New Year's jokes for a corporate party - the best selection for a fun holiday

A collection of New Year's jokes for a cheerful corporate party.

Content

New Year's jokes and jokes at the table for adults

New Year's jokes and jokes at the table for adults:

Santa Claus brings us sweet gifts,
You will get up in the morning, and take it under a Christmas tree,
Grandfather, but sweet leads to obesity,
Better a semi -sweet box came!

Since the head of Gazprom Santa Claus invited.
And of course I bought gifts from Gazprom.
He gave his children three -story houses,
Santa Claus, handing the keys to the second, went crazy!

To increase positive, everyone needs a corporate party.
Evening, the night had fun, but in the morning they wept,
No computers, no fax, there is no money, who stole? Question?
There is a note on the table. Happy New Year Santa Claus!

***********************

Yes, there are exceptions wakes up from a hangover.
Since the Snow Maiden in the morning! - Grandfather! I don’t understand what?
What was with us yesterday? All of the memory sailed.
Grandfather Slezyd is crying and says quietly to her.
- After the third glass, my granddaughter is my dear
You began to show everyone that even I did not see.
Everything is in shock, but the children are glad, it brightened up troubles to us,
Yes, the Snow Maiden answers. Complete cowards of sweets!

***********************

The girl and the boy are sculpted and the snowman is ready.
Here it is childish happiness, a children's cry is heard.
Boy: I should bring a carrot from home.
Girl: Of course you need, take two carrots.
The boy asks right there: why?
What's question? The youngster answers
- After all, he needs a nose!
After all, you also need to do the nose, let's bring two more,
So our children breed from the point ... damn it in Russia!

***********************

Oh, and my stupid younger brother is seven years old,
Once he said that Santa Claus is not!
That dad with mom buy gifts,
And from, where did he get this nonsense?
I almost spilled coffee, what kind of morons?
Santa Claus, I just started writing.
Give an iPhone 7 to me grandfather, our dear.
This New Year will be twenty -five!

***********************

There are pessimists, but there are optimists.
All parents should certainly know about this.
And on the New Year, some parents decided
To their two sons to give different gifts.
A boy, a pessimist, decided to give a horse,
Big wooden, all in apples!
The second, optimist, decided to give too,
That he would not dance much, a bunch of horse shit.
In the morning the children stood up, the gifts were deployed,
And, the pessimist cried, and says loudly:
-What wooden, and I wanted alive,
And, this one is not beautiful here, it stands under the Christmas tree.
The other laughed, dancing happily
Parents did not understand what he was talking about:
-And I have alive! He repeated, and beautifully
I hilled and disappeared, but soon it would come running!

***********************

There are two news, good forward:
Behind we have the twentieth first year!
And bad - the heart gnaws:
The twenty -second is approaching, it looks like!

***********************
Jokes, songs, round dance,
Dance for guitars ...
Who - celebrates the New Year,
Who - burns the old one!

***********************

GIFT

- For his wife, Tamara,
I took a ticket to the Canaries.
-And she, Bratella,
Give me? .. - Failed!

**************************
We are for the New Year with Sanka -
We have fun with a spark!
Simple easily - hospitals
And firefighters with the police ...

**************************
Do not pull to the last, Sima,
Show at least for the holidays a agility.
Stry with your friends,
So as not to give gifts then!

**************************
The couple is in a hurry to celebrate with bags,
And under the fence someone is sick ...
“You see,” the man remarks with reproach, “
Everyone has fun for a long time from the heart!

**************************
- I slept all night on needles
And I woke up under the Christmas tree!
- The New Year is on the nose ...
“But it's cold in the forest !!”

**************************
- Wife for the holiday - from the heart
Under the spruce, I put a gift.
- And what is she? .. - Everything is looking for, Zay,
It is known: the taiga is big!

**************************
Once a drunk told me:
- buddy, how to find the station? ..
“It's right here, five minutes of journey!”
- How - straight? So do not reach ...

**************************
- We quit smoking, friends! -
We plan to plan on holidays.
- Why can't you smoke? ..
- With breathing, it will detonate!

**************************
"Happy holiday!" - The banner reads the people.
In our country, it hangs all year round!

***********************

Here is a useful advice to you
If there is no Christmas tree at home -
We smear the silhouette with glue,
The glue of the needle for the moment. "
Here's another advice,
If there is no Christmas tree at home -
Nails will be like needles
And the board is a trunk at the Christmas tree.
So the third is advice,
If there is no Christmas tree at home -
Stand yourself instead of a Christmas tree,
There are beads - why needles!

***********************

Hello, Grandfather Frost is a beard, from a cotton.
Give gifts to the children and the star back!
Hello, grandmother Yaga is a bone leg,
From our Christmas tree Vali - a tablecloth!
Hello, sweet Snow Maiden, without panties, under the skirt,
What did you give a little grandfather, hiding behind a fur coat?!
Hello, girl Malvina,
Your lips are sweet like raspberries!
Hello, an evil-gray wolf-
Fuck walrus, that b, you die!
Small, hello and big,
New Year is not behind the mountain!
The Snow Maiden and grandfathers will be gained, from the stall,
And a bummer to the children later, instead of the holiday!

***********************

The woodpecker on the stake is freezing
Solovushka does not sing.
Santa Claus is in the corner,
Having lowered the head
What, the bag to the corner of the frivolous?
Or makes a fool?
Just twisted Santa Claus
Behind the Snow Maiden.
Well, you, grandfather Frost,
Do you offend the little ones?
Better to take, but brought
She is an scarlet flower.
Why is she
Teasing the old grandfather?
So I pulled her
For a braid is not for nothing.
To approach punishments
It is necessary carefully:
I can't pull it,
Can I tease?
No, it's not honest all
Just leave it
Honestly, her
Put it next to it.

***********************

Grandfather is waiting for the Snow Maiden for a very long time ...
They need to hurry, the beautiful Christmas tree is waiting.
Grandfather gathered quickly, the Snow Maiden slows down:
There are many outfits, while everything is trying on.
“The Snow Maiden is in me, good, without flaw.
Finally goes ... I see what? No deception? "
The grandfather of speech lost, the loins relaxed ...
He wanted to sit in a chair, and sat by the chair.
A terrible face before a grandfather, in blush -
Snow Maiden of it, but with the face of a monkey.

***********************

At the mirror, the Christmas tree spun in the morning,
She was very much to her face.
Waiting for a Christmas tree for dinner of dear guests,
The generous table is set, lit candles for them.
The doors are opened at the appointed time
Our Christmas tree does not believe.
She expected to see the Snow Maiden
Beautiful Virgin with a chiseled figure ...
Under the handle with frost, with a bunch of bananas
The monkey flew, grimacing, grimacing:
"I am a mistress, is that so, Santa Claus?"
The Christmas tree was puzzled seriously.
But then her guest suddenly takes off the mask ...
Before her - the Snow Maiden ... a magical fairy tale!
The joke has a funny result
From champagne, the cork flies into the ceiling!

***********************

Rains pour in us in the morning,
It's time to celebrate the New Year,
Santa Claus rowing on a boat
With the Snow Maiden young.
He undressed to his underpants
If anything, then swim is ready
And the Snow Maiden is very against:
“I don't want to sit in a swamp,
Puddles on the left, dirty right,
I will fly, grandfather, to Ottawa! "
Santa Claus crossed himself,
I said goodbye to the Snow Maiden
And he told her: “Well, fly!
Yes, you do not get off since the way.
Take the navigator,
Yes, fly nashonko!
I stay in Russia
I'm not afraid of dirt,
I don't get used to it
To stain the felt boots,
Under the Soviet Self authorities
He served in tank parts! "
And the Snow Maiden flew away ...
So what ... a big thing ...
The main thing is that Santa Claus
Brought for us!

New Year's jokes for a corporate party in verses

New Year's jokes for a corporate party in verses:

Santa Claus knocks on the door
And he was barely resisting:
The mistress with a rocky opened
And in his forehead he slapped his lantern!
"Ouch! Sorry! I do not understand!
I won’t take a pointed!
Are you Santa Claus?
I missed: Red nose,
You barely go with your feet
And you lead a drunken girl!
Sorry, it’s to blame!
I thought: my husband returned! "

******************

For Santa Claus with Snow Maiden
In the forest, the robbers attacked:
Opened, warmed up,
Deceived, wrapped:
Gifts, shoes and clothes -
They took everything with them!
The deer suddenly blocked -
They refused to bring grandfather!
He had to strain his brains,
And harness three Snow Maiden!
“Where, Santa Claus, have you been?
Where did our gifts drink? " -
“You don't see, grandfather sweated,
I got cold and got sick! "
Santa Claus has so gone,
What was delayed until May!
To drive out a man
I had to give under the ass of a kick!
Santa Claus came to us
And brought gifts to me.
But trouble happened to him -
The beard fell off.

******************

The Forest Raised a Christmas Tree,
Squirrel jumps on it,
He came out of the fog Hedgehog,
He took out a control from his pocket,
From heavenly abyss
Stars spilled out.
These things are incomprehensible
Only those who are still young,
Fuck me on the water
The pension is coming soon,
Oh-e-e, oh-ey,
Yes, with such a surname.

******************

Again our cheerful people
Celebrates the old New Year!
And outside the window is frost,
Under the window - a drunken Santa Claus!
He is still for the New Year
Sawed an honest people!
Now he sighs heavily
Lies in the snow and rest!
I give an exact forecast to you:
Santa Claus will not sober up!
Meet the old New Year
Santa Claus will not come to you!

******************

In confetti, needles, serpentine,
All in the snow, icicles and cigarette butts -
Either the grandfather returned, then the Snow Maiden -
Only the wife determined that - cattle!
Singing the New Year about the Christmas tree,
And, walking a rare foreigner,
He heard that he was now the spawn,
As an answer to the flirting: "Bee!"
Out of habit, she waved a rolling pin
And she stopped halfway -
Grandfather with the Snow Maiden, stumbled on the threshold
It spread out on the palace and fell asleep.
The door slammed under the solo sonata ...
The steps rustled on the steps quietly -
The costumes shows that a deer -
Continue! They are not married ...

******************

Of course, you can believe in fairy tales
Both in a beard, and in a red nose! ..
But why at our door -
The twentieth grandfather Frost!?
He repeats again that the house is hot
And that he brought gifts.
Everything is fine, but only sorry,
What he has - sclerosis.
And here it really becomes hot
In worries for him.
After all, some have a mountain of gifts,
And others have not a single one!

******************

Once upon a time in the cold winter time,
Santa Claus came from the forest with gifts,
I went home, huts and holes,
Gifts for children on the sledges.
He sang with the kids, danced, had fun,
Gifts gave, treated him,
In the evening the poor fellow ate, got drunk,
Egor waited for a beach frost.
The frost is on the threshold - poor fellow,
The wig lost, the beard is a slap,
Well, for sure, it looks like a forest tramp,
The old stump was completely scared by all the children.
They took the gifts, poured a glass,
What to do? Traditions follows it.
Forgiven for the fact that there was a mistake,
Grandfather was already very large.

******************

On the forest edge of the Christmas tree grew
(maybe - birch, maybe - pine)
A drunken man walked past the woods
(maybe - a hunter, maybe a forester)
He cut her off the root with an ax
(maybe he just pulled out, maybe he cut it down)
At home, this family will dress up a family
(maybe - girlfriend, maybe - friends)
Gifts will be put under her, what brought
(maybe Santa Klaus, maybe Santa Claus)
Sprats and champagne, vodka with cucumber
(maybe with a vinaigrette, maybe with a cold)
After the third glass - stand in a round dance
(And without a round dance, what kind of new year?)
They will sing "table" - who is not very drunk
(maybe under the guitar, maybe under the button accordion)
In the morning, even persistent, everyone will fall asleep in bed
(maybe on the couch, maybe in the salad)
In the meantime, Santa Claus asks you, bitches
Do not chop Christmas trees, pines and birches.

******************

The Snow Maiden is hard!
But merciless New Year's garbage ...
All men are impudent idiots!
Every second red nose has!
And the ladies are a model of morality!
About drunken give a separate conversation ...
The other day, the kan-kan was dancing on the table,
That Santa Claus still hits ...
On the old new new way out ...
Hold on, old man! And don't forget the rhyme!
And who fell out of a round dance yesterday
And rammed a bag of bag?
Grandfather was blown away on the second corporate party,
But it seemed a strong man.
No wonder ... only olives on the snack,
Or more - sniff through a sleeve ...
And now, in the rumpled fairytale clothes
He snores the grandfather, falling asleep under the Christmas tree.
And I sing like Babkina Nadezhda,
The proposed glass by swinging ...
And who does not drink? I am not familiar with such ...
Drink managers and accountants,
And they drink professors like agronomists ...
And the engineers are also at Ura!
Calm, uncle! Perhaps enough for you!
For your money, your any whim?!
No, we won’t go on Afterparty ...
I do not dance on the tables of striptease!
My Santa Claus recovered a little
Tomorrow to show him tomorrow ...
We will go to Kikimory! In the grandmother!
I don't want the Snow Maiden anymore!

******************

Yesterday our agency called
And invited to the corporate party.
At the entrance, a pile was immediately poured.
They said it is, aperitif.
What happened next - I remember very weakly.
In the morning they listed sins:
I climbed under my skirt some kind of woman
Then he went to read his poems.
Threw salads and sweets out the window,
I climbed the table with legs like a pig
And hid all the portraits from the walls
(for that a separate article will go).
The new computer was dispersed with a stick,
Wanting to know what is inside him.
And, finally, struck a lighter
With a victorious cry "Christmas tree, Gori!"
And all well, you don't consider me a psychoma,
For the fact that I went to the sprawl yesterday.
Today is the court. Do not remember dashing.
Your old, good grandfather Frost.

Funny New Year's jokes - a selection for a fun holiday

Funny New Year's jokes - a selection for a fun holiday:

They gave Sanya Sani,
Having shocked the spouse of Sani:
In her clean room
There is no place for sled!

******************

Given the field field -
The field became uncomfortable:
That at night halred
Do with football players?

******************

Julia's things are not going on:
They gave her stilts -
The third day is trying
Everything is climbing them!

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Give Leonid
The bomb is atomic in appearance.
Glad to the gift Leonid -
He says not phonit!

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They gave it somehow Bore
Horse harness in the set ...
It's a pity, it turned out soon -
The saddle does not sit on the bore!

******************

They gave Kolas
Sloped Kolya to school -
Who knew what was in this school
They will not give Kolya knowledge?

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They gave Spiridon
Belen and Belladonna -
Sorry, they say - what could ...
No, no hemp!

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They gave Sasha the shavings.
They stuffed the carcass into the gun -
Sasha flew into the sky,
And after her followed - soot!

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Given Froll once
Epoxy resin ...
For a long time the guests were versed -
What did he serve to the table?

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Gave Inge Thongs,
Showed the inge dance -
Inga in thongs at the pole
Surprisingly a nimble!

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Giving an old woman a mug
Looks at Pushkin at the old woman:
Like, what are you sitting? Fel -
Drink and inspire!

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Savva asked his wife
Give him a boas
And now in the family they have
Two brake men!

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Give Lyra Lyra,
And we sat down to listen to Lida:
Heard - yelled
And they took it back!

******************

Given Vasilisa
Dear inserts in SISI ...
Santa Claus, what could you
Give her an insert in the brain?

******************

The rickety regiment,
Web, garbage, dust
Underfected Christmas tree,
Non -playing bottle
A hammer is dubs on the temples,
Hits chills and dries his mouth
Something poured yesterday for the gate,
Celebrating the New Year
Fingers with tarantella fraction,
Brain - spread out fuel oil,
In the middle of the body,
Indecent, ugly itching
Life is a faded thing,
All solid Mayeta
Sometimes you will extend your hand
And in the palm of the palm of the emptiness
Snow storm of an obsession,
On the steps, at the door,
And a foreboding of the fall
And outside and inside.
Fucking a terrible smell
Inattentive face ...
- Enough with him ...
And spitting on the floor,
The hare went to the porch.

******************

The fur coat is open,
The hat is disheveled.
Barking at grandfather,
Courtyard Shavka.
Not even gait,
Walks along the road.
Based on the staff,
Legs are braided.
Stops, falls.
He got up, goes.
And with a new one fell.
Creers on all fours.
The Snow Maiden is nearby
Like a devoted test.
The grandfather shouts:
- You are an old drunk!
Snegurochka grandfather
The fracture answers:
- In Russia, so everyone,
The holiday meets!
To whom the holiday comes,
And to whom he crawls ...
We know one thing,
New Year has come!

******************

Here we are sitting at the winter at the table,
We celebrate the new year sincerely ...
Someone knocked outside the window-
A climber in kind! Well, gives!
I have the twelfth floor!
We are to the window - what kind of stuntman? -
We look - grandfather. Shubeika and baggage -
He is still a bag with him!
We dragged grandfather without problems -
Well, it was not to call the Ministry of Emergencies!
I thought - the old man was completely frozen,
And they asked: did you get the fuck?
He: they say, then yes ... I'm Santa Claus ...
And in the entrance the code castle ...
I have a question again to him:
And why did you drag a bag with me?
Chocolate, plush bear ...
Well, who did you think to deceive?
Because of nonsense, so hanging?
It would be better to take a little money.
In general, prove to us, bearded man,
That you are real, not spy.
Here, try in a glass of Pervach,
Shopinon stitched on a fork.
BUT! I thought so! Zema, Sha!
He is not real - you see, does not drink!
Know, the soul does not ask for a holiday.
Well, how to go to the people like that?

******************

I suddenly woke up from the body ...
In the mouth - both dry and disgusting.
His wife raised:-Come on, friend,
Cover the table for me quickly!
The bathrobe, throwing it, rushed,
After all, there was a harsh from the party ...
Rottweiler - Enjoy Evil mouth,
The product was crucified in the morning, like a gelding.
The wife shouts: - So there is no nothing!
He crawled into the kitchen strictly.
I stretch for the vodka: - From the devil,
Nowhere is a drop of alcohol!
And in the refrigerator of the mess:
The reserves were all ate a dog!
I crawled back like a cancer
And I remember - where is the club?!
On the head - like a hedgehog -
The hair rebelled on end ...
And hands, jumping, trembling,
I flut out like a fish myself.
- Yes, I will tear off the couple!
Let's look for him ... An, no!
The vest instantly broke the seam,
I wanted to attract him to the answer.
And the boatswain, bastard, climbed under the Christmas tree
And he will fight there, cattle.
I opened the safe, took out a sawn -off shotgun.
- Do not touch the dog! - Sing to me Zina.
She rushed to the store herself
After all, she drinks and everything is not enough for her ...
- Great year! - thought - "damn",
And a romantic beginning!

******************

Late! Trams left ...
Slippery ice underfoot.
I break two bottles
Hello w ... new year!
Open in the hatch
(Not lucky, so unlucky)
I repeat as a spell:
- Hello w ... new year!
I'm getting stuck at home in the elevator.
The locksmith is drunk and will not come.
And again I repeat:
- Hello w ... new year!
I click on the bell.
Oh, my wife will kill me!
But the apartment is alien!
Hello w ... new year!
Shelter ... poured.
Ah, what kind of people we have!
I repeat with them:
- Hello w ... new year!

New Year's jokes about coronavirus original

New Year's jokes about coronavirus cool — New Year's jokes about coronavirus original

New Year's jokes about coronavirus are original:

Who gave the crown the virus?
Why is he such an honor?
Why is he such mercy?
For what, such revenge?
For millions of laid,
Reduce pensioners?
To learn how to really
One day to appreciate your life?
For the new default,
The whole country mired again?
For the fact that some kind of air is cleaner,
For the fact that it is better to eat land?
Who to wear your crown,
When are the cities empty?
Coronavirus syndrome,
Everyone is sick, but life alone!
Who does not stick about the virus -
I'll tell you without taking the ruble.
Crowned in China,
Pickup from the Kremlin.

******************

Responds to the bird,
Atypical and pork.
He, of course, is limitless
But by no means an exit.
Epidemic on the air
Fears are common.
Distracting the virus in the world
From problems within the country.
The virus occurs.
He took tightly into the ring.
Shit me, Koloshchik,
Mask on the face
Oleg caught coronavirus
And so that the crown does not crawl
He started a couple of modest clones
And quietly Laikal himself.

******************

Napoleon once came to us,
He wanted to capture the Russian people.
But the defeated fled
He was waiting for his great failure.
Hitler bombed at us,
But he lost the war.
Coronavirus - now
He knocked on our door.
Thinks he won,
I put a crown on my forehead.
But it’s so easy not to break us,
We will live for a long time, live.
We are all in an instant at once
Disrinding vodka.
We will put on the miracle mask,
Do not tell us fairy tales!
We, the virus, are not afraid of you
So far we will stand in the apartments.
We will eat ginger, garlic,
So that he helps us from the flu.
Covid-19, we will not give up to you,
In the brave warriors, we will turn everything.

******************

On the land of the Chinese grew
Evil, terrible, vile virus.
He made his way to Europe,
I ended up in all countries.
Both in Australia and in the States
With the virus lie in the wards.
All the masks bought it all soon
And the gloves were put on,
Buckwheat rushed to buy up
Hide sugar under the bed.
The nation has panic,
We are sitting in isolation.
At least there is no vaccine yet,
I will tell you a secret.
The best cure for the bad virus -
Positive and a smile, here is an honest word.
Do not listen to the news
Eat vitamins,
Drink one hundred grams,
So there will be happiness to you.

******************

In stores, everything was bought,
Yesterday there were empty shelves.
They grabbed the toilet paper in packs
I hardly have enough for me for a week.
I wish everyone to covid
We have not spoiled the appearance.
Let's stay people
There is no more at the box office.
Play sports at home,
Downstime do not indulge.
For the virus to be confused
And rather, I would get out.

******************

Pour, brothers, vodka
A hundred grams stably in the throat,
So that coronavirus is ugly
Do not penetrate there.
Zhay garlic
Lard, bread and ray,
Like fire, so that every breath
And so that the virus is in a moment!
Here is the whole secret -
There is vodka - there are no diseases!
Fat with a bow to defense -
The virus will drop the crown in a moment!
So do not be shy
And defend!
Let the garlic from the mouth come up ...
Die, parasite virus!

******************

Koronavirus met the flu
And smiling says:
I took possession of almost a planet
Consider the human song sly.
I will multiply my influence,
I will destroy the human race,
That the plague and AIDS could not
SARS, cholera, pork flu.
And the flu virus answered this way:
I am in the executioner, too, too,
But how many years have I beat people
I could not achieve their deaths.
You only captured the floor of Europe.
Others hid in trenches.
America, you will take China,
Well, in Russia you will die.
You know how they live:
They eat garlic and drink vodka.
In the morning there is a smell like in hell.
You want, I won’t go.
While you are dissolving the virus
You do not scare Russians-
They go without masks in a crowd
Still laughing at you.
Stuck up alcohol for the future,
The whole household was scored by food
And the virus is waiting for as God's gift,
Forgetting the working calendar.
Koronavirus listened to flu
And I thought - God is stuck.
In the eyes of his longing and sadness -
Yes, I'm afraid of Russia myself.

******************

Napoleon was walking at us -
He received a hat, he
Hitler was ragging us on us -
I got an butt in the eye!
Both the Mongols and the Tatars
We walked at us once in a couple,
We told them all: - Hello!
And, like lions, they broke the mouth!
Now attack again -
The virus decided to take us in captivity,
Surrounded from all sides,
One hundred putting on the forehead of the crowns!
He decided that he was special
Became an influential special
He walks along the planet,
The world terrifies all!
Only we are with such a yoke
We can figure out in an instant
Separately and at once
We disinfect the virus.
Let's meet an enemy onslaught with a battle,
A fragrant soap with a grunge,
We sprinkle the saint with water -
Wicked virus, stand!
"Fiery" water too
We will help the holy water,
To the evil coronavirus
The onslaught of such strength has not carried out!
Orthodox people, in a gun!
We overthrow the enemy viruses!
This is not the first to us, brothers!
Dry, Covid-19!

******************

Let's not panic all -
We entrust this to competent people.

As a big connoisseur and expert
The introvert got into quarantine.

Only faith in God will save from the virus,
Prayer and urine unicorn.

Between the toilet, kitchen and hallway
I closed the borders too.

All their lives in quarantine spended snails -
They leave the house no further than the gate.

The robber in the mask left the savings bank
And he became indistinguishable from the total mass.

How romantic we divide with you
A bottle with a disinfectant gel!

The traffic cop will let go without demanding rights -
It is enough to punch dryly into the sleeve.

Who are you, sir, here they called a fool?
I touch my face with a unwashed fist!

You look from the balcony: air, quiet, gets dark ...
Suddenly, someone is blowing above the floor.

How a mask suits you, girl!
Oh, sorry, sit down, grandfather.

Asteroid will catch up with the Earth
And the disinfection will arrange.

Fallen shelves of canned food and cereals
Closed a cooling corpse.

In the Rublevsky hospital, dinner, and then -
Auction of respiratory systems.

Cholera was fierce for a whole year,
But everyone thought: okay, he will carry it.

The tragedy is not that the virus is close,
And that Koschey is immortal at risk.

It seems to be on the remote
The salary left too.

Hurray, my analysis has not been confirmed!
The doctor says the tubes have been lost.

“Do not wait, will not take me an infection”.
The double said in a diver costume.

Waiting for office and creative workers
The work of carriers in marble and carpenters.

Returning from the street, wipe
The whole body with alcohol from the inside.

Leo, the new virus of the city on the piles.
Do not leave Yasnaya Polyana.

We are lucky, the symptoms are lungs:
Our virus went to the brain, not to the lungs.

The virus will not enter into Christ's body!
There would be a nail - then another matter.

People, what are we waiting for, what the hell?
Let's make a fan out of a hair dryer!

I learned that the coffins were brought to Ikeuu.
Buy-bought, at least have time to collect?

Now that every doctor is so busy,
Without them, we conduct a medical srach.

Put a cough on a mobile call.
I thought a joke! Stop beat! Morons!

Put on your panties
And go to the subway, do not sink!

In hell we are fried in a pan
And they say that it is now everywhere.

“I couldn't work at home,” -
The bee tried to explain to the worms.

“Do not touch the face on the street, as you are used to” -
The artist Munk explained to us in the film "Scream".

We took off the monument from the horse, then we will return it.
Now is not the time to contact the horse.

The vaccine is looking for the best minds.
And medium. And the worst. And we.

What? Virus, crisis and ruble jump?
Not so I presented my fifth term.

I bought a bag of ordinary sand.
Why - I don’t know, let him lie for now.

Our people console only one:
that Donald Trump is the same idiot.

I hurry to "Magnit" and "Crossroads"
Buy lands, nails and boards.

We sit without work, miss, lie ...
I heard the same regime in paradise.

We will survive with the army, party, faith!
And the business was an alien and temporary measure.

How to drive an ambulance through traffic jams in which
Only rows of rushing ambulances?

All plans are ruined, people are sick,
And I don’t even want a war.

New Year's jokes for adults about Santa Claus

New Year's jokes for adults about Santa Claus:

Frost on the street is worth
And the blizzard howls.
There is a man. In a snowdrift
A girlfriend is lying.
A coat is open on it,
What exposes the back
And on the legs there is one boot
And drunk in smoke.
He regretted the beauty
I wanted to raise it.
She, as she bursts,
A man has already flown away.
-How can you get so drunk?
Look, all in the snow!
-Do, man, you are a forest!
Snow Maiden, just me!
-Well, hell with you, lie down! -
And on business went.
Then in a snowdrift, in a puddle,
I found it again.
-Well? I described it?
I offer help ...
-Do, man, you're in fig!
I am the Snow Maiden! Tyu!

******************

Who knocks on the door to me
With a bag of skinny on your back?
Drunk, feeble Santa Claus
Not a fig brought us.
He promised everything in bulk:
Pucks, drinking - everything for nothing!
You are an old man, pour yourself
From the generosity of the soul of people.
Overwhelm ... as in the spirit-
What awaits next year?
The old Santa Claus grunted -
It was difficult, apparently, there was a question.
But, the glass knocked over
Having gone, the speech pushed:
In general, so, people, damn it, people ....
I am frost, but I am not fierce!
Well, I will give a couple of snowstorms
Snow, you also need ....
And, in such a simple manner,
He gave the forecast - for three weeks.
- Hey old man, you don't fool!
You talk about grandmothers!
Grandfather fell silent, his eyes fell ...
Further, the bazaar led:
You guys are not Tryndita,
You want a lot of money ...
And who am I - I'm just a grandfather.
I can give snow at lunch.
Cover the river with ice, and obscenities
In order to give the guys the joy.
And what will the children eat,
Then Medvedev will answer you.
And pouring the glass in full,
I drank completely to the bottom.
He looked around, where am I saying?
And the old man fell under the table.
Morality is simple:
Though you are frost, even jevharlal Nera
Congratulate the people, but drink, however.

******************

Santa Claus knocks on the hut.
-What did the shaggy man come?
Answer our question,
But you will not get it in the nose!
-Iy guys for you
Here the gifts are displayed!
-Man you, like that year,
Are you wearing all?
Answer the man shaggy,
And then you will become a humpbacked.
-No native my children,
Everyone here on candy,
Liter of unloading vodka,
Kochas cabbage.
A song about the new year
Have fun, walk the people!
-WHAT IS WHAT?
A liter of vodka is all!
We are not a goat's grandfather,
To gnaw your head, in kind!
Instead of a song of grandfathers
More of vodka dragged,
Salah shmat big salty
And the girls' girls!
Okay, put everything at the threshold
And make your legs faster!

******************

This is who sniffs under the door
Who has a nose laid?
I'll open and check
So I thought, Santa Claus.
I will let him into the apartment
I will offer tea with raspberries.
He will give out gifts to his grandchildren,
He will say, pour vodka!
For the case of this
I pour two hundred grams.
While I am collecting a snack
He is with a bottle to the door, boor!
Grandchildren run up to the door,
Goodbye Santa Claus.
It is a pity that grandfather is a bottle,
You did not bring from the forest!

******************

Santa Claus walked like that:
In someone’s house he took off a fur coat,
He threw it to the floor of the felt boots
And the cake threw a cigarette butt!
The cat dragged on once -
I could not bite in any way!
“Well, you, Santa Claus, and bastard:
What a sample smoke!
You can successfully from him
Forever from the coils to move out!
Well, you, Santa Claus, did?
You, apparently, did it! "

******************

Santa Claus, what's with you?
Or are you crazy?
Think for Bashkoy, is that winter?
Look, December is running out
New Year is coming.
Well, what kind of weather?
There is no snow, the rain pours.
Grandfather, you behave badly.
You piled on us, offended everyone, believe me.
The judgment of your hour has come.
Lyud does not intend!
There will be all the white light in Santa Claus to believe
And in you - no more!

******************

Santa Claus was ashamed, the first time in a thousand years.
He became not fashionable, backward. He does not “chop” the Internet.
The grandfather does not read “RE” at all, he does not dance “Bragg-Dance”.
And for a long time he does not understand that he had passed his chance.
He is not “cool” as a terminator and as a Batman he is not a skill.
And everyone believes that the guys still believe in him.
He measured all good deeds in this world.
And here, today with you, in the world money runs a ball.
He always had the best one who gave more people.
And today in the world “cooler” the one who robbed everyone.
The children used to dream of an astronaut and a doctor.
And what are these dreams about? Oligarch and river.
It is not clear to him if Santa Claus leaves.
There will definitely be the end of the world and just for the New Year.

******************

Santa Claus was dug on the stove.
Rivers and rivers are not constrained by ice,
There is no snow, it is pouring the rain to us.
Why don't you get up from your stove?!
Why are you so angry, grandfather?!
Or maybe you are a piercing?
Bricks lay down on hot,
Do you treat radiculitis on the stove?
Or have you forgotten about us, grandfather?
New Year on the nose - there is no snow,
Fireworks will not let them let:
Without ice is our old pond.
Well, get up, harness horses
And please the frost of people
And a snowstorm for the New Year,
To hide nature with snow!
And in the snow there, or in the mud; -
But bring gifts to us on time!

******************

Under the old New Year
Tired Santa Claus,
I decided to take a nap, and now
With Sanya, he crawled to the snow.
Having scared of a big snowdrift
In the fork of three roads,
Covering the forehead with his palm
Half an hour lay down.
And he saw in a dream
Native Cozy House -
Patterns on the window,
In the hallway, a snowball,
Sparkle slippery floor
Ice bed,
The frozen table ...
But now, it's time to get up.
And winning your dream
Santa Claus rose,
And he was pleased
What is wonderful all frozen!
At least ancient, but flint,
He set off again
Not laughing on this day
Rest longer!
And there were joy, laughter,
And the people were happy -
Frost congratulated everyone
On the old New Year!

******************

That with the winter of metamorphosis -
Not with her for this demand:
Grandfather Frost has
The older brother is Grandfather Mokroz.
He has his own style and method,
Very undesirable:
Winter grandfather is a joker, and this
Just survived from the mind!
He walks himself,
All green - but alive,
Instead of a staff - with a pipe,
Top with a shower watering can.
In unexpected galoshes,
In a rubberized cloak
Walks the beard of Erosh
Out of business, and in general ...
He is not friends with the children
Constantly gloomy, like goth,
And hisses: "I will arrange it
I'm raining for you for the New Year! "
He has a rich experience,
And for the winter he is angry -
And he will arrange and flood ...
If the brother does not investigate!
Know the city and the village
About such magic
And the princess is damp -
Granddaughter is harmful to him!
Near her hangs unobtrus
The smell of charm and jerks,
And boring mucus - runny nose -
I got into her grooms ...
And ask - what the hell?
Not from that neurosis,
That rains in December
Watering grandfather wet?
He, of course, is an infrequent guest,
I will not support him -
But the spouse is a circle and flippers
I'll put it as a gift!
And since stress is mighty
Threatens the cat
Better I am just in case
I will put a spruce on the raft!

******************

Through the heat and snow drifts
Gathered from a variety of places
Somewhere in the tundra of grandfather frosts,
To protest children.
The document was not weak -
Honor by honor, signatures, seal.
Everyone decided from themselves, so that
Gadgets do not hand over the kids.
They spoke angrily and without pauses:
"Children stopped waiting for miracles!"
"No smartphones!" - barked Santa Claus,
Santa Claus assented him: "Yes!"
Confirmed Finland Yolupukki:
"Fucking, his tudes in a swing!"
“They don't play. They are sinking out of boredom ... " -
The French peer-Noel saddened.
“Is there any children in the world,
So as not to poke a finger into the screen?
On the Internet, everything is already from the diapers! ” -
The Japanese Odzi-san boiled.
If with an electronic trinket
Someone did not sit-he was a medal
I would give with a plush toy
Colombian dad Paskual.
"To everyone-Chuck-chak and tangerine!" -
Suggested by the Tatar Kysh-Babai-
“New Year is not with a gadget in an embrace!
Make something else! ”
Through the heat and snow drifts
They walked somewhere with the whole crowd,
Like heroes - grandfathers of frost,
Giving smartphones a mortal battle ...

Funny New Year's jokes about the Snow Maiden

Cool New Year's jokes about the Snow Maiden:

The new year comes the prose recedes
The Snow Maiden is coming to us: granddaughter Santa Claus.
Snow flows, becoming water on beautiful braids.
-And where did you go, with an eternally red nose?
Dad affectionately asked, and in response the Snow Maiden:
-The grandfather of strength was not enough, sleeping downstairs like a chock.
Mom with a mourning face rushes to the aid of grandfather,
And the Snow Maiden and her father have a conversation again:
-You have the twenties with us, and everywhere in the stack.
And the Snow Maiden is just a class, on her ass
Dorm Papkin's hand-bag is generous with affection
He does not lie at the fool, why we have fairy tales.
The Snow Maiden gives us gifts with the brother.
And daddy gives! Spend to the arch
He decided the Snow Maiden, went down with her.
An hour later, friendly, Mil returned with his mother.
Mom is also cheerful and blooms like a rose:
Apparently, she brought grandfather Frost to her senses.

******************

I'm woven from music of magic children's dreams,
In a fluffy fur coat of a light of snow -white mosses,
A frosty early morning came to you from heaven.
The possession of it went to inspect - the dense snow forest.
Here is a fluffy Christmas tree wrapped in a snowball.
Bunny is seeding in the snow, oh, God is barefoot!
I want to catch up with it faster, my legs will freeze after all
And put white boots on the knife.
But the stupid hid in the snow, I do not see him,
And where are the ears where he is trembling? - Tell me friends.
Here the red tail behind the bush flickered a little, fell silent,
Like stars of fire, two large eyes burn.
And here is the gray wolf ... "Ah, who dared it
It’s so early to wake me up? Ah, hare! Ah, shot!
Now I will catch him and feed him wolf. ”
At the bunny, all the teeth are knocking with fear.
Under the oak, the hill is covered with a snowball, and snoring is heard -
The den is there, and Mishenka is sleeping sweetly there - Potap.
You better not be awake it, let him sleep until spring.
And whoever violates his dream - he will be painfully bit!
And here is Grandfather Frost, I will meet me,
And behind him he carries a bag with gifts
I am very glad to meet him, I am running towards him:
“Ah, it’s hard for you to carry, let's help.”
“Ah, granddaughter! Ah, Zolotko! I'm tired of the road.
In the road, I got a little aware of in the forest!
Let's go to the Christmas tree soon, the kids are very waiting!
Let's go, please the children! Can you hear? - We are called!
Ah, Detonki! Ah, dear! I really became old
Ah, how sparkles and shines how colorful your hall is!
Gifts and toys, we came to give everyone!
And you sing me songs, read me poems!

******************

Blue -eyed blonde, in a fur coat lightly blue,
At night, with a half -drunk grandfather, I fell to our house.
Spruce in the corner, in the estimate of bright, vodka, fur coat, olivier,
We banged loudly with champagne, drink with a ringing in the crystal.
The guys have such eyes from the prankster.
Razlev, with a bag in an embrace, grandfather lay down to rest.
They came off who could! The shadow blushed on the wall,
What the blonde did to us on the festive table!
As we fell asleep, we do not remember, from something together, at once.
The angel of the girl disappeared, with her the whole money.

******************

Grandfather Frost has
Granddaughter - blue eyes
The victim of osteoporosis,
Hooligan, Eleza.
Whatever day, then fractures
Hands and legs - well, just, horror.
The tuft of straw would lift
She under her ass someone.
Only grandfather from home
A scream is heard: "Yours, damn it, mother!"
And falls from a coma
Grandfather's granddaughter to take out.
Crutches, catalka, ship
And a thick hospital spirit.
How is it difficult for grandfather with her -
Dirt, slop, clouds of flies.
Even the cold does not save
The stench is stronger, day by day.
Grandfather suffers, but hunger,
As you know, not relatives.
The granddaughter does not cook breakfast,
For lunch - empty cabbage soup,
All day in bed groans,
Press the mass and acne.
And recently at the beauty
Something clicked in the brain
Or maybe from scabies
It became a girl not in the arc.
Only suddenly she cried out:
“Shish to you, not lunch!
Give me first
Husband, Old Darmoye! "
Looking at her pimple,
Grandfather thought slightly -
Where will the granddaughter find
Is he such a fool?
It is not easy to arrange this,
So that a man arises here.
Yes, and reassure the girl
Need a bull, not a man.
I wandered around the world for a long time -
States, Denmark, China.
Finally turned out to be
Under Tambov, by chance.
Looks, someone wanders in the field,
Poving a stick in a snowdrift.
From the back is a man, it seems,
Do not become worse so that.
He came up: “Who are you?”, “I am Petya.”
The conversation went for life:
“Nothing to us, grandfather, does not shine,
Though take it and go to the coffin! "
“Why in the coffin? Listen,
There are many alternatives.
Anyone who appreciates his soul
Looking for positive in life.
Here are my, for example, granddaughter -
And beautiful and smart,
But her, because - a sink,
There is no husband, no horseradish.
Go with me, Petrusha,
Stop wandering in the field.
You are related souls,
You will wand out together.
Only you are more humble with her -
You can in the face a couple of times
If only it would become kinder
And cooked cabbage soup for us. "
Conspired. Petya granddaughter
Instantly got rid of sleep
And so he gave her a thrashing,
That she corrected.

******************

Snow Maiden are different -
Beautiful and ugly,
Thin - for supermodels,
Naked - for brothels,
For artists - creative,
Corporate offices for offices,
For alcoholics - drinking,
For fat - always chewing
For drug addicts - smoking,
For children - real,
For scientists - very smart,
For watchmen - on duty,
For the military - army,
For cops - police officers,
For stupid-Snow Maids.
Give everyone in the Snow Maiden!

******************

Snow Maiden, like a monkey,
I climbed the Christmas tree at the moment.
What have you done, a guess! -
The New Year's grandfather exclaimed.
In the garland, the wires closed,
In the entire quarter, the light went out.
Why did you get on a spruce, fool?
Banans are not growing with us
On Christmas trees, except a bump
From the barbed branch can be removed.
But monkey mile
It makes no sense to explain this.

******************

At the Snow Maiden in shorts
White snow does not melt
In the Murom when forests
Summer comes.
And under her bra
In hot heat frosty.
Spray with her sled,
Or it will be too late!
Close, take it away
In the ice hut
And the feather bed will store
Silver in the snow.
If you lie down with her
On the feather bed together,
On the fate then
You can put a cross.

******************

One Snow Maiden is another:
“My Santa Morozik is dear
Get drunk in a hollow - here
And all are unbuttoned to the navel.
And you, how do you feel
What is your practically ready? "
“Mine, at least drunkard and freak,
But drinks - the opposite!
This is already careful,
That you can’t find more carefully ...
Dressed, fastened well:
Pants, sheepskin coat and bag,
And everything was refuel then
In pants: sheepskin coat and beard ... "

New Year's jokes about the feast, guests

New Year's jokes about the feast, guests:

Get drunk drunk, until you fall!
Who was late as a reward
We pour five glasses to the row.
Fill the glasses! Let's say a toast,
And let it be straight and simple:
We don’t need honors and gold,
We are still rich

******************

Thanks to everyone - who is here now:
Who is at the table or under the table ...
So let's drink for all for us,
For this house for the bakery,
For the fact that we walk in it.
For peace, for friendship, for love,
For happiness, not a little is drunk;
And the glasses are drained
For health, money, again and again.
But let's drink a thread for life,
To have enough strength to live.

******************

Gather in a cafe
Best girlfriends.
Merring from the heart
Overchouses!
Anecdotics, poems,
Different fun ....
And the communities are good
So glad to each other!
All guests are warm, cute
They will meet with inspiration!
If anyone has problems-
Listen with patience!
They will give you a smile here
And flowers bouquet,
They will give a kiss here,
And they will send it!
This is a cafe,
Under the name friendship,
You have to hurry already
Tickets do not need!

******************

While the wife looks aside,
I am slowly with a cubic meter,
Mahna, oh pain! - under the table,
My wife is with a kick on my leg.
No, I'm not at all a henpower
I just have to obey the accustomed.
We have a tandem - wife a thinker,
And I am a good performer.
After all, I do not know the measure,
My nature is like that.
I will get drunk (I won't compare to the kum)
And again the whole patient will be in the morning.
In me, the mind understands this
And the cum of the infection - adds.
And now I'm no
Dived into a plate with his head.
And it all started from the stack ...
But the potato, but under the herring,
It is slightly seasoned with a dill,
And on the table is a decanter with vodka,
The edge of the bread, but browned.
Timnky cucumber in the brine, rushing,
Kvashenen's cabbage with a horseradish and cranberries ...
In the book of reviews I get her healthy resort:
Beautiful food - in big letters!

******************

Why did I go to you, dear?
Why did you go into a sort of distance,
Overcoming the barriers on the way,
In the frosty-blond-winded February.
Why did the prone come out of the house
On, all, covered with ice and snow, the yard?
Why put new pilots?
On them, sliding, and crashed into a fence.
Why is an iron-rusty, acute-toned,
Not to the place driven by an evil hand, a nail
He clung to the side new overshadowing
And drove, scoundrel, through it?
Why, when I felt a hole,
I was thrown to garbage tanks
Crazy car, flying in attraction,
And, by fallen, swinging glasses?
Why, when I groped for the road,
Coming, with blindness, in a small snowdrift
Putting on the line, knows where the leg
I crashed, breaking my forehead?
Why fell, suddenly, from some kind of roof
On the head of the killer - a snowball,
Avalanne filling me up? I went out
From this discord with a bruise.
And when, to your door, limp,
Cheek, exhausted, seizure.
By pressing the doorbell, I will say: - dear,
I am more to visit you - I won’t go!

******************

Guest in a tailcoat.
At first it was elegant: tie, tailcoat ...
Then, of course, everything was enchanted by a chain!
But the vinaigrette on it looked like this
As if he was from Dolce and Gabbano!

Guest in red.
Your outfit was perceived "with a bang" -
So elegant, catchy, bold,
That there is red caviar next to you
From envy instantly blackened!

Guest in black.
You were convincing and ardent!
You all shocked us all your story,
Gesticulating - first with an empty fork,
And then-with a fork with someone's left eye!

Guest in a hat.
Throw out his eyes: everything is so, in fact!
Sandwall malahai lay down on slippers!
I understand everything: they put it on,
It happens ... but a cat is kneaded!?

******************

I set the table, I met guests
Set, poured, greeted.
Let's drink standing for guests
Pour a glass completely.
Let it be the way you want
And what is just for you.
Look confidently forward
Not yet evening ... and not an hour ...
The family is always safe,
Let it be in your every day.
Today everyone needs it so much
To be confident in yourself.
And albeit always, in everything and nearby
As in the unforgettable years,
Only those who were glad about
To which the soul stretches.
Let the sky be clear, peaceful
Always over your head.
Life is interesting, necessary, long
And it was combined with fate.

New Year's jokes for adults about alcohol

New Year's jokes for adults about alcohol:

Each drunkenness has a special smell:
The liquor smells of secret fantasies freedom.
Champagne smells of coquetry and flirting.
Broken muzzle - diluted alcohol.
Cognac smells of debauchery and passion.
An explosive positive - absinthe on an empty stomach.
Wine gives an expensive restaurant.
From Vermouth it smells of giggling drunk.
The roller and courage smell of cocktails.
The drill stimulates a drunk.
The loss of the ability to move is vodka.
The desire to walk on the women is a whiskey stack.
Gene smells like to get drunk beautifully.
It is likely to cast beer.
We hang out heavy in the morning - Armane ...
And only sobriety does not smell in any way

******************

Today is the holidays with girls,
There will be a booze today.
And the cheek girls are burning
With a hangover, an instinct.
Girls stand, the girls are lying.
We have to cross.
Because for 10 girls
The boys took 7 to 0.5!

******************

Even if alcohol freezes,
I won’t leave him anyway.
I will bite his teeth
Because he is good!

******************

I remember a wonderful moment -
You stood in front of me:
Ugar -drunken vision -
A bottle of crystal purity.
A strong degree was furious inside,
And the harmful died a microbe.
Now I will experience joy
When alcohol goes through the pipes.
I raise a glass of faceted -
Frozen the whole world and ... do not breathe.
You, I praise you -
Oh, vodka - fuel of the soul.

******************

When I die,
And I will still die,
Friends, take a look under the bed
And hand over wine dishes.

******************

Three maidens by the window
They drank vodka, juice and rum.
Only one was a girl
Enter the Svetlitsa without problems.

******************

I would like on the Christmas tree
Instead of holiday animals,
There was exactly forty
Half-liter bubbles.

******************

Stupid all went offense.
The average plows - life is not honey!
Smart builds a pyramid.
The wise drank and lives!

******************

If the sea was vodka,
I would become a submarine.
If the sea would become beer,
I would become a thieves dolphin.

******************

Who goes to visit in the morning
He acts wisely
Then there are one hundred grams, then there is one hundred grams,
That's the morning!

******************

If the Lord had no will,
We would not recognize alcohol
So, drunkenness is not a vice,
A lesson!

******************

I have one flaw:
I am rarely sober. Usually - drunk.
And if I don't drink at all,
I don’t recognize myself.

******************

I checked the truth in practice
The nonsense will live longer.
Tried not to drink a week
It seemed to me - he lived a year.

******************

I drank beer I have a bottle
And he went out in the field.
Pressed on the back of the head ...
It was in football.

******************

Alcohol! Illuminated my sick soul ...
Not! I will not violate a degree of degree ...
Serpent! Green serpent torments my heart again
Oh, beer with vodka how to stir you to me?
My heavy cross is an eternal hangover.
Every day in the morning I am ready to accept a hundred grams ...
Not! Helpen is a rejected with a shade on the chela,
I will never be sober on earth
And after a booze I can't find peace
I will take a glass again with a trembling hand!
New Year's jokes about the New Year

******************

How is the New Year celebrated?

BEFORE

The Christmas tree shines, the table is set.
The owner will shave and shave.
Another mistress at the stove
Removes cakes from a baking sheet
And between the Bigudi case
With Kudrey drops in assorted.
More champagne in foil,
The filling in the pie.
And, without knowing the wine, a glass
It was still empty.
And here guests call the doorbell,
They sit at the table and make noise.
Here they beat the clock 12 times.
- Does everyone have it?
Rushed ...

AFTER

Dropped the Christmas tree on the floor,
Sauce carpet Zakan,
The wine is spilled on the table,
Three Fureers are broken, broken,
In the cake of the cigarette butts,
In Olivier, skins from fish.
The hostess, pushing the guests,
Sobs quietly at the door
And under the table the owner sleeps:
The dead is drunk and his eyes knocked out.
Tomorrow he will hardly remember ...

******************

New Year.
Full of the shelves of grocery stores
Our citizens are at a hectic
Cunning are stuffed with basket buyers
Everyone is in a hurry to buy a ghost for the holiday.
Everyone sweeps: caviar, booze and meat.
Cheeses, sausages, sprats, mayonnaise.
The loot flies and the shops are cool:
Such a rise in "cabbage" is needed.
Neither and well! We are so much money ...
In Russia, the cult of food flourishes!
And at the table we stuff the stomachs,
On the holiday, we are all different - to trouble.
It’s not necessary to eat more tastier.
Still hug who loves to smoke.
To fill the guts - yes! Otrada!
How to not be a good mood?
And I eat it! But what about?
No one will forbid me to eat on a holiday!
They won't even scare me at all
Heartburn, ulcer and pancreatitis!

New Year's jokes for the holiday - "I am writing to you Grandfather Frost"

New Year's jokes for the holiday - I write to you grandfather Moroz — New Year's jokes for the holiday - "I am writing to you Grandfather Frost"

New Year's jokes for the holiday - "I am writing to you Grandfather Frost":

I write to you, why is it more? What can I ask again?
I know for sure, in your will ... Gifts to everyone to give!
I want health and prosperity ... (and from chinchilla mantle) ...
And then everyone gives chocolate ... But Manto, alas, no one!
There would be a brand new “wheelbarrow” ... (but not for the cottage, for manure) ...
I want a bundle of crispy packs ... I want a bouquet of chic roses!
I would have a ticket to Hawaii ... To relax there to bend there!
Well, here is the list of all desires! You, Santa Claus, come on, do not press!

******************

Hello, Grandfather Frost, Sedaya beard.
I am almost 26! I'm already big!
Give me, Santa Claus, alley lipstick!
I will not dare to buy everything, but it happens, I have to ...
Give me a couple of Labutenov in the New Year,
So that the sole succumbs to the heat in red.
Bring me a little dress from Chanel,
The aromas from Dior will be very helpful!
Curlers, hairpin, cream, new boots,
Bag, scarf, wallet, beads and earrings ...
To be a woman - the costs are great ...
More believe in you than in my salary!

******************

Hello grandfather! I write again:
No need to put under my Christmas tree -
Which year I ask you -
(Just like you love, quietly)
Gifts like "to make":
Spirits, cosmetics and soap ...

******************

After all, I need very little -
"Land Cruiser", you can just Prado,
And the house is somewhere in the Maldives,
For extreme cases there is a villa,
Manto made of mink and earrings,
Of course, new boots ...
Do you also know what I want?
Money, well, just a little bit.
Let there be an account in the Swiss bank
In the euro in millions five ...
To live, grandfather, always in abundance,
And never know the need!
And here's another, like the ambassador:
Bring good luck and health!
And so that in the year of white rat
I would be still happier
And so that all the enemies are spite
I was definitely lucky!

******************

Well, hello, grandfather!
I am not writing to you often ...
You received many different letters.
I will not take time in vain
There you have an aul without me.
I will not ask either Bentley or Armani
And even Apple does not need to give me ...
Can I climb you in a sled
And before dawn I will speak
About what I wanted in this life?
I wanted a lot ... remember at 25,
I asked for rings, fur coats and bracelets,
And fly on vacation to the Maldives?

And you couldn't have a present for me ...
I want perfume! And dress! And lipstick!
Just kidding! Wait! Do not run away!
You know, grandfather, I don't need anything ...
You just don't take anyone ...

******************

Hello, grandfather Frost, my name is Katyushka!
I am waiting for you - on New Year's Eve, with a gift and a toy!
I learned a long verse, I about you, with the Snow Maiden,
I’m waiting for him - like Masha! I'm not a fool!
That it was with a kilogram, it is better to be a kilogram ...
Do not stick caramel there, weigh everything on the scales!
And you give me a dance - a soft toy!
Talisman for this year! Meters with 2 little animals!
But you will come for a reason, sign up in advance,
Do not delay especially you are my attention.
You will congratulate me fun and leave quickly!
Below is a signature, from whom: the daughter of the Prime Minister.

******************

Hello Dedushka Moroz! Here I am writing a letter to you ...
So that the gift brought me. And I hope it came.
In the yard now July, but by mail - there is no hope,
They ordered me a suit, for three years I went clothes.
And while he came to me, he grew out of him for a long time,
It is strange I look like a cheerful movie.
To ask for this? Can you put things in order?
After all, at the post office our letters are not appreciated there, not a penny!
Well, and children, give up the phone number,
They will write SMS, at home from Megafon.
And then you will not forget anyone!
And what everyone really wants, you will always know!

******************

Transfer your watch for an hour,
We extended the past year at least for a minute.
I want to remember this way: my noses -
Snotty icicles under the feet
In the Studeno-February eyes
Look at a random joke once,
Catch by the tail of the dragon in heaven,
Tearing, for happiness, scurrying scurry.
Still melt the mourning of the mudflower-March
And the heart under the Amber heat of July
And hear the October Snow-Grad
To the taste and trembling of the native kiss.
I have been celebrating the New Year for ten years
With a loved one in silence, love, peace.
But, my god, they extended a minute to
To comprehend happiness - here it is!

******************

Good grandfather Frost, hello, finally
New Year comes - everyone knows this!
Although the weather outside the window is the frost or melting,
Come with a blue horse - let us ride!
We braid the mowing on a furry mane,
Singing the song in a beautiful Christmas tree beautiful.
Mom will bake the pie, brother will tell the poem,
We know that you are not strict at all, very generous even.
Do not forget to take the Snow Maiden with you,
The granddaughter is to you (a slender figure).
If possible, invite the clown Petrushka,
And put each toy under the Christmas tree.
We are waiting, rather come and remember, remember
If you do not find a horse, grab at least a pony.

******************

I would ... "Give me, Santa Claus, love,
From which the heart melted
So that the dictionary of insanely tender words
Updated more often than running of termini*.
Give me a sweet bliss captured
Which you can’t tell about in prose ...
Tired of a sharp hell
And December, forgetting about the frost.
I would hide my shoulders in BOA
Under fluffy lightweight snow
And she dreamed of going to Goa
With this beautiful person.
Change me, grandfather, fate ... "
And then the grandfather answered angrily:
-“roll up, old, lip
And hold on stronger by the trough! "