How to learn how to manage your anger, aggression and reduce irritability: tips. How to overcome anger: we analyze the causes of the appearance and result

In this article, we will analyze the nature of anger and learn to control it.

Each person at least once experienced a state of anger that occurs at the time of strong emotional affect. This condition can be different in strength, duration or in its manifestation, but it cannot be confused with any other. But also each of us is more or less prone to irritability and attacks of aggression. It is possible and even necessary to control anger, because it, like any negative emotion, does not affect the aggressor and the people around him in the best way.

The nature of anger and its destructive result

It is difficult to control anger, even if the will of will manage to hide its external manifestations, the body still reacts with sharp physiological changes at this moment:

• adrenaline is released into the blood
• blood pressure rises
• the vessels narrow
• the frequency of the pulse and heart contractions increases
• there is a stream of excitation pulses along the back to the head
• the muscles are strained
• the facial expressions are changing

All these are only common features that accompany an angry emotional state. But there are also deep features that can lead to serious complications.

Important: this condition inevitably affects to the level of cortisol in the blood.And when cortisol rises, sodium delay in the body occurs, which leads to an increase in blood coagulation. And as a result, this is a direct road to heart attacks, strokes, thrombosis.

Therefore, it is so important to learn how to manage your emotions. And not at the level of external manifestation, but at the subconscious level, in order to teach your body not to respond to irritability.

To begin with, let's look at the nature of these emotions and decide what is anger, in what cases it arises. We will also find out why this is the case, and not otherwise, our body reacts to various external factors.

The nature of anger

Anger - This is the emotional state of a person, the cause of which can be any psychological or physical obstacle that suddenly arises on the path of a person and leading him to a state of affect. In one way or another, all people are subject to such emotions, but all of them manifest themselves in different ways.

The form of manifestations depends on many factors. First of all, and to a large extent, it depends on the temperament which of the four possible types of people belongs to:

1. Choleriki - People are emotional, easily excitable, with an increased degree of irritability. Such people are characterized by a sharp change in mood. They are most susceptible to vivid emotions, among which anger is no exception. They are more guided by feelings.
2. Sanguine - More calm, balanced people who know how to control themselves, they are less inclined to be annoyed and express their emotions with anger. More guided by the mind.
3. Phlegmaticians - balanced, calm and non -conflict people who are inclined to carefully calculate and weigh their actions, and therefore they usually avoid situations that can provoke sharp emotions. Little prone to anger. They sometimes lack emotional soil.
4. Melancholic - Undercoming, passive and, as a rule, uncertain people who avoid conflict situations and not prone to sharp emotions. The manifestation of anger is atypical for them. Sometimes emotionality closes a reasonable judgment.

We also offer you to read about a detailed description in the article "4 types of temperament." Of course, a tendency to sharp emotions will be more manifested in people with elevated temperament. But that's not all!

• Sometimes a person, despite the strength of his temperament and natural temper, He muffles his emotions.And now there is such an effect on the type of “powder barrel”. The more negativity a person restrained in himself, accumulated, the stronger the output of anger, which can cross even the border of madness or rabies.

Important: in no case can you restrain your feelings! It also affects our health and mental state. After all, all negative emotions “corrode” us from the inside. But they need to give the right exit, and for this it is necessary to learn how to control them, and not just restrained them.

• On the manifestation of strong emotions Education also affects a large extent.A child who has grown in love and respect; in a family where they never spoke in high colors; where they respected the opinion of all family members, regardless of age; Where they taught to realize their desires with labor and determination, and not with tears and tantrums, in adulthood it will be much less susceptible to angry emotions. Rather than the one that has grown up, unrealized and uncertain.
• After all, oddly enough Emotions of anger are a kind of self -defense, in which inharmonic people are especially in dire need.

Therefore, it is worth summing up - the cause of your anger is often an example of parents!

• In addition, systematic fatigue It is able to cause anger, like a scream for help. Moreover, fatigue can have not only physical, but also emotional, psychological character.
• Anger is directly related to our nervous system, and constant Stress Able to provoke an adrenaline emission.

Interesting: tonsil is responsible for storing our emotions, which is associated with a hypothalamus that sets our mood. Adrenaline, however, looms a picture of danger, which gives rise to fear.

• Therefore, it is worth highlighting another important cause of anger - This is fear.Its nature can have a different character, but the result is always the same. By the way, for primitive man, fear in conjunction with anger helped overcome difficulties and survive. But times have changed, so there is no fears for their life. So, you need to control your anger.
• Sometimes aggression is able to cause Egoism.Yes, it is this feature, when a person is not used to concede, but only wants to achieve what he desired by any way. And in moments when something goes not according to plan, there is an attack of aggression.

Varieties of anger or its dynamics

1. Anger can act as a tool. Of course, for self -realization and achieving their goals. But the reason for the aggression is that in another way a person cannot explain or take a step. This gives rise to self -doubt or weak communicative features. Moreover, this is often the role of unrealization, which parents often use.
2. Aggression can be as protection. It can be the same fatigue or tension, and maybe the trigger mechanism of lack of love and attention!
3. Irritability very often causes dissatisfaction with oneself or others! Understand what you have not achieved, why you have chosen the wrong path, and also realize what outcome you are afraid of!
4. It can be a surge in anger. Its nature can be internal restraint, which we mentioned above, but also a response to another aggressor.

Important: very often the reason for the unquenchable anger and increased temper is Childhood injuries! It is also worth noting that in women during the PMS, menopause, pregnancy and breastfeeding increase irritability, which has a hormonal background and periodic in nature.

What happens in the body at the time of anger?

• We attribute anger to negative emotions based on moral norms and its influence on human health. However, if we consider the purely biological aspect of this phenomenon, anger can rather be attributed to emotions, having a stenic character.
• That is, at the time of the outbreak of anger in a person, activity increases sharply, energy mobilizes, a short -term sense of self -confidence arises, the rise of vitality. But all this happens at the peak of emotions, Due to the sharp release of adrenaline into the blood,which we call the state of affect.
• This is the main danger of anger, because Stenic emotions can provoke a person to commit inadequate acts,which he is not capable of in normal condition.
• In addition, the state of affect very often does not fade away, but is replaced by a state of fear, dissatisfaction, discomfort. And this launches a new cycle of negative emotions, affecting the health and emotional state of a person.
• Returning to the issue of effect on health, it is worth supplementing that modern science has proven - frequent emissions of adrenaline into the bloodstream They are able to damage DNA and lead to the development of many chronic diseases.

Important: aggressive people have a weak immune system, a high level of cholesterol, they are subject to problems with pressure, insomnia and even diabetes.

• Besides, Memory and concentration deteriorate.And all due to the fact that irritability takes away a large charge of mental energy from us. Often you can observe a picture when a dream disappears due to aggression or it is short in nature.
• And all this is reflected in our mental health! Chronic anxiety and even depression may develop.

Important: anger violates harmony in relations with people around you! No matter how trite it sounds, but in this case, the words really hurt more than any knife, leaving scars in the shower. Anger moves close people from you, causes distrust and even some fear, so as not to angry you again. But the most dangerous - you destroy the aggression of your children! Even if they act only as witnesses.

How to deal with anger?

• There are many methods, psychological trainings and medical programs on how to deal with angry emotions. Often, multi -page disputes arise on social networks and forums, which is more correct at the time of an outbreak of anger - to give free rein to your emotions or suppress them with an effort of will. Perhaps the answer will seem strange, but - Neither judgment is true!
• The splash of emotions, as well as their suppression, are harmful to our psyche, our health, and are fraught with great troubles in society. Giving free rein to emotions, we thereby demonstrate asocial behavior, risk the well -being of the family, career, and relationships with people around them. By controlling our emotions, we copy the negative in ourselves, we risk thus “earn” a stroke or heart attack.
• The only correct way out in this situation is Change your attitude to life, to the world around you, to various problems that can provoke our negative emotions.
• Yes, for this you need to study the topic deeper, track the causal relationships of the manifestations of our emotions. It is necessary to learn to overestimate the situation through systematic trainings. And most importantly - to believe that it works safer and more efficiently than any other methods!

• Anger is not an uncontrolled process, it is a reaction of your mind to what is happening. Exactly Logical thinking and positive reasoningthey must take up over emotions.
• It is important not to suppress anger, but Direct him in the right direction. You need to act as a stimulus in the form of anger - a reaction splashing, for example, in early writing of the report. He gives us decisiveness and speed of decision -making. It is necessary to take this clarity and clarity, set the imperious timbre in the voice, in a flat posture and in the gaze. And direct your aggression into power! This should be control over the situation or your action, behavior.
• But it is also important to teach your brain to switch to the desired “wave”. You need not to scroll in your head, which was not so said or did it. And direct your thoughts First of all, the reason for your anger!

You will find out the reason - you will find the technique of combating anger!

• In addition, it is very important Look at the result of your anger. No, these are not health problems. And what will you achieve if you pour your anger into the will. Even if you make a person/child do as you want, ask yourself the question: “How do others see me and perceive me in a mask of anger”?
• In general, switch thoughts to a positive side. Scroll through the prospects of even the most deplorable situations.

We offer you to read our article on the topic, "How to learn to enjoy life?"

What does it mean - to change your attitude to the situation or how to analyze your anger?

Try to simulate and consider a specific situation on an example that can become a source of your anger in order to understand how it works.

• Situation No. 1: The boss calls you and arranges a “spell” regarding the report on which you worked for several nights in a row and finally handed over the day before.

You are offended, it seems unfair to you, you feel how anger fills you, ready to splash over the edge in the form of anger and mutual accusations. You see only two ways - to give free rein to your words and emotions, saying everything you think, or restrain, endure, drive emotions into yourself. And then to worry for a long time from this injustice that poured on you.

What to do?

Just imagine at this moment your boss in some difficult life situation. Indeed, for sure, in addition to your report, something worries or bothers him, something affects his mood and becomes the cause of his angry emotions. Or maybe it was you that he defended you today to the higher authorities, and now he forwarded to you his negative emotions? Or did he have an unsuccessful day? Or did one of the loved ones get sick? Yes, there are few reasons for such his behavior.

The main thing is that you must learn - when Instead of response anger or concentration on restraining, You are abstracted by negativity.And when you begin to mentally reflect on this topic, your angry emotions will immediately change to sympathy and understanding, and you will already be different about this situation.

Important: Pay attention - the situation has not changed, your attitude has changed!

• Situation No. 2: a typical story in city transport, in a store, in the market, when you were undeservedly rude.

And of course, the first reaction is to answer the same aggression and scream. And even worse, that the word for the word and this conflict develops into a scandal in front of strangers and, possibly, even children.

What to do?

But instead, turn on your imagination and imagine how this tired saleswoman, the conductor or cashier has to pass the flow of very different people during the day, with different moods, different education, and different emotions. And at home, perhaps, elderly parents or small children await her, who need special care.

We are all in life with certain situations that we react to the manifestation of emotions, we all try to control or not control them differently. But we do not always understand that the world around us is not hostile and not friendly towards us - He is the way we themselves create it in our imagination. Try to change the world by changing your attitude to it.

• Situation No. 3: Your husband does not help you and even reproaches in transference or negligent performance of his household duties when you are on maternity leave.

Of course, the tired wife reproach why it was so dirty or did not have time to wash the plates/prepare dinner, immediately reacts with aggression. But the main thing is that the incomprehensible husband does not hear the whole list of her affairs!

What to do?

It is important to understand why this reproach hurts you. But it is also necessary to sincerely express your cause of disorder - in most women This is sadness!The decree was not that cloudless vacation, and the wife herself was tired of this routine. Moreover, if a woman does not take care of herself, she loses self -confidence.

But if you dig deeper, then this mask can hide also fear.A financially dependent woman with a child or several children literally depends on her husband. And his discontent encourages the thought that his husband no longer loves. So, can go to another woman. And here it is important to admit your experiences, referring to a sense of mutual love.

Important: sometimes in moments of anger we just need to be alone in order to analyze the situation. Do not be afraid to inform your loved ones about it. Again, find the reason, scroll through the result of aggression and in no case “scatter” anger into secondary characters.

How to control your anger: tips

• The most important rule is this is a dream.A good rest is the need of the body
• Walk in the fresh air every day, at least 30 minutes - 1 hour
• Do not forget to pay attention to your spiritual growth. And for this you should take the time at least once a week On a hobby
• Follow your diet. The fact is that fatty and harmful food can cause general fatigue of the body
• Go in for sports. After all, physical exercises set our good mood. This is an indisputable fact, since endorphine is developing in the process of training
• Spend time more often Alone with nature.It calms well and helps to find a way out of the situation
• Perform regularly respiratory gymnastics (By the way, during an attack of anger it also does not hurt to practice):
  • take a convenient pose, and even better - sit in the lotus position
  • park the palms up in order to reveal your energy
  • inhale should be made through the nose
  • breathing holding 2-3 seconds
  • exhale with your mouth
• You need to repeat 10 times!

We also offer 5 steps on how to calm down when ranging anger:

• If you feel that it is about to explode, Take a short break. For example, you are annoyed by some person. Get out for a walk and drink a glass of water. Moreover, the water is really soothing!
  • Just do not leave, snapping back. Since upon returning the decision of the conflict will be resumed on old notes. Explain that you need to gather your thoughts or consider this decision.
• Know how to ignore the statements. And for this we switch thinking and turn on the film with a happy ending in our heads. It happens that a person, as if it is specially pissing you off. We take the will into a fist, breathe fresh air and return with a smile on the face.

Important: laughter and smile will not only cheer you up, but also help to avoid anger. Laughter is an enemy of fear, namely, fear most often gives rise to anger!

• Change places. If a person has made you noble or reproach, analyze why he did this. We already wrote that often pity or just understanding the situation will muffle aggression.
• Determine the technique "Conscious breathing". To do this, put the right hand on the stomach, and the left - on the chest. And so you need to inhale so deeply so that only the right hand rises.
• At the same time, breathing works together visualization. You can just think about something pleasant, relaxing and calming down. And you can even scroll through the best way out of the current situation. But do not forget-sometimes the brain should take a break from thoughts for at least 10-15 seconds, thereby calming the influx of anger.

And, by the way, scientists have proved that people who own the technique of revaluation of the situation change not only their psychological attitudes, but significant changes occur in the human body. Changing our ideas about the irritant, we send certain commands to our brain, which reacts to the situation already at the level of neurons. And he simply ceases to spend their emotional energy for nothing, thereby protecting our health from unnecessary stress.

Video: How to cope with anger?