The jealousy of the older child to the youngest: the reasons for the appearance - what to do to parents? How to deal with childhood jealousy for the second child in the family, for the newborn: specialist advice

In this article, we will talk about the causal aspects of children's jealousy in the family, which often arises in the first-born with the advent of a new family member.

Without exaggeration, we can say that with the jealousy of the older child, all parents face in one degree or another! And this is quite normal when it begins to share attention, care and, most importantly, the love of parents. Another question is what it is expressed in all children in different ways, and parents can stop signal calls in time.

And in some situations there is a clear aggression for a newborn man. Therefore, in this material we will analyze the reasons that the parents could miss, and the deeds of adults to minimize the jealousy of the older baby.

Why does the older child have jealousy?

To resolve any conflict or situation, it is initially worth understanding what the reason is. And also trace and determine the factors that cause it. And, perhaps, we will disappoint you, but childhood jealousy does not arise from scratch. This is precisely the miss of parents. Yes, the temperament and character of the baby will also make its part of the Lepta. But the jealousy of the older child is never groundless!

Important: to fix the advanced situation is much more difficult than cutting it in the root.

• Children's egocentrism. Very often, older children get used to the constant attention of their parents, so they do not want to share him with someone else. For a child, this looks like a betrayal, from this a negative attitude appears.
  • But do not believe that your baby is not the same as expected. For his age, it is quite normal to think, starting from their interests. Here, the responsibility is already on the shoulders of the parents in the proper explanation.
• Speaking of age - too small or big differenceoften causes jealousy between children. The weather or peers rarely encounter this feeling, because from birth they get used to division!
  • But if your difference turned out to be 2-3 years, then it is natural that the baby will begin to be jealous. After all, behind him, in fact, is still supposed to be care for the baby. But children are more than 5-7 years old, on the contrary, too clearly begin to understand the whole problem. More precisely, more fear and uncertainty appear in their heads, and parents can expand this with a lack of attention.
• Sudden growing up. Immediately after the appearance of the second baby, parents sharply find a bunch of new duties for the older child, and make them help with the baby. The child begins to suffer from this, and it seems to him that it is much better to be small. Therefore, it begins to behave like a newborn.

• The child began to receive less attention and help. This is especially happening at the first time after the appearance of the baby, when the mother does not have the opportunity to spend a lot of time with the first -born, as before. The child begins to feel deprived and unnecessary.
• Also affects the change in the regime. Yes, this segment of the time, when the baby does not sleep, he has colic or cut his teeth - children are also worried! Mom is all in the baby, exhausted and tired, and there is not enough time for the first -born. And now no one reads a fairy tale or does not sculpt funny animals, and even after the garden does not walk on the site for a long time.
• Get away from mom. Children can feel the fear of losing their mother’s love, especially if the baby was continuously near her mother, did not go to the garden or school. This is mainly happening with children up to 3 years.
• Same -sex children or if the older child is a boy. It is believed that strong jealousy arises between children of the same sex: the girl can be jealous of the appearance of the sister, believing that she took her place. But a similar attitude is less likely to a brother.
  • Boys are by nature more attached to mom, so painfully tolerate the division of her love, be it a brother or sister. Psychologists also argue that it is easier to introduce the girl to the care of a newborn than a boy, thanks to the innate maternal instinct.

Important: but this is only a statistical indicator, as well as the birth of a sexual basis. After all, girls are sometimes also overstated, like boys - they are previously born. So with jealousy - the influence of an individual character or the specific attitude of parents can provoke greater jealousy in the older girl. Or, conversely, soften it in the boy with the right approach.

Types of children's jealousy

Parents are far from always able to recognize whether the first -born is jealous or not. Therefore, it is important to observe all the changes in the behavior of the first baby in order not to miss the development of a zealous attitude on his part. And for this it is worth studying the main types of jealousy.

• Passive jealousy Almost not noticeable for parents. T.K. The child does not particularly show her and even to some extent glad the appearance of a brother or sister. He helps mom with interest and often tells friends, relatives about the newborn. But there is also a “underwater stone” - a child can become more calm, passive or even upset. It is worth worrying about these signals.
  • The fact is that this type of jealousy is not so dangerous for the younger crumb, but for the older child. It is this secrecy of the problem that can create depression, which over time will completely grow into psychological trauma and even hidden hatred of his soul mate. Also, concomitant consequences can be the stomach problems on the basis of poor appetite. But maybe this jealousy to develop into another look.
• At Half -haired jealousythe baby attracts attention in every possible way, and he can even impose his help to his mother to care for his child. But more often such children are often naughty, do not obey and can behave like babies. That is, there is not development, but age -related degradation.
  • Even the grown -up children often begin to sprinkle into his pants, suck a finger, and in some cases the baby can ask him to wear a diaper or sly. All such antics should not be ignored! But it is important to make it clear to the baby that he is already an adult, emphasizing all the advantages of this situation. It is the carrot and conversations that need to show how good it is to be a terrible child in the family.

• Aggressive type, Perhaps the most dangerous. The eldest child is trying in all ways to harm the baby and bring him pain. He can express hatred not only to the younger baby, but also to parents. Such children often do not obey, scatter toys, arrange tantrums.
  • This behavior is especially dangerous in children under 3 years old. T.K. It is difficult to explain to such a small child why you can’t bite, push, take toys, etc. But the older children are not safe from such a subspecies. At the same time, their danger can still have an insidious character when the acts cover more large -scale damage. Moreover, they are done intended and consciously!

It is worth being attentive! After all, one type of jealousy can smoothly go to another. For example, the child behaved completely normal for the first time, showing to such an extent passive jealousy, and a year later he began to behave quite aggressively in relation to the younger baby.

Important: also jealousy in children may not appear immediately, but in the process of education and growing up. But at the first manifestations of any type of jealousy, it is worth chopping it in the root. T.K. This can lead to serious consequences and injure the psyche of the child. And in severe form - to make two relatives of the men with enemies, sowing hatred in the heart.

Prevention of children's jealousy: what to do to parents?

• The education of two children is a huge work for parents, therefore it is very important to create the most comfortable conditions for each child. Even at the stage of pregnancy, the older baby should be prepared for the appearance of the second child in the family.Be sure to explain to the child that soon a brother or sister will be born, but a true friend. Say the pluses that can be after the appearance of the baby.
  • But do not provide your first child as a toy. Since they will be able to play together at least a year later, and for interest to both after 1.5-2. And the older baby will wait for disappointment when he sees the baby that he will not correspond to the promised expectations. And then you will need to look for answers to questions when it will be possible to play without fear of throwing your head.
• Most often, preschool babies are jealous.T.K. Already adult children who go to school have many friends and other hobbies. Therefore, it is easier to bear the birth of a younger brother or sister.
  • Therefore, provide the baby as much as possible with the opportunity to go to kindergarten or section, where he can spend time, lead new friends and he will have less time for jealousy. This must be done a few months before the appearance of the crumbs, so that the child does not think that all changes are connected precisely with the birth of a second child.
• Also, excommunication from the chest, nipples or strollers, or maybe moving to another room or bed, adaptation in kindergarten and so on - should be carried out in advance. To Do not cause the baby that he is fenced off from his mother due to the appearance of the second child.
• Try not to change the life of the first -born after the birth of the crumbs. Think about the schedule in advance that will allow you Pay attention to two children simultaneously and separately.You will enlist the support of loved ones or find a nanny if necessary to have time to devote time to your firstborn in private without the presence of a second baby.

How to avoid jealousy after the appearance of a newborn, the youngest child in the house?

• The first aspect that mothers often miss is The first embrace.After arriving home, first of all, you need to hug the baby and say how you missed him. Devigue these first minutes to the older child!
• After returning, in second place, Meet the child with a new member of the family.And a small hint - the guests should give gifts first to the older baby so as not to create the feeling that he was deprived. Or hand it yourself As a presentation from a newborn.
  • Thus, this will bring the children closer, and the eldest child will not perceive the second baby as a threat or “replacement” in his place. On this day, try to spend as much time as much as possible with him. T.K. In a few days, the baby missed it, so it may be offended that the mother does not pay attention to him.
• If relatives came to visit you, In no case do not allow all attention to pay only to a newborn child.He is unlikely to appreciate the attention of strangers, but the elder can negatively respond to such behavior of grandparents. Also, do not praise the second child in the presence of the first -born.
• Buy the baby to help the care of the newborn. For example, he can serve diapers or shake a stroller, but do not force it to do this.
• And categorically, do not weigh on the older duty to care for the newborn! Remember - he is not obliged to look and nurse the baby. Parents give birth to children for themselves, not for older children.
• Show the photo of the crumbs when he was at the same age. And during walks, tell us how he grew up, where you spent time and various funny stories.
• If the baby shows interest and wants to hold the newborn in his arms, Do not refuse him.If you are afraid, you can sit nearby and insure. So the child will be able to satisfy his interest, and jealousy will decrease.

Important: do not drive the older child from the newborn. This will emphasize its significance, and in the future the first -born will become a good assistant.

What to do with the manifestations of child jealousy: the advice of psychologists and specialists

In the manifestation of children's jealousy, the main thing is to remain calm and eliminate the misunderstanding as soon as you noticed this. But even if you do not observe any manifestations of jealousy on the part of the older child, it is worth listening to the advice of leading psychologists, which will not only avoid competition between their native brothers/sisters, but also bring them closer in the future.

• Be sure to spend time with the older child, At least 20 minutes a day alone without the presence of a second baby. For example, while he is sleeping or ask one of the relatives to spend time with a newborn.
• Caress more, kiss and talk about how you love him. Do not forget to play, engage in the development of crumbs. It is best if you can distribute the responsibilities between family members and devote time to the older and youngest child in turn.
• If the child wants to talk, do not refuse him this - Listen carefully. Even if mom is very tired, you should be patient, because Any repulsion from the parents can bring a very deep psychological trauma.
• Do not give the toys of the older child without his permission. It is best if the baby begins to show the initiative.
• If the child constantly offends the younger one, it should be suppressed immediately. Explain that everyone was sitting in his mother’s tummy - therefore, everyone is equal, and parents love everyone the same.
• Follow the balance in the relationship between kids. The first is tenderness and love should be strictly equally! The second is praise. We ourselves do not notice how we begin to admire some banal (according to the first-born) achievements, forgetting about the older child.
  • Therefore, rejoice at the successes of both.You can give an example or remember, but Do not put them on a comparative scales of the scales to find out who is better. In general, this should not be done at all, and even in their presence!

• If you take the youngest in your crib, then call the elder! In no case should he feel at least some restriction in his direction because of the younger brother or sister.
• Emphasize all the advantages of being an older child in the family. Do not say that he now has a bunch of responsibilities, but indicate the privileges of being the first. Indicate how the younger member of the family loves him, and their intimacy. So you can avoid competition in the family.
  • And as a hint - you know and love the eldest child, for example, 5 years more!
• In the event of any conflict, it is not necessary to immediately protect the younger, only because he does not yet understand. It is worth initially to find out the cause of the quarrel. Then, if and Pressing - the two are the same.
• Also a small recommendation - Protect your older child from yourself and from the younger member of the family. The fact is that the baby can accidentally hit or push the first -born, causing him pain. And adults very often take the side of the baby. And attacking in such a situation, you emphasize the distrust of your older child, which greatly hurt him.
  • And a note - with growing up a baby will be able to use this in his direction, receiving what he wants and cry. After all, they will always protect him.
• Do not scream at the older child if he does not want to help you with the baby, spend time with him or share toys. Any aggression in the child can cause hostility to the youngest.

It is very important to correctly respond to the manifestation of childhood jealousy, it is unacceptable to ignore and prohibit it. The appearance of a second child in the family is already a stress for your first -born. And he needs to get used to and adapt. It is important at this moment to support him and not push him away. If jealousy manifests itself in a rather aggressive form, and does not stop for a long period, you should contact a specialist and solve this problem. Inadequate behavior of the first child can be caused by completely different factors.

It is also very important to spend time together with the whole family. Joint pastime and interests will help bring and strengthen relations between children.

Video: parents' mistakes, what cause childhood jealousy?