A selection of New Year's jokes and jokes for adults.
Content
- New Year's jokes and jokes original
- New Year's jokes and jokes at the table
- New Year's jokes and jokes for adults
- New Year's jokes and jokes for a corporate party
- New Year's jokes and jokes for an unforgettable holiday
- New Year's jokes and jokes - harmful advice for adults
- New Year's jokes and jokes - alcoholic tips on the zodiac sign
- New Year's jokes and jokes to raise the mood
- Video: Super congratulations Happy New Year!
New Year's jokes and jokes original
New Year's jokes and jokes are original:
The stream runs, boiling "waters" ...
And in the world there is no more beautiful.
Then after a booze, in the new year
Admin Vasily went to cast.
***
The clock on the Spasskaya tower is hit.
The people are congratulated
Pours vodka more often,
He believes again ... in the New Year ...
***
The Forest Raised a Christmas Tree,
She grew up in the forest.
In winter and summer, slender,
After all, I did not eat at night!
***
In the New Year, you take off
But look, do not get drunk
To Grandfather Frost
He did not take a sobering into the detachment.
***
In the New Year is believed:
Happiness will be in him!
Sovele, blizzard,
Happiness Full House!
***
I will congratulate the whole world on the New Year,
And I will drink vodka with a sandwich.
I will launch the firecracker from the balcony -
You see will tear off the caccard from the cop.
***
Things and people need to stock up
We have double strength, no less.
For the New Year Porcelain Service
I will buy in anti -vandal performance.
***
They say for the New Year,
Whatever wishes
All one will happen -
Everyone is drunk!
***
We will eat, eat to the dump,
All other aspirations - away ...
The 31st night started,
And the night lasts fourteen days!
***
The little girl is cold in winter,
We took a little girl home.
The windows were hanged, stood in a round dance.
Fun, fun, we will celebrate the New Year!
***
I am constantly not lucky
Some kind of unbridled and vulgar,-
There will be new New Year soon
And so far I'm ashamed of the past!
***
Fucks food refrigerators
For the New Year, on the last day at the month.
And if the mouse picks up there -
She will not find a place where to hang herself.
***
New Year has come today,
A new day rises above the planet,
I'll start life like a clean leaf,
In the early morning of the grams, so from a hundred ...
***
Not like in the old new years -
After all, still a crisis! - modestly, without excitement
Noted, disconnected, as always,
He woke up, as always, on the eighth of March.
***
New Year goes to visit us
We will celebrate it right now
If only the bones were intact
And not like the last time!
***
New Year is on me every year.
This time came very much.
It happens…
Drink, sing, have fun,
But do not go to the Christmas tree,
To Grandfather Frost
He did not take a sobering into the detachment!
***
Problems do not scare, and the crisis will not beat,
We still beautifully celebrate the New Year.
The people are simple, experienced - will hold in the saddle!
There is still enough for an olivier basin.
***
I look at the pictures from the children's party:
Although everyone has a similar wardrobe,
All girls are snowflakes, like snowflakes!
And only our daughter is like a snowdrift.
***
Would be the men of Santa Claus,
Brought gifts to us a bag,
They sincerely pamper roses
And in return they asked only a rhyme.
***
The coward of the bunny is gray
I jumped under the Christmas tree
And a angry wolf was walking past
I took the rope.
***
Hey, cheerful people, quieter!
Santa Claus came out of the forest!
On the way here is a convoy - -
Santa Claus goes to visit!
***
This holiday cannot be rushed.
New Year should be celebrated for a long time,
To smoothly combine
May Day and the day of ejection of the Christmas tree.
I remember a wonderful moment -
We ate spots jam,
We drank compote in circles, -
New Year has come to glory!
***
Grandfather fits in the cold.
In a hat, with a stick and a bag,
And with a loaf snowman.
Nearby rabbit in heels
And the Snow Maiden on the horns.
If you meet this rabble,
So, the New Year is coming soon!
***
I wish you on the New Year
With caviar eat a sandwich
And Mandarinov whole WHO,
So that Santa Claus brought you.
And, drinking everything with champagne,
And maybe the Armenian cognac,
You had fun, danced,
He did not forget to fall into the snowdrift.
And so that in the morning he could remember everything,
What you were not a modest at all.
***
On New Year, everything is possible:
Win a jackpot in a casino,
Eat a lot and lose weight,
And succeed with the salary!
So let's not be borders,
To make a fairy tale to you,
And it was as long as possible:
From January to December.
Eat a spoon to you caviar,
I get a lot of money,
All achieve goals in life,
And do not sweat at all!
***
New Year has long been waiting for
He wants to come to us,
Happy New Year!
He is probably on the way!
We are waiting for this day with champagne,
And with bulking and wine,
Someone is waiting for him with a liquor,
And with excellent cognac!
For the stomach, too, a holiday
Or maybe it's a feast?
Olivier, Balyk, sausage,
Goose, caviar, olives, cheese!
***
If you woke up at night,
In order to drink
And they stumbled upon a Christmas tree,
Under which someone is sleeping.
If the table is covered nearby:
Meat, fish, cake, wine.
Blinded basin with olivier -
Someone ate it for a long time.
Champagne will help here
Not tea and not water.
Continue to have fun
Happy New Year, gentlemen.
***
Where did you forget the Snow Maiden?
- Ah, I went to McDonald's!
There the Snow Maiden remained
Make a snow cherapy-mill!
***
Here it is - the most dexterous holiday
With tangerines and Christmas tree,
With Olivier and Santa Claus
And forced red nose.
With confetti and serpentine,
With a slightly crushed apartment ...
And also his signs: the new day comes from lunch,
Because, walking the night, we all wake up breakfast.
***
On the forest edge of the Christmas tree grew
(maybe - birch, maybe - pine)
A drunken man walked past the woods
(maybe - a hunter, maybe a forester)
He cut her off the root with an ax
(maybe he just pulled out, maybe he cut it down)
At home, this family will dress up a family
(maybe - girlfriend, maybe - friends)
Gifts will be put under her, what brought
(maybe Santa Klaus, maybe Santa Claus)
Sprats and champagne, vodka with cucumber
(maybe with a vinaigrette, maybe with a cold)
After the third glass - stand in a round dance
(And without a round dance, what kind of new year?)
They will sing "table" - who is not very drunk
(maybe under the guitar, maybe under the button accordion)
In the morning, even persistent, everyone will fall asleep in bed
(maybe on the couch, maybe in the salad)
In the meantime, Santa Claus asks you, bitches
Do not chop the Christmas trees ... pines and birches.
New Year's jokes and jokes at the table
New Year's jokes and jokes at the table:
Passed by a deer -
Sanny was bra that
And Santa Claus, although I did not want to
In a snowdrift, like a bullet, flew!
* * *
On this night on New Year's Eve
Snow on the street is going on,
And in the trampled hut
The noisy walk is coming:
Santa Claus lights a candle,
Snow Maiden performs dance,
And deer drink vodka,
Songs sing fun!
* * *
Late! Trams left ...
Slippery ice underfoot.
I break two bottles
Hello w ... new year!
Open in the hatch
(Not lucky, so unlucky)
I repeat as a spell:
- Hello w ... new year!
I'm getting stuck at home in the elevator.
The locksmith is drunk and will not come.
And again I repeat:
- Hello w ... new year!
I click on the bell.
Oh, my wife will kill me!
But the apartment is alien!
Hello w ... new year!
Shelter ... poured.
Ah, what kind of people we have!
I repeat with them:
- Hello w ... new year!
He celebrated Petrovich New Year,
To Santa Morozkov got drunk!
Wherever he looks - Santa Claus!
And finally, he fell under the table!
Under the table, he flattened:
Santa Claus was waiting there!
I scratched Petrovich Nose:
On the nose is also Santa Claus!
Petrovich said to everyone then:
“Get ready here!
Rather, pour glasses!
Do not forget anyone!
Everyone is now under the table
I came to clock with me!
Here the clock is twelve -
I have a salute in my eyes! "
* * *
New Year is knocking on the door,
Old - quickly behind the threshold!
Everyone sat down, as they managed,
Everyone sat down, who could;
Barely managed to twelve
Raise the toast in the old year.
All champagne was poured -
They did not forget anyone
And the honorary guest
Pronounces the first toast:
"Happy New Year!"
They shouted in chorus: "Hurray!" -
"Happy New Year! Happy New Year!" -
He echoes the adults of the kids.
And then the second, and the third,
Fourth, fifth and sixth ...
Everyone wants not the last
Make your toast.
For health and for happiness!
For dreams and for love!
And for the friendship of all peoples,
In order to fight!
For good luck! For success!
For fun and for laughter!
For their children and grandchildren!
So that we all live without boredom!
For the family and for the planet,
There is which - for this,
And for the one that is not!
To live well in the world
And for everything - for everything in the world!
By morning, everyone got so -
Sleep, where it got, lay down:
Who is under the table, who is on the table,
Who is in the Olivier salad,
Who is in bed, some in the toilet,
Who - in general - in someone else's apartment!
They walked very gloriously -
In the morning they barely recognized themselves!
The people admire:
"Yes! This is the New Year!
Now, come on, my friend,
Let's drink more "on the staff"!
* * *
On New Year
The fur coat is open,
The hat is disheveled.
Barking at grandfather,
Courtyard Shavka.
Not even gait,
Walks along the road.
Based on the staff,
Legs are braided.
Stops, falls.
He got up, goes.
And with a new one fell.
Creers on all fours.
The Snow Maiden is nearby
Like a devoted test.
The grandfather shouts:
- You are an old drunk!
Snegurochka grandfather
The fracture answers:
- In Russia, so everyone,
The holiday meets!
To whom the holiday comes,
And to whom he crawls ...
We know one thing,
New Year has come!
* * *
Control shot
New Year is a family holiday -
The family meets at the table.
The table is cracking from the abundance,
And what is not there!
And when in Moscow chimes
"Bom!" Punch 12 times,
Powerful shot at the liver
Wakes up for the first time!
Cognac, champagne and vodka,
And under the shuma herring,
Both the Korean and cheeses
Duck with an apple inside,
And salad "Olivier",
And barbecue on a spit,
Buzhenina, sausage
And Uzbek Samsa,
And dumplings and cutlets,
And chicken paste,
Maslin, sprats, vinaigrette,
And why is there just not!
Crystal toasts ring
And they fly to the liver with a shot,
And the snacks are painted,
Like breaking bullets!
Early in the morning "Oh!" yes "oh!"
Behind the side you grab your hand:
Noshpa, Allahol, Mezim -
The one that is indispensable for you.
And the 7th is Christmas!
Again - the celebration again!
Drunk again, snack -
Again for the liver of art!
And again Allah, Mezim -
The one that is indispensable for you!
Another week will pass so
And there is the old New Year!
Drunk again, snack,
Again for the liver of art!
And it will thunder pretty quickly
The liver is a control shot!
* * *
Paskudnik Santa Claus
Put in front of the gate
Paskudnik - Santa Claus.
I bought all my tiles
Humpbacked Propendos!
Now through the gate
so just do not pass
There is a white snail
Frozen in the way.
I will take a shovel in my hands
and scatter the shit ...
All kittens and bunches,
What is he who paved here, rubbish!
And again it will be clean
In front of my window.
And this fascist,
I will not go to my house!
* * *
Patriotic - Nekher Santa Claus to row!
Santa Claus in the ass straw
I will insert it, and properly a dun.
Or poke into a salt shaker.
Or in his mouth something to Sun.
In general, I will mock Santa,
Until he crying.
- Nechir Santa Claus to row!
Let him fool his British!
Nekher come to us with a red nose
And mow here under our grandfather!
Suck from us, we are strangers hu@suns
Do not let us - ask the Swede!
New Year's jokes and jokes for adults
New Year's jokes and jokes for the company of adults:
New Year with a star
*Nikolai Noskov *
It is fashionable to sing a duet, but to Nikolai,
Unlucky on the life path
How does it always happen for socks
He failed to find a couple ...
* Zverev *
Citizens, well, what is happening
How is the life of bohemia is not easy:
Zvereva Seryozha Pop Methodius
He does not let in the church without a scarf.
*Vitas *
The country is full of singers without hearing,
Well, you have no doubt
Everyone has come in the ear
Only Vitas on eggs ...
*Mikhailov*
He finished it! Finally finished ...
From these trifles "finge the ears"
I remember: Stasik-pop singer
But he sings no better with his mouth ...
*Kirkorov *
Philip is unlikely to correct anyone
He leaves for Parnas
And decorously runs there with a donkey
And Pugas thinks under him ...
*Baskov *
And our pop intellectual,
Singing Basque Kolenka, for example
He gave his voice for Putin,
Now sings like a fool, under the plywood ...
*Alla Pugacheva *
In an interview, the singer told us:
The fact that she needs a new child ...
We need to figure it out for starters:
Alla wants a son or husband?
*Family of the Zapashny *
My husband is a wonderful trainer
But he has a vice:
He is after sex, immediately, silently
Sugar shoves in my mouth ...
*Volochkova *
I watched the ballet adjustor
And he said at the end of the intermission:
“In my movements - there is more meaning,
As well as grace and tact ... "
* * *
Confession of Santa Claus
Yesterday our agency called
And invited to the corporate party.
At the entrance, a pile was immediately poured.
They said it is, aperitif.
What happened next - I remember very weakly.
In the morning they listed sins:
I climbed under my skirt some kind of woman
Then he went to read his poems.
Threw salads and sweets out the window,
I climbed the table with legs like a pig
And hid all the portraits from the walls
(for that a separate article will go).
The new computer was dispersed with a stick,
Wanting to know what is inside him.
And, finally, struck a lighter
With a victorious cry "Christmas tree, Gori!"
And all well, you don't consider me a psychoma,
For the fact that I went to the sprawl yesterday.
Today is the court. Do not remember dashing.
Your old, good grandfather Frost.
* * *
Black New Year
The wife beats, children are tormented,
In general, there is no life!
The peasant soaped the loop,
I got up on a stool.
He entered the door quietly here
Drunk Santa Claus
I listened for a long time peasant,
Without hiding tears:
-Babs-Baba ... children-children ...-
Tighted the bag, -
Well…
While on the stool,
Tell me the rhyme ...
* * *
They gave Sanya Sani,
Having shocked the spouse of Sani:
In her clean room
There is no place for sled!
* * *
Given the field field -
The field became uncomfortable:
That at night halred
Do with football players?
* * *
Julia's things are not going on:
They gave her stilts -
The third day is trying
Everything is climbing them!
* * *
Give Leonid
The bomb is atomic in appearance.
Glad to the gift Leonid -
He says not phonit!
* * *
They gave it somehow Bore
Horse harness in the set ...
It's a pity, it turned out soon -
The saddle does not sit on the bore!
* * *
They gave Kolas
Sloped Kolya to school -
Who knew what was in this school
They will not give Kolya knowledge?
* * *
They gave Spiridon
Belen and Belladonna -
Sorry, they say - what could ...
No, no hemp!
* * *
They gave Sasha the shavings.
They stuffed the carcass into the gun -
Sasha flew into the sky,
And after her followed - soot!
* * *
Given Froll once
Epoxy resin ...
For a long time the guests were versed -
What did he serve to the table?
* * *
Gave Inge Thongs,
Showed the inge dance -
Inga in thongs at the pole
Surprisingly a nimble!
* * *
Giving an old woman a mug
Looks at Pushkin at the old woman:
Like, what are you sitting? Fel -
Drink and inspire!
* * *
Savva asked his wife
Give him a boas
And now in the family they have
Two brake men!
* * *
Give Lyra Lyra,
And we sat down to listen to Lida:
Heard - yelled
And they took it back!
* * *
Given Vasilisa
Dear inserts in SISI ...
Santa Claus, what could you
Give her an insert in the brain?
* * *
When I hear the glorious ringing of chimes -
I will open champagne as soon as possible ...
And I will drink for the success of large talents,
What are in a circle of acquaintances and friends.
Then I'll take the caviar with a sandwich
And pour cognac to the very edge ...
I will congratulate the optimists on the New Year,
Sulia is happiness and blessed paradise.
Like a goose, swallow fish and sausages,
And after the fat, to shine with the mind.
Toast I will raise the third for a cute eye,
And I will smile at my beloved - like a bear.
The fourth pouring for all the military,
Civil and reliable men ...
And I will put my neighbor on the knee
Let him know that which is ready for love.
Then the songs and dances will begin
To the music of dozens of decibels ...
I will pay sobbing: "We have no Alaska!"
And for a moment I will become very daring.
I will pushed the spear after emigrants,
Which languish in the distance ...
I think of their rights a guarantor,
Holding a glass in a weighty hand.
And salads will fly to the heads,
A scream and orgies of the shaky will begin ...
I will also remember the ugly deputies,
What brought the people to the terrible dashing.
And there will be a mother -in -law with tears to bark,
Falling from the blow, under the table.
All guests will get angry, calling
Me moron, reptile and goat ...
I will be offended tightly, with that annoyance of crying,
And crawl, smoke to, on the balcony.
And I will throw my tuxedo from Versachachi,
Shouting to the world: “Shakhtar” ours is a champion! ”
And so that the holiday looks like a non -hut -
I will not let my neighbors fall asleep until the morning.
Retrining all his strength to curses,
I’ll think that it is time to go to the table again.
Waving a hundred grams, I will not see dessert,
And only guests of the movement of the legs and arms ...
I won’t reach the bedroom ... Paul is closer,
Bucked under a Christmas tree - like a beetle.
... and only in the morning I can hardly remember
The whole feast, Galdage and the faces of all friends ...
I love the New Year, even if the guy is modest.
He is the best of beautiful days.
New Year's jokes and jokes for a corporate party
New Year's jokes and jokes for a corporate party:
New Years corporate party
Every year the same thing -
Disgusted tavern,
The same speeches, the same faces,
Pants, tie and jacket
Primitive charades,
Poorly whipped souffle
Boss dancing "Lambada"
With secretary, on the table
Clumbled attempts
Along the career "on horseback" -
Abundance of drinks
Compensates, quite
Unchanged "high"
With "million red roses"
Flirting, through a kiss
Be sure to suck
In the sprot - ashes and cigarette butts,
Recitation "BIS",
Personal to the Snow Maiden
And hints of striptease
Drunk waltz in four steps,
Under the accordions of the fur
Discussion of Lady Gaga
And reforms of housing and communal services
The feeling of a brothel,
Goodwill is a margin ...
New Year's week.
Private corporate party.
* * *
I opened my eyes, but I see nothing
I'm trying to take a breath, but I can't
What about my mouth? - He is also immobilized
You won’t wish this, damn it!
I try to understand what is happening in a panic,
What trouble could happen to me,
I don’t find an answer to this memory,
It looks like I am not too stern with my brain now.
He strained all the muscles, rose and oh, miracle!
I see again; I see a table, window, chair,
And then I understood, when I saw a dish,
That in the New Year in the salad I fell asleep!
* * *
Irony of fate, in short
In fact, everything was in the New Year,
Love-carrot and with a light steam,
And some kind of Pavlik is to blame for everything,
Which gathered in Leningrad, to the woman.
But men, right people,
At first they went to the bathhouse,
And burning beer with vodka
We gathered to celebrate the holiday with venerable.
And now, getting drunk in the trash and with a naked torso,
Sang a song about the taiga and planes
And as a result of this booze
Everyone was very tight.
In short, after the airport,
Everyone was cognac
And instead of Pavlik in Yak-40
A drunken Zhenya fell into Zhuman.
And on the plane there was Ryazanov,
I solved the crosswords with glasses,
And a drunk Zhenya with a broom of an armpit,
All the time he fell from the chair is stupid.
As soon as the liner landed,
Zhenya slid off the ladder awkwardly,
Came in a taxi, calling the address,
And then everything spun.
In short, in Leningrad was
The same address as in the capital.
And the house and the key, which is characteristic,
Everything turned out to be identical.
The drunk Zhenya climbed under the blanket,
And he snored like a steam locomotive at the start.
And then the front door suddenly opened
And the mistress of the house appeared.
Seeing a drunkenness in his bunk,
She, of course, was very scared
But suddenly then he dared so powerfully
She grabbed the kettle, began to beat Zhenya in the face.
Zhenya, of course, swore powerfully,
Yelled about a screen, a flowerbed and an apartment,
That, they say, who are you a bitch,
And, like, I live here with my mother.
Then, in general, the man rose,
He introduced himself as a Hippolytus,
In the coat, and businesslike,
He arrived on a penny red.
Well, Nadka tried to turn away here,
Where, they say, a man is drunk here.
Handed Hippolyta a razor,
Models of a new self -cleaning system.
But Hippolyt was very evil,
Got drunk and climbed into the bath,
Rushed with soap spraying on the floor
And flooded the neighbors, a bastard!
Then the drunk sat down behind the wheel
And the Neva drove the frozen.
And Zhenya sober up a little
And immediately fell in love with Nadka.
Well, like, Hippolytus was sent to dick,
And these two are Zhenya and Hope
They got two apartments steep.
What just does not happen in a drunk?
***
New Year has come today,
A new day rises above the planet,
I'll start life like a clean leaf,
In the early morning of the grams, so from a hundred ...
***
Off of work! Contingent
occupied the buffet:
Apelsin tangerines,
With premium envelope ...
The chef lays in his mouth
With sturgeon sandwich.
Here is such a picture -
Hello, Christmas tree, New Year!
* * *
The flu rages over the country.
Drink vodka. Eat the mushroom.
Santa Claus is already on the way.
President without ten
will move the sermon on the air.
Happy New Year, the Old World!
***
Once for the New Year we drank-they ate
And they went to unwind to the New Year ate.
The beauty! All around the lights, music, acquaintances,
You move away from one, new ones are suitable here!
In general, somehow I lagged behind my own, however.
I looked around, I see - next to the fight.
* * *
Yes, not guys, the men in that chopped fight,
Only fists flickered, but the hats flew.
But PPS and guys in uniform drove up
They loaded all the fighters into the groove throughout the examination.
The men sniffed, but - did not resist,
And, trampled in the snow, their caps were lying.
Well then I collected them quickly in an armful
And knock on the door: "Take hats!"
The door opened at this moment, and me - for what?!
The young beautiful cop dragged onto the bus.
“Let go! All wrong! I am for a hats for the sake! "
The cop showed me a fist: shut up, they say, uncle.
The hats, only went into the department, took it away immediately.
"So, what for what?" - “What about what? For theft! "
I did not have time to open my mouth, all of us - in the "Monkey"
And there was such a people there - you can see right away - a holiday!
Young intellectual with a rose cuttings,
Uncle, important as an assistant professor, two Santa Claus!
Drachunov, protocol, questions were taken out.
Only they, in the end, were released all the same.
The men do not leave, which is quite understandable:
They ask the hats that are lying back.
The duty officer says to them: "These hats are from theft!"
But, and those who say: "These hats are ours!"
“The passerby picked up ... He did not leave with the find ...
Because of us, he got here ... He, behind bars! "
The captain opened the door for me, sober and in the parade,
“Well, tell me now, everything is in order” ...
I am in detail, about everything, not sparing colors,
He saved hats to people, and me - to the site!
Oh, the captain laughed, and the duty officer too.
Even men and grandfathers frosts laughed!
They brought something, and home on a foot.
Neither passers -by nor a taxi, a night ended.
I left for an hour and did not take mobiles,
And in the family a commotion: where was I all the time?
... talked about the miracles of New Year's Eve ...
And somewhere he lost his hat ... Mink, by the way.
* * *
Hell happened in the Russian Duma -
Santa Claus came to them with a nightmare.
A minted step, as if on a parade,
And behind the back-Snowhead Commissars.
Cartridge tapes brass bandages,
Rolled breasts tear the gateop.
In the eyes of an unkind bunch of permafrost
Star, cattle! You will not be mercy!
* * *
Around the Christmas tree round dance
Around the Christmas tree round dance.
New Year is coming !!!
We pour a champagne river -
New Year is always like that ...
We beat the glasses, tear out the outfits -
Take off as it should!
* * *
All Marin, Alain and Mash
All Marin, Alain and Mash,
Ol, Tatyan, Irin, Natasha,
Val and Dash and Katerin
(Take aspirin!),
Vic, Angel, Karin and Alla
(If only who gave Viagra?) -
Happy New Year,
I wish you happiness, joy
Sex to everyone, love in full! ..
All. End. The wife came.
* * *
Grandpa is tired
Grandpa is tired ...
The voice is quiet, sluggish ...
The beard fled ...
The hat was lost ...
What did you bring, grandfather?
It turned out - Dully.
* * *
If on the night for the New Year,
If on the night for the New Year,
A strange guest will come to you -
Someone with a white beard
In the red cap fur,
With a long staff in the hand,
And with gifts in the bag,
With a loud laugh,
With a good look ... -
So you don’t have to drink anymore!
* * *
The Christmas tree shines with lights,
The Christmas tree shines with lights,
Guests are not sleeping drunk
Between female legs
Most of them are lying.
Santa Claus is the mistress.
They are warm under the sheepskin coat.
New Year will come now
Time quickly flowed.
The fight of chimes, all ending.
Holiday, vodka, cucumbers.
Sex together is noted
The holiday is our well done.
* * *
Hello, good Santa Claus!
Hello, good Santa Claus!
Did you bring gifts to us?
Do not be shy, come in,
Sit by the fireplace.
Drink, snack deliciously,
Lie down under the Christmas tree, sleep!
And your heavy bag
We will put under the castle
Put in the safe, forget the code!
Rest, we won’t make noise!
We will make up on a holiday we
We will make us on the holiday, we,
So that dreams are fulfilled
So that fun in every house,
So that happiness is in him!
Time quickly flashed,
Be together, not apart!
We have to part
Shout the holiday - Hurray!
* * *
When looking at the TV,
And there was such a moment
Do not say, close, uncle,
Perhaps this is the president.
* * *
Sitting down at the table with a luxurious maiden,
Be careful, be,
When grabbing the left hand
Her ass, and this is her chest.
* * *
Raising a glass of champagne wine,
Do not announce in comb
With a hint, obviously hooligan:
- For a sanitary doctor!
* * *
And if there is a snowball at the table,
Do not kiss her suck,
Who will vouch for the moron,
Which grandfather Frost?
* * *
When you get on a mobile
Call: why did not take measures,
Do not send the client strongly,
Perhaps this is the prime minister himself.
* * *
Do not think a focus, my dear,
Tables to surprise guests
They have long been not very sober,
And you are by no means a sorcerer.
* * *
When at the end of the second week,
You will open your eyes to the guys:
Like you, colleagues, shouted!
Take yourself better yourself.
New Year's jokes and jokes for an unforgettable holiday
New Year's jokes and jokes for an unforgettable holiday:
Mortgage for half a century,
Unfaid loan
He will not break a person
The crisis will not win us!
* * *
We will break through, definitely
In life without grief and worries.
So let's note deliciously
Christmas and New Year!
* * *
I wish you on the New Year
Live without worries and troubles!
I wish you to do not know the longing,
To kiss me more often!
***
Kohl was born homosexual -
Urgently demand a gay parade:
Without a parade is very boring
People in your city.
Show that we, like the West,
We know the price of blue
And ready with men
Fear to “Hurray”!
***
If you suddenly baptized you -
Insult atheists,
After all, the will of the Lord will -
To cause them good to all.
Well, if they suddenly answer -
Demand to introduce the law,
To feel the feelings of the Orthodox
He could always protect.
***
If you were born a girl -
Silve the guys sooner
Say that God chose
Because there is a hole.
And then all these guys
Your legs will lay down
So that you shared for it
Sometimes a hole with them.
***
If you were born a Jew -
Complain to the Holocaust,
Even if not touched
In the past, he is your relatives.
Well, those who do not cry,
You call the fascists:
Them, in a difference from Jews,
You can’t be fascists.
***
If you are an old grandmother -
Come into the tram with obscenities,
Insult sitting girls,
Even if they are with children.
Not applied to the old grandmothers
The place to ask for polite
After all, then attention to yourself
It is harder to attract at times.
***
If you want to become a rapper -
Do not read these lines,
Because thinking is harmful
All rappers like you.
Through thought-thoughts
You can lose your talent
If suddenly quite by chance
You grow up your IQ.
***
If you are in anti -fascists
Finally signed up -
Beat fair -haired women,
If they do not sleep with the Caucasians.
The Russian woman did not fit
It is not shared by beauty
With those who love lambs
Due to the shortage of women.
***
If you are a real kid
Then sit down,
And when you get drunk beer -
In the elevator you do not write crookedly.
Well, if suddenly they are fanned -
Send three letters, send
So as not to interfere with cattle
The boys need to celebrate.
***
If you want to be beautiful -
Swage on the lips of Botox.
And at any time of the day
Dark wearing glasses.
And when you start to verify -
Do it only in your nose
To the emphasis of the aristocrat
Show gray masses.
***
If you want to get married -
Sick a condom,
And then you are with the child
There will be a strong husband to love
And your mother
It will just adore:
Then the duty is direct
Real men.
***
Kohl made his way to the deputies
Then not Majus nonsense
Type of the needs of the electorate
And such shit.
Better to benefit this time
For yourself, you will conduct
To leave the legacy
In Swiss on the account.
***
Do you want a director?
Grow a mustache
And play in your own films
You are kings, nobles, gentlemen.
To make it too much enlightened,
Who is the count here, and who is shit
And your own did not forget
The place in the herd is never.
***
Kohl made its way to the presidency -
Get yourself a friend
And change regularly
With him places every other time.
To remember the voter:
Democracy in the country!
And from power as a tyranny
Never to be here.
***
If it has become a primadon -
You can not protect your voice.
The main thing is to do it more often
You are your farewell concert.
And pull the guys in bed
Bruck to their taste.
To have a toy always
And PR man in reserve.
***
If you were born a Caucasian -
Come soon to Moscow.
You can always buy there
Red diploma in the subway
And rape
The girls are fifty.
After all, cops will always let go
All after dumping on Rusakov.
***
If you go to the stage -
Sing more often about love.
And how very bad
In this world without love.
And then in the album of the new
Sing again about love
To always understand she can understand
Your songs by Shkolota.
***
If you want to be successful
Then buy an iPhone on credit.
So that the last is the model
And he caught in the eye.
And it doesn't matter what you are now
With a naked ass, all in debt.
This should not soar
Real Muscovites.
***
If you are a human rights activist -
Toad to grow face.
Anti -Russian ideas
Viciously kwacai in the lens.
And then you will not be forgotten -
You will get a grant in speed,
So that, having no work,
Live successfully without worries.
***
Kohl decided to be a monarchist -
For a lot of forget about
How to improve in your country
The life of simple popular masses.
If only there were a king and a church,
And a little of the nobles!
Because power from God,
And you cannot judge her!
***
If you suddenly are a proletarian -
Insult other people
If they are not at the factory
Earn bread.
To know the Belarusians,
That there is no truth behind them,
For only factory
Make more beautiful the world.
***
If you decided to suddenly become
Real chansonnier -
Songs go about the zone only
And about how bad there.
And how the world is crippled
Court, law and garbage.
After all, without them, for a long time in the world
Paradise was built by the earth.
***
If you are a brave paratrooper -
Beat all those who “did not serve”.
And it doesn’t matter that they are all
Citizens of your country -
About the Fatherland protection
After the demobilization, forget!
You are not a defender for them now,
And a dashing alpha male!
***
If you were born a black man -
Never work!
Booked in full
Your ancestors are long -standing.
Hate white for this -
They can’t atone for the fault,
At least your ancestors freedom
The white man knocked out.
***
If you live in Holland -
Enterity with drugs
And again about the "parades"
Harmful Read the advice.
Because there is no freedom
If you are not homosexual -
You are not democrats then,
And the continuous “scoop” and “Reich”.
***
Kohl called the Satanist -
Round graves, cut cats,
Worship servile
Satan Lord!
And be baptized as often as possible
Inverted cross!
Follow the canons of the church,
But slightly the opposite.
***
If you suddenly become a ghoth -
You don't laugh at smile!
Show with all your appearance
That suffering is full of the world.
Despise all those people
Who is without powder on the face -
For that criterion is the main
Misanthropes of all stripes.
***
If virginity has decided
Savior to marriage -
Remember: only in the mouth and in the ass
You can get access to guys.
And about the "most secret"
Let them forget! It is a sin!
Let not even dare to think
Distribute your honor!
***
Kohl was born as a zoophilus
Then de facto well done!
You don't need advice here -
You are already a hero!
Is that more porn
Take off with animals,
So that great deeds
The whole country saw.
***
If you started a passion,
Then kiss
With her more and longer
You are in public places.
And "in contact" post a photo,
How you pose in a bump
Not because of love, but to
Show that you are not a sucker.
***
If you decided health
Raise your nation -
Prohibit parsley soon,
It has bad substances!
Only harmless products
The citizen should eat,
To enjoy life
Could and tobacco and tobacco.
***
Well, if you are a pedophile -
Create a party urgently,
So that at the level of legal
To instill in children love.
Unloved kids
They are developing wrong!
And they always need someone
Who could brighten up childhood.
***
Well, if on the Internet
You decided to register -
SRI in the comments indiscriminately,
To scan for a smart one.
Grammatical errors
Stick to prove:
You are cool, and “grammar-nazi”
For you here is not a decree!
For a whole year to bald-bucket,
I will give a charisma to excite,
Men's honor do not drop,
Do not blame health!
There is always a super-form,
Be a man at least where -
With money and in sight!
Happiness in the new year!
* * *
Hug the figure
Beauty-snout
And smack in the suction -
Leave Santa Claus!
To melt the table,
Get used to alcohol,
Caviar to eat
And hang out in high!
* * *
Happy New Year, congratulations
And today we wish you
So that this year
Tears were not in use
So that acquaintances appreciate
And they loved home
More often awards were awarded
So that the diseases do not attack.
This is the point. And we will be alive
We’ll get the rest
By acquaintance Il according to the blat,
Thank you for the salary.
Do not be sad, above the nose
Well, let's drink to come true!
* * *
Do not go, girls, to the forest -
There the bear climbed into the Christmas tree.
He roars: “Beast, here!
Look, I'm a star! "
Here is a message from animals.
Turn it soon:
“Happy New Year, congratulations!
We wish from the forest soul
Be people and not bite,
Do not growl or swear,
Live in health and in agreement -
Peace to you, love and happiness! "
New Year's jokes and jokes - harmful advice for adults
New Year's jokes and jokes - harmful advice for adults:
If the city does not know
Your taxi driver is unshaven
Only after leaving five meters
He will ask - do you know the road?
You explain the way
So that he drove longer
Crack by the alleys
On the launders off -road
Circle around the city
You are fifteen
And then he is all the change to you
It will give it to a penny
* * *
Are you afraid of a dentist?
He is scared to avenge
So break Bordmashin
So that no longer buzzes
Let it treat in manually teeth
They do not care the sadists
* * *
If you are in the library
Detectives will come across
Then the last pages
You always tear out
And readers are different
They will come to you on the knees
They will beg tearfully
Tell them who is the killer
And you will be in the reading room
The most important person
* * *
Kohl wife on the anniversary
Suddenly he wants diamonds
Or an expensive fur coat
You will surprise her
Spinning, inflatable boat
And a set of hooks of Japanese
Bring her with a smile
This is her dream
And so glad she will be
What will kiss you right away
Well, the mother -in -law will give you
Three hundred grams of bloodworms
* * *
Kohl watch you go thriller
Then always take with you
Horn, brilliant pioneer
It will come in handy in the cinema
To the audience to neighboring
It was more fun with you
You are trumpeting at those moments
When terrible and dark
And if the zombie is terrible
It crept in to the heroine
Let it be louder for the audience
The mountain dawn will play
People will admire you
Turn on the light of the eagerly in the hall
Two beer will bring for you
And they will give all the popcorn.
* * *
If it's boring in the store
In a long line for you
Then come up with fun
What would be more fun
You are a cashier right in the ear
Shout loudly - fire!
You will see for free
Products will give you
* * *
If my husband is fishing
It is necessary early in the morning
He will be glad to be a joke
Fishermen are cheerful people
Hide at night you are away
His cloak and boots
And what was more fun
Burn the fishing rods in the stove
And when your husband wakes up
Then advice yes love
* * *
Never inferior
Places in trams and metro
And when you exit, push
All preventing everyone from going out
Drink beer from a bottle
Legs stretched out into the passage
And then everything will admire
The gentleman is immediately visible
* * *
If suddenly for a day of birth
The boss will invite you
Do not get lost and arrange
He is a holiday as soon as possible
Collect all your friends
Father -in -law and friends
And of course don't forget
Take a cat and hamster
And then you will see you
How he will be delighted
And raise you a salary
From Monday five times
* * *
You wanted to marry
And the parents of the bride
Do not consider you serious
And a solid groom
Do not be discouraged right away
Come to visit them at night
Mother -in -law, boldly tell us
Indecent joke
Pull the bride by the nose
Litee smile a spoon on my forehead
And you will see at once how they will respect you
* * *
If you want a dog
You will certainly take a walk
Then then lead it
To the grocery store
There are a lot of sausages with meat
And the dog will be delicious
And guards with flowers
You are spent to the door
* * *
If you come to the theater
Do not forget that you should
Be a cheerful in the hall
After all, on stage boredom
Sing songs and ditties
Explore pyrotechnics
Build tangerines
And throw yourself at the ballerin
And offer neighbors
Together with you, get on stage
And you will suffer a storm of applause then
* * *
If you got with a girl
You are a good restaurant
And you want the evening
She was always remembered for her
Order many oysters
A lot of rowing caviar
And more champagne
More expensive and tastier
And when you have to pay
Run to the toilet
And then she is of course
Will love you for a long time
* * *
If you were found by the boss
In classmates suddenly
All be on the admin
Like, the admin made you
Climbing at work at work
Buy in classmates
And admin for it at once
A new computer will give you a new
* * *
If you want to be healthy
Then look for a sign everywhere
You will recognize her right away
There are letters "Do not smoke!"
Then get a cigar
And smoke her in a puff
After that, heal
Never will never have to be
* * *
If you want to
You were considered witty
Come on the tank
On the garden ring
Put it across it
So that no one can drive
And see how people
They will laugh for a long time
* * *
If you are the eighth of March
You will come home on horns
Without a gift and in lipstick
The wife will not be upset
You will tell her honestly
What were you on intelligence
And lipstick and vodka
Enemies poisoned you
And then the wife will believe
Will give you a lot of delicious vodka
Sleep, but in the morning
Tell you that you are a hero
* * *
You buy in the store
And put on the balcony
The machine gun is large beautiful
By the name Maxim
It will definitely come in handy
And the neighbors will like it
And the district police officer
He will walk joyfully
* * *
If you go home
From beer under the bald
And to meet the police
A patrol will come across to you
Do not be scared and do not hide
And break into their car
And then in the morning for sure
A lot of beer will be given to you.
* * *
If often on the lawn
Grandma with a dog walks,
To ask everyone, while trying
How are you and how?
Know this is a saboteur,
Under the cover is deep
It is watching you stubbornly
Do not lower the tenacious eyes.
Where did you go? And who did you meet?
Writes everything for sure
So that the specialist is on the turnout
Urgently report to the Center.
Show that you are not afraid
You are German counterintelligence,
Our simple Soviet Kukish
Show the spy!
***
If, sitting on fishing,
You can't catch anything
And cunning fish
Ate all almost worms,
Throw a TNT saber
Three kilograms are three,
Raising above the water
Spray with fish in half!
There are "damned herring",
Realizing how much a pound of a dashing
With a stunned subconscious
They will pop up upwards.
And you, the fisherman is skilled
There is nothing left
How to climb waist in water,
Collect fish in a bag ...
***
New Year is a good holiday
The reason is also not fig,
So there is nothing to languish -
Put the Christmas tree, hang the balls,
Buy wine and vodka,
Beer and smoked chicken,
Sausage, olives with cheese,
And the salads also cut!
Invite friends, girlfriends,
Dad with mom, grandfather with a woman
And me, like a childhood friend,
Add to the list also.
Nothing that a month of August,
And flowers bloom in full swing
We are such trifles
It is impossible to scare!
***
If you entered the apartment,
Dragged his belongings
All sofas and chests
Where I should have shut up
Put the speakers to the balcony
And Natasha Korolev,
Or other pop music, pop
Turn on the whole street!
Let it be dark, and the night is in full swing
Nothing, let everyone know
What is now in this apartment
Russian people live!
***
If you see on the road
Camera with radar,
Do not rush to reduce speed,
Press the bolder gas,
To tear with a swallow
A car with a roar from the strangle.
And when you go to the Blitz,
Smile at all your face
The shackle is wider
And the eyes of the "in a heap",
And hair on bangs
Disheveled ugly
So that when you get a photo
And one piece of paper with the number,
Indignant, be indignant:
- It was not me at all!
New Year's jokes and jokes - alcoholic tips on the zodiac sign
New Year's jokes and jokes - alcoholic tips on the zodiac sign:
Aries
Aries went hunting
Let not Saturday today,
You need to urgently break away
And break somewhere.
In a bar with a girlfriend to enrage,
Frozen and hang out.
Alcoholic drinks
They wink at you together
Well, the choice is torture,
You need to quit a coin.
Order tequili for yourself,
Drink her with a whisker
And about what was after ...
It is better to forget forever.
Taurus
Among the ladies of the Taurus today is a dispute:
Which is better: vodka, or cherry liquor?
Yes, you don't worry, mix drinks,
And until the morning you light up.
Jin Order a couple of glasses
Add beer if you are not enough.
Tango dance at the rack, on the bar,
In general, relax, girls, glorious!
Twins
Ladies twins are fine
There is wine, and chocolate,
And there are friends nearby,
Just nowhere to sit down.
In the bar does not pull, at home boredom,
And on Dubak Street,
Give the stars your hand
We will guess ... so-so, so,
A new fan awaits you,
With hut, sauna, pool,
He is a real colonel,
He is a straightforward guy.
Pouring mash immediately,
Martini pours for dessert,
Give up you courage.
For the New Year - a matter of rushing.
Crayfish
There is an option: to roll moonshine,
You just can't leave the house,
It’s better to tolerate a little,
Call everyone, watch the series.
Well, at lunch you will get to your girlfriend
And buy two mugs on the way
Liter, forget about the extent,
And on the winter holiday you are bolder.
From the cabinet, take out a cognac bottle
And discharge soon the phone.
So that the husband’s husband could not get through,
And he did not interfere with the heart to have fun.
Sing songs, take out your neighbors,
Maybe we will drive you up in the evening.
a lion
Cut the long dress
To the knee, or above,
And how to eat,
And you dump you quieter ...
At the entrance are already girls
There is a bottle of liquor,
On this day, a cheerful New Year,
Fun to the stop.
If not enough, order
You are with the delivery of cognac,
Dry on the balcony -
To know everyone, like this.
Virgo
Port stands, and vodka in the freezer,
And there is beer, but on the heart of longing,
Put you on a fork,
And realize: holiday! And it's time
You will dress up and tint your eyes,
And smear for the courage of Winets,
Then the king will come, and the prince from the fairy tale,
Fun is already until the morning.
But stock up, Virgo, you are kefir,
And you will buy activated carbon ...
And that you are going a little, Virgo, crooked,
So this is from fatigue, sleep.
Scales
Tasty candy,
New socks,
In your honor Sonnet
Songs and flowers.
Not enough beer?
Lull your husband
Washing you beautifully
Take the money.
Fish, white sauce,
And the shrimp is waiting
Wrink with a vita!
The stars will not lie.
You can throw off shoes,
If they are very cloudy,
Just be careful,
Suddenly still sniff?!
Scorpion
Curls, scarf on his shoulders,
Scorpions - oh and ah!
You shut up on the ball?!
The horoscope said so:
Drink everything, but only in moderation,
Cider and white wine
Splashes in your purers,
Well, look out the window
Squirrel there jumps on the branches,
And something looms to you.
And although ... for the New Year
You can forget about everything!
Do not lose excitement
Allow the stars to drink!
And they will drive you a barrel
With rum delicious - well, business,
Call all the girls -
We have fun until the morning!
Sagittarius
Nails in rhinestones, in sequins of eyelids,
Studs, fashionable coat,
We got out for once,
All the boys were stunned.
And the archers go, swinging,
But the gait from the hip
Where did you get so much?
You never drank ...
From the mulled wine was spinning
Or from vodka head?!
Beer in the purse lasted,
And a little wine.
Brew yourself coffee
And wake up from the dope
And in a taxi, call it soon ...
At home they are waiting for you at the sofa.
Capricorn
Either vodka with cherry juice,
Either cognac a sip
Was probably superfluous for you
In general, Lady Capricorn
It does not feel very much
The legs are completely cotton at all
It is necessary urgently, right urgently,
Call friends to everyone.
Let them deliver a liter of beer
And brine with cucumbers,
You learn to drink beautifully
In general, decide for yourself.
A husband is nearby, and he will pick up
If suddenly it shields you ...
The holiday is feminine ... Maybe enough?!
And then the head will get sick.
Aquarius
In the hands of a bouquet of tulips,
Cute earrings in the ears,
For the New Year you are in Nirvana,
Go in heels.
Burgundy wines are known a lot,
But you need to choose one thing,
And Aquarius is all in alarm,
What kind of wine to take?!
You quit the lot, do not stupid,
So far, fate is being decided,
Pull the glass of whiskey,
In short, happy holiday! Hooray!
Fish
Swim in a bar, cafe, or restaurants,
Your gaze burns with happiness and excitement,
For the New Year, there are no flaws for fish,
But you need to drink for inspiration.
Stop choosing on tequila
Capture lemon and salt with you,
And sit somewhere at the villa
And you call your husband to the company.
Let him tear, and beat the neighbor,
He will climb on a tree for you,
Give Lada, Lada, Victory,
From fish will not take your eyes off today!
For women, everyone came up with advice,
And congratulate the stars and laugh,
Guests and planets dance in delight,
And in the universe, everyone will get drunk now!
And finally, we will roll kvass,
Let it be in the stomach and in the shower!
We bite this case with pineapple,
Let's dance a waltz il tango in Neggle.
But you can not drink ladies today,
After all, the main thing, attention and care!
And happy daughter, grandmothers and mothers!
And it’s good that we are not to work.
New Year's jokes and jokes to raise the mood
New Year's jokes and jokes to raise the mood:
Feast, fun, dancing, toasts ...
But I happened to find out -
Not everyone comes to visit
Good grandfather Frost.
To those who smoke cigarettes
And smokes like a steam locomotive
It comes unnoticed by
Good grandfather sclerosis.
To those who are driving non -huts
Vodka, Cancer, Calvados,
Rum, cognac, whiskey, tequila -
Grandfather cirrhosis comes to topics.
To those who are hypodynamic
With a soft place in the chair, have grown,
To top it comes, as usual,
Good grandfather Arthrosis.
To those who eat caviar with a shovel,
Olivier for a WHO BASE,
Cucumbers, kefir, bathing -
Grandfather Dono comes to those.
To those who are angry and not abstained,
And always mutters under the breath,
Maybe wander, of course,
Good grandfather neurosis.
Those who had sex
In earnest, but seriously
Those to the delight of pediatricians
Visits Grandfather Growth.
So let's raise the glasses,
That not shed tears to us,
So that health arrives
And Santa Claus came to us.
***
Santa Claus and Santa Claus two funny old men
Once they decided, without deception, to sit at Camel.
They called the mobile Uncle Vasya Lesnik:
- Can we say to you the day after tomorrow at the morning?
We will bring the whole WHO to the family of New Year's gifts.
I promise: we will not offend - or I'm not Santa Claus!
- Come, dear, even with gifts, at least without!
I will endure such a bathhouse - the heat will be to heaven!
We sit down to the fireplace decorishly, we will eat and spill it out -
If you want tea with pies, you want vodka with a cucumber!
Phoned, conspired, gather on the road:
Feed horses, deer and rest a little,
Count gifts in bags, do not forget anything ...
Well, checked? On the road! Rushing deer in full aging,
From Lapland, a distant Santa Claus is being taken,
Bubin residents ring in the harness, do you hear this quiet sound?
From the Great Ustyug, the three frisky runs,
Rushes frost with forest, meadow ... in the field the blizzard will turn,
The stars are not visible, the path-path to the light is noticeable ...
Three horses flew through the snowdrifts on ravines ..
They brought grandfathers in the morning to Uncle Vasya Lesnik.
- Hello, Santa!
- Hello, grandfather!
- Well, let's go to the camel ...
-Pour in cups tea, with pies and with caviar!
-Get all the gifts, those for you and your wife.
From frost of a short fur coat for the spouse of a forester,
And from Santa - a full box: fish, vodka and caviar.
Forester from good grandfathers is a new powerful all -terrain vehicle,
To go to the forest and to slush, and in the heat, and in ice.
Santa gave frost a new staff in pearls,
And Frost answered him with a new cap in sables.
Everyone satisfied sat down a chic table,
And they had a conversation - how is it.
Says Frost:
- I'm old! Began, buddy, freeze ...
A little blizzard - and I'm sick. A little thaw - and again!
I don’t go to the bathhouse, as if in a fairy tale, I'm afraid.
I drink tinctures and mixtures, now I am a goose!
Santa grunted:
-I understand, my friend, the years are not the same!
Old health should be kept in jun!
Take out, pour icy water in the morning,
And try to replace the mixtures with St. John's wort.
Yes raspberries would be more, but good Medka,
Well, vodka with fungi, this is also on the gut.
Poured Russian vodka and with salty cucumber,
They raised a toast for Vasya, for the mistress and for the house.
They were drunk, began to laugh together and sing songs,
And then they decided to warm the old bones in the bathhouse.
Vasya melted the steam room, the bucket and brooms brought,
And the three of us went to bask - Santa, he and Santa Claus.
You do not believe that grandfathers can melt from heat,
These are fairy tales for kids, really, brothers, as follows:
Santa in the sauna usually loves to sit quietly,
A beer drink, it is better with the fish, and sincerely sing something.
And the frost is a lover of the bath, but to take a little time
And then get out of the bathhouse and dive into a snowdrift.
After the bath, Russian kvass sipped leisurely,
We rested, drank, walked - eh, soul!
They swept on the top three and on the centin sledges,
Graduated, drunk and fell asleep straight in the hallway.
They wrapped in fox fur coats Uncle Vasya until the morning,
He himself went to drink deer, bring oats to the horses ...
The stars in the sky sparkled, in the New Year's blue,
And Christmas trees sparkled in the houses - both in Suomi and in Moscow ...
In the morning they miraculously didn’t oversleep - Uncle Vasya woke up.
- Well, guys, you give! I have been driving the horses
I have already fed deer, plunged bags in a sled,
Wash yourself, dear, you should be on the way!
We said goodbye, sat on the track for five minutes,
Well, it's time, perhaps, go! Everyone knows their route.
In snowdrifts, in ravines, in forests and in the fields,
Santa Claus-before Europe, our frost is in mind, to us ...
For a long time the children were surprised why our Santa Claus
Suddenly, on the northern deer, he brought a gift to them.
- Grandfather, grandfather, where are the horses? This, grandfather, what kind of beast?
-Oh guys, confused everything in the world, believe, do not believe!
And in Europe she was surprised at the Russian three children,
The children came running from almost every yard.
- Santa, Santa, where is the deer? Where did you lose the team?
- I guys, with Santa Claus, drank the day before ...
And since then, grandfathers have decided to travel around the cities
Together, together - to Europe, and then to Russia to us.
Do you hear calls in the sky? Are bells rattling?
Today, grandfathers will bring all gifts for the guys.
Through snowstorms and bad weather, the two of them are warm everywhere.
Happy New Year! With new happiness! Happy New, however, e 🙂
***
Three -year -old Alena dad said:
- I came to visit a lot of fairy tales at night.
And after for some reason immediately in a moment
Everyone scattered and they are not visible.
- And why did they all run away?
- The alarm clock, probably scared!
***
Alena watched the flies
And sitting in a chair aloud, she reasoned:
- Flies do not fly to the south in the winter,
They don’t know about the flocks like a flock.
I thought a little, concluded:
- They are just undisciplined.
***
Alena praised apples,
That, supposedly, they are beautiful.
The fellow traveler is nice to listen to
Gave her an apple to eat.
And my daughter said:
- We did not have enough beggars.
- It's not to blame, mom, in this I,
After all, the word jumped out of the mouth.
***
Century XIX. Train to St. Petersburg.
The batman gets off the third shelf:
-Do general, I will leave to sprinkle
I in an instant to the toilet for a while.
On the contrary, the priest's family
Pop, priests and young daughter ...
Pop: -Yes what it is, gentlemen,
How can you express it so vicious?
You are a general, in battles you shed blood,
All your breasts are hung in medals.
And he said with you "piss"
Yes, we have not heard that for a while!
I'm a priest, I am almost a saint
I move religion to the people.
And your batman with me said "piss",
What does this idiot allow?
My wife is worthy of my wives
I have not cheated on me and will not change ...
And your batman, I'm just amazed
With her, he said “piss”-yes, how does he dare?
And my beloved daughter
Sinless beautiful blue ...
And he is with her, forgive the sky,
How did he dare to be so rude?
General: -I understand you, holy father,
And I am Nemea from indignation.
Now he will receive a big piz ... c.
I will arrange the last day of Pompeii!
The batman appeared, the general stood up:
-You, dark, waging your tail?
I suppose I pissed all the chairs in the toilet?
What do you, infection, allow yourself?
For the fact that the blood did not get tired of spilling,
I have a rang ....
And you dared to say "piss" with me-
You carefully forget this word!
The horse is not plumbing here,
And the bald head of the Holiness Father.
He is called by our appearance with you to observe,
And you are about the bowel movements of the end ...
Along next to him, the top-top of the ass,
Screaming goat, she does not blame ...
And you are with her, cattle in the meadow,
He said this: allow me to piss!
Their daughter is her ledge, not fucking ... to mother,
She did not visit her mouth ... I ...
Yes, how dare to say "piss" with her with her
Yes, I will arrest you for this !!
On the shelf-march! And quietly lie there!
And be a monotonously on the wall, beat,
Do not rush to St. Petersburg!
You disgraced before the holy family!
Video: Super congratulations Happy New Year!
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