at the age of 3 to 6 years, he should develop his own judgments and views. He gradually moves away from parents, stops evaluating the world with their standards and learns to live independently. Psychologists call this natural and necessary process “psychological separation”. His success depends on his mother, or rather, on her attitude to what is happening.

Such a distance for a boy is especially important. A significant role in this process is played by the father. He must tell his son his rights to his mother, and the child must lose in such a struggle. This is exactly what will allow him to become an independent man in the future and not feel guilty for giving from his mother.

What circumstances can contribute to the fact that Mamenkin’s son grows out of the boy?

• Most often, this happens in an incomplete family where there is no dad. Mom, trying to make up for his absence, surrounds the child with double affection and care. She often emphasizes that she sacrificed many for the sake of her child. And of course, the boy is brought up with the installation that he is always obliged to delight his mother. Such maternal love is absolutely selfish. This is just the desire of the mother to completely possess her child.
• Mamenkin son may appear in a full family. This happens when the relationship between the spouses is cool, and all the woman’s love collapses at the child. At the same time, she is trying to build such a relationship with her son that she would like to have with her husband. Such attachment allows a woman to feel necessary, in demand, in other words - her beloved. At the same time, the son moves away from his father, not wanting to be like him, so as not to lose his mother’s love.

• Excessive mutual dependence can occur in the event of the death of the father. Especially if the grief happened when the boy entered into adolescence. Mom and son have the feeling that they are the only loved ones to each other. The son takes responsibility for his mother, and she, in turn, surrounds him with great love and care. Over time, such a connection is becoming stronger, and they cannot break it, even wanting it.

The main ways of education, which lead to the formation of a mother’s son, are:

• Excessive custody. The caring mommy protects the child in every possible way (he wears a heavy backpack, does not allow dad to teach him to score nails, so that the child does not get injured, in public transport he sits on his free place). Later, she takes responsibility for every step of her child, leads all his actions. As a result, the boy is instilled in a firm conviction that only mother can provide him with safety and protection.
• Severe discipline. Often despotistical mothers control every step of their son, preventing him from acting independently. They literally suppress his personality, depriving the right to vote and choice. As a result, such sons grow in cowardly, uncertain men who have no opinion and are not able to defend their positions.

• Constant criticism. Cherishing their children, mothers always repeat that they do not know anything, are not capable of anything. Gradually, the child is dying off the desire to do anything. The boy grows up uncertain, and he develops a complex of inferiority.
• The child’s suggestion that he always “must” and “is obliged” for everything that the mother did for him: gave birth, raised, did not sleep, washed, cooked, etc., to infinity. The usual actions that any woman performs for her baby performs in such a family as a feat for which the mother is being built for a pedestal. Naturally, the son must be a support to her until the end of her life, proving his gratitude and devotion.

Despite the fact that the main reason for the formation of the abnormal psycho -emotional attitudes of the child is incorrect education, the mother’s son cannot be considered an unconditional victim. Psychologists assure that those men who did not want such a fate successfully avoided her. Having matured, they were able to limit the maternal influence on their lives.

Husband - Mamenkin Son: Signs

A woman who gave her husband, a mamenkin son, is very difficult. After all, the spouse is not a friend or partner for her. This is a husband - a son, an eldest child in a family who needs special care.

A woman often has to put up with the fact that her husband:

• he does not make a single decision without discussing him with his mother and not receiving her consent.
• refuses the planned family plans at the first call of the parent.
• he constantly sits at home with his mother after work or on the weekend.
• it discusses with her everything that happens in the family, up to sexual relations with his wife (at the same time, the mother -in -law, of course, gives a lot of tips on how the daughter -in -law should behave).
• in arising conflicts, it becomes exclusively to the side of the mother.
• compares the food that the wife is preparing with her mother’s cooking (guess who is better for?).
• allows his mother to make him a chosen one comments and intervene in a relationship.
• he does everything with an eye on mom (“I would have seen”, “what would she say”, “She would like it”).
• with the quarrels arising, he leaves for his mother instead of discussing the situation with his half.

In addition, the wife of her mother’s son is faced with the fact that unfair accusations and attacks from the mother -in -law are constantly being addressed to her (she cooks tastelessly, a slut, uneducated and generally unworthy of the family in which she was accepted).

Often the mother -in -law comes to visit without warning (what are the ceremonies between relatives?). And having arrived, Maman can start to host the house (prepare a “normal tasty” food or start cleaning), thereby emphasizing the insolvency of the daughter -in -law as a housewife.

There are frequent cases when mom herself introduces her son to a “suitable” girl and even contributes to their marriage. But do not flatter yourself about this. The mother -in -law simply “allows” the daughter -in -law to live with her son.

Mom just sees in her:

• A constant sexual partner for his “boy” (in the end, this is necessary for his health).
• The parent of her grandchildren (although their daughter -in -law is brought up, of course, wrong).
• Another family member, who can be controlled and closed to them (and all this, of course, out of the best motives).

While the daughter -in -law will meet the requirements of the mother -in -law and agree to a secondary role in the life of her husband, she will be used favorably.

But if mom feels that she is losing control of her child, she will try to destroy his marriage. Moreover, it can use various types of manipulations. For example, “deadly offend” or “get sick”. And sometimes it is quite difficult to determine whether the threat of her health is real or imaginary.

It is not surprising that not all women can put up with a similar situation, and families break up. To preserve her marriage with the Mamenkin son, the wife must have a strong character, sufficient self -confidence and a calm attitude to the situation.

Husband - Mamenkin Son: What to do, how to live with Mamenkin's son?

Many believe that it is categorically impossible to connect their life with Mamenkin. And, having met such a person, you need to run without looking back. But this type of man is not so bad: he is caring, peaceful, homely. In addition, if you really love your chosen one, why tear relations because of his mother? In life, there are often couples in which a man is a typical Mamenkin Son. But this does not prevent his wife from being with him in a long happy marriage.

So, if you got Mamenkin Son, but you are not going to refuse him, follow the advice of psychologists:

• Do not try to re -educate your chosen one. To remake an adult is a hopeless occupation. You can correct the situation only if the man himself wants this.
• Measure with the fact that the mother -in -law always, visibly and invisibly, will be present in your life. Take a given that not a single event of your family will happen without its active participation.
• If possible, live separately from the mother -in -law.
• Do not force your husband to choose between you and his mother. There is a great risk that the choice will not be in your favor (“After all, there can be many wives, but my mother is alone”).
• Never hinder the meetings of the spouse with your mother. By this, you will only set him against yourself.
• Do not be for your half of the second “mommy”. Do not put all the everyday work on your shoulders. Accustom him to household duties and the need to be responsible.

• Try to find out what your husband does not like in his mother. And never, never do that.
• From the very beginning of life together, discuss with the partner "Borders of the permitted." Tactically, but firmly explain what you are ready to put up with and what not.
• More often praise your man, especially in the presence of other people. Do not forget that the mother’s son is extremely necessary for recognition and self -affirmation. Approve and sincerely admire his achievements.
• If it is difficult for her husband to make any decision, make him feel his significance in this process. Emphasize that without it you simply could not cope.
• In no case do not let him feel your leadership. Let him think that he decides everything himself.
• Do not saw your partner. Avoid the situation “Evil Wife” - “Good mother”. Otherwise, he will run away from you to an understanding affectionate mother.
• Do not reproach him for slowness, sluggishness and inability to do something around the house. After two to three requests, hire people who will carry out the necessary work for the fee. Most likely, the man will feel wounded, and next time he will do everything himself.
• Do not try to make a discord in the relationship of her husband and his mother, quarrel them. Even if this succeeds, he will never forgive you this. Remember that a man who does not respect his mother will not be normally treated to his partner.
• Consider the interests of the husband. There are frequent situations when the wife prepares only what she loves, or what is faster and cheaper. It switches the TV from the sports channel to the melodrama. And only what is “really necessary” is bought from the salary, and not useless fishing rods or dumbbells. All this can lead to the fact that a man will strive for a house where he is preparing what he loves, and on TV you can safely watch what he wants.

In addition, take into account that it is impossible to create a happy alliance with the Mamenkin Son without building the right relationship with his mother:

• Take the mother -in -law with understanding and sympathy. Indeed, instead of enjoying her life, she dedicated all her to her son, abandoning her own interests. But in the end she was left alone, as he gives his love to you.
• Try to make friends with my husband's mother. Ask her advice, be interested in the opinion. Perhaps you will be surprised, but many of her recommendations will be sensible and useful.

• Remember that you are not safe from the probability of being in the future at the site of the mother -in -law.
• Do not discuss quarrels with your husband or everyday problems with his mother. Even if you are on friendly terms with her. Remember that for her he will always be right. The less mother -in -law knows about family troubles, the better.
• Do not compete with the mother -in -law for the first place in the life of her son. Let her be convinced that it remains for him the main woman.
• More often thank the mother -in -law for growing such a wonderful son. By this you will praise her and her husband at the same time. And the woman will be doubly pleased.

Remember that a wise wife will always be able to build a harmonious relationship with her husband and his mother.

How do sons are usually ended with their lives?

Mamenkin sons can sometimes sympathize with the Mamenkin. From an early age, the mother holds the child on a short leash, occasionally allowing him to be independent. Anxiety and fear are those things that the son has not learned to cope with. And mom skillfully manipulates them using the experiences of the child. In childhood, it may be the words “I will stop love you”, “You are upset by mom.” When the son grows up, heavy artillery is used: “My heart hurts because of you”, “I don’t sleep at night.”

Such a mother suits such a mother when her son has only short -term novels with girls. This is another confirmation that it can only be only with the mother.

And noting that her beloved child became attached to another woman, such a mother will try to eliminate the opponent.

Therefore, the life of a Mamenkin son can take shape in different ways:

• He may remain a bachelor who does not want to be controlled by another woman.
• May try to create a family (to prove your own masculinity, under the influence of public opinion or at the request of the mother). However, the marriage often breaks up, since the main woman of his life will remain a mother, and not every wife will be able to endure it.
• The inability to be independent can cause disorder in life and uselessness to the opposite sex. As a result, Mamenkin’s son will be unhappy, depressed, embittered, often accusing the mother of all her troubles.
• Sometimes the sons who did not know the refusal in childhood grow up in candid egoists - consumers. They come to the conclusion that in childhood, mother did not give them a lot. And then such “children” begin to demand from her living space, money, etc.
• In some men, an internal conflict with the mother and the desire to reject her can be shaved with age. Such a son will try to prove to himself that he is independent and does not need her. He will even try to find a partner outwardly opposite to the parent. But because of a psychological dependence, he will not be able to live without a maternal presence in his life. In addition, a man may have a feeling of guilt for “betraying” her mother and did not justify her hopes. Often this leads to dissatisfaction with life, drunkenness and drug addiction.

However, the option is quite possible when Mamenkin’s son marries a wise woman who skillfully leads him in life without an open confrontation with her mother -in -law. As a rule, the role of the second mother is close to such wives and they tend to patronize and protect her husband. Then Mamenkin’s son lives quite happily, surrounded by care of both the wife and mother.

Tips for the mothers of sons, so as not to educate a mother's son

It is interesting that not a single woman admits that she raised a mother's son. Usually she describes her relationship with her son like this: “We are very close”, “We have a special connection”, etc.

We all love our children. And it is very difficult to come to terms with their growing up and the awareness of the fact that they no longer need us. However, you need to understand: life is arranged in such a way that parents give much more to their children than they can give in response. A person comes to the world to grow, give birth to his children and let them go later. Parents should not demand from the child to stay with them forever. Having matured, the son must separate from his mother spiritually, emotionally and financially. This is what will make him a successful man and will allow you to find his place in life.

No matter how great the temptation to leave his son “near his skirt”, for the sake of his well -being, try to raise the boy correctly:

• Do not focus on your son. Lead a rich life, do not only raise a child, but also your own self -development.
• Do not sacrifice yourself. It is not necessary to abandon their interests after the birth of the baby.
• Support your son’s attempts to be independent.
• Teach him to be responsible for committed actions
• Do not criticize the baby. More often praise and encourage
• Do not interfere with the psychological department from you
• Teach your son to form your own judgment about the world around you
• Do not form a person in it - the debtor. You yourself have decided to give birth and raise a child. He owes you anything.

Video: What to do with Mamenkin Son?