The optimal age difference between children: tips for parents

From the article you will learn what difference between the birth of children experienced parents call the ideal, as well as what pros and cons are psychologists.

Content

Dreaming of a happy and friendly family, young couples do not always attach importance to “family planning”. As the experience of many spouses shows, it is a balanced approach to such an event as the birth of children that will avoid many problems in arranging life, raising babies, as well as the emotional comfort of children and the professional development of parents.

The difference between children is 1-1.5 years old

Many couples, kids, seem to be the best option. The following aspects can be called the advantages of the appearance of children one after another:

At an early age, babies have common interests, toys and hobbies, and with age they often acquire a common circle of friends.
Such children often feel better while in the same room, have a strong emotional connection and perceive each other as a better partner for games.
For mom, the care of children close by age looks easier, because the general regime of the day can be organized - nutrition, sleep, walking in the fresh air, games, developing classes.
From the point of view of psychology, with the difference between brothers and sisters up to 2 years, children get the same attention from adults, therefore, jealousy and selfishness rarely develops in such relationships.

The difference between children is 1-1.5 years old-the disadvantages in raising children-guards are also present:

A small break between pregnancies may be a great test for the woman's body. For complete recovery, gynecologists advise waiting for up to 2-3 years. For this reason, the second pregnancy and childbirth can often occur with complications.
It should be borne in mind that it is better to plan children and children in families where at least up to three age of the age of babies other family members can help mother-grandparents or invited nanny. Such daily troubles as cooking, bathing, dressing, preparation for bedtime, walks, trips to the clinic are quite problematic with two young children.
The appearance of a younger brother or sister can slightly slow down the development of an older child. At first, most of the mother’s attention is aimed at caring for infants, and then most games and classes are adjusted in such a way as to interest both children.
According to the observations of family psychologists, the birth of weather is a serious test for the strength of love between parents of the kids. It is necessary to be prepared that several years will have to live at the limit of emotional and physical resources. Often financial difficulties are also connected here - it should be understood that all costs are multiplied by 2. Unfortunately, a misunderstanding of the situation can lead to conflicts and burnout of feelings.

The difference between children from 2 to 4 years old

Many family planning experts consider such a break between the birth of children optimal.

Parents already have sufficient experience in leaving and education, as well as a large supply of physical strength, therefore they are quite ready for the birth of a second child.
Children can still have many common interests - toys, cartoons, outdoor games.
The eldest child has already acquired a sufficient number of skills to eat, dress, clean his own things on their own, which greatly facilitates parents daily care for the kids.
The youngest child tries to resemble the eldest in everything, so he develops much faster of his peers, seeks to study, wants to be “older”.
Mom can entrust the eldest of the children to look after the younger. At first, it is better to try this type of interaction of children in a playful way. Psychologists advise doing this if the interest of the older child is visible for a while to feel like a mother or dad. Girls are more prone to playing the “daughter-mother”, and therefore they are happy to participate in the care of the younger brother or sister. Such games also contribute to the development of a sense of responsibility and the formation of warm feelings between children.

The difference between children from 2 to 4 years old - the minuses of the birth of children with a difference of several years can be called several:

A fairly large manifestation of the jealousy of the eldest in relation to the younger. Such a psychological burden on the child can be avoided if, from the very first days of the appearance in the baby’s house, adult members of the family will try to correctly distribute attention between children. This applies not only to the behavior of parents, but also to grandparents, from whom the child receives love and care. If you miss the moment of the formation of resentment and a sense of uselessness in the older child, the relationship between the children can be spoiled, which in the future will inevitably affect the general emotional background of the family.
From the point of view of professional growth, for a working mother, the appearance of children with a difference of 2-4 years will mean the actual break in work for up to 5-6 years. This is a fairly large period of time, after which return to the profession will require a lot of effort from a woman.

If a break between children is 2-4 years old

The difference between children is 5-8 years old

The difference between children 5-8 years old has its advantages:

The eldest and youngest child receive sufficient attention from the parents. In early childhood, the eldest child is surrounded by common care, with the advent of the newborn, he fully becomes “elder” - more independent and reasonable.
Mom on maternity leave has time to care for an infants while the older baby is in the classroom. In addition, it becomes possible to collect in the morning, to conduct and then pick up a first -grader from school, which often makes up a problem for a working mother.
The eldest child can become a good assistant for parents, both in terms of real help in simple everyday matters, and a general emotional mood.
A school -age child already has his own hobbies, favorite classes, a circle of communication among peers, therefore it does not show great jealousy when a baby appears in the family.

The negative aspects of the birth of children with a large age difference can be considered the following:

Children have practically no common games due to differences in intellectual development.
Parents will have to take into account completely different needs of children in games, walks, classes, without infringing on the desires and interests of both.
Psychologists do not advise too much to load the older child with care of the younger, since this approach deprives him of the possibility of full development and communication with friends. The child should be able to adapt to school, receive help from adults in preparing homework, visit circles and sports sections.

Children with a difference of more than 5 to 8 years old

The difference between children for more than 10 years

From the point of view of modern psychology, after 10 years, children are already in puberty. At this time, the complete restructuring of the whole organism of the teenager begins, which affects his emotional state and behavior.

The difference between children is more than 10 years:

Any changes in the usual rhythm of life in such a period can be perceived as an infringement of freedom, which causes protest and confrontation with adults.
When the newborn appears, the perception of the baby, like an outlet that allows you to move away from difficulties in relations with a teenager, becomes a big mistake of the parents. This can lead to the alienation and indifference of the older child, up to the rupture of child-child relationships.
It is very important in such a period not to turn a teenager into a nanny, not to reproach with small outlines, pouring irritation from sleepless nights on him. Parents will have to try to build friendly and trusting relationships with the older child with a manifestation of gratitude for any help and understanding on his part.

How to smooth out the difference between children: Psychologists' advice

How to smooth out the difference between children:

With any age difference between children, parents need to remember that these are two completely different people with their needs, character, habits. Children at any age have the right to manifest emotions - this is absolutely normal. They can be offended, quarreled, angry-it is important to prevent the quarrel from due to the toy from outgrowing into constant irritation.
We need to learn how to talk with each of the children - ask to tell what exactly he was angry, offended, frightened. By asking questions, find out what bothers or does not like your baby. To rectify the situation, ask the child how he would like others to do, what he himself was wrong. You can tell the baby about such a situation from your childhood or give examples from fairy tales or cartoons.
You cannot compare children with each other. Each person, even the smallest, has the right to show individuality and have their own interests and preferences. Do not write children in one circle or sports section, because it is more convenient for parents. Perhaps one of the kids like to draw, and the other wants to play basketball.
Children have the right to their own space and things. You can’t rush in the phrases “everything is common in our house”, “you need to give in to the younger, you are older.” From early childhood, you need to explain to children that you can take personal belongings of a brother or sisters only with permission. The same applies to the room if children have different rooms. It is completely normal that sometimes the child wants to be alone, read or draw in silence.
Parents should remember that you may have several children, but you are the only mother and dad for them. Therefore, at the birth of a second child, your love and care should not be divided into two, but doubled.