What to do if the child is constantly lying, begins to lie at school, at home: 16 tips for psychologists

In this article you will find the advice of psychologists who will help you find out why the child is lying and what to do with it.

Content

Parents often notice that their child at different ages begins to lie. Panic immediately begins and questions arise: what to do now, where can all go and what will it lead to? Below you will find answers to these questions. Also in the article 18 councils of psychologists were published if your child is lying. Read further.

From fantasies to lies: maybe the child is not lying?

Children are still dreamers. Sometimes even the most famous writers can envy their imagination. But from fantasies to lies there is only one step. There is a border between imagination and frank lies. Therefore, sooner or later, many parents face a sad fact - the child begins to lie. Moreover, he lies everywhere - at school, at home, in communicating with peers, for any reason.

So, after all, you notice that this is not fantasy, but a lie. In this case, you need to find the true reason and act. Read further.

Why is the child lying: reasons

Before determining the methods of combating a pathological children's lies, it should be determined what the causes of this behavior may be. Why is the child lying? Here's the answer to this question:

Improves its reputation:

The child understands that if he does not embellish reality, he will not be able to stand out from the crowd of peers.
That is why some kids begin to compose various stories with friends.
Only in this way can they tell that dad is a successful businessman who earns a million dollars per day, and mom is a famous actress. Although in fact - this is not so.

Fright - afraid of punishment:

Often there are situations when the offspring understands that it is to blame and can receive a fair punishment.
The most common example is in cases where the child does not want his parents to see a deuce in his diary, he pretends to have lost him.
He is lying to the teacher that he forgot the diary of the house so that she could not put this two.
The reason for such acts is simple - a little person is simply afraid that an unpleasant fact will be revealed and he will definitely not be stolen on the head for it.

Strives to grow up as soon as possible:

The starting point can be even the fact that dad is lying, that he is busy not to go to the store or not to vacuum the room, etc.
Looking with the example of parents, the child thinks that sometimes to dissolve is normal and even right.

Deceiving, because the family has conflicts:

The child has to maneuver between the opinions of quarreling adults.
He tries not to offend anyone, and therefore resorts to lies.

Lack of attention:

The deception is initiated by the child so that the adults are distracted from their affairs, and pay attention to him.

Protesting:

This is characteristic of adolescents.
Beginning from 12-13 years old, the child comes to the conclusion that parents can not be told about everything.
From this age, the “secret” part of his life begins, which is sometimes based on lies and deception.

How to teach a child that to lie is not good? After all, such a habit can be detrimental to his future life. Psychologists advise not to panic, but to take into account a number of features. Read further.

Council No. 1 - Do not punish strictly: the child is constantly lying, what to do?

Do not punish strictly if the child is constantly lying

Do not arrange an execution for a lie for a lie. And under the ban, both physical strength and screams. This will bring the child to the idea that the parent somehow recognized the truth and he is unhappy.

Advice: A clear conviction will be fixed in the mind: so that dad and mom do not swear, you need to continue to lie. Do not punish strictly, especially if you see that the child is lying constantly.

Instead, it is better to talk with your son or daughter "heart to heart." Explain that in life more respect is an honest person, because it is not worth being a liar. Of course, it is advisable not only to say “lying is bad”, but also to give life examples in favor of the fact that honesty is better than deception.

Council No. 2: It is forbidden to blackmail the child who is lying, restrictions

Some parents scare negligent offspring, blackmailing with restrictions. For example, if a son or daughter is guilty of something (in this case, they will lie), then they will not buy a welcome smartphone for their birthday or, they will ban them to play computer games with friends. This is a wrong approach, it is forbidden to do so. Feeling the fear of punishment, the offspring never admits a lie. And even more so, he will not understand why to tell a lie is bad.

The advice is to explain what he is wrong and why lie is bad. In parents who are brought up with blackmail methods, children grow up liars.

Tip No. 3: Do not focus on the positive emotions of the child, otherwise he will begin to lie

Even if he is upset or angry because of something, the parent must perceive such behavior as normal. If the child notices that his depression of his parents is upset, he will hide true feelings. In this case, he will never tell you why he is in a bad mood. Therefore, the advice of a psychologist: do not focus on the positive emotions of the child. Because of this, he may begin to lie.

Tip No. 4: So that the child does not lie, learn to listen and hear

Children's lies in all its manifestations symbolizes improper education. It is important to develop a trusting relationship with the child. It is important that in cases where he did something unacceptable, or experiences some kind of mental torment, he could safely admit his deed.

He must not be afraid to ask his parents to ask for advice. Your son or daughter should not hide their thoughts and fears behind the personal room closed door. Therefore, if you want the child not to lie, learn to listen and hear.

Tip # 5: Teach me to tell the truth so that the child does not lie

The kid should not think that there is only one scheme "Crime - punishment". It is better if the rule is different: “If you have broken something-honestly admit and take it away, if you broke something, honestly admit and fix it”. It is important to instill a child with an understanding that if he admits his deed, he will not be “eaten” and will not be sent, like the Decembrists, to exile in Siberia. It is the lack of punishment and abuse that can teach children to tell the truth. Only he will not lie.

Tip # 6: So that the child does not lie, become authority

Children grow open and honest in those families where adults are such. Stories at dinner about how the day has passed, trusting conversations - all this has a beneficial effect not only on the overall atmosphere in the family. So the offspring will learn not to hide anything, and say everything "as in spirit." Here's another advice:

Use the phrase more often "I want to admit to you". This will show the child that there is nothing wrong with being frank with his relatives.
For honesty, you should encourage - to study honesty is much better when you are praised for recognition than when they scolded for misconduct.

Perhaps after that he will make a conclusion: “My dad is an honest person. Moreover, he is brave, because he is not afraid to admit even in those cases when he did something not very good. And I will be like that ". In general, if you want the child not to lie, become authority.

Tip No. 7: the child will stop lying if the parents are positive

For example, if a 5-year-old child accidentally dropped the paste into the sink during the brushing of his teeth, do not immediately spank him on the priest. To make the relationship confidential, it is better to wrap awkwardness into a joke. Suppose to say that, probably, the paste has grown wings, so it flew there.

Naturally, the options can be different. The main thing is to show the child that the parent understands: it is normal to make mistakes. If the oversight takes place, then it is better to openly admit it (and fix it) than to lie, afraid of punishment. Therefore, be positive, and then your child will stop lying.

Council No. 8: So that the child does not lie, set the punishments in proportion to the misconduct

So that the child does not lie, set the punishment in proportion to the misconduct

Some mothers and dads, trying to grow a well -mannered person, too “bend the stick” with punishments. Advice:

Before scolding a child and depriving him of something, it is worth evaluating the scale of the disaster.

If they are insignificant, then the correction should not be exhausting. Of course, if instead of lies, the child is already trying sincere recognition, it is worth considering and reducing the measure of punishment. All parents punish their children, but wise dad and mother establish punishments in proportion to misconduct.

Council No. 9-A teenage child begins to lie at school, at home: talk and step aside

If a teenage child lies in school and at home, it may be worth giving him a little personal space. Often, teenagers resort to deception, because they believe that parents are excessively patronized and do not allow them to "live as they want." Therefore, advice: "Step aside".

This does not mean that you need to put everything on its own and allow the offspring to walk at night in bad companies.
Do not crush too much on a young person.
Before punishing, it is worth understanding if there was a fault. And how strong she was.
As they grow older, the “belt” should change to trusting conversations.

A teenager is almost an adult. Body punishments “how in childhood” humiliate his dignity. The main thing is to become not only a parent for him, but also an older friend. Then he will understand that to admit that today instead of lessons he rode a skate with friends all day, not so scary.

Tip No. 10: If the child is lying, keep your word and be honest

If the child is lying, it is worth becoming an honest parent himself. Advice:

Mom and dad should keep his word.

If the parental lie still took place, it is important to explain to the child why the parent did this. But do not frequent with the latter, otherwise the offspring will be accustomed to "lie for good." This concept can modify the habit of lying constantly.

Tip # 11: If the child is lying, let him know that you will not stop love

It is important to give the child to understand that even if he was guilty and lied, after the deception was opened, no one will love him less. Many children lie not only because they are afraid to be punished, they do not want to disappoint their parents. Advice:

All the time tell the baby that you love him. Even if he does something bad, you will still love him.

If you want to know something from your son or daughter, and you know in advance that there is wine, then ask in an acceptable form to communicate is not offensive. Some children do not tell the truth, because they are afraid, for deception they will be humiliated through punishments. Yes, in some cases, the consequence of lies should be punishment. But it should not humiliate the honor and dignity of the child. He must know that you love him, and never do it in relation to him.

Council No. 12: So that the child does not lie, work on his self -esteem

If the child began to lie, you need to work on his self -esteem. This advice is always valid.

Is it not customary to praise the offspring for success in your family? Relatives only criticize - this is bad. We need to work on his self -esteem. If the child has no friends and authorities, if no one understands him, then he will hide behind a lie like a peculiar barricade. This condition will seem to be a reliable shield from unfair reality.

Tip # 13: distinguish between lies and imagination so that the child does not lie

As mentioned above, children tend to fantasize. The parent should learn to distinguish between real lies and imagination. It happens that the child comes up with non -existent problems or facts, due to the fact that real life seems boring to him. In his mind, he invents a bright and colorful world full of dangers and adventures.

Often, some children begin to come up with fables about adults and dissolve rumors. The reason is simple - unrealization. If this happens, then the child has a rich imagination. Perhaps he has creative abilities that should be developed. Such a baby will lie less if his fantasies find application in a literary or dramatic circle.

Advice: Write down your son or daughter to engage in an orphanage of creativity. There he will be able to transform into various characters, develop and find an outlet.

Council No. 14: So that the child does not lie, behave correctly

To begin with, the parent needs to always say that he knows about the violation. Thus, he will save the child from the need to lie again. After that, it should be said that you will not be angry if the child explains the motives of your act.

Remember: It should not be a trick. If the parent promised not to be angry, he should not break and violate his promise.

After the child admits, it should be praised for honesty. The parent must promise that if the next time the son or daughter will not cunning, he can count on parental care. Especially, this applies to those situations where he finds it difficult to find the right solution.

Tip No. 15: Be frank, and then the child will not lie

Often, children, in particular, adolescents, do not discuss their personal lives with their parents, avoid the sexual education or sexual relations. They are simply shy, consider such topics uncomfortable for conversation. In this case, so that the child does not lie, parents should achieve maximum rapprochement with the teenager. Advice:

Be frank with your children.

It is important that the child understands that parents are not only those who provide him financially and punishes him for the offenses, but also relatives, more experienced people. They should be honest with them, then they will be able to give advice.

Tip # 16: So that the child does not lie, reduce your expectations

Some parents overestimate the talents of their child. They can shift their goals unrealized in their youth to children's shoulders. If the child does not cope with the missions constantly assigned to him, then he begins to lie to his parents in order to hide the faults.

Council - Parents should think:

“Maybe you should not force the child to be an excellent student in all subjects only because you yourself have not become at one time?”
“Is it right that I want an aristocratic lady to grow out of my daughter? Perhaps it is better to be “ordinary”, but honest, decent and happy? ”

Reduce your expectations. Let your son or daughter grow up who they want. After all, this is their life. Your task is to only direct in the right direction.

The most important thing is that the child does not lie: the conclusion

The lies of a child or a teenager always speaks of both a non -trusting relationship in the family and the wrong education strategy. It is necessary to teach him to be honest with a personal example. Show him that it is better to admit your fault than to conceal it.

It is necessary to achieve maximum rapprochement and understanding among themselves and a small person, so that he looks at you not only as a tyrant. He must understand that a parent is a close person who wishes him only good. Therefore, lying to loved ones does not make sense.