How to get out of co -dependent relationships with a man, husband: tips, ways to build healthy relationships

It is good when a man and a woman are associated with close relationships, and their life values \u200b\u200bcoincide. However, sometimes relationships become excessively close, and partners begin to burden such a connection.

Content

There is no single definition of co -dependent relationships. Initially, this term was called the relations of partners, one of whom suffers from any harmful dependence (drug, alcohol, etc.), and the other provides him with psychological or material support. At the same time, such a hyperopecake of a loving person only interferes with the recovery of an addicted partner.

What is co -dependent relationships?

Over time, the term "co -dependence" has undergone changes. And now such a definition is more often used for descriptions of relations in which the psychological and emotional boundaries of people are violated.
Co -dependence is an inadequate need for another person and concentration on him. We can say, a pathological state, which is characterized by a deep emotional, psychological and physical dependence on another person. The attention of the individual is focused not on his life, but on the life of a partner.

Co-dependent relationships can be expressed in different ways:

Two partners have inadequate attachment to each other. Any of them defines itself through the prism of relations with its soul mate. Such co -dependence appears if two psychologically dependent persons enter into a relationship. None of them is autonomous to act autonomously, so they have an excessive need to stay together. In such co -dependent relationships people are not so much support for support as they shift the load of problems to each other.
Only one of the partners is co -dependent, who completely connects his happiness with a loved one and thereby shifts all responsibility to him for achieving well -being.

As usual, the co -dependence of one of the spouses is manifested:

A person is too absorbed in his partner and determines his own identity only through his relationship with him. Without it, a dependent person simply does not represent his own existence. He does not feel himself a holistic person, but perceives himself only as an addition to his beloved. He does not trust his own feelings and beliefs, but only listens to what the partner thinks.
It is very difficult for an addicted person to separate himself from his half. He easily infects the mood of his beloved and accepts everything at his own expense. The course of the thoughts of a co -dependent person can be described something like this. The partner is annoyed not because of the traffic jam on the way home, but because he did something wrong, he is upset not because of the problems at work, but because of his wrong words.
The main goal of the co -dependent person - This is an improvement in the life of the spouse, not his own. However, deep down, he wishes a better life for himself. But the co -dependent person has a firm conviction that it is impossible to achieve this on its own. So he tries to receive everyday goods through a partner, prompting him to certain actions.

A dependent person is constantly looking for a couple to solve his own problems. She experiences a feeling of deep loneliness and sadness if she does not abide in a relationship with someone. She hopes that another person will fill the void in her life. She is sure that relations with him will relieve boredom, despondency and disorder. Another person seems to be a co -dependent personality as a source of happiness, security and well -being, due to which basic needs are replenished.
The loss of a loved one for a co -dependent person means the end of existence. If suddenly, for some reason, there is a break in relations, then problems also appear in other areas of life (health worsens, a career is moving, financial difficulties arise).
In most cases, a dependent person does not understand what he wants specifically. However, at the same time it is on the desire for the partner to make him happy.
The co -dependent partner is not able to determine his own and other people's psychological boundaries. He is not able to understand and accept the fact that a loved one may be “different”, not like himself.
In most cases, co -dependent people do not try to get rid of their dependence, but rather only increase it. At a subconscious level, a co -dependent individual does not want to grow up. He does not want to realize the fact that no one owes him anything, and he himself must take responsibility for his own life.

The difference between co -dependent and healthy relationships?

It is worth noting that a certain level of dependence is necessary for the relationship. Otherwise, the formation of attachment between people would become impossible. Healthy relationships contribute to the development of both partners. The problem appears when dependence loses the measure.

The difference between co -dependent and healthy relationships is as follows:

In normal relations, each The person itself controls its own life. We are aware that we can influence the emotions of a loved one, but we do not strive to manage them. And in the co -dependent connection, we try to control the actions and feelings of our partner.
The difference between attachment and co -dependence is that in the first case, without a loved one, our perception of life will not change, and in the second - we will experience a sense of inferiority without our half.
Healthy relationships are based on equal terms, according to the principle "Adult-adult." In co-dependent relationships between partners there is a substitution of images, someone plays the role of a helpless child, and someone-a strong and strict parent.
In healthy relations, we feel positive emotions in most cases: Tenderness, trust, love, joy. While in the relations of co -dependent we are, as a rule, in a depressed or irritated state.

Healthy relationships are not limited by our interactions only with a partner. We are not isolated from friends, relatives or colleagues. And in co -dependent relationships we often we lose the opportunity to find support from other people. Contacts with others are minimized, due to which a feeling of loneliness is enhanced.
In a healthy relationship, we are not afraid to speak out about our feelings - both positive and negative. Whereas in the so -dependent connection emotions are always suppressed, and talking openly about their sensations can be unsafe or prohibited.
In adequate relationships, we are free and we are in them without coercion. And in co -dependent relationships, we often have a feeling of connectedness and doom, when we do not see another way out for ourselves.
The difference between the desire to help a loved one and co -dependence lies in systematicity and perseverance. For example, when we independently write our soul mate in the gym or think through the plans of its career advancement, we slip the literature on personal growth, etc. In this case, it is not about the desire to help, but about the desire to control someone else's life.

Types of co -dependent relationships

Psychologists describe the following main types of co -dependent relationships:

Sacrifice. One of the spouses idolizes the partner and completely devotes his life to him. He dissolves in his soul mate, voluntarily renouncing his own desires and needs. As a rule, such a person is confident in his failure and worthlessness. He believes that the adored spouse surpasses him in everything: mind, beauty, talent. The words of the halves become law. A person constantly depends on the opinion and mood of his partner: whether he was satisfied, whether he frowned, approved. His emotions and actions become the most important thing. And he, in turn, enjoys and uses his power. But the dependent person does not have their own aspirations and goals. Often he even tries to create situations in which he will feel his “need” to loved one, playing the role of the “Savior”.

Control. A person voluntarily assumes obligations regarding the life of a partner, confident that only he is in the know how it will be “better”. Such a spouse is convinced that his half will simply disappear without him. Therefore, the interests and desires of the “subordinate” are not taken into account. In such relations, a weaker partner is constantly monitored and forced to do what, in the opinion of the “controller”, is more correct. At the same time, the co -dependent “controller” can even complain to others that everything pulls on his shoulders. In fact, he is simply afraid that the spouse will become responsible and independent. Indeed, in this case, the co -dependent person will lose significance in the eyes of others, and his own.
Tyranny. Some of the partners morally and emotionally depresses the other, feeling their own superiority. The Tyran is convinced that he has the right to demand unquestioning subordination from his “victim”. However, such relationships are also beneficial to the “victim”. Obeying the "tyrant" and nourishing his pride, she deftly manipulates In the end, he achieves what he wants. In addition, the victim receives sympathy and support from others.

Self -affirmation. The co -dependence in such a connection is manifested in the fact that a person all the time expects from his half of admiration, approval, indispensable confirmation of their own perfection and value. This is how the proof of the partner’s love seems to him. Of course, to desire the support of a loved one is absolutely normal. But the co -dependent person needs to be constant approving his half.

How to determine your co -dependence in a relationship?

Often a co -dependent woman seems that her excessive experiences regarding a man indicate only a strong love for him. But in fact, this condition reflects loneliness and emotional immaturity. To understand whether you are a so -dependent personality, an analysis of your relationship with your beloved man will help.

So, we list the signs that you are in co -dependent relationships:

You are afraid of the need to make independent decisions. You need to constantly involve your man in all spheres of your personal life. You are not able to independently decide whether to go to increase, whether to meet with friends, whether to buy a new dress. Of course, you need to listen to the opinion of your partner. However, if you make a choice not in favor of what you think is correct, but in favor of what your partner considers correct, we are talking about dependence. Breaking in this situation suggests that you yourself do not trust yourself.
The interests of your husband are much more important than your personal for you. You constantly solve his issues and are prone to excessive custody.
With the thought of breaking up relationships, horror covers you. You are ready to go to anything, if only not to quarrel with your spouse.

Despite the obvious evidence that your relationship with a man does not bring any benefit, but only harm, you are not able to interrupt them.
In your problems with a partner, you are accusing external circumstances (mother -in -law, friends, mistress), but not himself and not his.
When trying to somehow change the situation, you experience strong anxiety and even physical malaise that pass when you return to the old model of behavior.
In any matters, it is you who are most often made to concessions. And in those cases when you disagree in something with your partner, you prefer to remain silent. But a mature and independent person is not afraid to voice his opinion, even when a beloved does not share this point of view. Normal relationships suggest that partners are aware of the opportunity to have various opinions.
You agree to come to your life principles for the sake of a loved one. You go beyond your own comfort for the sake of him. In this connection, you gradually forget who you are and what is unacceptable to you.
A hobby of your spouse prevails in your life, while you do not share them at all.
You are very jealous of your loved one. Most likely, you have low self -esteem. For this reason, you feel the threat from other people, even from relatives and friends. At the same time, internal discontent is accumulated inside you, which you try not to show your partner.
You always have a need to know where exactly your spouse is at this moment. And in a healthy relationship, people give each other freedom and do not feel any threat if the partner does not spend their free time with them.
You are sure that only a man should change, about which you annoy him annoyingly. You try to be for your husband and personal coach, and psychotherapist, and nutritionist Instead of being just a comrade who can share the joy of life with him.

You often have a feeling of powerlessness and helplessness when you do not believe that you are able to cope with the situation.
You are constantly looking for approval from your man. You are sure that no one will ever love you like him.
You often feel the martyr and the only savior of your union.
You suffer if your loved one is not next to you. You are then uneasy, and you feel inexplicable anxiety.
Often, catch yourself thinking that you are not love for your partner, but a sense of pity, believing that he will “completely disappear” without you.
Do you want to the spouse took responsibility for your material or psychological well -being.
You spend too much attention and effort on your partner. Thoughts about a loved one are dominant.
You constantly feel guilty for what your a man has to overcome his difficulties on his own.

What is the dangerous relationship dangerous?

As already mentioned, co -dependence is shifting responsibility for their internal state to external factors. The satisfaction of their desires is associated with a specific person. That is, we believe that we will find what we do not have, in someone else. As a rule, in such cases, hopes for love and happiness end with disappointments and depression.

The co -dependent relationship does not bring anything good to any of the partners for many reasons:

The stronger the confidence that it is possible to achieve happiness only through another person, the the ability to satisfy its needs independently becomes weaker. And over time, the relationship becomes even more dependent. And as in the case of any type of dependence, what used to help, begins to harm.
When a dependent person has all the hopes of his prosperous future on a partner, sooner or later it may not avoid bitter disappointment and even hatred for him because he did not live up to expectations.
Trying to please the partner, A dependent person betrays his true needs and feelings.
The love of an addicted person is always associated with jealousy, fear, reproaches, suspicion and claims. There is always no trust in such relationships.

Suppression of a sense of co -dependence It is often manifested in an attempt to displace internal discontent with something else: overeating, drinking, gambling. The listed factors can ultimately lead to the complete destruction of the personality.
A dependent person assigns expectations on a partner, which are inherently a weak form of demand. And the requirement is an aggression aimed at another person, at himself or to life as a whole.
Sooner or later, the partner of the dependent person is annoying to be who he wants to see him. After all, each person wants to be free from imposed roles.
An attempt to control someone else's life leads to a loss of one’s own personality.
The co -dependent relationship is reminiscent Emotional swing. The periods of calm inevitably follow the periods of stormy scandals.
Co -dependent person Suppresses its freedom and reduces its own significance. However, he oppresses the freedom of his partner.
When a person delves into a relationship too much, then someday His mental wounds, hidden deep inside.

Co -dependent person doomed to suffering and experiences. After all, he has no inner love for himself, so he is trying to replenish this gap with the love of another person. But not a single partner is able to completely compensate for the inner void. Even being in a relationship, a dependent person experiences a feeling of loneliness and rarely feels joy.
Co -dependent relations gradually deprive both partners of strength and energy. Each of them has anxiety, impulsiveness and self -doubt.

The reasons for the emergence of co -dependent relationships

The co -dependence in the relationship is kept on two main factors:

The desire for total control over your partner.
Excessive self -sacrifice and renunciation.

Such relationships cannot be called healthy, since they are an attempt by one of the partners (or both) to compensate for the feeling of inferiority and inner void.

The origins of co -dependence lie in childhood. It is no secret that very often parents teach their children to be obedient or, in other words, convenient for others. The child is forced suppress your own emotions and think more about others than about yourself. And by the time of growing up, a person has a strong internal ban on living his own life. He believes that there is no right to put personal interests in the first place. So he begins to hardly engage in someone else's life.
In addition, often the co -dependent relationship is the result of a person’s confidence that his parents were obliged to provide him with well -being and protection, but did not do it. And now his well -being and protection depend on the partner with whom he is in a relationship.
A dependent person has deep emotional problems, the main of which is fear. Namely - the fear of being abandoned.

There are many fears in the relationship

A co -dependent person is constant anxiety:

That he is not worthy of his partner. The origins of this sensation lie in low self -esteem.
That he will be alone with himself, because he does not have a sense of self -sufficiency.
That he does not have the right to live the way he wants. The willingness to abandon your own interests is a sign of distrust of yourself.

Due to the fear that the partner will leave him, a co-dependent person with his actions is trying in every way to avoid this. Thus, in such a relationship, not love prevails, but fear.