The reasons for the underestimated self -esteem in children - why is it falling? Psychological test "Staircase of self -esteem" for children - how to spend? How to increase self -esteem for a child: a psychologist, methods

From this article you will learn why children have underestimated self -esteem, how to understand this, and what to do to increase it.

Content

Self -esteem is the most important for personality formation. If it is adequate, then the child from childhood normally evaluates his capabilities and place in society, and this is a big step to success. As a rule, children initially perceive themselves normally, but as they grow older and the influence of various factors, the situation changes.

If the child is underestimated, then this does not affect adaptation in society, and he has to constantly face misunderstanding. The child feels self -doubt, which over time flows into the inferiority complex.

The reasons for the underestimated self -esteem in children - why is it falling?

Specialists are of the opinion that in children self-esteem is underestimated due to heredity, education and environment. Before starting to understand how to raise a child with confident, it is important to understand the reasons.

Until seven years in children, self -esteem is formed under the influence of parents and teachers. During this period, it is important for them to give as much care and attention as possible. Then in the team it will be much easier for him. When the child is 12 years old, then classmates and friends already influence self -esteem.

Each child is unique, but sometimes he can feel inferior, for example, due to temperament, disease, disability and so on. That is why the first complexes appear, because it differs from its peers. Sometimes the cause of problems is overweight.

As for education, in this case, self -esteem is underestimated when the parents either take care or confidence with them too much. Then the children begin to close and consider themselves guilty that adults do not like them. This is especially common when parents begin to compare with someone-that he studies worse, talks, dresses. All this affects self -confidence. Usually when parents are brought up in this way, it is also shifted to their children, because it is not clear to them how to be confident in themselves, respectively, they cannot teach this.

Any contacts outside the family can also cause self -assessment. For example, classmates can humiliate a child, there are teachers who intimidate children. Especially acute children react to the opinion of teachers in primary and middle classes.

Often, self -assessment is observed in children who do not have parental custody. From childhood, they can consider themselves inferior and do not perceive themselves as a person. This is due to the fact that they are defenseless and they do not have those who can support.

Why do parents underestimate the self -esteem of children?

Why is it hard for children with low self -esteem?

Why do parents underestimate the self -esteem of children? They always wish their children the best. But it happens that careless words or actions make the child doubt himself and his abilities. This is not the best situation, but often parents do it unconsciously. So let's know how to raise a child with confident, but how not to take this very confidence from him.

Excessive custody

Children are very sensitive to the emotions of their parents. Adults try to protect them from everything. This, on the one hand, is correct, but hyperopeck does not give anything good. Often such children feel weak and helpless. So it is important to give children some freedom so that they make their mistakes and at least a little independent. This will allow you to educate independence so that the child is not afraid of her.

Militable labels

The child always perceives information about the world through the opinion of the parents. He trusts them and believes that they are always right. That is why parents should keep all the negativity with them. You can never call a child stupid, awkward. He remembers all this and begins to merge with the image. If the child spilled tea, then do not say that he has “holes in his hands”. So you will reduce motivation for further actions.

Stress in the family

Parents always try to make children feel good, but there are factors that are inconspicuous and no one takes into account them. For a child, stability is important, as well as the relationship between actions and results.

In other words, the daily routine, family structure and the lack of significant sharp rearrangements in his room are important for him. He must see the predictable relationship between actions and results. For example, he must know that there will be a punishment behind a bad act, he will not go for a two, he will be able to rest.

This all does not excite the psyche. If this factor is present, then the children are constantly in stress and feel helplessness. Often this affects self -esteem badly.

Support

Parents do not always support their children. Instead, they begin to say that he had done badly and could be better. This approach also spoils self -esteem. It is clear that parents want children to strive for more, but it is better to praise for it. The task of parents is to direct the child.

Overstated requirements

As they grow up on the child, the loads increase. The main thing is in this matter - do not overdo it. Too complex tasks, high requirements - all this can lead to poor results. The child will hysteria, close from everyone.

Success and flaws

The bad is always visible. This applies to both children and adults. When the children do something well, then most often no one notices this, but the bad immediately becomes noticeable. The task of the parents is not to focus on the oversights, because then self -esteem will decrease to a minimum. He himself ceases to appreciate his good luck.

It is clear that parents always want to make for the child the best as possible. But only excessive efforts and the desire to “build” the child never benefit.

How to understand that the child has self -esteem: signs

When you think how to raise a child confident in yourself, for sure, some signs appeared. Before getting down to business, it is important to understand whether it is necessary to do this at all.

So, in children and adolescents, low self -esteem is manifested as follows:

The appearance can be sloppy or careless
The child says quietly, slurred. He always apologizes for his actions, even if this is not required
He treats his actions too critically
Often the expression shows, as it were, suffering. During the conversation, he does not look at the interlocutor
Children try to be invisible, and therefore often sit on the edge of the chair and intertwine their legs or hide them under a chair
Often they fall into bad companies, because they turn out to be known, and often you can hear complaints about poor health from them
Such children are introverts, that is, from emotion are directed inside themselves, and not out
Children with low self -esteem can show excessive aggression. She is their protection. They do not believe in themselves and in others too
They react too painfully to criticism, they can cry
They may show self -confidence. This is a sign of low self -esteem because there is constantly a desire to "stand out from the crowd"
The desire to always be the first. The child constantly experiences stress, and therefore he has to prove that he is the best. A confident person will not do this

Not necessarily the signs will manifest all at once. They can be combined, absent, but several are always present.

Psychological test "Staircase of self -esteem" for children - how to spend?

Before understanding how to raise a child confident in himself, it is important to make out at what level he has self -esteem. A very simple psychological test “Staircase of Self -Assembly” will help to help understand this.

So, on a piece of paper, draw ten steps and ask the child to indicate where he is:

You can use the test for children from three years old.

Be sure to explain to the child that bad children (angry and greedy) stand on the lowest steps, and better on the second. At the very upper stage are children who do everything the best.

The main thing is that the child understands you correctly. Therefore, when you tell, then ask me what understands. Well, then ask you to put yourself on one or another step.

Accordingly, the lower the child puts himself, the lower the self -esteem. However, steps 4-7 are considered the norm. That is, your child has adequate self -esteem.

For children, an overestimated self -esteem is considered to be an assessment of the seventh stage, but for the smallest one you can talk about this if they put themselves on the upper level.

The scale of the child’s self -esteem according to A.I. Barcan - what does it look like?

There is another test that allows you to check what kind of self -esteem has a child’s self -esteem scale according to A.I. Barkan. So, on the question of how to raise a child confident in yourself, it is important to find out how to use this test.

A.I. Barcan offers the following scale:

1. How do I differ from other children and my peers?

Thin
Thick
Higher in height
Below in height
Ugly
Beautiful
Silly
Smart
Cowardly
Bold
Greedy
Kind
More often deceives
Truthful
He knows bad words
More often fights
It is more often sick
Healthy
More friends
Less friends
I play with children younger than me (myself)
I play with children older than me (myself)
I regret that I am a boy
I regret that I'm a girl

2. What bothers me the most in me?

Clumsiness
Clubfoot
Crooked legs
Sutulay back
Strabismus
Myopia
Big ears
Steaminess 9.
Tiki
Enuresis
That I'm a left -handed manner
Other physical disabilities

3. Children mock me because I

I fantasize them more
I'm afraid of darkness
I'm afraid to be alone
I draw the worst of all
I dance the worst of all
I sing the worst of all
I write the worst of all
I read the worst of all
I think the worst
I am worse than everyone in physical education
I do not know how to play those games that they play

When the child gives answers, it will be possible to judge how good he is about himself. If he is sure that he differs only in parameters from the first section of the scale, and the last two do not concern it, and he has the most valuable qualities, then he has high self -esteem.

When the child adequately assesses his own advantages and disadvantages in all sections, then his self -esteem corresponds to reality.

If it seems to the child that he consists of shortcomings and is a target for ridicule, then his self -esteem is below the norm.

How to increase self -esteem for a child: a psychologist's advice

How to increase the self -esteem of a child?

So, we figured out why the child may have a poor opinion about himself, and also how to determine it. Now let's analyze the main question - how to raise a child with confident, how to increase the child’s self -esteem?

Do not protect your child from everyday classes and do not solve all the problems for him. Just follow the balance in this matter, because you can overload it. Let the child help you in cleaning and get praise. It is important to set tasks that will be able to the child so that he feels his usefulness.
Praise the child, but do not overdo it. If he deserves, then encourage him.
Always support the initiative.
Show an adequate attitude to success and failures by your example. You should not say that since it did not work, then you won’t do it anymore. Better say what will happen next time.
Never put the child as an example of others. This is a comparison. It is better to make all comparisons on it yourself, for example, he behaved well yesterday, but today it was bad.
Swear your child only for specific misconduct, and not in general.
Together with the child, discuss his failures and draw conclusions together. You can tell something about yourself so that he trusts you and understand that you are close.
Take the child as he is.

How to raise a child with confident: methods

So, there are several ways to solve the question of how to raise a child with confident.

So, the following ways:

When parents accept the child as they are, show unconditional love and teach to love the world around him, also listen to their feelings, then from infancy he will have high self -esteem. Parents constantly hug him, talk about love. Too ardent manifestations of love are not always good. According to psychologists, to show love, it’s enough to smile.
Parents should focus on the strong qualities of the child. Do not highlight the shortcomings. Let the child show himself. Your task is to teach him to adequately evaluate his strength, to save him from embarrassment and timidity.
Parents must encourage the baby to strive for success. Yes, adults are not always like that and this is normal. Success is not an indicator of value, but the level of self -esteem.
Always develop new skills and abilities in the child. This will lead him to success. Maybe these will be insignificant skills, but they will increase self -esteem.
When the child has a choice, this means that he develops responsibility. Thanks to the choice, he exposes himself to risk or leads to victory. It is always better to start small - let the child choose clothes, products and so on. At an older age, this will allow him to do the right author.
When adults solve some complex issues, they feel satisfaction. The same applies to children. Let them solve some complex problems, as well as awaken interest so that the child wants to do this himself.
Teach your child to take care of yourself and others. The main task of the parents is to maintain a healthy lifestyle and care for themselves. For example, teach him to choose clothes according to the weather.
Children are naturally curious and they always want to try new things. If suddenly an interest in new sports appears, then encourage it. You should not say that he is now like a couple of weeks and stops. Let it be so, but it will be his choice, he is looking for himself.

The meaning of all the above methods is that parents should encourage the child, and not praise him. Praise causes more harm. If you constantly say that everything is fine and amazing, then in the end the child’s self -esteem will slow down. It happens that children do the opposite to show their parents the rightness.

How to increase self -esteem for a teenager: methods

How to increase the self -esteem of a teenager?

It is much more difficult to solve the question of how to raise a child with confident, increasing self -esteem is much more difficult. When the grown -up children adequately evaluate themselves, they calmly relate to failures and try to prevent mistakes anymore. They are distinguished by self -confidence, do not humiliate the weak and do not rude to the eldest.

Only adults can help a teenager to help a teenager to develop a sense of dignity. This can be done in the following ways:

Never compare

Teenagers tend to compare themselves with successful people who know their price. And often, instead of the development of their advantages, they pay attention to shortcomings. This can lead to a loss of motivation, because parents still consider everyone better than him.

Adults should always see the virtues in their children and talk about it. All children are unique, someone is dancing perfectly, and someone is studying well. In any case, you must accept this uniqueness.

Praise for achievements

It is important to praise a teenager only if there is anything. Just rushing in words, you should not do not devalue all efforts. For example, praise for a ceded place in transport or for five.

If a teenager does not know what his abilities he has, then invite him to engage in some circle. Let him try himself, and he will certainly find something to his liking.

Respect his opinion

Never criticize your child's tastes. Even if he dresses strangely by your standards or listens not good music, in any case you must accept this. The child must understand that his opinion is not indifferent to you. Let him choose, be interested in his life. Otherwise, you will become a bore for him and he will move away from you.

Be sure to pay attention to what an atmosphere reigns in your house - how all family members relate to each other, what they say, how they behave during a quarrel. In order for children to have adequate self -esteem, it should be in parents.

Video: How to increase the self -esteem of a child? Parenting. We form the respect of the child

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