Jokes about alcohol: quotes, jokes, funny drunks, photos and videos

Want to laugh heartily? Read the jokes about alcohol in the article.

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It is difficult to imagine a party or a festive table, without alcohol. Once under his influence, people are able to commit paradoxical acts, as a result of which, more and more memes, jokes and jokes are born.

Read in another article on our website on the topic: "Card alcoholic Games". You will find out which one to play with friends, at the party.

This article will collect funny quotes, jokes and jokes, one way or another associated with alcohol and the consequences of its use. Read further.

What are funny jokes about friends and alcohol: quotes

Girls amazing creatures capable of crying by trifles and offended by what, but at the same time become serious in difficult situations. And when they gather with friends and arrange alcoholic parties, then here, all possible comments are becoming too. Here are funny jokes and quotes about friends and alcohol:

When an American girl becomes bad, she goes to a psychologist, the Japanese woman closes in herself. And only Russian girls gather with friends to get drunk and go to visit each other.

A sad girl calls her friend: - Hello! What will we do tonight? A girlfriend replies: - Judging by what your voice you have is to drink!

I went to visit to pick up a drunken girlfriend, now we are waiting for both to take us both.

I have the best friend! Yesterday, she dragged me drunk home, brought me to the fifth floor and gave it to her husband! Despite the fact that I live on the ground floor and is still not married.

When girls gather with friends and purchased by alcohol, they turn into those from whom their parents ordered to stay away.

A real friend is not the one who drags you from the bar, drunk, but the one who crawls nearby.

The girl calls her friend and is interested in how they spent the weekend. Pause. A girlfriend asks with surprise: are they already over?

Two drunken friends: - Masha, are we in the jungle? - Anya, take parsley from the glasses.

On Friday evening, Anya read Pushkin’s poems, Lena was engaged in embroidery, Masha and Tanya played chess. And all this thanks to the light that did not have time to go to the store until 22:00.

I hate people who drink without measure. Last night, my friends dropped me three times while they dragged me to the car. That's drunk!

A real girlfriend is news, an alcoholmarket and a psychologist in a “one bottle”.

Excessive drinking of alcoholic beverages can lower even a strong, adult man to the lower stage of evolution, and the weaker sex does not paint all the more. Girls should not get involved in alcohol, and without new portions of memes about drunk ladies, the world will somehow live.

Funny Friday jokes: About Friday and Alcohol

Being the last working day of the week, Friday has long been perceived by many people, as a harbinger of future booze, and therefore, could not avoid entering memes, jokes and other manifestations of the humorous sphere of activity. For example, here are funny Friday jokes: about Friday and alcohol:

The conversation of two friends: - How much will you free on Friday, in the evening? - In the morning, on Monday.

In Russia, Halloween occurs every Friday. Guys turn into drunken devils, who are waiting for evil witches at home.

If you suddenly realized that the world around you is beautiful, and life is good - it means that Friday evening has come.

Marvelous! But for some reason, on Friday, I do not want to do anything. No, of course, I don’t want to, but on Friday I don’t want to even more!

Inside each person lives a small Robinson who is waiting for Friday.

There is an old, folk holiday “Friday evening” in Russia, which is customary to celebrate for three days.

Have you ever thought about what will happen if on Friday they ban on selling alcoholic beverages? They will begin to buy them on Thursday!

Friday is the strange day of the week. The body still works, and the soul is already in paradise!

If you are trying to close a square container with a round lid, then today is Monday. If you were able to do this, then Friday has come.

Until the end of the working week is transferred to any other day, Friday will be associated with a drunk. So, new jokes and jokes about this day of the week will continue to appear.

A joke about alcohol, alcoholic cocktails and women, girls: quotes

Many girls prefer to drink alcoholic cocktails at parties. Why they love them so much is unknown. But in humorous collections, such a combination falls regularly. Here are quotes and jokes about alcohol, alcohol cocktails and women, girls:

Tanya, can we go to Turkey? - No, there last year, two of our friends were poisoned with cocktails! - So we will not drink! - She gone crazy? They are distributed there according to the all -inclusive system.

At the party: - And where did the waiter who carried the cocktails to us? -Gone somewhere, but what else do you want? - No, I want to know where my husband went.

Maybe let's go to me? “Do you think I can be seduced by one cocktail and dinner?” - Waiter, separate account!

Nothing decorates a girl like a few cocktails drunk by a man.

Despite the harmless appearance, many alcoholic cocktails are able to dump the football team. And for some reason they are considered female drinks.

Jokes about encoding from alcohol

Coding is the most popular way to get rid of alcohol dependence, but far from the most effective. It was the ineffectiveness of this procedure that formed the basis of a large number of memes, jokes and aphorisms. Here are jokes about encoding from alcohol:

The conversation of two drunks: - Let's go, drink? - No, my wife encoded me! - And I know the password!

The encoded husband crawls home, drunk and says: - Dear, call the police! Frightened wife: - What happened? Husband: - Hackers hacked me!

Announcement: a sorcerer and an alcoholic in the ninth generation, effectively and quickly relieve any coding.

Coding on alcohol dependence made by the blacksmith was hacked in the evening, on Friday, unknown rural hackers.

There are many effective ways to get rid of alcohol dependence in the world. But none of them can boast of such a number of aphorisms and jokes as old, good coding.

Jokes about liver and alcohol

Everyone knows that the liver receives the greatest harm from the use of strong drinks. The confrontation of this body with alcohol has been overgrown with so many diverse sharpnesses that everything cannot be listed. Here are just some jokes about liver and alcohol:

The alcoholic comes to the hospital, for examination. The doctor examines him and says: “You have to remove your easy!” Alcoholic in fright: - Why, doctor, everything is in order with the lungs? Doctor: - Everything is in order with the lungs, but the liver is no longer placed.

The liver is sorry! - You tied it up! - Well, it works in vain!

Vitalik had such a bad mood that the liver offered him a drink.

Dear santa claus! New Year will come soon and I would like to ask you to return me the liver that you took the last time. I miss her very much!

Something the liver hurts! - Do you drink cologne? - I drink, it does not help!

Body: - I want vodka! The liver, in fright: - I protest! Brain: - The protest is rejected!

If the liver had hands, she would get out at night and strangled me.

No matter how funny jokes are about the relationship of the liver and alcohol. But it is worth knowing that the disease of this organ has a negative effect on the whole organism. This is another reason to take care of health and eat less alcohol.

Joke about protein and alcohol, alcohol dependence

White fever or in the common people of the “squirrel” is a terrible alcohol disease. But also, this is a permanent “client” of jokes and memes on alcoholic topics. Here are jokes about protein and alcohol, alcohol dependence:

A very kind girl goes to the park and feeds the squirrel, which constantly comes to visit, to her dad.

When you go to the forest, do not forget to feed the squirrel. And then evil and hungry will come!

Doctor, when I return home from work, a horned cat meets me! - This is a squirrel! - Doctor, are you a fool? What do you think I will not distinguish a cat from a squirrel?

Plumber Petrov drank so much that even a squirrel fled from him.

To the ensign leaving in a binge, even squirrels come with a system with a song!

What will you do in the evening? - Photo squirrel. - Will you go to the park? - No, home! I will get drunk and I will do a selfie.

Anecdotes about white fever are always fun. But in order not to accidentally turn into one of their characters, you should not abuse alcohol.

Funny jokes about coronavirus and alcohol: quotes, pictures

The theme of coronavirus is more relevant than ever. And although she is completely gloomy, even she is located in a humorous sphere. Here are funny jokes about coronavirus and alcohol - quotes:

The other day on the radio, they said that alcohol does not save from coronavirus. From whom, from whom, and from the doctors I did not expect such a setup!

The Ministry of Health: - Vodka does not protect against coronavirus! Vodka: - Oh, oh, oh! Look who's Talking!

Maybe vodka and does not save from coronavirus, but helps to survive, for sure!

The Government of the Russian Federation decided to allow the sale of alcohol vaccinated, after 22:00. Op! Trumps went!

Here are pictures on the anger of the day:

Funny jokes about coronavirus and alcohol

Therapeutic vodka - funny joke about coronavirus and alcohol

Heger: Decryption-Prikol about dependence on alcohol, alcoholism

The abbreviation familiar to every person Healthy lifestyle, deciphered as: healthy lifestyle. And what are ridiculous options for deciphering these three letters? Here are options for decryptions-prison about dependence on alcohol, alcoholism:

A drunken lifestyle.
Swell to grow your stomach!
The abuse of intoxicated life.

In the presence of good imagination, you can come up with many funny options for deciphering healthy lifestyle. But none of them will become as useful as the original.

Jokes about the benefits of alcohol, alcoholism

The harm of alcohol is a well -known postulate. And any postulate is an excellent material for a pun. Here are jokes about the benefits of alcohol, alcoholism:

If you are afraid to get fat, then drink something strong before meals. Alcohol kills fear.

To cover the daily rate of calcium, only 27 liters of beer are enough for a person. Healthy diet is not difficult!

Alcohol destroys nerve cells. Only calmly survive.

According to doctors, to drink 50 grams of vodka before meals is not only useful, but also not enough.

In order not to be bitten by mosquitoes, take lemon, salt, tequila and do not go outside.

Aphorisms about the benefits of alcohol can be funny, but do not take them seriously. That's why they are jokes.

Jokes about the department with alcohol in the store

Thanks to bright design, alcoholic departments in stores always attract attention, even those who are not interested in alcohol products. And how many funny situations are happening there! Here are jokes about the alcohol department in the store:

A drunk visitor enters the alcoholic department of the store. Two consultants immediately approach him. -To tell you anything? - Give Nepopesuha! Puzzled consultants: - Sorry, we do not have such drinks. The visitor repels consultants, approaches the rack with bottles and takes out Xennessy XO from there. - How not, but what?

I go in a store in the alcohol department, look at the shelves and understand - hmm, I have not drank everything yet!

Dear, what did you hear about the new law? Now you can only go to the store closest to the house! So what, what is it an alcoholmarket? Laws must be observed!

What situations you will not see enough in the alcoholic departments! A storehouse of memes and jokes. Walk and write down!

Joke about helicopters after alcohol, alcohol intoxication: funny drunks

An alcoholic helicopter or “nystagm” is a consequence of alcohol intoxication, which is characterized by involuntary rotational movements of the eyes and, as a result, a violation of the work of the vestibular apparatus. It is “Nystagm” that is the cause of alcohol vomiting. But often funny drunks fall into a variety of sharpnesses. Here is a joke about helicopters after alcohol, alcohol intoxication:

If after a “decent” booze, you wake up in bed and you start a “helicopter”. Turn on the "flight of Valkyrie" Wagner. No, of course, it will not be easier for you. But for that, it will be possible to visit the war in Vietnam!

Jokes jokes. But Nystagm is a very unpleasant sensation that indicate alcohol poisoning. Do not bring yourself to such consequences.

Anecdotes about drunks

Helpers are one of the most popular topics for creating jokes. It is impossible to list all the existing acuity about these characters. Here are just some:

Two drunks are sitting and drinking methyl alcohol. One says: - That's it! Come on one more and home. Second: - Why so? - Yes, look, starts to get dark!

Helpers are suitable for the stall. - Give three meals a day. - We have only disposable. - A nightmare, very young people have forgotten how to drink!

There are a vovochka and dad home, past a kiosk, and there is a crowd of drunks. Vovochka asks: - Dad, who is this? - These are, vovochka, lazy creatures that cannot make the moonshine at home.

Helpers near the store decide: - Well, how much will we take today, two or three? - Come on two! Yesterday they took three, one stayed. Go to the store. - Give two sausages and three bottles of vodka.

Well, how is your drunk doing there? I suppose I drank everything again? - No, what are you! We had a serious conversation, he no longer drinks. Lies calmly, resting, in intensive care.

Autumn. Cold. Dirt. A frozen drunk enters the glass and asks for vodka, dug. The barmer says: - You would better buy new shoes for yourself. - Helpsh replies: - No, health is more expensive.

Alkash and his wife are sitting in the kitchen. The husband drinks, the wife reads the newspaper. - There, I saw, the drunk drunk, it is written that a glass of vodka used to cost 20 rubles, and now 30. Husband: - Hmm, glasses have risen in price.

A drunk dies, gets into heaven and meets his drinking companion there. “You don't know why we got here?” - How is it for? Do you remember how we lived? We get drunk and lie under the fence, we do nothing wrong with anyone. - Well, yes! - And remember the doctor who treated us, so he will definitely get to hell! - For what? - And one of those whom he treated, one banks robbed, and the other deputy!

Helpers gathered. They bought a drink, but there was not enough money for a snack. They began to rummage through their pockets and one found a baby. They drank, sniffed. Pour the second. One drunk drinks, begins to sniff and pulls the baby's nose. The rest of the drunks:-What did you come here to eat, or what?

There is a drunk on the street and suddenly, he sees something red and large in front of him. Helpsh asks: - Who are you? - I am a red monster! The drunk is turned around, and behind him something green and large. - And who are you? - And I'm a green monster! The drunk rotates in the other direction, and there is something gray and small. - Oh, are you a gray monster? -No, citizen, let's go with us to the department.

Three drunks went, in winter, to hunt a bear. Found a den. They scream, poke them with sticks. There is no reaction. One says: - Let me climb there and shoot him, and you pull my legs, then. - Let's. Helpers climbed into the den. After a while, two others pull it out. One asks the other: - Do you remember, he was before with his head? - Well no. If he had been with his head, he would not have climbed into the den.

Popranizing the classic: If you do not want to get into a joke about drunks, do not become a drunk.

Photo-prikolas about alcohol in pictures with inscriptions

So, do you want to have fun and laugh at the cool photos about alcohol in pictures with inscriptions? Below you will find an interesting selection with girls and guys:

Soviet posters about alcohol with a joke

In Soviet times, a lot of lovers of drinking a lot. Different slogans and jokes were placed on posters. See how interesting it is. Soviet posters about alcohol with a joke:

Funny Videos Prikovs about alcohol: watch for free

In conclusion, I would like to say that jokes about alcohol are good and cause laughter when you are not their hero. To prevent this from happening, try not to overdo it with the use of strong drinks.

Watch funny videos about alcohol for free below. These are videos that are a sample of Soviet films, as well as a selection of videos on how drunks are ridiculous.