It often happens that after the divorce, the ex -husband suddenly tries to return everything back and asks to return. But is it worth it to take it? Why is he doing this? Our article will tell.
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As a rule, when a man and a woman are divorced, then each of them has questions about what happened between them. Yes, undoubtedly, it is always very difficult to part, but sometimes there are situations when you have to decide - is it worth returning the relationship back? Will it be correct? How to behave correctly and not make mistakes when an ex -husband wants to return everything?
Why the ex -husband wants to return: reasons
You are very mistaken, if you think that since love is still there, then you can just return everything back. However, nothing will work out if you don’t learn anything and you won’t draw any conclusions from the current situation, but simply start where you finished from.
Statistics show that usually in pairs everything can really improve, but this is only if they revised and changed their behavior after the divorce, did not lose their attractive qualities, and also build relationships taking into account past errors. So why did the ex -husband want to return after the divorce?
There are several reasons for this behavior:
- Practicality
When a man wants to return to his family, this does not mean how much he loves his wife. It simply happens that a man cannot live independently and he needs constant care. Until a man meets a new woman who will do everything for care, he will try to return, especially if he knows that he is waiting and accepted. Such couples can constantly converge and part.
There is also a situation when the husband was absent for a long time and then suddenly a complete affection and tenderness appears. However, it quickly disappears again. Then the conclusion suggests itself only one - he became bored and wanted intimacy, and there was no one to go to you.
When a man begins to convince you that he loves and is ready at least now to bring things, then do not rush to take him right away. Better ask why his behavior has changed so quickly. Maybe he just has nowhere to live and he considers you as a spare option.
- Fear of responsibility
Some men can be very frightened by changes and the usual course of life is more familiar to them. For example, the birth of a baby. This means that he will have to take on a great responsibility, but he is not ready for this.
He might think that you will pay less attention to him and in order not to lose the first positions simply leaves. But since he is already used to one way of life, he still returns, because he allegedly changed his mind.
Such men rarely understand what they want and they have no clear goals. They are not able to make decisions themselves, are afraid of responsibility, are not ready for difficulties and in general they are immature. You can never rely on such people and predict their behavior. So, there are chances to get into a difficult situation again.
- Thirst for thrill
There are families in which scandals and a splash of emotions are a way to tickle nerves. If during a quarrel a man runs away and claps the door, then be sure that he will return within a week. He did not even think to get away from you, just emotions too much and it took time to calm down.
- Impact from the side
It also happens that all friends or relatives press on a man and claim that you are not a couple. Such pressure can lead to a man’s departure from the family. However, over time, everything will form and it will return. In this case, think about whether the man is able to make a serious decision. Maybe he lends itself to other people's influence? Did the husband finally decide to return or then he will leave again?
- Owner and desire to possess a woman
In many cases, women react with hysteria, tears and scandals when a man leaves. But not everyone does this. Wives may not roll scenes, but simply make a husband’s decision and take the situation calmly.
As a rule, men do not turn out to be ready for this, they are waiting for them to be stopped. This gives a good blow to pride and after the break the man thinks for a long time and often decides to return back.
Usually in the family of the wife are attached emotionally to husbands, even to the detriment of their personality. They throw all friends and throw interests. Men by nature are hunters and they need to seek a woman. And if there is no need for this, then he begins to look for another prey.
If after the break, the wife returns to her former life and goes out again, then it hurts him and he wants to return again. How to be in such a situation? You need to draw the right conclusions, otherwise you will divorce.
- Coincidence
Often in the parting of the couple, the problems of a man - problems with money, dismissal, move, disease of loved ones can be to blame. And the man does not want to be a burden, and he cannot do anything. Accordingly, it leaves, and when everything is getting better, the couple can be together again. There are other reasons for leaving, it all depends on the character.
- Rethinking
The most pleasant one for a woman is the moment when the man understood all the reasons for the break and changed his mind, but this happens extremely rarely. Remember that after the divorce, the man is left alone with his thoughts and he has time to realize and weigh everything. Often, men have already lost everything, they understand how a woman was a road and now he would like to come back.
When you live with a person for a long time, you begin to understand his behavior, a warehouse of character, temperament and so on. Nevertheless, often women attribute to men quality that they do not have. In this case, the question arises - how to understand that the husband really wants to return and not lose? First of all, remember that actions always say more than just words.
Every man can speak all the beautiful, but not everyone can confirm words with actions. If the ex -husband, even after the divorce, is ready to help you in everyday life financially, then this says that he is not ready to let you go.
Also, if a man is talking, then this is a manifestation of interest in continuing the relationship. If he is silent and does not speak of his feelings in any way, then he just did not decide what he wants. It is simply convenient for him that the ex -wife is near, for example, for sex or other purposes.
Remember that men do not like to talk about feelings, goals and it is extremely difficult for them to admit that they are wrong. Although, if your man does not talk about his thoughts, then it is worth considering, because he doesn’t want to be with you, but at the same time does not want you to be with another.
What to do if the ex -husband wants to return - what to do?
Family reunification is always difficult and painful. This is due to the fact that the gap served as misconduct of a man. When the former partner wants to return, the woman is faced with a choice - is it worth doing? Resentment and all the bad are hardly forgotten and can stir up the former negative feelings. To understand whether it is worth returning everything back - try to understand yourself and some simple tips will help you with this.
When a man throws a family and then comes back, it is quite natural to think - what will happen next? After all, the motives of a man can be different, but do not have too much to feed himself with dreams. Find out what the reason for the return of your lover. Despite all the feelings, it is still worth asking in true motives.
Suppose you began to live together and for some time everything is fine with you, like the second honeymoon. But suddenly there is a situation that led to a break. For example, you parted because of the betrayal of your husband. And today he changed you again. It turns out that the passions calmed down a little and parting again. Only now it will all be much more complicated.
It is unlikely that you will want to survive all this again and suffer that you behaved stupid, believing in his love. If you agree with this, it is better to immediately find out why he wants to return.
Disconnect emotions and approach the situation from a reasonable point of view. It is recommended to write on a leaf to her husband and wife what they liked in a partner, but what - no. Then everyone analyzes the written and decides whether he is ready to change. This is the very first thing that will help to make such an important decision.
The second stage is more complex, because it is emotional. You already realized that you are not satisfied with each other and you know that it is worth changing. Now think about whether you need it all and whether you see yourself with this person in the future. You can answer in the affirmative when you solve the issues:
- Do you have any children
- Is everything financially good
- What is the situation in society
- You decided all your disagreements
- Can you continue to live happily without negativity and reproaches
Analyze your emotional state of life in marriage and after a divorce. Think about how you lived during the parting, what emotions have overcome you and can you take care of yourself?
So, if the husband suggests you to converge, then:
- Think well and turn off emotions
- Understand the true reason for the return
- Think about what you want from the relationship and whether the chosen one corresponds to your expectations
When you thought about everything, you will decide for yourself whether you are ready to forget about everything that was in the past and continue to live with a person so that nothing will happen again. Otherwise, the man will begin to think that if he leaves again, he will always be able to go back.
Learn one more thing - your life will not be the same as before. The whole past will remain with you and you will not be able to avoid clashes until you agree on the following moments:
- How will you solve conflict situations
- Are you ready to change your views and draw the right conclusions
- Can you forget about the past
Remember that in this case you need to build relationships mutually. If only one side will try, and the second will be inactive, then nothing will work out. When you take your husband back, you should not recall his mistakes. If you are waiting for a constant apology, then it is unlikely to be so. As a rule, a large scandal follows from this. It is important to understand what you decided to continue to be with this person.
Why then did you decide to return everything back? Be sincere with yourself and do not hide behind children and finances. Children are unlikely to be happy to grow in an environment of constant conflicts. You should also not follow the friends and relatives that you should take your husband back if you yourself do not want this. You also have the right to happiness and you decide what to do next.
You doubt that your husband says sincerely, what wants to return? Then try to ask him about something. If he is happy to help you, then it’s still not so bad. On the other hand, this method is not entirely true, because some men simply cannot refuse due to education. And they simply understand that a woman will not be able to solve all household issues herself. Despite everything, if a man himself shows the initiative, then this is very good.
When the husband really realized his mistakes and recognizes this, tries to correct the situation, this can really be called the sincerity of feelings and honesty of intentions. Such men change their views for the sake of a woman, achieve attention and prove that feelings are still.
How else can you understand that your husband really wants to return to you not because it is convenient for him? Try just talking frankly. Try to convey to a man what you feel and think about the situation. If he really needs you, then he will do everything to rectify the situation. The main thing is that the words correspond to what he does.
Video: The former decided to return. How not to make a mistake?
