What to do in a situation where a stepfather appears in the family? How to maintain a warm relationship with a child and at the same time competently form his relationship with a stepfather?
Content
In our world, every third family breaks up. And in most cases, the child remains with the mother. Many mothers, afraid to offend the feelings of children, abandon their personal life and raise children alone. Others, by all means, strive to find love and build a happy family. On the way of such women, their children who do not accept the new “dad” stand and prevent their mother from becoming completely happy.
Why is the child against the stepfather?
- Why is the child against the stepfather? In fact, such conflicts arise in families even between their own father and son. Where the family consists of a mother, father (stepfather) and son a conflict, in which two men compete for the attention of one woman inevitable. Moreover, he will be strong where the son and husband are not blood relatives.
- In this case, the structure of the family is a shack, since no one has the obligation to endure each other, support and show love and care. By her own love between stepfather and stepson It will not appear - it can appear only as a result of the joint work of the stepfather, stepson and his mother. Or as in a movie - a miracle happens, stepfather saves a stepson, and they live happily until the end of their days.
Since the son appeared in the family before the stepfather, let's first pay attention to the feelings that are born in his soul with the advent of the applicant for his mother’s hand and heart:
- First, stepfather comes to the family with already established rules, norms and order and, of course, changes everything in the root. For a stepson, especially in adolescence, these changes are similar to a natural disaster.
- The child did not divide his mother with anyone - they were together. Joint walks, cinema campaigns, hobbies and complete confidence that his mother belongs only to him - this is what he can lose when a competitor appears.
- Mom is changing - the child no longer has her attention and love undividedly. She can change everything - from habits to hair color.
- A stranger man who appeared in their life begins dictate the child new rules, trying to control it and even punish it, despite the fact that he is essentially no one. Naturally in such a situation the child will be against the stepfather.
Why doesn't the stepfather like stepson?
- Most often, men perceive stepson as appendage to your beloved woman. He does not want to share the attention and time of his beloved woman with anyone, which is why often the stepfather does not like stepson.
- Why doesn't the stepfather like stepson? The stepson is a small one, but another man in a house who has rights for a while and love of a woman.
- A stepson for stepfather - a constant living reminder that he is not the first husband of his beloved woman. It would seem that in the modern world it is pure stupidity, but alas, men who are able to accept this fact are units.
What to do to a woman if a child is against his stepfather: 10 tips
Psychologists say that it is necessary to establish a child's relationship with a stepfather long before the appearance of a new man in your life.
- What to do to a woman if a child is against his stepfather? You need to start with your relationship with the child. In no case should the child understand that you exist only for satisfying his needs for love and care. You must have a personal life, and so that in the future you have a chance for happiness, you must constantly defend this personal life.
- Otherwise, when you appear in your life, you, and your child will have to survive far from the most pleasant moments in life.
If a man has already appeared in your life, the following tips will help you:
- Give your child time. No matter how you want to build a new family quickly - you need to introduce my stepfather gradually. An adult child or small - his feelings must be protected and taken into account. Even if your beloved pushes you - do not succumb and do not make hasty decisions. The child can tell you that everything is fine, wanting to please you, but in fact, in his soul, resentment will appear at you and your future spouse.
- Speak with your child. Tell him about your dreams and desires, and, of course, how your life will change with the appearance of this man in it. To collect things and move so far that the child has to change school and part with friends and at the same time not to warn him in advance at this and so hard moment not the best idea. Speak honestly that now your life will change And you still do not know how exactly. Do not forget to tell him about his love and that this feeling will never change and will not become less.
- Only your day. Get a rule that will remain unchanged in any situation - choose any day and agree with the child that this day you devote to each other. Go to the cinema, park or order pizza in your favorite cafe-the main thing is that, as once, at that moment there were only two of you. Do not forget about this day on the session of time with your beloved.
- Gradual change in the rules. Do not enter a new daily routine the day after the appearance of a new husband in your life, otherwise the situation when the child is against the stepfather Do not avoid. And, of course, it is better to discuss new rules with the child and ask what he thinks about it. No matter how small the child is at this moment - this will serve as another confirmation that he is important to you.
- Talk seriously all together. This works especially well if your "baby" is already a teenager. Tell us openly about the fact that since your spouse provides you and the child and invests his strength and work in a certain level of your comfort, the child must listen to him, respect and accept his rules of the game.
It is especially difficult with adolescents - Know how to pull away in time. Is your new spouse trying to help a child with lessons? To teach him something? Are they just interested in together? Put off and let them find the distance comfortable for them. Do not even think to stand up with a breast to protect the baby with the first suffering mine on his face. Better yet, make sure that the child knows that you support the upbringing line proposed by the stepfather and let the stepfather be consistent in his actions. Of course, this does not mean allowing him to behave with your child unfairly or rudely, or allow the stepfather to punish the stepson physically.
- Even if you have a bad relationship with the biological father of the child or you simply do not communicate - do not let the new spouse talk about him in a negative tone, especially with a child.
- Do not hide from the child this reason for parting with a biological father. Whatever the truth is, it will always pop up, and the child will certainly embitter at the stepfather.
- remember, that the attitude of the stepfather to the child of his beloved woman is directly proportional to his love for this woman. If he really loves you, he will make every effort and do everything to establish relationships with your children and, of course, will not perceive them as strangers.
- If your father is present in your child’s life, your task to establish partnerships between the father and stepfather aimed at raising a prosperous child. There should be no rivalry between these important men important to the life of a child.
How to relate the stepfather to the stepson?
Despite all the above reasons why the child is against the stepfather, It is he who is the person who is desired in the life of a stepson. After all, he is capable of if desired and certain conditions If you do not replace, then at least partially replenish the absence of a native father. That is why the child of a priori will reach for a man who occupies the position of the father in the structure of the family. He expects support, example and approval of a man who has become the head of the family, as well as purely male communication.
A stepfather is a figure that can teach a stepson to be a man and will subsequently introduce him to male society. The stepfather should understand this and, based on this, try to build relationships with a stepson.
Below we will give a couple of simple rules that will help to correctly relate to the stepfather to the stepson:
- Be honest with your child. Even if you intend to stay in his mother’s life, despite his dislike - tell him about it openly. Sincerity is your main weapon in the conquest of this fortress.
- Do not sink in front of the child Your beloved and do not try to find false points of contact. If your hobbies coincide - this is wonderful, if not, it is better to admit the child that you are not fascinated by African worms or football - children feel falsity per kilometer, and in response you will only get contempt.
- Do not shout at your wife and do not humiliate her, especially with a child. Learn to express your emotions calmly. The happiness of your wife is also important to her child. If he sees that you offend her, hatred will settle in his heart.
- Find the lesson you can do together. Give your child time, try to help, but do not impose too much.
Joint lesson - Just be near a man. Protection, support and support in any situation is the role that will help you win the heart of a child of any age.
Video: Relations with a stepfather
