How to communicate with a former guy, husband

In our article, we will tell you how to communicate with the former correctly, and whether it is necessary to do it at all.

Content

Love is a very strange feeling that sometimes inspires people so much that they begin to see the surrounding world more beautiful and bright. But as one winged expression says: "From love to hatred, there is only one step." And indeed it is. Sometimes the most passionate and trusting relationships collapse, and it would seem, for a trifle reason. Lovers diverge and begin to build their lives separately from each other. And in this case, the question arises - how to communicate with a former guy, husband? Let's figure out in more detail this topic.

How to communicate with an ex -husband - recommendations

Let's start with the rules that will definitely help you initially build the right dialogue if you still decide to communicate with the former for the sake of common children:

Do not use children as a way of influencing the situation - It may seem to you that, having caused a remorse in your ex -husband, you can thereby influence his behavior. Believe me, this is not so. The ex -husband will only be annoyed, and try to distance herself from you as far as possible. You must understand, if he really loves his children, he will definitely continue to pay attention to them without your moralizing.
Do not speak with your ex -husband a defiant tone, especially if there are children near him, or you, there are children - You must clearly understand that in this case it is you, in the eyes of children, you will look unpleasant, and it may happen that they will begin to consider you the cause of parting with their father. Therefore, try to control your emotions in any situation and remain restrained.
Never in the presence of children try to tell your husband to his mistakes - Perhaps this is the worst idea that can occur to an abandoned woman. For children, dad, even if he does not live with them, will remain the most beloved person. In such a situation, they will pity him, and can even take his side. If you have something to tell your husband, do this when there are no other people around you.
Do not start a conversation with finance - If you have already decided to maintain relations with the former, then show him that first of all you are looking for a reliable friend in him, a support that you can rely on in difficult times. Touch the financial topic at the very end of the conversation. And do not hesitate to talk about it, because you have common children, and they need to be worn, feed and teach.
During a conversation with the former, in the presence of common children, do not allow yourself a voice to increase - With such behavior you will show all your inner pain, and this will hurt both the former and your children. The ex -husband in this case will feel his guilt, and it is unlikely that you will eventually develop a trusting relationship. This state of affairs will negatively affect children.

How to communicate with an ex -husband - recommendations:

During the conversation, it is not necessary to indicate that the ex-husband, something should for you. An exception is the health and everyday needs of children. All the rest of your expenses no longer concern him. You are used to going to manicure, pedicure, hair styling in beauty salons - then learn to earn on all this. All this is now only your problem, and your husband is not required to pay for your care services. Therefore, even if you ask your husband a certain ded to the money, then specify that you borrow it, and be sure to return everything in the shortest possible time.
Do not try to find out from him about a new relationship - Women are very strange creatures, and sometimes they do what they can harm them, for example, during a conversation with the former begin to discuss his new relationship. Some individuals can even teach a man, and try to tell him how to behave correctly with the new chosen one, so that everything again does not end in the break in the relationship. Now imagine that the ex -husband begins to behave in this way. Would you calmly discuss your relationship with a new man with him? Surely all this would have caused an internal protest, and you would refuse such a conversation. Therefore, remember that this topic in communication is a taboo that never needs to be violated.
Do not try to control the thoughts and actions of the former, even during the conversation. Let the man exhale, calm down emotionally, and look around a little. He had just divorced you, and all the moralizing, regular calls with requests to fix the fence, move the sofa or bring the child home after class, do not allow to completely relax, and the man, as if lives under your control, his old familiar life, from which he tried to run away. And such your consumer attitude towards him will only annoy him. Better try not to call him at least a week, believe me, he himself will be worried and will definitely call to find out if you are fine. Such a conversation will definitely bring you more benefit. And it is likely from enemies, you can turn into friends.
During a conversation with the former, do not focus on past relationships - In your love story, living together there were many excellent, bright and warm moments. And, of course, there were many bad ones that destroyed your relationship and killed love. And for some reason, it is precisely negative emotions that are most crashed into a person’s memory, and it is precisely about them that he most likes to talk. But do not do this, let the bad remain in the past, continue to live with a positive attitude, and if you want to remember the past during a conversation with the ex, then talk exclusively about the positive and cheerful moments of your life together. This will help to create the right atmosphere, and in the end, and you and the former, will feel not strangers, and relatives, and in the future you can build quite normal human relations.
Do not tell the former about your new hobby - Even if you really want to demonstrate to him that you are a beautiful and attractive woman for another man. Adhere to this rule even if the husband became the reason for your parting. Why? Everything is very simple - men are terrible by their nature, so even after parting with their woman they believe that they have every right to dispose of her life. The problem can worsen if there are children in the family - in this case, the new chosen one will become a stepfather for them, which means an opponent who will claim part of their love. Therefore, if you have just started relations with another man and are not yet sure of what all this can lead to, do not rush to tell the former about the existence of new love.
Do not boast of your new life during a conversation with the former - Do not rush to extremes, do not rush to tell the former about expensive gifts from a new loved one, do not boast of the huge bouquets that he gave you. All this is fine, but why know all this to the ex -husband? To amuse your pride? But in this way you show him that his gifts were not so desired and beautiful for you, and certainly did not cause you such emotions. This will probably upset him very much, and in the end you will definitely not be able to build a positive dialogue.
Tell your husband that you have changed for the better - Try to remember what the former was dissatisfied with, maybe he didn’t particularly liked your hairstyle, cooking, and imperfect figure. Be sure to take care of the minuses that you have, and when they disappear, tell the ex -spouse about it. But do it as positively and fun as possible so that the man understands that it was he who became the reason that you decide to make himself loved more ideal.
Do not complain to your husband for life without him - Even if you have difficulties. Always remember that difficulties are temporary, and if you make a little effort, then everything can be solved quite quickly. And if you are out of habit of seeking the former’s help, then show him how unattended and unsuitable for the realities of adulthood. Such your behavior will show him that he did the right act to tear off his relationship with a big child. Therefore, remember that this topic is another taboo that cannot be violated when talking with the former.
Tell the former about common children “But do it right.” Do not start a conversation with how much money the husband should here and now put on the needs of his children. Tell him about their successes, what they are doing at the moment, discuss when he will be able to come to them in order to have fun, and only at the very end of the conversation go to the topic of financing the life of common children. In general, try to make the ex -husband know as much as possible about his children - send him a photo, shoot short funny videos. Thus, you will show the man that you continue to consider him the real father of your children, and believe me, he will be greatly hunted for them.
In no case do not break the relationship with your spouse's parents - Such advice may seem a little strange to you, but very often it is your grandparents who help to build the right relationship between the former spouses. Who, like not parents, can affect the words and actions of the child if he does not behave in the most appropriate way. If the former refuses to communicate with you and children, then it is his grandparents that will become the bridge that will connect the two warring parties. Therefore, as often as possible call them, come to visit, send them to them for the weekend of children, of course, if they themselves want all this.

How to communicate with a former guy - tips

How to communicate with a former guy - tips:

Try to learn how to treat an ex -boyfriend like a colleague at work -Initially, it will be difficult for you, but after some time you can communicate quite normally. Most psychologists advise about a month and a half after parting not to see a former guy at all. This time needs a girl so that she can take control of her psycho -emotional state. After all, no matter how you fasten, you will definitely not be able to immediately throw a person out of your head and heart. You were connected by strong feelings, you spent a lot of time together, and even made joint plans for your future life. And now you will have to learn to live without a former guy. When you calm down your nerves a bit, you can go into the world, and when you meet a guy under any pretext, do not indulge in romantic memories, give yourself an attitude that he is just one of the representatives of the stronger sex with whom nothing connects you.
In no case do not use alcoholic drinks in one company with former - This pastime is not fraught with the most pleasant consequences. Do not forget that alcoholic drinks very much relax the nervous system, and in this state to any person all problems in his life begin to seem small and harmless. And in this state, you can tell the former a lot of what you wanted to keep secret. Sometimes, even, in a drunken frenzy, the former lovers agreed to resume relations, and when they were sober, they realized that they could not step over the negativity that was in their union. Therefore, for the first time after parting, alcohol should be under your full ban.
Try to establish friendships - Do this only when the passions subside a little after the gap. Sometimes people who parted after an unsuccessful relationship decide to build friendly. If you also feel that the ex -guy is your like -minded person who is close to you in spirit, then try to become a good friend for him. But do it as accurately as possible so that he does not think that you want to return the old relationship. When everything “tired” a little, try to communicate on the Internet, at the initial stage this will be quite enough. After some time, it will be possible to move on to personal meetings, the main thing is that you are comfortable. If everything is fine, then in a couple of months you will turn into loved ones from former lovers, and you will trust each other one hundred percent.
Learn to live in a new reality for yourself - Do everything so that the words and actions of the former guy do not affect your life, especially if you study or work in one place. It is clear that you can’t quit everything in this case, and you can’t leave as far as possible, because you cannot afford to lose a good workplace or a budget place at the university only because you are too emotional. If you cannot cope with emotions, and each meeting with the former beloved is unsettling you, then do everything so that your paths are not suppressed during the day. You can go to study in another group, or start working in another wing of the building. At lunchtime, go to those places that he categorically does not like. Gradually, your life will begin to flow not as before, and your contacts will be minimized.
Communicate with the former exclusively in the presence of other people - So you definitely do not tell the excess, and do not commit the act for which you will be ashamed. More precisely, you should always have a kind of “buffer” that will be a barrier between you and the ex -guy. It will be very difficult to stay alone with a once beloved person at first, and to avoid the awkwardness that may arise, always go out to the light with a girlfriend, mother, sister. If necessary, she will be able to continue the conversation with the former beloved, and this will distract attention from you. But still you must understand that sooner or later you will still have to meet this person without unnecessary witnesses, and talk to him for cleanliness. Do not be afraid of this meeting, she can help you start living a new life without looking back at the past.
Show friendliness when meeting a former guy - Even if it is very difficult for you. Many representatives of the fair sex after parting with a guy begin to treat him as negatively as possible. They can be understood - they feel offended, their soul is wounded, and dreams are broken. But do they have the right to such behavior? Of course not! The guy cannot be guilty exclusively in the breakdown of the relationship, it was quite likely that something did not suit him in your behavior, and this led to the disagreement. Yes, it may seem to you that you are perfect, but believe me, this is not so. If the guy decided to break the relationship, then there were good reasons for it. Therefore, forget about reproaches and clarifications of relationships, try to always be positive, and then you can find a real friend who knows you better than the rest.
Always be open and straightforward - The Council that will help you build the right relationship after parting with the ex. Some representatives of the fair sex after parting with a guy close in themselves, categorically do not want to communicate with him. But you should not do this in this way, especially if it is not against further communication. You must clearly realize that it is also painful and unpleasant, like you, just the husbands are less emotional, and more rarely show others what they really feel. Therefore, if a man insists on further communication, then do not push him aggressively, just tell him the truth. Specify that at the moment you are not yet ready to accept him as a friend, and not a loved one, that it hurts you to realize that you will have to live without his arms and kisses. And be sure to finish your conversation with a promise to meet as soon as you can calmly communicate. Well, of course, be sure to do it.

Do I need to communicate with the ex?

Many representatives of the fair sex immediately after parting ask themselves one question - is it necessary to communicate with the ex? Some believe that there is nothing wrong with this, while others say that such men should be completely thrown out of their lives. But it should always be borne in mind that any medal has two sides. If you are Yuna, and your life is just beginning, then you can afford to completely delete the former beloved from your life, as they say from sight, out of your heart.
As a rule, in this case, two lovers associate exclusively feelings, and, as you know, it is quite possible to cope with them, and this is only time. But even in this case, you do not need to finally break the relationship, because, after the coming of time in the person of a former loved one, you can find a real friend who can trust all your secrets. Therefore, do not succumb to the first emotions, but consider everything when the nerves will calm down a little.
If we talk about the breakdown of the relations of married people, then in this case one factor plays an important role - the presence of common children. In this case, no matter how the man and the woman did not want to, they will not be able to break the relationship completely. The man in any case will remain the father of the children, and will communicate with them. And this means that regardless of the desire of a woman, she will periodically meet him. Therefore, it is definitely not necessary to completely break off relations with his ex -husband, especially if you want your children to feel both maternal and fatherly care. Therefore, find the strength in yourself and continue communication with your children's father.