Children, a child from the first marriage and a new man - how to introduce them correctly: the tips of a psychologist, stages and terms of acquaintance

In this article we will consider the question when and how to correctly acquaint your child with a new man.

Every woman dreams of a loving and caring man, as well as a friendly and happy family. But a mother, who already has children from a previous marriage, often begins to experience fear only when a new relationship appears. And this fear is hidden precisely in how and when a child and a new man should find out about each other, meet and whether they can make friends. And their friendship directly depends on the correctly chosen time for acquaintance.

A child from a previous marriage and a new man - when to acquaint them: important optimal terms

In some situations, it can be difficult for us to find a common language with our child, but what to say about the child of your partner, who was not raised by you, and do not forget about genetics. However, as many psychologists believe, if you follow simple rules, the child from the first marriage and the new man can become not only comrades, but also close friends.

Important: the relationship is worth building precisely partnerships! Do not expect that the baby will immediately call someone else's uncle dad, and you should not even demand it. At the first stage, the child and the new man must make friends!

If we talk about the deadlines

The main reason for the failure at the beginning of the relationship is This is the wrong time to dating.There are no clear frames in this matter, but there are small recommendations:

• On the first date, it is categorically not to bring children. You must find out the man yourself and understand his intentions;
• The second fear - This is stress for a child,if the uncle with whom the child made friends wants to leave. Many children can begin to blame themselves that they behaved badly;
• But you should not delay - Why spend time on someone who wants to only have fun. Moreover, you should not naively believe the words of a man who does not know your baby, but is already building grandiose family plans. It can be just empty words;
• Like a guideline - After an absentee dating, the man did not run away, you are sure of his seriousness. It is here that it is worth catching a thin line to introduce a child and a new man;
• Ideally, that he himself express his desire. But in practice, this does not always happen. And here many make a second mistake - they are waiting. We will dwell on this issue a little.

Important: do not introduce the child to each of your boyfriends, this will greatly affect the psyche of the baby. You must first make sure that for a man a child is not a hindrance and he is even ready to move on with you for the development of a serious relationship.

The child is from the first marriage and the new man: why shouldn't you delay the acquaintance?

For example, you have been meeting with a man for more than 6 months and are sure of the seriousness of his intentions. But the child and the new man are not yet familiar, although in absentia they know about each other. In this situation, much worse, if they do not suspect the existence of one and the second. And when you still decide to introduce them, it turns out that it is difficult for a man with him, and he likes to spend time only with you.

Important: if the child does not have to talk about each of his date, then the man should inform about the child at the stage of recognizing a friend at the first meetings, or at least prepare the soil as soon as possible.

• Why is this happening: The man is used to the fact that you are sending children to your grandmother, and they do not interfere with you to spend good time. And the child with his appearance takes the previously allocated time only for a man! But the child sees in the stranger the “thief” of his mother’s love.
• Therefore, if a man does not seek to get acquainted with the child, organize the trip to the cinema or park. Choose such a place for entertainment so that there is also fun to the baby. This will help to defuse the situation. And at the same time, check the man “for strength”.
• A few words about men and other people's children: There are men that they do not like children in principle, but there are those who do not know how to behave. If in the first case something is difficult to do, then in the second-a gradual establishment of relations is possible.

Important: an approximate acquaintance should be no earlier than 2-3 months after your communication, but clearly no later than six months. In early acquaintance, you will frighten both, and in late, miss that line when they can make friends.

Child from the first marriage and a new man: the basic rules of acquaintance are the key to successful further communication

• Initially, do not hide that you have a child! This is an important and first rule of any relationship. No need to immediately shoot this information only when trying to get to know each other. But if at the meeting a conversation about the family began, then hiding the presence of a baby is at least stupid.
• A child and a new man must meet in absentia! More often talk about your child, about his hobbies. This will give a man a hint how to find an approach to the baby. In the same way, it is worthwhile to give information about your new chosen one before direct acquaintance.
• But give your child time to adapt after a divorce. Depending on age, children tolerate their parents rupture in different ways. With young children in this matter, it is easier on the one hand - they still do not have such a strong connection with the biological father. But on the other hand, with a long life only with her mother, a child with her has a very strong connection. Especially when it comes to boys. On average, an adaptation requires a year!

• Therefore, try to morally prepare the child not just for acquaintance, but even to the fact that sooner or later a mother may have a man.Explain that you want a full -fledged family. But Focus that you are happy with your child. You just need support for another adult. And the new family member will expand the horizon of leisure and the child himself.

Important: but do not tune the baby that it will be his new dad. Firstly, a man may be scared at all, and secondly, he may not justify the baby’s hope for dad. And there will be double stress. Let it be A friend who wants to make friends with you, And perhaps even live. You can talk about romantic relationships to adult children, but this information will not be fully understood or assimilated to preschoolers or schoolchildren.

• And most importantly: the child can consider your new partner as an opponent. Make sure your child is confident in your unconditional love for him, and that she will be enough for everyone. After all, if the child feels that he is deprived of attention, he can reject a new man due to jealousy.

Important: give a guarantee to the baby that you will also pay attention to him and love him just as much!

• Like a little advice - the man must bring at least a small present to the baby to meet.But this should not be a bulky gift so that the child does not think that they want to bribe him. At the same time, there is a small line at the age of age-up to 6-7 years, at least chocolate or machine is required to be, but children over 8 years old will begin to quickly use the position.

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A child from the first marriage and a new man - how to introduce them correctly: stages, places of meetings

In order for the child and the new man to get along, the foundation of their strong relations is not only time, but also the place!

• Not the best place to meet your child with a new man is your home. After all, this is the territory of the child - he can perceive a partner as a threat. It is better to choose a neutral and interesting place with entertainment. Agree, after the meeting, we ourselves do not call the stranger right home.
• And one more important rule - We introduce the man and our child gradually.You should not walk at once after meeting only together. In the first dates, nevertheless Spend 70% together and select for a common rest.
• But psychologists also recommend starting From regular meetings of your partner with a child:together at the establishments, entertainment parks, cinema, make shopping trips. This should not be now at every meeting, but with a certain frequency of the meeting you need to increase.

Important: Do not impose on a man of your children! But if after the one -year -old dates you do not see the desire to communicate with your child or, even worse, he openly declares that it is better for you to be together, then this is a very shaky path of his seriousness to joint family life.

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"How to establish relationships after meeting a wife’s child, how to make friends: possible difficulties, a psychologist's advice"

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Video: when and how should a child and a new man meet?