Children, a child from a previous marriage and a new man - how to establish relationships after acquaintance, how to make friends: possible difficulties, a psychologist, general rules of a new family

This article will talk about how adults to establish relations with children from their first marriage.

Content

Children, a child from a previous marriage and a new man - how to establish relationships after acquaintance: a psychologist's advice
Your child and a new man - what to be prepared for: possible difficulties
A child and a new man - how to accept a child’s child and make friends with him: tips
Children from previous marriages, a child and a new man or wife: General rules of a new family
Video: a child from his first marriage and a new man - how to find a common language?

Although it is also difficult for women to accept other people's children of her husband, but most often there are difficulties in the “wife of a wife and a new man” chain. Just because children often remain to live with their mother. And in this situation, it is worth remembering that a man who considers your relationship as serious will try to find a common language with your child in any case, trying to arrange him to himself. But a woman, when choosing a new life partner, should look not only for her husband, but a good father.

Children, a child from a previous marriage and a new man - how to establish relationships after acquaintance: a psychologist's advice

The basis of a happy relationship, when the connection “Child and the New Man” arises between the woman, is precisely the first acquaintance! Of course, the most important thing is that no one to lie initially and choose the right time for their personal meeting.

Therefore, we offer you to read the article "When and how to introduce a new man with your child correctly?"

And after the first meetings, the main difficulties may arise!

Most positively affect the development of relations between a man and a child if he see how Your fan helps you For example, with heavy bags.
But the frequent mistake of many - the conviction that the child will not affect your adult life.Do not hide problems - children are sick, do not always sleep or eat by order. Do not load all the hard misfortunes of a single mother, but do not hide these possible household problems from a man. And we focus, if a man is not ready for such childhood difficulties, then a happy family life will not work!
Adult feelings in the first stages are better to hide from the child - Do not show intimate caress or tenderness with a baby. After all, those kisses and hugs that were present in their first marriage with their native parent can provoke a child’s rejection for a new partner, jealousy and will slow down the new man. Also, the manifestation of attention of such a child can scare, suddenly "uncle will make his mother badly."

It is important that you have to have time for wrapping with a child together!

Give your child a guarantee that someone else's uncle will not take love to his mother!

A man should like not only you, but also your children. These are two rules in one. You are looking for yourself, first of all, a partner and a beloved man! But if he does not manage to find a common language with your children, then this aspect will significantly poison family life. If they still cannot find a common language - seek help from a psychologist.

Important: parting with a man for children is also not an option - in the future they will begin to use it. But if a man is indifferent or even offends your child, then in such a situation the scales are clearly not towards the partner.

To make it easier for them to get along - At the first stages, mom sets the rules,and not a new stranger. At first it will even be better if the partner communicates with the child through you. For example, to clarify about the hobbies of the baby, and not to lead him to football. Since the adult likes this sport.
Ideally, If they have common hobbies or interests. But to impose them on neither one nor the second is worth it! This will only cause an explosion of protest in the future.

Your child and a new man - what to be prepared for: possible difficulties

Experienced psychologists that work with children identify four steps in connection with a “child and a new man” through which a small person passes before recognizing a new partner.

Manifestation of protest. In young children (up to 7 years old), this happens through a refusal to attend a school or kindergarten. And children of adolescence, on the contrary: delay, come home late.
- In such cases, it is very important not to indicate to the child, What he should do and how to behave. It is necessary to be interested in the desires of your children, try to agree. In case of disobedience, a measure of punishment is acceptable, but not from an outsider! Otherwise, he will become an enemy for the child under No. 1.
A child's feeling of despair. At this stage, children react sharply and painfully to everything: questions, suggestions. Sometimes it comes to tantrums.
- It is very important not to scold the child, not to try to humiliate for the tearfulness or cowardice. The best that you can do for him at this moment is Hug him.And do it as often as possible!
Negation. At such moments, the child experiences a deep resentment against you, on the new family member and begins to ignore the new parent.
- In this situation, you should not run to the child for every whim, otherwise he will understand that you can be manipulated. But let's talk to the child, listen carefully and speak, How much you love him. So that the child feels that you did not abandon him, and he was not left alone.
Reconciliation. When the child is ready for close contact, it is open to compromises. At this stage it is important Connect the new parent: Organize common family sorties for a walk, help with tasks and show the initiative as much as possible. But yet, not yet to cross the line "as I decided - it will be." After all, the child only recognizes your authority.

Each stage requires an adult great patience!

A child and a new man - how to accept a child’s child and make friends with him: tips

Important: no one canceled the law of the hierarchy! Therefore, with the advent of an unfamiliar man in your (!) Family, he automatically receives the lowest level of authority. These are not the vagaries of children, this is the law of nature.

Make a comparison how you feel about the new employee. That's right, with caution and caution. It takes time to find out. And if this new employee comes to your team and begins to dictate his conditions? Naturally, for a long time he will not linger in this place.

Therefore, a man should answer himself honestly to such questions in order not only to accept the child, but to understand himself more:

Did your chosen one have a child’s existence from you?
Have you tried to love, make contact with your child?
Have you thought about this child of a woman, as her own?
Do you only love the right side of your wife, or is it completely completely?
And perhaps you overestimated your mental strength?

Answer honestly to yourself, perhaps the painting “Child and a new man” is not for you. After all, if you cannot accept this child and elementarily begin to respect him, albeit a small, but personality, then do not injure life to yourself, or the potential wife, or the baby!

Important: you are an adult, you have more life experience and it will not be so difficult for you to gain the trust and love of the child. Moreover, children in this matter are more flexible than adults.

Tips on how to make friends with the child’s child:

Understand that you are not a father! But You can become a mentor, teacher and friend! It is worth focusing on this;
Treat his native father. Sincerely. At least with a child;
Try to help him as much as possible - Children usually reach for such people;
Praise more often;
Do not criticize or dictate How he needs to do. If you want to change something in it, then education needs time to adapt and accept.

Children from previous marriages, a child and a new man or wife: General rules of a new family

Most often there is a “wife’s child and a new man” scheme. But sometimes a picture arises when a man also has children. Therefore, these rules relate to any situation when the new family already has children from previous marriages.

Decide everything "at the round table" and together! If you want to be a family, you need to become a team taking into account the interests of everyone! If you can’t agree where to go on the weekend, do it one by one.
At the same time, do not forget about Personal boundaries everyone And individual pastime behind your favorite pastime.
Do not start living together right away, do it gradually!
Never pretend or create artificial situations. The pretense will be revealed sooner or later. Moreover, children are very sensitive to this!
Never scold your child for jealousy!
Do not deprive the children with your attention!
Respect in a child a personality and communicate with him on an equal footing! Never pronounce the phrase that "I am now with your mom/dad, so humble yourself and do what I say." The parent will always love his child most.
Show exposure and patience as an adult and a formed personality. Never punish the child if he does not obey you and does not accept someone else's person only by order. Look for the point of contact and the approach is you!