Jealousy between siblings and sisters - how to behave to parents?

Children's jealousy: how to help a child, how to avoid quarrels and conflicts, what psychologists advise parents - read more about this in our article.

If another child appears in the family, feelings of jealousy between children cannot be avoided. Parents are often very difficult, because the behavior of children is not changing for the better, conflicts and misunderstanding arise. The ban on expressing feelings does not solve the problem, but transfers it to the level of constant stress. Adults need to learn how to soften the negative emotions of children, directing energy not to destruction, but to strengthen relationships in the family.

Why is there jealousy between brothers and sisters?

Jealousy between children growing together arises quite often. This is a completely natural feeling, caused, first of all, by fear of losing the attention and love of adults. Typically, a sense of jealousy goes to adolescence, when children have their own interests, hobbies and a circle of communication. But it also happens that the improper behavior of parents causes other emotions - rivalry, envy, rejection. Such feelings pass in the future into adulthood and destroy relationships between native brothers and sisters.

It cannot be argued that parents love their children the same way-each child is unique and manifests itself in life in their own way, starting from the first minutes after birth. We can only say that parents love their children very much, but this love can express themselves differently. Agree, your relationship with a teenager can differ greatly from the manifestations of caring for a newborn baby. At the same time, you love both endlessly strongly. It is these shades in the behavior of parents that children feel very sharply, which causes jealousy between them.

The relationship of brothers and sisters is a very complex set of feelings in which love, rivalry, the struggle for personal space and the attention of adults are mixed.

Based on this, young parents can conclude that it is better to raise one child and have no problems. This is completely wrong. It is thanks to family relationships that children from an early age learn to communicate, interaction, ability to make concessions and defend their own interests, realize their own uniqueness and find common interests with others, take responsibility, protect loved ones and be part of society. All these qualities are the basis of the personality in adulthood.

How to behave to parents to overcome jealousy between children?

• How to behave to parents to overcome jealousy between children? The main right of each child is to have a zone of their own comfort. This can be attributed to both personal space in the form of a room, toys, favorite things, and an emotional connection with parents, which no one has the right to violate.
• Kids need the attention of adults - common games, walks, a sense of constant care and the participation of parents in everyday classes. Adults should not dismiss the child with the words “you are still small, you will understand later”, but try to answer his questions in an understandable language.
• It is important for older children to manifest the pride of parents for their successes and achievements, the opportunity to discuss problems, find an understanding of feelings and desires instead of constant criticism and claims.

How to prepare an older child for the appearance of a brother and sister to avoid jealousy?

Often parents do not understand that the older child should be ready for the appearance of a baby in the family. So that this event does not become an emotional blow, it is necessary to pay attention to preparation for this event in advance.

How to prepare an older child for the appearance of a brother and sister to avoid jealousy:

• Talk to the child, choosing the form of conversation in line with his age. Tell the child that he will soon have a brother or sister. Do not be afraid to explain that the baby grows in his mother in the tummy and will be born very soon. Tell the child that mom just also waited for himself when he grew up and developed in her stomach.
• Talk to the older child, as the newborn baby will be: at first he will be very small and until he learns to walk and eat on his own, he will need to be worn in his arms and feed him from the bottle. He will also sleep a lot, and when he wakes up, he will cry because he still cannot speak. Show the child his own photos in which he is very small, explain that all the children are born with such crumbs, and then they grow up and learn a lot.
• Talk to the child about what will change in his life - he will be able to help mom take care of the baby, walk with him, play, teach everything that he knows. If the child shows interest, let him help you choose things and toys for the newborn, participate in the discussion of the name of the baby.
• At the first opportunity, call the child from the hospital - inform him of the birth of the baby and how much you miss him.

How does the older jealousy manifest itself in the first months?

If you notice that your eldest child has ceased to obey you, is naughty, tries to do everything wrong as they ask him, has become worse studying, showing aggression in a children's team - all these are manifestations of jealousy. Do not try to deal only with the problem of conduct, and in no case punish the child - this can only aggravate the situation. Try to analyze your attitude to the older child and correct your own mistakes.

After the baby appeared in the family, the eldest child should have been completely sure that he was loved as before.

• Try to maintain the usual regime of the day and classes when you spent time with the older child. For example, swimming and a fairy tale before bedtime - let this time be only for the older child.
• While the baby is sleeping, spending time with the elders - play, help with lessons or just talk about what excites at that moment. Do not be afraid to share your own feelings, tell stories from your childhood - the child should feel that they trust him.
• Try that the child perceives the baby precisely as a younger brother or sister. Joint concern for the baby will help to develop love and responsibility between children. In no case do not shift part of the work on caring for the newborn to the child - this is only your duty. Attract the older child if he himself shows a desire and interest in this.
• Talk to your child about his feelings so that he understands that you are not indifferent to his mood. For example: “I know that you are upset because we cannot go for a walk, but dad will come in the evening, and we will definitely go for a walk together so that you can ride a bicycle.”

Being a harmonious family does not mean to spend all the time together. This means understanding the needs of all family members, sincerely praise for successes, calmly take misses and shortcomings.

How to avoid rivalry and defeat jealousy?

When the children have already grown up and can communicate, their struggle for adult attention acquires a new form. How to avoid rivalry and defeat jealousy?

It is best to adhere to common to all rules, regardless of the age of the child:

• Avoid comparisons between childrenIn order not to create a hostile atmosphere, even if in comparison you indicate advantages, not disadvantages. Of course, you need to praise the success of the child, but it is better to do it alone, without using comparative characteristics. For example, such phrases cannot be used: "Why do you have a constant mess in the room, take an example from your sister." It is better to say: “Let's put things in order in your room. You will see, it will take very little time, and next time you will cope even faster, I'm sure. ”
• Emphasize the individuality of the child. Even if you really want the brothers to visit one sports section, and the sisters together go to music school, you should understand that the interests of children can be radically different. Watch your children's hobbies, do not try to impose a common activity to them, offer a choice and take it seriously. Praise the child for determination and encourage the manifestation of independence.
• Pay attention to all children. Try to build a relationship with each child, given his character, habits, behavior. Caring for the smallest in the family should not be in constant priority. For example, older children may have difficulties with lessons or preparation for exams. Try to find time for children. If you see that you do not have time, ask for help from loved ones. For example, you can send the baby for a walk with a grandmother or a nanny, and at this time help older children.
• Take care of your personal space. Regardless of the age of the child, he has the right to personal space and his own things, which can only be taken with permission. If the children are in the same room, provide everyone with a separate place for toys, classes, the location of personal objects. Explain to the children that you need to be able to negotiate, share, ask permission.
• Learn to extinguish conflicts.In children's quarrels, you can not take a draw. The eldest child should not always be to blame, only because he should be inferior and should concede. Calmly ask the children to tell what happened, what caused the conflict. Understand the situation and explain who was wrong, and how could you agree without a quarrel. As soon as the children understand that the parents are fair, they themselves will look for opportunities for interaction.
• Forbid the manifestation of aggression. Often a quarrel between children can develop into a fight. Such behavior needs to be suppressed immediately. Explain to the children that violence in any form is unacceptable in your family and will be punished. The punishment will be the deprivation of any pleasant bonuses-walks with friends, cartoons, computer games for any specific period. Here it is necessary to show hardness, but not bend. If the punishment period is a week, then it should be exactly a week.
• Pay attention to the atmosphere in your family. An important point is the situation in which children grow. If they constantly see the disrespectful attitude of adults towards them and to each other, frequent quarrels between parents, the use of obscene words - such a model of behavior will become the norm for them.

Most often, the cause of jealousy of children is the belief that they now love him less, do not understand, do not take into account his opinion. Therefore, the main task of the parents is to instill in the child the confidence that he is a special, beloved, necessary, regardless of assessments at school and behavior.

Never scold your child for dislike for your brother or sister. After all, you accuse him of his own impotence to create harmonious family relationships. The behavior of the child depends on his spiritual comfort and the degree of trust in the world. Listen to the baby, his grievances, experiences and fears, say that you understand how difficult it is for him. Make your own conclusions that you need to change in your behavior so that all your children feel loved and protected.

Video: Children's jealousy: what if the elder offends the younger? How to save the world in the family?

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