Underless children: signs, problems and consequences in the future. How to live on a disgusting child: we correct mistakes so as not to transfer the problem to our children

This article will talk about the problems of disliked children.

It is no secret that many psychological problems are born in deep childhood. Rough mistakes made by parents are often reflected in the quality of the life of their children in adulthood. The syndrome of an unhappy child entails a number of problems, which can lead to irreparable consequences.

Underless child: Definition of a concept

Syndrome of an unhappy child - This is the totality of the symptoms of a person’s inclination will assure that no one loves him, does not understand and nobody needs him. As a result of this, an inferiority complex, fear, uncertainty and self -pity may develop.

• Children really feel how parents relate to them, especially if they are not welcome. The syndrome can develop on the basis of a lack of attention, affection and tenderness, some misunderstanding from the parents.
• The personality, nature and patterns of behavior of an adult are formed at an early age. To be precise, then from birth to 6 years. At this time, certain structures are formed in the human brain in neural compounds, which are responsible for emotions and feelings. If in childhood not to receive attention, these structures will not be developed enough.
  • Even more - the scientists argue that 95% of the subconscious pledge of future life and his behavior is already formed by about 80% at 4 years.
• Every baby should feel that they love him, that he is needed and not just for any merits, but just like that! Because he is! But not every mother is able to give his child the care that he needs. Parents make quite a lot of mistakes in the process of raising their children completely for different reasons: because of a despotistical strict nature, because of the inability to love and show their feelings, because of their psychological problems, etc.
• Often a lack of love, even in the presence of all material wealth, rarely makes it possible to be a happy person in adulthood. Parents support is extremely important for each person, and regardless of age. And the most deplorable - when the child grows up and also becomes a parent, he does not know at a subconscious level how to relate to his children. He does not understand how to give the right education. It turns out a vicious circle that you need to break everything!

Underless child: the main features - what does the lack of parental attention bring?

Unfortunately, being an adult, these signs of disabilities literally come out. Just not all adults are able to pay attention to them. And even less-take measures to correct something in your life, and therefore in the life of your child. And also it is worth paying special attention to the possible consequences of all parents loaded by the work!

The main signs of a disliked child:

• Waiting for a trick from others. In other words, this is a simple distrust. This is due to constant reproaches, remoteness of relatives, and even worse from screams and scandals in the family and environment. The child should feel safe and receive only positive emotional feeding from relatives. Therefore, it is extremely important that the child from childhood is surrounded only by adequate balanced people who express their trust and support on an ongoing basis! Speaking even easier - Parents should teach to trust and show security!
• Dissatisfaction in personal life. Underless children often cannot build a strong family, because All the time they try to prove to their partner that they are good. And they can express it in different types, but there is always a deflection for other people's needs, interests and convenience. That is, they do everything so that they are simply loved. Of course, the second half feels a complete dedication on itself and can use it at any time.
  • Here we are no longer about love or feelings, but rather about convenience. After all, such people can easily manipulate and use. It is not rare that there are cases when an unknown child begins to change his partners, as if collecting this love in grains. Build really strong and long-term relationships, it will turn out only if a person learns to truly love and appreciate himself.

• Soreness- Most ailments are associated precisely with a psychological imbalance. The roots of any disease come from childhood, justified on nervous grounds.
• People who did not have enough love and understanding in childhood, often “get stuck” in it. It’s hard for them to get a job, because They want to receive parental attention and love. Paradoxically, many disliked people until the end of their lives remain lonely tied to parents, in the hope of getting the very childhood that every child dreams of. Often they behave quite immoral and suffer from addictions (smoking, alcohol, drugs). All these habits are born from boredom and idleness than children often do.
• Communication problems. It occurs if the child was completely shown, dressed, fed and literally given everything, but only in material terms. At the same time, the child did not feel the spiritual connection with his parents. Such a baby in the future will be fixated exclusively on material goods. But it will be very difficult for him to express his emotions and understand the rest. Hence the problems with communication, of course, if they do not concern earnings and other professional skills.
• The desire to escape from the "parent nest." Often, such people try to leave as far as possible from their hometown and try to avoid communicating with relatives as much as possible.
• Problems with the development of self -esteem are expressed in excessive fear of making a mistake. Therefore, many successful people are incapable of realizing their potential, because In childhood, they simply did not have enough parental warmth.
• Hatred in the whole world. Unconsciously, such people believe that the whole world is to blame for a childhood lack of love! And meanwhile, what a person wanted to get in childhood, and what he received in real life was a huge abyss formed. Therefore, an unhappy child secretly hates the whole world, which simply destroys him as a person from the inside.

The causal relationship of the dislike of the child and his future expression

• The main "bump" of all troubles is This is low self -esteem,formed "with the help of parents, who, in turn, did not teach the child to love himself. Self -esteem greatly affects self -confidence. In its absence, a person has true desires to enter exactly the university that he wants, to take a good position with high wages, etc. Simply because he is programmed to go along the fewer paths, because something more is not worthy. A person who believes that he cannot cope with a more difficult task is selected.
• Uncertainty is equivalent to bad luck in life and the accumulation of problems. People who did not have enough love in childhood resemble a snowball, to whom problems are sticking one after another. One gets the impression that everything is configured against them. In fact, everything happens at a subconscious level, if from early childhood a person says that he does everything wrong, then in life he makes incorrect decisions in any difficult situation. And not because these solutions are incorrect - this problem is in his head. Here It is worth paying attention to the power of self -hypnosis and the same suggestion of the words of relatives!
• Also, low self -esteem is manifested in attempts "Deserve"although at the same time a person does not succeed. He tries to be good before everyone, and when he feels defeat, he closes even deeper in himself. Such a person is afraid to make a mistake, someone will not like it, and is always not sure of their own abilities. Even if this is not demonstrated, uncertainty always remains deep inside. And the saddest point - He does not believe in himself!

• Low self -esteem generates increased self -pity.A child can think, if they do not love him, then he is not worthy. And at a subconscious level he wants to be regretted. That is, Instead of love, to get at least pity from others.This is reflected in family life.
  • For example, if a woman did not receive love from her mother, then she will behave exactly the opposite - she will become a wonderful mother and wife. But she will regret her husband! Thus, increasing their self -esteem. Because she takes pity for love! But if you remove the mask of a caring housewife, then there will only be sadness and disrespect for your man.
• Soul discomfort occurs. Even if a person has developed in life, especially in material terms, but at the same time he still feels mental pain, anxiety. Such people are quite vulnerable and have increased sensitivity to stress, they literally be upset due to any little things. Also, people in childhood in childhood "Fall" into long depression due to the lack of serotonin.
• There is also a pattern: A person who pity himself attracts a partner, which also causes pity.For example, why does a woman come across alcoholics all the time? Because at a subconscious level, she experiences pity, for example, to her father. Plus, the program turns on - “I'm not worthy of the best”!

Important: such a pattern is often monitored - men, boys who have not captured the love and attention of parents in childhood often follow the path of destruction. That is, these are drugs, beatings and even a prison. Women often go through self -destruction - this is an unsuccessful marriage, a desire to always bring a “good mark” to mom even in adulthood or serious illnesses. Just to get attention and love at least in adulthood from the most relatives and beloved parents!

How to live on a disgusting child: we correct mistakes so as not to transfer the problem to our children

There are a lot of people who are born in deep childhood. Each person is unique, and requires completely different manifestations of love and attention from their loved ones. We are all different, and we perceive the world around us differently. But in any case, each of us did not receive parental love and understanding to one way or another. It is quite possible to cope with suffering and mental pain, although this requires psychocorrection. This process can take days, weeks and even months, depending on the depth of the problem, so you should stock up on patience and forces.

First you need to really realize and accept the depth of mental trauma. Try to let her go and accept how granted life. In fact, your fate is only in your hands. If you focus on the problem, then all life will simply pass in suffering and torment, accusations of their parents, etc. Changing the past or even re -educating parents, changing their attitude towards you is much more difficult than changing your attitude to the situation.

1. To start working with the problem, you need to find it. For example, the wife often complains that the husband is too dependent on the opinion of her mother, if he calls it differently, he is just “Mamenkin Son”. People often do not notice such attachment, but it directly depends on the lack of love in childhood. T.K. A person is trying to receive this, already being an adult. The main thing is that the person himself realizes this and understand the reasons for the “strange” attachment and dependence on the opinion of loved ones.
2. The following technique will help to work with resentment: On a sheet of paper, write why you are angry with your parents and describe how you would like them to respond in a particular situation. Perhaps you will be able to realize what exactly you need, and also understand why the parents did this. This, in turn, will make it possible to free oneself from resentment and mental pain.
3. Switch mental insults through a splash of emotions.That is, it is any way out of adrenaline and aggression - to beat the pillow, tear paper into shreds, beat off the chicken with a hammer, etc. By the way, the chicken of tobacco is prepared by this principle. So you will also cook dinner. But jokes to the side, the main thing is that in the process of “therapy” you experience the emotions that you want to get rid of.
4. Learn to praise yourself and love! Get up every day and pronounce the banal words that I work in front of the mirror. For example, “I can handle”, “I am the best” or “I will succeed.” We also recommend reading our material "How to learn to value and respect yourself?"
5. And of course, ideally, finding yourself such a life partner who will sincerely love and support you, and even just like that!

IMPORTANT: If you act as a healer for an adult unwell child, then you should remember an important rule - never deceive! Such people are very vulnerable in terms of trust! And always try to envelop your care and understanding as much as possible, and also never crush it. Understand and wait a bit. Even a wilted flower will blossom if it is to take care of it!

In time, pay attention to the syndrome of disabilities in a child, a teenager!

Even at an early age, you can diagnose a lack of love in children. The main signs of disability for everyone are manifested in completely different ways. But as soon as the child begins to “enter” into a conscious life, it is worth paying attention to changes in the behavior of the crumbs:

• problems with the memory and attention of the child
• one child can close in himself and suffer in silence, and the other - in all ways to attract attention, “shield”, not obey, etc.
• uncertainty is already manifested. Children graze in front of difficulties, they are often offended by peers, and they themselves do not like, do not accept themselves
• a child may not take his gender
• there is a reduced motivation, unwillingness to learn. T.K. There is no sense in this
• often violates the rules of behavior and social norms
• often the sagging and complaining, even on the most harmless trifles
• it is very difficult for you to establish contact with the child and trust.

1. In adolescence, the problem is manifested in behavior: outbreaks of anger and rage, demonstrativeness of aggression and disobedience, bitterness. Teenagers often go outside, where their friends understand more than their native people. T.K. Parents are not authority for the child.
2. There are cases of a lack of love in another: the child is too shy, cowardly and completely non -contact.

Syndrome of an unhappy child - This is a rather difficult problem, which is sometimes too difficult to solve on its own. If you have alarming signs, then it is better to contact a specialist (child psychologist). You need to solve the problem without delaying, because a person transfers all childhood insults and problems to adult life.

How to help your child not become disliked - we eliminate our own mistakes!

To avoid the same problem with your children, you need to convey it correctly What you give them is your care and custody. Unfortunately, no psychologist will be able to explain how to correctly educate children in order to avoid all the grievances and injuries of childhood. But there are several recommendations that will allow you to lay the right and strong foundation for the future life of our children:

• show attention and tenderness every day. No matter how busy you are, pay at least 20-30 minutes to communicate with your child. Do not pay off the toy that do not bother the window to wash. And to do work together and go for a walk. Like a small hint - Remember what you were when your parents did not pay you the right attention!
• always praise children, even for minor merits. Confidence and support of parents are those three whales on which the child’s future life will be. This is by no means an exaggeration. If a person does not need his own people - no one needs him, even himself!
• in case of failure or injury, dirty tricks - they closed their mouths and hugged the baby!As we often happen - the child fell, hit, and mother screams that his pants got dirty. Yes, and on the pope can give for the fact that the child has fallen! Read this is ridiculous, but in fact, in most cases, this is what happens.
• create a healthy environment for the development of children, try to always treat them with positive and good mood. In general, remember - the baby when he enters your room or comes home, I have to see a smile on your face!
• if you are in a state of depression or bad mood, do not pour all the negative on your children. It is better to go away and be alone for a while. It is difficult to control emotions in a state of anger, but the most effective way out is to admit the true reason for your irritation. By the way, you can read about the control of anger in our article "How to learn how to control your anger?"
• hug your child at least 8 times a day. And say the same amount, How you love him! And never forget thank the babyfor any help. And of course - Sometimes it does not hurt to ask his child advice or share his experiences.

It is also worth mentioning why there is a dislike of children at all?

• Often mom acts as two parents. And then the work takes away all the effort and time that must be devoted to the conversation with the child. This is not necessarily an inferior family, it can be just a mother-in -ow mother.
• A little continues the previous problem - bribery. It is easier to buy a tablet and upload a game to him than to sit and arrange interesting and informative experiments together.
• The most deplorable when the child is unwanted or became so after the divorce. An innocent child pays for your mistakes!
• Inattention or inability of mom/parents to express their love. There is a separation:
  • parents broke up and mother "went into free swim." Yes, so that I completely forgot about the child;
  • even worse, if the children were handed over to grandparents. The child feels abandoned and unnecessary;
  • mother likes. But he expresses love in pure things, fresh gingerbread for breakfast, but she forgets to hug. And believe me, the baby is still on the sterility around and the cleanliness of clothing - He needs not perfect, but a cheerful mother!

• Sometimes parents pushes the baby to the background, especially when there is a person who requires more attention to himself. And this is not always the youngest child, but also a lying grandmother. And about jealousy between children we recommend that you look at the article “What to do in case of jealousy of the older child to the youngest?”
• Mom often deprives the child of her love by virtue of punishment. There is a difficult injury - love, it turns out, can be deprived! Moreover, the most dear and close person can take away the most expensive.
• And of course, quarrels in the eyes of children are always reflected not in the best way not only in the children's psyche, but also on a future life! We are no longer about bodily punishments for misconduct - this breaks the abyss of mistrust and dislike between you!
• But, do not forget that hyperopeca will also not bring good results. The key to well -being in the family and the full development of the child - This is a harmonious relationship with mutual understanding between family members. You need to treat the child as equal to yourself, do not worry that he will not understand something.

The psychological health of man is an integral part of its existence and affects the quality of life as a whole. The syndrome of a disliked child is considered one of the most important causes of the appearance of the psyche in young people. And at the first sign, it is worth immediately taking measures that will help to avoid a number of problems in the future.

Video: Ignoring children or a failed child