Is it necessary to help adult children financially: the advice of psychologists and esoterics

The question of whether to help adult children has recently gained more and more popularity. Some believe that children should provide assistance throughout their parents' lives. Others are of the opinion that the child should become independent as soon as he reaches adulthood. There is also a point of view that children need to help, but until a certain period. For example, until they become firmly on their feet.

Read on our website an article on the topic: "10 is impossible or 10 prohibitions for parents in raising children". What can not be done and told to parents with children?

In Western countries, the tradition has long been formed not to provide material assistance to adult children. As soon as adolescents become adults, they themselves determine their fate, not relying on the help of their parents. In Russia, parents try to assist their children as long as possible. Even if this child has adult children himself. Read more more.

Content

"For" and "against" assistance to adult children financially

Bringing the arguments "for", parents explain their position of assistance to adults with the following arguments:

So it has been since ancient times. At first, parents help their children, take care of them. And then adult children help their parents. In practice, this does not always happen.
If the parent loves his child, he will take care of him. A loving parent will always help his son or daughter on his feet, get the original capital. If parents do not help, then they do not like.
Parents with good prosperity, they will not be able to live calmly, knowing that their child does not have enough funds, that he needs something. The child should not live worse than parents.

For the desire to help an adult, various parental fears can be hidden. They are often unconscious. And parents are afraid to recognize their existence.

To the parent fear Related:

Fear of condemning society. Experiences about what other people will think, what opinion about a person.
Fear to seem an egoist, both in front of their children and before the environment.
Fears that the child will turn away from parents, leave them and stop communicating, stop loving.
Fear of loneliness, abandonment and unnecessary. Helping financially, parents feel necessary, significant.
Fears for the life of a child, for his existence. Parents are afraid that if they stop helping him, then he will not cope with problems on his own. And it is not known how the situation may end.

The presence of such fears suggests that parents seek to help their adult child financially for considerations of mutual benefit. That is, if I help you now, then you will not leave me, you will help me. The true desire to help should not be based on mutual benefits. Healthy help to the child does not imply any benefit in the future. Children can also help parents only out of desire to help without pursuing selfish goals.

Those who act "against»Help to adult children give the following arguments:

Devoting all their lives to children, until old age, there will be no opportunity to live for themselves. It will not be possible to live at your pleasure even on a well -deserved rest.
Helping children in everything and always, it is impossible to teach their independence. They will not become conscious people, they will constantly count on extraneous help. They will not be able to solve their own problems. And when he doesn’t become parents, it will be extremely difficult for them to exist in this world. They will quickly go in inclined.
No one owes nothing to anyone. If you provide assistance to children, then only disinterestedly, not demanding anything in return. In the same way, children should help parents without any benefit.

With this position, it is very important to combine the personal interests of parents and care for the child. If the parents are too busy with themselves and will devote little time to the child, then a harmonious person will not work out of him. In adulthood, he will suffer disabilities and children's complexes.

To educate an independence in the child, without depriving him of parental love and care is the key to constructing normal relations. For example, in adolescence, give him a strictly set amount of pocket money for a certain period of time. And the amount should not increase in any case. Accustomed from childhood to rational spending, a person in adulthood will know the price of money.

The reasons for helping adults are financially

Often parents help adult children unconsciously. Without even imagining that such material assistance can not be provided. The need to help adults may be due to a nearby reasons:

The tradition of the family. It happens that from generation to generation parents helped their children, even when they became adults. Refusing this behavior means to violate the traditions of the family, to get a condemnation of relatives.
Guilt for the fact that in childhood the child did not receive everything he wanted. Now, when there is an opportunity, parents are trying to catch up. At the same time, without realizing that a child can already acquire everything he wants for a long time.
Manipulation from a son or daughter. The requirements are constantly sounding to give money, otherwise the "baby" will stop communicating with the parents. Such manipulations should be stopped immediately. It is extremely difficult to do it yourself, especially if there is a fear of being left without the attention of the child.
Lack of understanding that the child has already grown. Parents continue to take care of him as in childhood, refusing to accept the fact that a person has long been independent.
Constant help to a son or daughter in difficult situations. This is the case when an adult "baby" is constantly admitted into unpleasant stories. And parents solve all his problems.
Fear that the child will not be able to cope with adult problems on his own. Parents thus show that they do not believe in the possibility of their child.
Help an adult who really cannot take care of himself about himself. Due to physical or psychological ailments. In such cases, an adult needs specialized care.
The desire to control everything. To know what an adult child is already doing, where he spends money and in what quantity. The desire to manage everyone.

Each reason has an impact on one or another behavior of parents, as well as on the amount of assistance that they provide to their adult child. At the same time, the child may already have its own family. But if parents continue to take care, then in family life such a person behaves infantilely, continuing to wait for the same care and help from a spouse.

When do you need to help adult children?

When thinking about whether adult children need to help, it is necessary to take into account all the factors. And also look at the situation as a whole, answering yourself the question: is it really so necessary?

The help of parents in the following situations:

When a child receives an education. This is a completely normal phenomenon when parents help the child throughout the entire period of study, although he has already reached adulthood. A good education is a starting step that will help a person realize in life.
When a child needs initial capital to open his own business. If parents have the opportunity to help financially, then they may well do this. Especially if they know for sure that the child will achieve success, believe in his undertaking. However, parents should not give the latter, especially if for their child this is not a serious undertaking, but only a desire to try themselves as a businessman.
Help in raising grandchildren. Such support is quite acceptable. If parents are forced to leave the case, and do not leave grandchildren with grandparents to constantly have fun. While the older generation is raising their grandchildren, their children are engaged in self -realization in order to fully provide themselves.
If the child physically cannot support himself. For example, due to the disease. In this case, parents should take care of an adult, provide him with all kinds of help.

Help to adults, if it is not connected with their physical ailment, should not be excessive. Children should understand that they can receive support and help from parents. But at the same time, they should not completely take their problems and concerns on them.

How to help adult children financially: Psychologists' tips

If a modern person cannot independently solve a problem, then he turns to specialists for help. How to help adult children financially? Psychologists for each case give their tips:

Family traditions:

When there is a tradition of helping adult children in the family, parents need to realize for themselves how much they accept it.
If such actions do not cause moral or material difficulties, then this can be done.
If support lies with a heavy burden on the shoulders of the parents, or they realize that in this way they prevent the formation of the child’s personality, then it is worth refusing to refuse.
Sometimes it is difficult to independently go against the prevailing stereotypes. In this case, you should contact a psychologist.

Get rid of guilt:

If parents feel guilty for not having satisfied all the child’s requests in childhood, then it is necessary to contact a therapist.
A specialist will help to work out this feeling and accept the situation.
He will help to realize that there is no fault of parents. They tried as they could. And they gave the child everything in their power. Now he is an adult and can independently satisfy all his needs.

There should not be manipulations in the family:

If an adult child resorts to manipulations, it is necessary to stop such a dependence.
It is very difficult to cope with this situation yourself. Especially if there is really fear of being left without the attention of a son or daughter.
In such a situation, you should contact a psychologist or psychotherapist. Experts will help to cope with their fears.

Realize that your child has grown:

In a situation where parents cannot realize that their son or daughter has already grown up, they cannot stop imposing their attention.
You need to accept that your child has its own life path.
If you can’t work out the problem on your own, you need to contact a specialist. He will help to understand the reason for this behavior, motives for excessive love and guardianship.

Do not solve the problem of the child:

When a son or daughter is constantly admitted into unpleasant situations, you need to stop assisting them, solve problems.
Otherwise, they never realize that they need to be responsible for their actions. And before doing anything, you need to think.

It can be independent:

If parents are afraid that their matured child will not be able to independently cope with all the difficulties of life, then they need to remember themselves.
After all, they once began an independent path, made mistakes. But they coped with everything. So, their child will cope.

Constant control moves away:

In case of desire to control everything, it is necessary to realize the destructiveness of this approach.
An adult child, tired of constant control, may really move away, stop communicating with parents.
If you do not work out with the desire of total control yourself, you need to contact a psychologist or psychotherapist.

Help of an adult child is acceptable when she does not by the detriment of either him or her parents. If such assistance takes the form of addiction, it is worth getting rid of it on your own, or with the help of professionals.

Esoteric advice: How to help correctly?

Esotericists advise not to plunge completely in the problems of the child. The modern world promotes the idea that a child is a center of the universe. Everything should spin around him. Including, parents should provide him with all material benefits all their lives. It is necessary to invest also emotionally and physically. This path leads to the education of an egocentric personality. Here are the advice of esoterics, how to help correctly:

To educate a full -fledged, independent person, it is necessary to gradually introduce a child into adulthood. After all, children from an esoteric point of view are small people who have their own embodiments, their own character, as well as their own tasks.
The karmic task of parents is to teach their children to be responsible for their lives.
Esotericists advise in time to let the children go from under the parental wing, from the moment of adulthood. Then they will be able to take responsibility for their lives, adult problems will not become stress for them.

Help or not an adult child - each parent decides for himself. In some cases, such help is necessary. It gives a start for an independent successful life of a son or daughter. But when such help becomes excessive, the personality of an adult is not completely formed. Parents do this help only worse than their child. After all, life is unpredictable. And it is not known what problems she will face the child. The main task of parents is to teach children to cope with difficulties on their own.