Divorce is very difficult and difficult, especially women tolerate it much harder. In our article we will tell you how to survive this difficult time and start living again.
Content
Divorce always makes you leave somewhere in the past part of itself. According to psychologists, experiences about the divorce resemble the death of a loved one. However, after death there is always a birth and this is a fact.
How to survive a divorce with your husband? The advice of psychologists will help with the solution of this problem, although in this case there are no simple solutions and answers. Let's figure out what is happening after the divorce and, if without losing yourself to survive it.
What does a woman feel after a divorce?
A person who has undergone a lot of loss always experiences mental torment. At this moment, a storm of emotions is overcome, because the usual way of life is disturbed, the fear of remaining alone begins, there is a feeling of guilt, and there is also a desire to return everything back. In other words, I want a familiar life.
On the eve of the divorce, a woman experiences a lot of fears - how to survive a divorce, how to educate children, what to live on and how to explain all this to others? In today's society, such a trend is observed that more than half of the marriages fall apart and at the same time, regret men, not women more often.
If a man becomes an enviable bachelor, then a woman is considered abandoned. And this just makes a woman be ashamed of this situation and be afraid that they will be condemned. When a woman gets married early, she is usually not able to make serious decisions and independently provide herself and live on her own, because before her husband did all this before.
Often, when a woman was married to a wealthy person, she is afraid to become poor after a divorce. And even if she succeeded in her career, it still has the usual duties - paying bills, buying products, repairing equipment, and so on.
After a long life together, many have the feeling that their family has become one and in such cases parting is especially difficult, because if one is divided, it is always bad. Here, psychologists can not do without the help of psychologists, because you have to rebuild all your ideas about life and tear off psychologically close people from themselves.
Divorce is a sad event, but this is not the end of life. She continues. It is worth treating him as a serious illness that can be cured. Yes, you will have to try for a long time and stubbornly, but in the end, recovery will come.
How to survive a divorce for a woman?
In order to survive grief and calm down, you need to live it. Each loss people, by virtue of their psychology, are experiencing almost the same. Several stages are distinguished by psychologists and it is important to live each, and not to jump through them and not linger on one of them for a long time. As a rule, with a divorce into all stages, it takes one year, and this is the maximum.
Stage 1. Shock and denial
Remember, when you burned or injured, at first you did not feel anything, and then suddenly it became very painful. Here is the same situation. At first, our consciousness does not believe in what is happening and a person lives for a while as before. The main emotion during this period is a fear of the loss that has already occurred. The body is actively looking for resources that help to overcome fear.
It is very good if you have tactful support for loved ones at this moment. But the most effective care is to take care.
There are some exercises to experience this stage that allow you to cope with fear. The easiest of all is the answer to the question on paper - "How to live without a husband?"
Stage 2. Anger and resentment
If you have found strength for living at the last stage and it has already passed, then anger and resentment come further. This is due to the fact that you begin to try to change the situation. Anger makes us act actively and usually the search for guilty begins. And it is not necessary that you will be angry with the ex -husband and his new woman. It can be your loved one or even yourself.
Basically, women get stuck at this stage because they restrain themselves. That's just to go further, we must realize all the anger and express it correctly. Undoubtedly, you don’t have to climb into a fight with anyone, but it would be worth throwing emotions. In this case, you can talk with yourself, with your family or even write everything on a sheet of paper. This will allow you to realize that you are not satisfied, which is caused by the negative and why.
Stage 3. Compromise or stage of guilt
Then comes the desire to find and eliminate all your mistakes. Just at that time, the first attempts are being made to return your man, accusations of oneself and promises to improve. Just be careful not to get to self -enforcement. Perhaps you were wrong in something, but you should not punish yourself. Your task is to accept and correct your mistakes.
At this stage, pay special attention to your environment and do not give you guilty to defeat you. By the way, according to statistics, it was during this period that women become victims of someone else's influence, enter sects and so on. Better to work on your mistakes and for this, you will again need paper. Write, forgive yourself, draw conclusions and think about a possible way out of the situation.
Stage 4. Depression
This period is the most difficult of all and it lasts longer. The suffering at this moment is the most powerful, because the loss is already fully conscious, which means it is already required to break off the connection with the spouse. The experience of depression means the adoption of the gap, that is, you are completely releasing, once a beloved man. In order not to get stuck, put a list of good moments and express gratitude for all the good.
Stage 5. Acceptance
This is the latest stage when a person is restored. In other words, you already understand how you live without a husband, that you have a new life and many opportunities.
When you understand that the divorce can be considered an impetus for a new life and opportunities, you can assume that you coped with everything. Yes, the heart will be a wound, but you can overcome circumstances and make a valuable resource for development out of failure.
What should a woman do not do after a divorce?
When a woman is in such a stressful situation for her, she often does not possess herself and does rash acts. What frequent errors are found among women after a divorce and what should they be kept from?
Attempts to return her husband
Even if you manage to achieve this, then the "honeymoon" will end quickly and you will find yourself in the same situation as before. You yourself understand that broken - you will not glue. Attempts to keep her husband in the family, for example, children or illness, can also be attributed to this. In the first situation, you spoil the children's psyche, and in the second you play with your health, because imaginary diseases often become real.
New relationships
Often, when the husband leaves for another woman, the ex -wife feels some inferiority. In such cases, many try to prove to themselves and others that they are attractive and in the end it turns out that it enters into accidental connections. But just do not forget that after that it will be even worse, because all expectations are deceived, and you feel like dirty, vicious.
Some resort to other extreme - immediately begin a new relationship with the aim of correcting all mistakes. In fact, this is wrong, because in a short time it is impossible to realize all her mistakes and a woman to a new marriage transfers the old model. From here comes old grievances, as well as problems.
Psychologists do not recommend starting new relationships earlier than a year after a divorce from her husband.
Suppression of negative emotions
Often, after a divorce, men show themselves in a far unprofitable light. Former wives do not try to express the negative, as they can bring dissatisfaction and lose hope of reunification. What is the end?
The husband, when he does not think to reunite with his family, sees the humility of his wife and uses that he is unpunished. There are property claims, he refuses his obligations, and maybe even morally or physically mock.
Drawing children into relationships
Children always experience a divorce strongly, sometimes even worse than parents. Often they accuse themselves. These are the features of the children's psyche. When parents part, the children begin to feel abandoned.
If you add age crises here, then your unrest seems trifling compared to the storm in the soul of the child. So do not tell them about their secrets and complain, as it sometimes happens. Moreover, in no case do not blackmail the child and do not tune against the husband.
The way parents behave in the family, so children will do in the future. The fact is that they adopt the model of behavior. Therefore, do not insult my husband before children and talk about him badly. Dad always should be strong and good for the child, even if this is not so. When the child grows up, he himself will draw his conclusions.
Live past
Leave the past where his place is. You will not return anything. Women often idealize old relationships, and memory removes everything bad. If you broke up for a long time, and you are constantly viewing wedding photos or sorting out old grievances, then this is very bad. No need to take revenge. Better let go, even if you still do not have enough strength to forgive. When the pain passes, the pain will subside. Try to live on and not let the past become your present, because then you will be left without the future.
How to survive a divorce with your husband: Psychologists' advice
- Leaving, leave. Gather your strength and complete past relationships, even if you have not abandoned your husband. If he does not mind having lunch or at night, then this does not mean that he wants to return everything back. Do not let's play on your feelings. Finish all the common affairs, agree on how you will communicate with the children, share the property and so on.
- Try to communicate less. Do not look constantly at his photo, but it is better to remove them at all. Each time you need to go to his page on a social network, set aside gifts and other things away. Perhaps the pain will become less over time and you can talk normally with him and make friends with families. But just now you should not disturb the old wounds.
- Cry. Tears allow you to discharge emotionally. Divorce is the correct way out if the relationship is completely spoiled and none of both spouses wants to solve problems. Of course, it’s worth trying, but still if nothing comes out, it is better to disperse.
- Do not listen to other people's advice. Do not listen to those who say that you just need to be distracted and wait. Perhaps your loved ones and wish you only good, but not everyone knows how to empathize. And in such a difficult period of life, this is extremely important. Please note that you should empathize, not console, approve, and so on. Better let him cry with you, hug, become silent.
- Love yourself. Do not forget about yourself. No matter how you want to stay at home and lie down, do not forget about nutrition and hygiene. Try to fulfill any of your desires and not deny yourself anything. Take a walk in beautiful places, have lunch, buy new things. You can also go to the bathhouse, to hot massage, to the gym, and indeed make general cleaning at home. Through the force, this is not worth it.
- Meditize. Meditation is the best way to stop obsessive thoughts and allow consciousness to relax.
- Know yourself. Learn to distinguish emotions, figure out your feelings. Do not forget that when you begin to note your emotion, it becomes weaker. Try to make out what is the provocateur of heavy experiences. Try to focus on good and your desires.
- Live your life. Do your favorite business, create a new circle of communication. Try to develop. Often in marriage, women live the life of her husband, and forget about themselves and pushes their interests into the background. This often happens in dependent relationships. Try to make your loneliness pleasant - this is a great time to understand your feelings and decide on desires. For many women, divorce is like an additional impetus for development.
On the Internet today there are a huge number of tips that people who have already survived the divorce give. However, it is best to seek professional help to get out of everything with minimal losses. You will still need strength, so take care of them, because someday you will want a new relationship.
Video: Psychology. How to survive a divorce, parting and do not sour, not hang your nose?
