In this article, we will talk about why an adult child does not want to live separately from parents and what to do with it.
Content
When the children grow up, most of them go away from their parents to live separately. At the same time, some see nothing wrong with staying in the same apartment with parents. However, children should still live on their own. Why? And why do the children themselves do not want to move away from their parents? What to do with it? Let's figure out this and other issues.
Why should adult children live separately?
Some parents do not understand, not just why the child does not want to live separately from his parents, but why he should do this. In fact, there are reasons for that, and they must be understood. Let's discuss them with you and figure them out why it is better for children to be independent, and not sit near their parents.
- There are other rules on their territory. Of course, the emotional connection and support of parents are important. But living according to their rules is completely different. When you live with your parents, in any case you make concessions, because the family hierarchy is almost always preserved. For example, for you a broken meat grinder is garbage, but for your parents it is a useful thing that can come in handy. So you can’t just throw it away, you still have to prove why to do this. To live according to your own rules, one must also understand what these rules are. Assessing family traditions is quite difficult, especially some are respected, because it should be so. It is important to learn how to look for the difference between what you want and what you need. Even if the family has good relations, adult children can be of different types of personality. Own territory allows you to decide on habits and needs.
- Own view of everyday life. You will immediately find out that everything does not appear in the house. You have to independently organize your life. Financial literacy is also important. When mom does not prepare borsch, which you can rely on, it immediately becomes clear what it is necessary and not to spend money on. If you notice the sale, you bought everything, and therefore had to sit on a cabbage diet for two weeks, did you like this condition? This will definitely not want this anymore. So then you will already think that you should not lower the money for something.
- There are no unnecessary restrictions in personal life. It’s not a shame and one can live an intimate life. It is uncomfortable for adults to run into the bathroom, so that only with the parents of the partner to meet. It is important to respect the feelings of others. Of course, parents understand what sounds come from your room. They know that the child is already large and can enter into intimate relationships. Only now these parents do not want to receive evidence.
- Parents should have a personal space. Parents also have their own interests and needs, so they also want to live for themselves. From this it will be good for everyone - there will be no routine in conversations, as well as household disputes. And also, parents will not have to worry once again. For example, you have not been given a bonus and you are freaking out. Why look at this to parents? Then, you can complain, but the main one will remain for them behind the scenes. Moreover, you need to move out as soon as possible if your parents are too passionate about your life. They will quickly find a new hobby for themselves.
- Refuge from toxic relationships. Parents often perceive the child as if he owes something and is an auxiliary worker. This just speaks of toxic relationships. In this case, parents try to keep the child near themselves and do not allow their own life to dispose of their own.
- Parents advise to save up for their own housing. Such an argument is not always supported by actions. For example, a person has been working since 25 years old, and the first results are visible only at 30. Then you can already see and see how much it turned out during this time. If there are no means, as well as difficult situations in life, then all promises can be considered excuses.
- Learn to save. Joint accommodation allows you to reduce expenses, for example, for utilities. For example, no matter how much a person uses a chandelier and air conditioning, it does not matter how much to bake the legs - one or ten. In any case, the costs will be the same. But this does not always work out. For a large family, you have to buy a lot for stock. Accordingly, if you need to save, you have to sacrifice entertainment. In addition, for the company or on the principle of “we must indulge in delicious”, more purchases are made.
- The fight against parasitism. Some children believe that if they live with their parents, then they do not need to bear any expenses. Yes, they can buy something for tea or pay part of the communal apartment. Such people need to know that there are other places for life - except for the parental house. Many children, of course, adequately regard the situation and bear the costs along with everyone. However, it is best to invest in your own space.
- You will begin to understand your parents faster. The longer you live separately, the calmer you will relate to the parent quirks. For example, by the age of 35, you will already have an instinct of hunter for goods for a share. It seems not so bad to store meat grinders.
When a child can live separately from parents - at what age?
Of course, the child does not want to live separately from his parents, if he himself is not ready for this. In this case, everyone has such an age, but only someone can have it at 18, and someone later.
If you look at this from the point of view of the law, then up to 14 years old, the child must live with parents. After this age under the age of 18, he must also live with his parents, because he is not ready for an independent life. At the same time, if the parents themselves do not mind, then he can live with relatives. He will also not be left without the attention of his parents. That's just for guardianship or adopted this does not work. It is forbidden.
By the way, at the age of 16, a child can live independently, for example, in a university hostel or with an adult by proxy. But after 18 years, no consent is required. In this case, the child himself has the right to decide where and with whom he will live.
Why doesn't the child want to live separately from parents?
It also happens that the child does not want to live separately from his parents himself, and not because they do not give him any freedom. Many consider such limp lazy lazy, although it can be a completely independent person.
There are several reasons for this behavior:
- Convenience. Well, you must admit, it is very good when you come home, and there everything is tidied without you, and even dinner is prepared. Father goes for purchases, but there is no need to worry about paying for the communal apartment. Of course, getting out of such a zone of comfort is very difficult.
- Saving funds. An adult working person often wants to save up for his apartment and does not consider it necessary to rent it. In this case, the logic really takes place. It is only necessary to understand that it should be convenient for everyone, and you can move out when there are already enough funds for the first fee for a mortgage. And now the child is leaving for his apartment. The main thing is that the funds do not go to entertainment. This is already a reason to think.
- Traditions. Many peoples, especially the Slavs, believed that sons should live with their parents. Or the eldest of the sons. This is found today. However, two families can live with convenience if everyone has enough space. Including grandchildren.
- Parents do not want to let the child go. This option is also possible. If you are one of those parents who do not let go of the child, then perhaps it is worth reconsider his views and understand that your baby has already grown and is able to take care of himself on his own.
There are situations when living separately from parents does not work for some reason. For example, they are already elderly and they need care. Of course, you can also hire sites, but not everyone has money for this. Although, you can always attach parents to special institutions or go to a higher -paid job. So the reasons are not unambiguous in any case.
How to make an adult child live separately: methods
If the child does not want to live separately from parents, and you are just about the category who believes that this should not be, then you are doing the right thing. An adult requires independence. If your child does not want to live separately from you, then any conversations on this topic are probably irritated. Often, parents, who themselves left home as soon as they turned 18, do not understand how at all at 25 you can continue to live with parents.
In such a situation, there are several ways of action:
- Just talk. Sit in the kitchen in the evening and over a cup of tea discuss the situation. Tell us how you love your child, but you want him to still become independent. Focus on the fact that moving in his own interests, and in no case is he tired of. At the same time, you will always be happy to see him in your house, but only as a guest. Maybe your child was already thinking about moving, but was afraid to say. Or the conversation will simply become an impetus for him to change his life.
- Send him to study in another city. This is the easiest option. It will be difficult for a child to live in a hostel, especially since he has never left without your custody. If you yourself also lived in a hostel, then you know how it all goes. Even an adult, who has already graduated from the institute, can be sent to another city for an internship. Let it be temporary, but still, it will become more independent.
- Send to grandparents. This is also a good option. Invite your grandson to look after the elderly. This will make him sharply grow up, because you will have to not only work around the house, run to the pharmacy and cook to eat, but also care for others. Although, a mercantile interest may arise, because after the death of the elderly relatives, the apartment should go to someone. This is a normal situation, so people are arranged. The main thing is that interest is not the main thing.
- Buy him an apartment. The option is not suitable for everyone, if only because not everyone can afford it. Although, you can propose to make a first mortgage contribution. Well, or purchase a plot for construction. It is important to discuss these options with the whole family.
- Talk to a guy or girl of an adult child. It is very good if the child has already entered into a serious relationship and you are familiar with his partner. Believe me, he will be interested in living separately. In this case, it has more space for maneuver and will be your ally. In this case, the guys are more complicated, because they are the initiators to live together. Here you can just ask if he has a living space and plans for the future.
The Line Cycle is quite useful for a future life, because even temporary departure into an independent life makes a person adult. If he just does not want to think about a separate living space, then you can simply push him to this decision with a conversation or cunning.
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