How to love a child correctly: 8 basic tips, mistakes, their correction

There is such an expression: "As long as you make plans, life is happening here and now." This applies not only to some events and facts, but also to our children who need to be loved, understand and directed in the right direction here and now, and not in some foggy future.

Content

Right on this very day, at that moment, your son or daughter next to you, cognizes (if he is still a baby) this world, or is already trying to win it with youthful maximalism. And at the same time, he breaks his forehead, stuffing painful cones, since usually it does not do without it. It is possible that at that moment he needs your support, attention and understanding.

How to love a child: Work on mistakes

Often it happens to us - work, endless household worries and many other problems take us away from the most important thing in our lives - children. “Then, not up to you now,” we are habitually dismissing, we often answer our child, not even suspecting that this “later” has long come.
Do not miss an irrevocably flowing timeSo that then it was not too late. And remember that until he matures, you and your child are connected together with an invisible, but very strong thread.
The child has become unnecessarily capricious, naughty or turns into an egoist? Perhaps he began to study poorly, closed in himself and does not want to communicate with you anymore as it was before? Or spends all its time behind computer games or constantly disappears somewhere with friends, but has you completely stopped paying attention to you? These and many other issues arising on the basis of misunderstandings between children and parents should make the latter stop and think: “What am I doing wrong? How to love a child? ”

We suggest you carefully study this material in order to understand a lot for yourself and try to bring out the formula for love for your child. This is not so easy to do, although, in general, we write about the rather simple and known to every truth. But you will have to internally change yourself, rethink a lot and understand that, since before, it’s impossible to live on.

How to love a child: basic tips

Paise. Stop and think what needs to be changed in your life so that complete understanding and harmony are established between you and the child?
Listen To our advice: we hope that they will help you become wiser in this vital issue - how to love a child correctly. Think, perhaps in some of the following situations you will learn yourself. And then you will already need to take emergency measures so that mutual understanding is established between you and your child again.

Work is no more important than a child

If you often linger at work - it doesn’t matter for what reason - to advance on a career ladder or earn more money - remember that you will “steal” this time with your child.
Try to organize your leisure so that The child was next to you as often as possible. Work is, of course, important, but if for you it has become more priority than your own offspring, then be prepared for the fact that you lose a spiritual connection with him.
A huge mistake is made by those parents who “pay off” from their children with gifts or pocket money, because the child will not be able to buy the care and attention of their loved ones on them. In this case, you run the risk of bringing the situations to the line when for the child the money will become the most important in their lives, and the parents will gradually move to the second, or even the third plan.

Instead of my mother’s breakfast - 100 rubles

You do not have time to cook breakfast for your child, and therefore give him money to eat at school? This is fundamentally the wrong decision, since the food bought in the dining room will not replace it with love and care prepared by mom's dishes.
In addition, are you sure that he will not buy any harmful food for the money given to him- chips and Coca-Cola, For example? And if you start from a not -so -right postulate that many parents have taken out for themselves, that the child should be fed, shod and dress, and everything else is not so important, then even in this case you act incorrectly.
What prevents you from waking up half an hour earlier to give your child a fresh and useful breakfast? Do not give him an example of your own egoism, as you risk very important things, because your son or daughter can also become selfish over time.

Give happy moments or pamper unnecessarily?

Plan on the weekend campaign with the whole family, visit a museum or theater, ride together on the attractions of the entertainment park or look at animals in the zoo, discuss a jointly watched film or read book - which can bring more parents and child closer?
Even joint camping trip It will take the offset, because you will spend time there, and let him know that his opinion about the alleged purchases is very important for you. Believe me, the child will be delighted with all this, and he will have enough impressions received during the day for a long time. Therefore, you will not have to unnecessarily pamper him, for example, buying ice cream and sweets daily, so that he calms down.
If you do not do all this, then in this case the child will choose a different nanny for himself - tV, computer or some other gadget. Parents, perhaps his choice will delight - sits at the screen, does not make noise, does not require anything, does not bother with his endless requests and questions. But in this case, be prepared for the fact that over time your child can gain dependence on the virtual world, and he will turn into a consumer that does not give anything in return.

Protect it from dangerous information

You cannot even imagine how much the information is dangerous for the fragile psyche of children lies in social networks! Probably, everyone has already heard about cases of suicide among children who became victims of virtual manipulators. And did you delve into what the stars of show biz, politicians and other personalities from the TV screens often say?
Sometimes it’s all to even listen to an adult and watch unpleasant, and the child, meanwhile, sucks all this information like a sponge. Now at the state level some laws are adopted, designed to protect children “from dangerous information” and their protection. Such measures have to be taken by the state if the parents themselves show indifference to what their children look and listen to.
If you will be spend more time with your child, instilling in him an aesthetic taste for true art, then in this case the laws of such a state will not have to be adopted at all. Such children will simply not be interested to take into account all the nonsense that they are talking about on social networks or on TV.
If you force the child from childhood to look back at state normative acts, then over time he will turn into a boring bureaucrat and formalist. There is no other law in raising a child, except for the law of nature: if he has been into the light of a small person, okitay it with a cocoon woven out of love and care.

In which school is it better to study a child?

Ideally, it is better to teach your child the way the nobles once did: teachers came to their house, and different sciences were put into the heads of their children. No wonder the natives from the noble class were so brilliantly educated, educated and subtly versed in art. They were paid maximum attention, which can not be said about our comprehensive school, where about thirty children often study in classes at the same time.
There can be no talk of any individual approach here, because the teacher cannot in any way cover the due attention of all those sitting in the classroom. In addition, the primary task that the state puts before the teaching staff is to educate in the right channel of future citizens, and not at all qualitatively teach children.
If you have at least the slightest opportunity, teach your child in a private school, where he will be given high -quality knowledge and will not provide psychological pressure on him.
But if your offspring has to go to a secondary school, then at least try to make sure that he only studies there, and does not spend time in the company inappropriate for him. Socialize the child, of course, is necessary, but it is important that this process does not take place at school, and, moreover, not on the street, but in the circle of your good friends.

Beat or not to beat - that’s the question

In this matter, which indirectly or directly concerns the love of the child, the opinion of parents is diametrically different: there are supporters of the physical punishments of their children, but there are many who are sure: to beat children is non -demagogy and inhumane.
But what in this case to do if, despite all the exhortations, the child grows absolutely naughty? The answer is simple: never to deceive your child!
Believe me, your truthful words, backed up by deed, will certainly affect him in such a way that you will feel not only obedience on his part, but also unlimited respect for you.
But if dad, for example, reads his son notation about the dangers of smoking, and meanwhile he “smokes like a steam locomotive”, then it is quite natural that there will be no benefit from such a “lecture”, and only the harm, since the parent is thus in this way Loses his authority.
And if the mother promises to lead him to the amusement park on Sunday, and the child with a bated breath awaits this day, and instead he will go to sit with friends in a cafe, then for him it will be a dignity of his hopes. What obedience in this case can we talk about?
And if one such lies, even a small one, layers to another, etc., then in this case to parents, in order to get obedience from their child, they involuntarily have to resort to physical punishment.
It is possible that after such "educational" executions he will obey, but sincerely love you - never. If you raise a child in an atmosphere of constant deception, then over time he himself will become both a rations and a manipulator, recognizing and respecting only power. And then people are surprised: where so much cruelty came from in this person? And he was simply raised in such an atmosphere.

Love your child is not for achieving

Each child subtly feels when mom and dad love him simply because he is in the world - such a native and best for them in the whole world.

And, at the same time, he understands when he is loved and praised only for some successes, achievements or obedience. In this case, in his behavior appear anxiety, tension and self -doubt. He is constantly afraid of something not to please his parents, not to live up to their expectations.
It is not necessary to beat the child at the same time - he will notice your dissatisfaction with their grouchy intonations, sharp words or a cold look.
If he has to grow under such constant pressure on your part, then he will not be able to fully and comprehensively develop, becoming a harmonious person. To do this, he simply does not have enough of your unconditional love. If you do not want your child over time to become a soulless tyrant or a careerist who does not know compassion for his neighbor-love him not for any merits, but just like that! And he will feel this, and grow up with a bright and kind person, in the rays of which everyone will want to warm up.

Understand how important affection

Do not be eager for affection! With love and affection, touch your child as often as possible, because he needs it like that! Such a fleeting affection as stroking the head, a light kiss on a cheek or hug, should be natural and pacifying, without any demonstrativeness and excessiveness.
If the family has such an attitude towards a child in the order of things, then he will experience confidence and calmness also near other people, and not just near dad and mother.
Communication with others will be easily given to him, self -esteem will increase, and therefore universal sympathy will be provided to him. If in early childhood a person does not receive enough affection, he will become emotionally deaf to others.

How to love a child?

On the issue of love for a child, they are wrong as supporters of selfless, absolutely everything acceptable, sacrificial love for their child, and those who advocate love, implicated in strict discipline. There should be a measure in everything. You must intuitively find the middle ground so that the child feels that his parents love him, and, at the same time, understand that he should not cross the boundaries of permissiveness.
Too much strict discipline It will not contribute to an increase in self -esteem in a child, and love “without brakes” and complete indulgence gives rise to confidence in his own infallibility. For each child, a full -fledged love that goes to him is important, and one that can only harm him does not need.

That is, it is not necessary to love the child so much so as not to allow him to develop emotionally, to make him completely dependent on his parents, to restrain his self -esteem and personal growth, to lower self -confidence.

Such concepts as “discipline” and “punishment” should not be confused. For a child under discipline, it is considered training of his mind and character. Through discipline, independence is brought up in it, the ability to own their emotions, so that in the future it turns out a worthy and constructive member of society. First of all, a worthy example of his parents disciplines the child as well as possible.
The process of discipline also takes place when modeling various life situations, it is stated in verbal and written instructions, written requests, consists of unobtrusive, but necessary training, in providing it with opportunities to gain life experience, independently rest or gain knowledge, etc.
Of course, without a reasonable and benevolent leadership of parents on the issue of discipline, you can not do in any way. If the child feels yours sincere love, care and understanding, then in this case, he will not take your leading role in hostility. But from a completely undisciplined child, but, instead of this, too, the “dash”, most likely, will grow a capricious and hysterical person who does not answer for his words.

Save the balance between love and discipline

If you wish your child good and success, “let him go” on time. In the excessive care of the matured guy or girls, unnaturalness and parental egoism are visible, and not parental love at all. After all, you raised a child not so that he has been at his mother’s “skirt” all his life, and therefore he has the right to his personal life. And it does not have to flow near parents at all, since he has his own road. If you gave him your love, care and tenderness, and he received the right upbringing from you, then in this case he will never forget about you.

We will also tell: