My husband is a manipulator - how to live with him, how to punish?

Husband Manipulator: detailed instructions for solving the problem. Learning to build relationships with the manipulator.

The husband is a manipulator - a difficult test for marriage, but not a reason for a divorce. In this article, we will tell you how to identify whether the husband is a manipulator, and what to do with this in order to preserve marriage and their nerve cells. And also is it possible to live in a happy marriage with your husband's manipulator.

How do husbands become manipulators?

If the woman knew that her fan of the manipulator, who would squeeze all the juices from her, would she go on a date with him? Probably not. Would you get married? No and no. After all, each of us wants a happy marriage, and not eternal scandals and friction.

So, we must disappoint you. Men manipulators are guys manipulators. Yes and yes. The husband is a manipulator is first of all your mistake. You fell in love with it, or you so much wanted to get married, or you recklessly got pregnant and got married "by the Rise", and did not consider the partner man with whom you have to live a long life.

Of course, manipulators do not show their “face” for the first time of the month of relations, but according to the nuances of behavior, according to the manners of communication, according to the reviews of former relations, relatives can be understood who is near you. Do not justify, do not indulge in fantasies. Soberly assess the situation and think about everything in advance.

Where do men manipulators come from? They grow like that. There are a lot of root causes, but you should not go to them. Look at the result and the possibility of correcting the behavior of the husband.

How do men marry manipulators?

Husband Manipulator is a very generalized topic. Everyone plays their game, but the goal is one - to subordinate and manage the victim (wife). Usually, a manipulator carries beautifully, brightly, romantically and so that this period is eaten in memory. It is desirable not only to the victim, but also to their common environment.

The manipulator is subconsciously important that he looks in the eyes of the victim with perfection. At the same time, it is easier to take possession of attention and inspire the victim that in their relationship the wife is “lousy sheep” and should rebuild the good of ideal relationships.

Manipulators often make a loud and permostish marriage proposal, after which they zealously strive for marriage and already in the honeymoon begin to knock their wife off the rut and adjust their loved ones.

But there is another type of manipulators. They carefully and brightly take care of, talk about the future, about children, about the family. But the proposal is in no hurry. And if a girl leads to a conversation, they convince not to rush. And it is best to be in a guest marriage, a civilian “test drive” or continue to go on dates looking at each other. The conquered and in love girls begins to try to please and show the guy that she is the same. And this deftly drives itself into a trap.

If you are in one of these situations, then memorize as a mantra. If a person loves you, if he is ready to take responsibility, he does not need to arrange games. He honestly and straightforwardly (and the men is exactly what) will offer to marry and will create a healthy strong family. In other situations, he only appreciates himself, and you successfully manipulate you.

Husband manipulator - how not to lose himself?

Remember that the basis of our behavior, character, life foundations is formed in childhood. And the foundations of the family in which the personality is growing is always an example. At the same time, do not forget that human behavior can be adjusted throughout life, but only if he himself wants and is ready to change.

It often happens that the manipulator’s husband does not even realize that his behavior is “wrong” and toxic, that life with him is not perfect and causes many disappointments. Of course, there are situations when the husband is aware, manipulates his wife and children in order to stay in the most profitable position for himself. But remember that in both cases there is an opportunity to change the way of life, if the wife does not scandal or, on the contrary, hide the grievances due to manipulations, and will try to build healthy partnerships.

Also, do not forget that you, as a woman, can also have overstated expectations from marriage, and think that the husband “all must”, in turn, create toxicity in a relationship. Therefore, when identifying the husband of the manipulator, do not forget to apply all the rules to yourself and, if necessary, adjust your behavior. But more on that below.

So what to do if you suspect that your husband is a manipulator? And how can I not lose yourself in this marriage? Specialists in family practices argue that the husband of the manipulator can be obtained only if you have previously met with a manipulator. Yes, dates exist in order to recognize each other as much as possible, positive and negative character traits. But the most important thing is to build the basis of partnerships.

If you are only at the beginning of your way in a relationship, the best strategy for communicating with a man manipulator is from the first day to denote your boundaries, agree and build a healthy relationship. If you see manipulation - calmly, without unnecessary negative emotions, inform you that you see the whole situation, and this attitude is not suitable for you.

If you are in marriage for some time, the above algorithm of actions will help you:

• Explore the signs of a manipulator’s husband, and it will become clear to you whether your spouse is a manipulator;
• In parallel, analyze your behavior. Do you manipulate in marriage? This is important to realize, since you can not wean your spouse manipulate you if you yourself sinful;
• Choose time and calmly talk to your spouse. Explain that you are not very comfortable to live in such a relationship. Offer ways to solve the problem, and also try to establish a new system of relationships;
• Adhere to a new communication scheme, if conflict situations, do not quarrel, but calmly remind you of a new way;
• Do not forget that you are the initiator of change, therefore, it is you who should show an example in the new system of relations.

And remember, there are incorrigible manipulators, which are conscious, chose a similar system of behavior that is convenient and comfortable for them, and they will rather change their wife than the manner of communication. In this case, it is foolish to wait for changes in communication, and the best solution will be the parting and beginning of a new, more comfortable life.

10 ways to identify the husband of the manipulator

In a fit of love, people tend to turn a blind eye to many things and give in where you should defend their territory. But sometimes we ourselves sin the like, and “capture” the territory of the partner, justifying ourselves with jealousy, uncertainty, “what does he hide from me?” We have compiled a list of the most common manipulations of men to identify the husband of the manipulator. But check yourself - aren't you a manipulator?

10 ways to identify the husband of the manipulator:

• Isolation from relatives and society. People spend a lot of time at work, and there is not so much time left for the family. It is not surprising if trips to parents, meetings with friends, the spouse wants to combine with his beloved. But if the spouse categorically refuses to go to your parents, while finding a thousand reasons so that you do not go, a sure sign of thinking about relationships.
• Are you planning a bachelorette party with friends in a nightclub? Jealous may be against such a vacation. But if the husband is dissatisfied with the meeting with the girlfriends of the house, or during the day after a cup of coffee, think about whether his manipulation is worth it?
• Unreal reviews about you and your relationship. The manipulator acts subtly. He will not say - dear, I do not like your independence. No, most likely, he will tell you that “everything”, “many”, “friends”, “relatives” informed him that you are too suspended and not interested in relationships, cold and do not care about it.
• Over time, there are only more such reviews. And they all have one line - you are a bad couple, you are a bad wife, he suffers, and varyingly changes for the worse. Moreover, if you ask the forehead of the same team, then most likely it turns out that they have no idea what is happening in your family. And not many decide on a similar “confrontation”, since it does not even occur to the head that this is only a impudent manipulation of a partner.

• Carefully created rules that are supposed only to the wife. Familiar? The wife from work is home right away, and the husband can linger - his work is more important. The wife after work in the kitchen, and the husband on the sofa - his work is harder. Everyone knows that the breadwinner in the family is a man, even if the wife allows himself to bring income to the family more than that of the “breadwinner”. In addition, the wife has no rights to communicate with anyone outside the family. And jokes and cheerful mood quickly end in questions about betrayals and probable departure from the family.
• At home, on vacation, but anywhere you will always hear what you did a little less than it was required for the family. They do not fight for your attention, they demand it, arranging “flight analysis” as long as you look at the machine as a dedicated doe in anticipation of a new “rule”.
• Family competitions. The husband should be better than his wife. Is always. In everything. At first, you, most likely, will not even guess that you are participating in competitions. And precisely because of this, you will significantly give the “head start” to your spouse, and it will be very proud of it.
• So, you quickly swim and dive gorgeously. And here you find that your husband does everything possible to swim even better! Can't this delight? After all, this is a common hobby! Yes, only after time you will notice that your husband does everything possible so that he is the best and first, and you are “in second place”. This is no longer a paired hobby.
• Or you sing gorgeously, and in the company you are often asked to sing. The husband picks up the song and you sing together. Isn't it fine? But if he interrupts you, pulls the initiative on himself, and instead of admiring applause, you are increasingly catching on yourself surprised and stripped views of friends, most likely you have a competition "Husband cooler, shut up a woman."

But there are very harmless "jokes" that should alert:

• Relatives love me more than you;
• Who is better - mom or daddy?
• I cook tastier coffee, pasta, porridge from an ax, etc.

Another signal is irrational criticism regarding your reaction to its failure. Slipped and you allowed yourself to laugh? Wow! He will definitely pronounce for a long time and grumbled how his wife should worry about her husband.

• Complaints and search for sympathetic. A real husband of the manipulator will definitely seek sympathy. He will complain to you about a family who never loved him, about his colleagues and a leader who do not see potential. And he will complain to you about you. He got sick, and you went to the store, instead of sitting tirelessly near his bed. And let him have only 37.1.
• Over time, rumors will begin to reach you that your husband is complaining of you. And what is surprising! Most often there will be no grounds for complaints. Fictional events, fictional dialogs and quarrels. Everything to denigrate the wife and put himself as a victim who will be regretted and accepted.

• Upgrade spouse. It is always necessary to develop and improve. That is why life is interesting for tomorrow we are smarter and more successful than yesterday. Worse, when we lose ourselves and become “better” according to other people, meanwhile losing ourselves.
• For example, the girl always engaged in dancing and loved to visit on weekends spa. After marriage, innocent jokes begin to interspersed with blatant remarks that she dances not as a married woman, but as a cheap girl. And it would be better to replace with a more serious sport, for example, to visit the gym with her husband. But even there everything goes not according to plan, and the figure becomes “male”. Ultimately, in order to avoid new quarrels and nit -picking, the wife ceases to engage in fitness, and after herself as a whole. After all, now on the weekend you need to cook food, clean the houses and entertain the spouse, who came after that very gym.
• Or another example. When the husband tells his wife that she has a funny hat, and she looks stupid. A short skirt, the legs in which do not look quite aesthetically pleasing. The manicure is teenage, and completely inexpressive. So less than a year passed, and the appearance of the wife passed a powerful upgrade and it is less and less like herself in the past.
• And then what? Of course, a new stream of comments. After all, sexy beauties walk the streets, and she looks more and more on a “scurry”. But any movement towards the transformation is suppressed by the new ridicule of the husband.
• The former is a monster. No, everything can be. And if the former was an excellent partner, most likely you would not have been with this man now. The worst thing is when all his former real witches, bitch and terrible monsters.
• So, if in all gaps there was always the fault of only women, and the man is a great sufferer, then you have a manipulator. An adult man will always take responsibility for himself, or divide in half with a woman. But they will never take everything on her.
• Betrayal? Why didn't I see what kind of man near him? Why did he create a situation when she had a desire to hurry not home, but to meet another? A man must analyze and draw certain conclusions for the future. Only manipulators have no conclusions.
• Divorce due to lack of money? And at the same time, his former terrible tranchera, and he gave all the savings to her poor? Why didn't they distribute the budget together? For what reason did he do nothing so that family income increases? What did he change after parting with the passion?
• Game of silence. Screams, and even more so assault are not the most civilized methods of communication and conflict resolution. But sometimes emotions go off scale, and taking a short timeout is very logical. And also it is logical to inform how much it is taken (hour, a day, a week), and also for what reason. A brevity, sister of talent in this case, but still.
• The husband of the manipulator (women also do), on the contrary, sharply falls silent, and thoroughly ignores. What, why and how for a long time a wife can only guess. At the same time, the wife should analyze the latest events, to identify what exactly the missus was shredded and pray for forgiveness from him. And he will look down from top to look down with a harsh offended look and only quietly sigh or sullenly sniff.
• Thus, the manipulator knocks out the victim from the rut of the usual life and crushes its will for itself. In the future, the frightened animal “Wife” will always live with an eye on her husband, hoping to do everything “right”.
• Kara for disobedience. Each time when disobedience arises, a miss, and just “under a hot hand”, the husband’s husband will arrange a small execution to his wife. The wife does not have the right to make a mistake, and especially if this error wounds the pride of the manipulator. In this case, the husband hurts, and he will definitely make his wife painfully. Much stronger than he feels. After all, he is a husband with a capital letter, and she is just a small human copy for his executions.
• So the violence in the family begins. And this is not at all physical violence, which is no longer perceived as the norm, and from it there are urine. This is moral violence, which envelops the victim gradually, over and over again increasing the amplitude.

How to live with my husband Manipulator?

Of course, it is good to talk about how to build borders and indicate to the young man from the first days of the relationship. But, most likely, you, like many of our other compatriots, have an impressive marriage behind your back and bitter disappointment in this situation. Yes, most often the manipulator’s trap fall into the manipulator’s husband unconsciously. But the recognition of the problem is half the solution.

So, you have identified that you have a husband’s husband. After that, there are two ways - to divorce and forget like a bad dream, or do everything possible to build a new, healthy relationship and not spoil your nervous system.

The first thing we recommend to do is write out the “specific” features of your spouse. Hardly assess the situation. And make a decision on how you will adjust the spouse's behavior.

For example, if the spouse has a lifelong competition with you, that is, several solutions:

• If you are psychologically comfortable, and you do not experience negative emotions - give it to him in corners and let's “win” in the race. For example, many women open a deposit and put off part of their salary secretly from their spouse, and bring the amount less than the husband home. And the money is accumulating, and the family is in harmony. Not fair? But everyone is comfortable. Want maximum trust in relationships? Then to the next point;
• Straight Talk. It will not be immediately and not smooth. Most likely, for the first time you will face a storm of emotions, accusations and new manipulations. For this approach, you will need solid soil under your feet, confidence in your innocence and calm mood. Believe me, this is the most difficult way. But if you achieve a gold standard of relations with the spouse, harmony will be provided for life. If possible, ask for help from a psychologist and attend consultations with your husband;
• And the last way - against whom are we playing? You know that the spouse is actively competing with you. Excellent. Become a team player and enter his team, giving him a leader's place. And in opponents, write down another family, relatives or colleagues. It will require a certain female cunning and some tricks. Admire the success of a competitor and ask your spouse, can your family be the same? And cooler? And faster? But the purpose of the competition should be interesting to the spouse. For example, pick up a new car faster, or go to a football match in Europe.

Does your husband like to play silence? Awareness of the problem will allow you to look differently at the situation. Accordingly, the nervous system will no longer “flash” in such a situation and you can choose your strategy for playing silence.

• Smile and continue to talk with your spouse, artificially not noticing his ignoring;
• Ask uncomfortable questions, make uncomfortable plans aloud to compromise it for dialogue;
• Ignore his presence, while not scattering negative energy. On the contrary, smile and show a good mood;
• Go to your spouse and caress him, freeze like a cat and get to him under the barrel. Remember, your goal is not to prove who is right, who is to blame. Your goal is to achieve mutual understanding and comfort in the family;
• Hold the day, and in the evening, arrange a surprise to your husband. Burn candles, open the wine and do not forget about the chic image of the fatal seducer. Play with him, seduce, but do not impose. An experienced manipulator may try to disorient you. No and no. Listen to music, dance, drink wine, and the manipulator’s husband will not withstand passions.

But all this works until the manipulator’s husband crosses the face. If he insults and humiliates you, if he limits your freedom and even more so beats, put a point in this story and close the door behind you. And know - a good, happy woman will not be left without male attention.

Is a woman to blame that she has a husband's manipulator?

You can accuse the husband of the manipulator for a long time, you can blame parents and relatives that they did not support or open their eyes earlier. But a mentally healthy adult should always take responsibility for himself.

So, we summarize: it is the woman who is responsible that she has a husband's manipulator. It was she who chose him from thousands of other men, it was she who went to the registry office and put a signature, legitimizing the marriage.

And, despite the fact that the behavior of the manipulator’s husband does not withstand any criticism, it is his wife responsible for her own reaction to such a line of relations.

Severe? Yes. But, only having realized this truth, a woman will be able to change herself and build a healthy relationship with her husband. And it may even change her husband, but will not allow itself to be treated as she considers unacceptable.

Civil husband Manipulator - how to legalize a marriage?

If you have protracted "test" relationships - there is only one way out of this situation. And here it doesn’t matter under the same roof or you meet for several years. You became uncomfortable in these relations, and you go to step to the next stage of life.

Invite your civilian husband to a conversation. Calmly inform him that you appreciate him, and also appreciate yourself. And in your relationship a new stage has ripened - marriage. Then either hand in hand in marriage, or if he is not ready for such (after x years or months), then it is most reasonable to let each other, since in the future you plan a family, children, and do not want to burden it with quarrels and squabbles.

A pinch of flattery will not interfere in such a conversation, and tears, emotions, reproaches and increased tone are categorically contraindicated. If a man sees the future with you, he will adjust his plans for the coming months, and marriage is not far off. If the civil husband is openly using you, you will hear a million stories and theories, why is it too early.

Do not regret the past, do not regret the years of relations. Pity your future and your nervous system, which is destroyed with the husband of the manipulator day after day.

Husband Manipulator and Children: What to do?

You think it's hard with your husband’s manipulator - look at the children. And if not every adult woman can fight back and build borders, then children are even easier for children. As soon as they understood the problem in the family, you will immediately decide.

Six months and more have passed, but the situation has not changed? Or maybe even worse - aggravated? Take the children and run from the Woe-Father.

In addition, if you see that the child is clamped, not confident in himself or on the contrary, unnecessarily liberated - seek a consultation with a psychologist. Do not be afraid to contact this specialist, because after communicating with the closest relative, the manipulator is best adjusted to the child’s behavior and give him harmony in life.

Is it possible to change the husband of the manipulator?

An unequivocal answer to the question of whether it is possible to change the husband of the manipulator is not. If a man acts on a hunch, especially copying the behavior and foundations of a parental family, then female cunning, hard work and active work on relationships can give a positive result.

But if the manipulator’s husband acts consciously, and every attempt to establish relationships causes only a storm of emotions and revenge - he will rather change a thousand women than he will try to build a healthy relationship with one.

Hope to change the husband of the manipulator - try. But during this period of life, do not try to give birth, quit from work, etc. Do everything possible to remain independent of his whims. There are cases when husbands manipulators threw pregnant wives, or kicked them out into the street with babies. Take a strong rear and do not forget about financial well -being in case of a crisis.

How to recover after a life with my husband Manipulator?

Remember that strong stress and life crises are very difficult to beat in the psyche. And often it seems to a person that he copes, while falling into severe forms of depression, etc. We strongly recommend that in the process of establishing contact or after breaking up with my husband, be sure to take a course with a psychologist.

If you do well with the situation, and you do not need the help of a specialist - you just stop the course. This is better than getting a lot of diseases against the background of nervous breakdowns and depression.

Experience in life with my husband Manipulator: reviews

Experience in life with my husband Manipulator:

• Inga: A beautiful fairy tale stopped in a thriller within six months after the wedding. First, I justified my husband for excessive jealousy, custody and exactingness in everyday life. Everything wanted to be better and meet its high standards. The story ended sadly - a miscarriage and a nervous breakdown. Thanks to the doctors who obliged us to visit a psychologist. The husband squeezed for the first few months, but over time the specialist took place before him. Many years have passed since then and our relationship has improved significantly. But the spouse still looks at his family with misunderstanding and wonders how he could not notice the toxic relationships of his parents for so many years.
• Maria: I am an ideal wife for the husband of the manipulator. Without parents, relatives and any support. About the fact that he pushes me, I realized, going on maternity leave. But when she went to work, hell began. I tried to be obedient and submissive, but everything ended with a call from the office at the office, because I did not answer his call, and there was no money to call back on the account. The head in the morning silently handed the business card from the center for the rehabilitation of mothers with children. I burst into tears, but he did not convince me to move and start from scratch until my husband began to beat the child. The other day I saw his new wife with a fingal and tearful eyes. Thanks to kind people for helping to run away without looking back.

Marriage problems? You will be interested in our articles:

• The husband beats, and nowhere to go - what to do and where to go: the phone of the crisis center, the trust center, reviews
• Why the husband does not want to work: psychology, reasons, reviews. The husband does not want to work - what to do?
• How to build relationships if a man younger than a woman: pros and cons, psychologists' opinions

Video: How to behave with a manipulator? | Yaroslav Samoilov