Children, a child from the first marriage and a new man - what can and cannot be done to a woman and a man: the rules, the advice of a psychologist, 3 of the most important principle of respect

In this article we will consider the situation when a woman has a child or children from her first husband, and a new man arises in her life. It is very important to find the points of contact between them in order to avoid conflicts and misunderstandings.

Every woman in such a situation is afraid that the child and the new man will not be able to find a common language, and suddenly he will offend the baby. Or the child will refuse to accept the new parent. The main thing is that all three are necessary - patience and compliance with simple, but extremely important rules!

A wife’s child and a new man - what can and cannot be done to a woman: rules and common mistakes

Whatever the situation in your family, if you want your child and a new man to make friends, you should adhere to some important rules!

• Do not start a relationship with deception about the presence of children!
• Do not program yourself that children are a hindrance for a new relationship. If a man is not ready for justice, then even his native children will interfere with him. And I will feel your weakness, albeit in my head.
• Never complain to a new man that a child It causes a lot of trouble, it is very difficult with it, and you are deeply unhappy.
• Never compare a man with an ex -husband Or the biological father of the child. At a subconscious level, every man, at least to varying degrees, is jealous of the woman to the past.
• Never start a new family life, and even worse, do not start joint children without prior preparation of your child! Otherwise, he will be a weak place for reproaches and humiliation from the part of the new husband. And for this they need to be correctly and in time to introduce them!

Therefore, we offer you an article for reading   "When and how to correctly acquaint children from the first marriage to a new man: rules, tips of psychologists"

It happens that a man speaks beautifully about your love and even allows you to make plans about living together with your child. But in reality, the time deals with him as much as possible to meet him, communication, joint pastime or, even worse, living. Then it’s worth running away from him without looking back until it's too late! And even more so, we pass by the ears of phrases of this type "Your love/Efforts will bring us down over time." If there is no connection initially, there will be no later!

A child and a new man - what can and can not be done to a woman: a psychologist's advice

• Do not rush to get married, just not to be left alone. We recall two proverbs at once: “Love all ages are submissive” and “for every product there is its own merchant.” In the first place should always be the well -being of the child!
• But do not demand from a man that he immediately loves someone else's child as his own. This will not happen! Especially if he did not have children. And believe me, common children can only aggravate the situation. Yes, not all cases are identical. It happens that the stepfather replaces dad even better than his own father. But we are not in vain with illusions. For this you need Time and the right choice!
• Do not take care of the baby from a new man and do not load him only to the problems of the child. It scares and tires. If he decided to be with you, then this does not mean that he is now immediately obliged to raise your child. And if for any oblique views you will roll up hysteria, then the subscriber will soon become inaccessible.
• You need to keep the "golden mean" in personal relationships, But the child and the new man should not suffer from lack of attention equally. You can even make a schedule of personal and general walks to make it easier at the dating stage.
• Do not make the whims of the child the main ones. Children often cross the border when they want something. But we solve all issues peacefully, through compromises. At least at the stage of addiction.

A wife’s child and a new man - what can and cannot be done to a man: rules and common mistakes

A child and a new man - recently it is a common scheme. But not every man nevertheless correctly understands the situation. This is not just a “some kind of” child, but a small person with whom he will need to live and interact. And if he is not ready for such contact with the children of his woman, then such a alliance will not bring anything good.

• If you do not like children in principle, then give up this venture better right away!
• Do not expect that the child will begin to establish relationships with you and immediately obey you. Be prepared for protests, but you need to find points of contact precisely as an adult who understands the whole situation to the fullest. You can’t do it, then stop this experiment. On the scales is the life and psyche of a young man!
• Never scold or punish your chosen one’s child!You are no one else for him, no matter how rude it sounds.
• Never say insulting things about the biological father of the child.
• Refrain from any swearing and quarrels. Yes, it is impossible to exclude them from life completely, but at least for the period of acquaintance and adaptation, hold yourself in your hands. Especially, in relation to his relatives (mom, dad) or himself. The last aspect is and Alarm alarm bell for mom.
• Never insult or humiliate the baby's mother! Such a person who offends his mother, the child will never accept.
• Do not start instant education of children, command, establishing new “your” rules. The woman entered into a relationship with you, making a choice. However, the child did not participate in this choice. In addition, you are so far a person that only meets his mother!

A wife’s child and a new man - what can and cannot be done to a man: the advice of a psychologist, how to establish relations with his wife's child

In this situation, it is important to remember that trust and love do not arise in one day, so it is important to keep the distance at first. Take a closer look at each other, grind, get acquainted. You need to get used to the fact that you are members of the same family, and not just someone's child and a new man’s new man.

• Show the baby that he was not left alone, that he was not deprived of his closest person. Let the child understand that now in his life there is another person who loves him. And for this - Spend time more often.
• Praise the children for any help, for manifestation of attention or politeness. Show the baby that it is valuable for you, you need it.
• Set aside your instructions and moralizing to 10-11 grades.
• Be yourself And do not try to show yourself who you are not really - the children feel falsity.
• Unfortunately, but only You need to gain the trust and respect of a little person!No one can influence his solution in this matter. Especially if he feels the negative from you in his direction.
• And for this Treat even a small person as a friend. If you are not interested in the child, then the baby will immediately feel it. Do not know how to attract a child - look for a woman without children!

Child and a new man: 3 most important rules of respect for a man and a woman in a new family

1. Fulfill the promise to the child, always and implicitly. You can’t do it - keep your tongue by your teeth;
2. Always explain to the baby what you want from him and why. Otherwise, the child will think that his opinion is not interested in anyone, will become closed and uncertain;
3. Never violate the rules you have set yourself. Otherwise, you will lose authority, because why you can, but it is impossible!

Important: a few words about the tough framework and prohibitions, especially at the initial stage in the line of the “wife of the wife and the new man”. If you forbid something to a child, then always give explanations why this cannot be done. And if your chosen one in the family could do certain things, and with your arrival everything was banned, then the child will see the threat in you!

And if you or your man will force the baby to fulfill new rules through ultimatums or punishment, then you yourself will not notice how you will lose the trust and respect of children!

You will also be interested in reading an article "How to establish relationships after acquaintance and how to make friends with the child’s child: possible difficulties, psychologist's advice, general rules of the new family"

Video: a child and a new man - how to bring a potential stepfather and a child closer?