How to help a child, a teenager to cope with bullying, persecution from peers: strategies, tips

Children often experience bullying peers, injuring. How to help a child, read in this article.

In the news, you can see information about children who suffer from the anger of peers and want to take revenge on cruel classmates or friends. At the same time, children can apply incredible violence in relation to their peers, and such consequences of heartless circulation can even be fatal.

Read on our website an article on that you need to learn to forgive the offender. After all, resentment is harmful to health.

There are ways to stop bullying, ridicule and other situations in which children check weaknesses and limits of the emotional stability of their peers. With the help of these strategies for communicating with friends who cause pain, you can give the victims to feel less helpless and stop the persecution of the aggressor from the very beginning. Read more about them in the article.

The consequences of bullying, bullying from peers at school

Read on our website an article on what is persecution or bullying. What is the difference between them and what are the signs of these factors - everything is presented in accessible and understandable information.

Early prevention of experience injuring the psyche is important. After all, the child then will be able to avoid the possible consequences of cruelty and bullying from peers at school. These include the following:

• Depression
• Anxiety
• Strong feeling of sadness and loneliness
• Slide and meal problems
• Loss of interest in the classes that the child used to be engaged in
• Health problems
• Passes of lessons
• Bad performance
• Difficulty with concentration
• A feeling of uselessness
• Guilt
• Low self -esteem, etc.

If any of these points? Or even a few, you can apply to your child’s behavior, which means that he experiences injuries from his peers. What to do in this case? Read further.

How to help a child, a teenager to cope with bullying, persecution from peers: strategies, tips

Below are some of the strategies that children, having trained with parents, can easily learn and put into practice if such a need arises. So, how to help a child, a teenager to cope with bullying, persecution from his peers? Below you will find advice. Read further.

Dialogue with oneself: how to cope with school persecution, bullying?

Personal speech within themselves arises in children of kindergarten age as a speech, addressed to themselves, to help in solving the problem. It develops from the interaction of the child with parents and other important adults, when they direct the baby together in his actions and this or that social interaction. As they grow older, the child begins to use speech in the form of instructions that regulates his own behavior. Such a speech is also found in adults. This is an “inner voice” that directs and helps to cope with various situations. So, how to cope with school bullying, bullying?

Dialogue with oneself:

• In a situation of bullying, young children automatically react with tears or anger. The younger the child, the less chance he has for a moment to stop and think about whether what they say to him, and whether it is worth listening.
• Therefore, it is important to teach a son or daughter to ask herself in such situations: “Do they tell me the truth?», "Does his opinion have a meaning for me?".
• In addition, the thought “I will neither cry nor angry because of this!” It can be a very powerful message that will prevent a feeling of resentment and subsequent impulsive reaction.
• An older child can say to himself: “This boy intentionally wants to upset me. I'm not going to give him what he wants ".

The most important speech that a boy or girl can make at the time of social discomfort is:

• “I don't like it when the children tell me bad things. I don't like it when they laugh at me, but I can handle it. This is not the end of the world. "

In order to teach a child this skill, it is useful for parents to come up with a few uncomfortable situations associated with a specific problem and demonstrate to him in a role -playing game how to cheer himself through internal speech. Changing the roles, the child will practice this strategy and will be able to apply it in a real situation.

For example, if the baby is often teased due to low stature, the parent may ask him: “What would you think if someone came up to you and teased because of low stature?” A child who has learned inner speech would say something like:

• “I am tired that they tease me due to growth, but I will not lose control because of this. I will remain calm and decide what I will say or do. And I will also remind myself that I scored a victorious goal for my team on Saturday, which was really cool. No one is perfect in everything. ”

Some children need more such exercises, others need less. Parents will understand when their child has already learned to feel safe and is decisive enough to stop peers from further attacks.

Ignoring: the best way to stop bullying, injury

Children sometimes think that they will deserve the respect of their peers only if they confront the attacker loudly and aggressively. But in a situation of sudden verbal insult, most children usually do not understand what to say and how to act. Stay in an uncomfortable situation usually leads to even greater bullying and, as a result, a stronger feeling of helplessness.

Then a very powerful means of overcoming such a situation can be ignoring either the physical and emotional distance of the aggressor. This is the best way to stop bullying, injuring:

• This implies that the child should step aside from the uncomfortable situation, when it is possible, and join other children.
• This behavior will be better than the reaction to the provocation of the attacker.

It is worth knowing: Although Ignor will not stop bullying in the future, he will protect the self -esteem of the child, because he will give a sense of control and understanding that he does not need to endure what he does not like.

This works especially well with children of primary school age, who have not yet developed other skills in overcoming difficulties. It is important to explain to the baby that he should not let the attacker understand how sad, scary or insulting to him. Role games with parents will help the baby rehearse the situation in order to stay with their heads high in situations with peers. At the same time, the parent can demonstrate ordinary life situations in various emotional states and ask the child to do the same. When leaving the situation, a boy or girl may also say: “To keep calm is the bolder that I can do at the moment!”

I am a personality: a good strategy in the prevention of bullying, bullying

When people hurt, they are often inclined to blame others of their problems. To such words as: "" You are so angry with me! Why are you always doing this to me?", Other people in order to protect the same manner, which is why it is impossible to constructively resolve the situation. Nevertheless, a description of the feelings, how a person feels in a specific situation (“I am angry when ...” or “I don’t understand why ...”), help one understand and sympathize with another, without accusing him of some behavior or intentions . This describes an alarming situation and emotional states that it causes, without criticizing the features of the interlocutor. In addition, the manifestation of their own emotions develops a trusting relationship with the interlocutor.

Advice: Teach the child to speak inside yourself "I am a person"Starting from preschool age, giving your own examples when such statements helped you. Also play roles. This is a good strategy in the prevention of bullying, bullying.

The realization that a child is a personality may be needed precisely in the team (for example, in the class), where adults are also present. In less controlled situations (at a change, playground), the manifestation of feelings can even more provoke an attacker to a provocation.

In a situation where, for example, a parent or another adult shouts: "Can't you see where to put things?",an example of a response of a real person would sound like this:

• I have difficulties with my studies that sometimes prevent me from taking care of myself where I am putting things.
• I have problems with a sensation of space. And I don't think you have to laugh at it.

In addition, it is important to explain to the child that you need to speak clearly, polite and try to maintain eye contact with the aggressor. It is worth telling the baby that different situations can arise at home in the family, and he must behave appropriately, both with peers at school and at home with younger or older brothers and sisters.

Examples of answers to the aggressors of a child brought up as a person:

• “I feel upset when you laugh at my glasses. I want you to stop doing this. ”
• “I don't like it when you laugh at how I run. This is the only way I can run. Please stop. "
• “I know you just want to upset me, but it will not work.”
• “I am disappointed that you did not remove the toys when I asked about it. After all, you are my older brother, and I would like you to remove them now. ”

In fact, everything is simple. If the child feels confident, then he will not have unpleasant situations with persecution or bullying.

Visualization: We help the child avoid bullying and bullying in advance

Visualization is a technique with which a person imagines a comfortable or relaxing situation, or a series of such pictures. Studies show that people who represented a certain situation over time began to behave in the same way. An imaginary image has a very strong influence on human behavior, as well as on the result of different situations in his real life. This will help the child avoid bullying and bullying in advance.

Visualization gives a person the opportunity to create “internal images”, thanks to which he should not accept or believe in what the offender tells him. Through imaginary pictures, children can see and feel protected from unpleasant situations. For example, a child can imagine how ridicule and other unpleasant words bounce off his “protective armor”, like balls, or how he repels every word in the direction of the offender with a baseball bat or tennis racket. For example, a boy or girl may think:

• "I am an artist, and if necessary, I will redraw the image of all the words-mocks"
• "I am a singer and drown out all the offensive words with a song"

Explain your son or daughter that he or she can use visualization to imagine how he uses support words and confidently leaves any uncomfortable situation.

The ability of a mental representation in preschool children allows you to imitate a model of behavior, which is currently not. For example, he can imagine another child who safely stopped verbal mockery. A mental representation of daily situations, successful behavior in interaction with peers and solving some problems, then turn into real life situations.

You can work out with your child with simple exercises with soft small balls:

• Write on them the words of ridicule and insults that the child heard in the address of the peers.
• Throw them into the baby, who represents how these words bounce off him.

This will clearly help the child understand that he should not literally perceive what the offender says or orders to do. He will represent how these words bounce back, because they have nothing to do with him.

Acceptance of the situation - bullying: how to stop the child's injury?

Giving a new meaning to the words of the offender or a revision and the adoption of his words in another context, sometimes it can be a very powerful weapon in the fight against bullying. Thanks to this, the attacker will “explode” and this will lead him out of balance. An example of this is, for example, the girl’s response to a tactless commentary on her clothes:

• “It's amazing how every time you definitely notice what I wear or what I am doing!”

Do not wait until you are offended again, answer other inappropriate comments. This will “reflect” the words of the attacker in his attempts to hurt. It can be the following answers:

• "For a long time, no one paid so much attention to me"
• "Thank you for your opinion!" etc.

Although the purpose of this strategy is to force the attacker to be confused, it is important to emphasize that the task is not to humiliate the attacker, but in strengthening the confidence of the victim. Taking a child’s situation will help stop the injury at him - this is an excellent strategy. To sharply respond to bullying, a lot of practice is required. Therefore, arrange at home with children playing in roles, playing this or that situation. Even five-year-old children can learn to answer peers, for example, only 2-3 words are enough: “Thank you for noticing!”

In response to such names as - "Walking Encyclopedia", "Bulletin of the Teacher", the child can change the meaning by answering:

• "I will accept this for a compliment!"

Or on a comment: “Your lunch looks as if someone had already eaten it!”, You can answer:

• "I see you are really interested in what I eat!"

By practicing this strategy, parents and children can come up with a list of possible answers in various situations and alternately play pre -prepared roles. Constant classes with modeling situations lead to a gradual decrease in sensitivity, reduce automatic stressful reaction to bullying, prepare children for quick orientation and instill a sense of confidence in interaction with the offender.

Important: When you deal with the child, modeling possible situations, let him know that the answers to the grass must correspond to his personality - to the strengths, views. It is necessary to express them confidently, and explain to your son or daughter that he or she should feel as comfortable as possible in any such situation.

Consent with the offender: rapid resolution of conflict, bullying, bullying

Although at first glance it may seem strange, but when the words of the attacker relate to the physical data or innate characteristics of a person, one of the useful ways to stop verbal violence is consent with the offender. The child’s knowledge that he can agree with a remark and respond to the grass with a restrained tone often brings relief, since he no longer needs to defend himself from attacks.

For example, on a statement of age spots on the face, the child can say: "Yes, I have many spots!", or for calling "Crybaby!", the child can just answer: "Yes, many things make me cry". In the same way, to mockery of low growth, the child can confidently, maintaining visual contact, say with a smile:

• “Yes, I'm low. In fact, I think I'm the lowest in class and even in my family. "

Or, for example, for ridicule due to slow reading, the child can say:

• “Well, it's true, I'm not reading very quickly.”

In order for this strategy to work, it is important for the child to abstract in advance from the emotions of the offender, and most importantly, that he really believes that there is nothing wrong with being low or leather defects. Young children often feel too offended, so the most optimal strategy is the use of the technique of internal speech or adoption described above in the text. However, high school students can answer, exaggerating the comments of peers, since the words brought to the extreme point lose their meaning. To facilitate potential aggression, parents can invite the child to come up with possible answers that he can direct the offender. It can be phrases:

• "You're right!"
• "They often say it to me!"
• "I often do that!"

If the child feels “not at ease”, that is, if he himself does not accept the features of his appearance, because of which his peers tease him, then this strategy will not lead to success. In other words, if the child considers his feature bad or ugly, then he will perceive the words of the attacker as confirmation of his own point of view. For example, for bullying over excess weight, the child can simply say something like:

• "Yes, I know that I'm complete"

However, such an answer can lead to a feeling of shame, and it is better to choose another strategy. Therefore, it is important that parents encourage self -esteem and strengthening the baby’s self -esteem.

The word "and?": Stop grass and bullying in the children's team

Word "and?" In independent use with interrogative intonation, implies indifference to the addressed message, that is, the person tells the other party that his remark does not matter. This is a verbal equivalent to shrug. Other possible answers:

• "Yes, and?"
• "Come on, seriously?"
• "Who cares?"

Such behavior tactics are suitable for children of all ages.

• For example, to comment: "My assessments are better than yours!" There is a simple answer: "So what now?".
• Or to the remark: "You look like a girl!" The answer can be: “I have long hair, huh? Cool stuff!".

Most parents are easy to encourage their children to respond in such a way that it is a combination of ignoring and consent. It is very fun to practice through the game in the role of the table, in the car, etc. And the indifference, with which such an answer is addressed to the attacker, repel the desire to continue further insults.

Compliment to the offender: an effective system of measures for the prevention of bullying, minor persecution

The response with a compliment to mockery is a way to shift attention from the victim to himself - the attacker, and what is especially discouraged by the offender is the fact that attention, contrary to expectations, is positive. Because of this unexpected turn, further attacks usually stop. This is an effective system of measures for the prevention of bullying, persuasion of minors. Such tactics are suitable for children of all ages, except for babies who do not figure out what is needed and how to say.

• For example, a child who is teased due to slow reading can answer: “Yes, I read slowly. But you read very well! ”
• In the same way, for bullying due to sports skills, the child can say: "You're really a great gymnast!"

It is important to practice with adults in order to learn how to give quick answers, keeping yourself confident and maintaining eye contact. In addition, it is necessary to draw the child’s attention to the fact that the return compliment is not a flattery, but a way to discourage and leave an aggressor with a sense of confusion in order to get rid of discomfort. Most aggressors have their own internal rules: when they are asked, they often cannot clearly formulate the answer. These rules help to see where the border is located between a harmless joke and real cruelty, and the compliment usually stops them from further treatment of a negative message to another person.

Humor: the best event aimed at preventing bullying, bullying

Humor perfectly relieves stress and can give a new meaning of the situation in which the victim is located. Situations in which it is appropriate to agree with the attacker, reformulate his words or make a compliment, can be used with humor: either with the help of a joke, or they will make the victim laugh at the statement expressed. This can even be accompanied by the words:

• “It's fun, but you really made me laugh!”

The aggressor, which usually expects an angry answer or crying, is surprised at this reaction, surrenders and retreats. But when pressure occurs, it is usually difficult for children to come up with an appropriate answer and do it with a humorous note. In addition, situations that are really humiliating and offensive to the child cannot be softened by humor and should be communicated to teachers, parents or other adults.

Parents should help children cope with stressful situations, raising self -esteem and strengthening self -esteem. This can be done by establishing trust and daily communication. It is important to encourage the baby, emphasizing his strengths. However, in the case of the situations of persecution by peers, the use of strategies described above will be useful for the timely cessation of the potentially traumatic experiences and prevent a number of unpleasant consequences for the mental and physical functioning of the child's body. Good luck!

Video: Half in the team. Bulling

Video: Half. Bulling. Harming at school. “School persecution. Can I defeat it? " L.V. Petranovskaya

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