Anecdotes about alcohol - a selection for raising the mood

A selection of joking, cool jokes about alcohol for adults.

Anewated jokes about alcohol to raise mood

Anewated jokes about alcohol to uplift the mood:

To avoid stress
We must drink and lie.

Bl ... ha-mukha, I fie down,
Fingers from drinking go numb
Hands go stuck
In the oversula of my whole house!

I went to work
It seems that she had left -
Bitch old New Year
With a glass in the door rushing!

*******

Who goes to visit in the morning
He acts wisely
Then there are one hundred grams, then there is one hundred grams,
That's the morning!

*******

Herring under a fur coat, Olivier.
A bottle of vodka. Even two!
There is champagne, tequila.
There is beer - well, how without beer?
There is a strongest moonshine
There is a “Napoleon” brandy ...
It will be worthy of a year!
What are you crying, my liver?

*******

Having created fields, forests, animals
For the sixth day, the Lord is tired,
But still he pulled out people
He looked at them and said so:
- Zelo is beautiful Adam, I admit,
And Eve Black is very ...
Come on, I have no doubt -
She will make up herself.
Then sitting on a cloud,
Feeling the pain on the heart,
Take a look at Eve
The Lord came up with alcohol.

*******

A simple recipe for women from longing -
Having accepted two hundred grams, turn off the brains!

*******

What to do?
I stand like a knight at a crossroads
But there are only two roads.
I want to get drunk with my soul, but the mind answers; - No!
And it seems Friday passes, and there is no case for tomorrow.
Let the reason verify the truth! Who will listen to this nonsense?
I am struggling with myself, selflessly, who will win, I do not know.
But in order to solve everything amiably, I’m going to the universal!

*******

Today is the holidays with girls,
There will be a booze today.
And the cheek girls are burning
With a hangover, an instinct.
Girls stand, the girls are lying.
We have to cross.
Because for 10 girls
The boys took 7 to 0.5!

*******

Birch cried, gooseberry laughed,
Flapped for cherry strawberries and rose hips,
Topol matued, sang Slum songs:
Here is such a thing Dimill and beer !!

*******

I'll start with the "apricot",
I will continue the "grape"
And on a shady street
Under the bench I will fall asleep ...

And they take me away and take me away
In a ringing drunken gloom!
Three white horse, eh three white horse:
Martini, cognac and whisk.

*******

Night. The outside. Flashlight. Pharmacy.
And the cold is unimaginally.
But man for a man
They come to the wine store.
And, no matter what it threatens,
They will get drunk, as well.
Night. Score. Moscow. Russia.
Pharmacy. The outside. Flashlight.

*******

If at night under the New Year
The old guest will come to you
Someone with a white beard
In the red cap fur,
With a long staff in the hand
And with gifts in the bag,
With a loud laugh,
With a good look -
So you don’t have to drink anymore!

*******

Eh, my life, tin
Well, it is in the swamp.
Until one in the morning, a booze
Until half a hundredth vomiting.

The mind cannot understand Russia,
Five zero has not been drunk yet,
And if you have a zero five,
Then it seems not cunning
An attempt to understand deeper
Already smacks of a liter ...

*******

You convince me to quit drinking
You say that you do not like my lifestyle.
Of course, drunkenness can be stopped
But who then will call you a beauty?

*******

The little boy wanted to drink ...
-Where to get out? - He sniffed into the pillow.
Quickly gathered bottles around the house ...
By evening, the blue in the ditch lay.

*******

I know myself somehow
I am rare animals and strange:
Pig pig - if I drink,
Well, I do not drink - Baran Baran.
I didn’t smoke b, I didn’t drink.
I would be a girl.

*******

I suffer. My feelings are very dust.
I'm crazy, maybe I'm a maniac.
I love you, my bottles
Tequila, vodka, whiskey and cognac.

*******

Having taken it three times on the chest
And having bitten what God sent,
Writing poems is easy and simple
Yesenin proved this.
Yes, this will simply be convinced of
You can eat yourself ... to your mother,
Don't get drunk a little,
Under a jar easier to rhyme
But do not force this business,
No need to pester the muse
You must act skillfully
And most importantly, do not sort out.

*******

Oh, how many wonderful discoveries are we
Preparing Russian vodka Spirit!
Cognac is a source of wise thoughts,
And beer is the best vodka friend!

Whoever drinks a lot is sleeping a lot.
Who sleeps a lot - he does not harm.
Who does not harm is clean.
So make a conclusion: drink dear ...

*******

I will sniff crunch
And everything is skillful for everything
I'll put my hell ...

One hundred grams waving for the mood,
I suddenly tuned in for sex.
Then, waving another half a liter,
The setting has lost. All. Pisa-e-tier!

*******

The mood is zero?
Hello, strong alcohol.

To work as a holiday
The man did not go - he ran
Those who come without being late
On a passing pour 100 grams.

Sabantuy.
Such and sitting
Pouring, not exhausted!

*******

Evening, and in the unfortunate soul dry ...
Behind the window of the drunkard they yell.
And Friday babbled in my ear -
He who did not bother is not cool!

Wherever with whom the soul is supervised,
Forever crap with doses of alcohol.
I will drink little - it is not fun myself,
I will drink a lot - the rest of the shitty.

*******

Life with comfort

I decided to live at least once with comfort -
Imagine yourself rich!
I take wine, a piece of cake,
A keychain with a hotel key ...
Cognac, champagne, shrimp,
Caviar, lobsters, truffle ...
And the night in the company of the coquette,
For all the consonant ... Oh la-la!
In the morning everything has folded expenses
And counting: what and why ...
Friends, how hard it is to live with comfort
How to be an invoice by a rich man ...

*******

- And yet, Rzhevsky - ladies or wine?
Of the two, what would you choose one?
- There are always doubts in this matter:
Here everything is decided by the year of manufacture!

*******

Red wine goes under meat,
White wine goes under fish,
Bekherevka is fed to the duck,
I am drunk, but smarter in a minibus.

*******

There is a goby, swinging
Sighs on the go
Why did you get drunk like this yesterday
Oh, right now I will fall.
After all, just all began
From a bottle of wine
Well, pulled on a pile
And she ended.
And who brought champagne
Donkey or wild boar
Well, pulled on a pile
Drugan came still.
They took vodka for the meeting
Then one more
Well, why did I drink cognac
I don’t understand.

*******

White birch under my window,
On the table in a bottle white wine,
I will unscrew the lid with white hands -
I am not an alcoholic - I want to drink!
I'm pouring white vodka in a glass,
I drink for white hoarfrost on a birch ... I drink ...
Everything is white for me today
And the burning is white in my house knocking ...

*******

Yesterday we drank vodka and cognac,
Then the wine of the Georgian spill ...
Everything is like in a fog. Well, what a fool
Is there a beer bite to bite cookies?!
Now I'm sore. The head is cracking.
There is no relief from mineral water.
Even cabbage soup now do not climb into the throat.
There was no need to eat cookies yesterday!

Jokes about alcohol jokes funny

Jobs about alcohol jokes are funny:

Dropped the bear on the floor,
They tore Mishka's paw,
They pulled out the tongue with the root,
We stepped on the kadyk!
Bite their fingers!
Crushed eggs to Mishka!
The eyes pierced with a knife
The corkscrew was stuffed into the ears!
The ass was doused with boiling water
They beat with a sledgehammer on the legs!
Legs broke the door!
It’s hard in the morning from a hangover!

*******

A hedgehog came out of the fog
Drank vodka half a glass
I took out a knife, sausage
Good in the native forest
Quietly dragged on the song
He cried about unfulfilled
I looked into an empty glass
And again he went into the fog ...

*******

Sometimes it happens so lousy
That even tea does not climb into the throat,
And only beer climbs into the throat,
Which you drink vodka.
The hangover is different,
Gloomy, ugly,
Seeding, cucumber,
The hangover is eternal.

And only one is sweet,
What comes in the morning with affection,
With a smile, sparkling, nonsense
Naive, snow -white,

It is spring-clean,
Playful and radiant,
Clogant, beloved,
Bed and non-repentant.

I drank from that source
I want to return to the binge ...

*******

I know the password
I see a guide
I am faith that from a hangover
Kefir saves!

*******

Oh my head hurts,
Poor, with a hangover.
Merring yesterday
There is no fun now!
I pour the brine
The soul asks sour.
I decided everything - I do not drink!
More in the life of superfluous.
What did I do yesterday,
At least kill - I don't know!
He sang songs, drank vodka,
Now I'm dying.

*******

There are central streets
There are mineral water,
Pepsi-rolled drinks
Useful for the liver,
Pleasant tastes.
But I am normal miles,
Nicer alcohol,
And I am without them, believe me,
I can’t get around for a day.

I will accept a glass of "peppers",
I will pour it with "capital",
I will dilute the "Old Russian"
With "Kuban" in half ...
"Lemon", "special",
"Siberian", "wheat" -
For true Russian
You are a true balm!

*******

I drank lickers different,
Cognac and beer is drunk,
Drinking first -class wine,
Champagne and rum.
But the most beautiful
Of these, ordinary
Simple vodka "Russian"
In a bottle with a "screw".

I will accept a glass of "Ryabinova",
I will fill it with "Moscow",
I will dilute after "Starchoy"
With "embassy" in half ...
"Hunting", "Petrovskaya",
"Streltskaya", "Smirnovskaya" -
For true Russian
You are a true balm!

*******

I drank vodka. She may still
My mind was not quite clouded,
But his thought no longer worries,
And do not stir him with anything.

I drank vodka drunkenly, hopelessly,
Always in a terrible thirst, we are languishing ...
He loved her so sincerely, so gentle,
That I have never poured others!

*******

Autopilot
May we not pilots with you
We do not wear blue shape,
We do not drive planes into the sky.
But in our life on Earth
Like on air ship
Sometimes autopilotes are needed.

It happens that you will smile six hundred grams,
Maybe more (as it goes),
Carousels will be twisted in the eyes.
You turn on your autopilot
And let the snowstorm in the face.
You will get to the goal anyway.

Let the thick fog in the head,
Let you be drunk like dirt,
Let the terrain not know at all ...
Turn on the autopilot.
He will never let you down
And bring you home.

Let your eyes stick together
Let the brakes refuse,
Let the legs cannot go -
Autopilot turn on your own
And you will always get home
If you do not fall asleep half a way.

Let the skeptic tell me in response
That this is a lie, that it is nonsense,
I sacredly believe in the autopilot.
I know, in which case
He will not leave one
And will lead to a native door.

Tolds with advertisements Aeroflot -
Autopilot will always save!
We agree with him without doubt.
But when they are invented
We, brothers, auto parash.
So that it was softer to land?

*******

It all started slowly, "Klinsky"
And it turned out somewhat in a native ...

*******

On trees were swollen ... veins
Snow lies, even though the heat is plus one hundred and twenty!
This is all not winters phenomena
We must properly darken!
Again a booze, and then a mess with the stomach.
**********
Instead of a glass of cognac me instead
A glass of fresh milk.
**********
My health is bad
Therefore, I drink dry.
**********
I am a fool - my heart is not shore,
I saw on any of the highways
With drivers of different republics of wine -
Oh, how many different names do it wear!
I wanted to try everyone to me -
The drunkards repeated: "All the power is in fault!"
Indeed, it took the force
The second time is not given it.
A sick heart of his shore,
spit on wine on any shore,
I can’t stand drunkard on any of the roads
And you do not let the pike -hearth on the threshold.
**********
My forelock is now white.
I am already familiar with the heart attack.
Why did I drink a lot of vodka?
It was, then, a round fool.
The most funny jokes about alcohol
In two cases, men drink
Sowing our life shackles:
From grief - when they are bad,
When everything is fine - with longing.

********

It's time to wet the throats for us
Therefore, I will be brief:
The lack of vodka for me
Her only drawback.

********

Drink vodka where don't throw it,
Try to stop!
Feminine principle - Yin,
And the masculine principle is drunk!

********

Winnie in life is so sweet and innocent!
Do not naughty, does not swear aloud.
Only drinking Winnie becomes
Evil and gloomy Winnie O’Puh.

********

A healthy is the pessimism of me;
Life is a fall to the bottom of the well.
And better alcoholism
From longing than starting to prick!

*

Yesterday I got sick terribly,
Boule up and weird.
I am ashamed of yesterday
And to whom - forgot!

********
I believe that in any of the countries
The rule is found -
Quickly drunk glass
It is not considered to be poured!

********

Here, treat yourself, pizza.
I would prefer to get drunk!

********

We got half a liter on our nose,
And it was not enough for everyone.
And they have alcohol after a booze,
And they are suspicious to me.

********

Due to traffic jams
We rode for a long time, in the end
Drunk in an insole local resident
He arrived sober in the sober!

********

If vodka is drunk disgusting,
That will be asked soon!

********

Miles beautiful ladies
We have a sip of alcohol.
Now I will finish Madame,
And I am at your feet.

********

My wife does not give me peace
So I quit drinking; - does not work!
Here is a camel; He does not drink a month
But then it breaks down anyway!

*******

I read poetry about alcohol
And they poured them all with vodka.
Then I found out about herring
And again he washed down all with vodka.
Sometimes we miss my wife,
Wrink vodka with tea.
For the holiday vodka with a cake drink
And we sing drunk songs.
After all, vodka never sleeps,
It only has an appetite.
To vodka lard, cucumber -
This is a crown of the holiday!
If I drink on an empty stomach
Vodka kills cancer!
My friend said my Gleb,
Vodka replaces bread.
Toast speaks under the hop
In the country with a friend, in the evening.
When we hand over the bottle to the target,
We go to hangover to Milka.
Although it does not pull us to the young,
We will not live a day without vodka.
I go fishing with a boat,
For bite, moisten with vodka.
I wash the wounds with vodka
In a dream, having drunk, I see countries.
The doctor told me - don't breathe ...
Yesterday I drank vodka and ate cabbage soup.
Told me - ahh, checked the throat,
I took the analysis, and there is only vodka.
The money is completed ...
It remains only on sour kvass!

*******

- I find it difficult to find the reason for your complaints,
I can assume that alcohol is to blame!
- When you sober up, doctor, I need to go in -
With a diagnosis, perhaps the result will be better!

*******

I am in the water from the parapet,
I look at the sky - the sun there.
A cigarette smokes in the teeth.
Hello! I feel good, and you?

*******

And Zina does not get sick like
But alcohol does not drink at all.
And about such always among the people
Everyone says: it does not take in the mouth.
And only once a year, for a birthday
"Pour in!" - asks the guys
And drinks with a huge pleasure,
And in the mouth takes everything in a row.
*****
Conducting nature by the sun,
It is a pity that in the stomach of Burda.
I remember that I drank on Saturday.
After he woke up - Wednesday.
*****
Stupid all went offense.
The average plows - life is not honey!
Smart builds a pyramid.
The wise drank and lives!
*****
I checked the truth in practice
The nonsense will live longer.
Tried not to drink a week
It seemed to me - he lived a year.
*****
And they take me away and take me away
In a ringing drunken gloom!
Three white horse, eh three white horse:
Martini, cognac and whisk.
*****
The stronger on the buffet furschet,
The stunning is more beauty.
But then a hundred times worse,
Wake up in the morning next to her!
*****
I have one flaw:
I am rarely sober. Usually - drunk.
And if I don't drink at all,
I don’t recognize myself.
*****
Morning melted in the fog,
Kamyshi rustles.
Graceful, like a lani,
Helpers walked across the field.
*****
I'll get up early in the morning
I'll look at the face.
I will not drink anymore!
But less too ...
*****
I love cold vodka
I just love warm vodka.
But if vodka interferes with work -
Throw her on x ... your work!
*****
Wherever with whom the soul is supervised,
Forever crap with doses of alcohol.
I will drink little - it is not fun myself,
I will drink a lot - the rest of the shitty.
*****
Why a firebird, king-girl
And other useless trash,
When you know how to enjoy
Port with vodka in half.
*****
I'm sitting drunk on a bench
The swimming trunks stick to the wet ass,
There is no heel on the shoe
The skirt was wrinkled slightly
Fully, as it did not happen.
God, where am I thumping?
*****
There was spring, and the ladies smelled
Like freshly glued plums.
Men gasped admiringly ...
But everyone preferred beer.
*****
There are such reasons for drunkenness:
Wake, holiday, meetings, wires,
Christening, weddings and divorce,
Frost, hunting, New Year,
Recovery, housewarming,
Sadness, repentance, fun,
Success, reward, new rank,
And just drunkenness - for no reason!
Rain in thin streams falls,
As if someone is urinating on his head.
Even beer is not very happy.
I want something unbearably.
Looking at the feet of random,
Fucking a dark tree,
Beer spilled, I am saddened
On the head now the bump is huge.
Comparing the simplest factors:
Rain, “I want”, girls meet,
He dodged a drunken tractor.
And he thought: "Spring begins."
*******
Let's quit drinking guys!
Let's quit drinking for now!
See the muzzles all dented,
Like a huckster tremble
In the side where the liver is aching something,
And the body creaks,
And something bothers the soul
While in a bottle there is alcohol.
Let's quit drinking, at least for a day!
Do not go to beer anymore
At least it will be difficult with this,
And all, let's quit drinking!
*******
Even if alcohol freezes,
I won’t leave him anyway.
I will bite his teeth
Because he is good!
*******
I checked the truth in practice
The nonsense will live longer.
Tried not to drink a week
It seemed to me - he lived a year.
*******
I love cold vodka
I just love warm vodka.
But if vodka interferes with work -
Throw her on x ... your work!

Cool jokes about alcohol

Cool jokes about alcohol:

Yes, of course you can’t drink skill,
But how to calm down a treacherous trembling ...

Gorilka, poured into the throat, will do it herself
Checking the adopted mind ...

*******

Nine eggs in styling are not a fountain,
But since to look at it philosophically,
Tell me, you would like
There are only four hundred grams of vodka in "Half a liter".

*******

In winter, drink more vitamin "C",
So that the body does not cough, does not suffer.
Here I have been prepared quite-
Zhban moonshine rolled up with cranberries.

*******

Do not hit, hunter, protein,
Do not be so cruel
Do not do an alcoholic
Also lonely ...

We drink a lot, this "fun",
From understanding that:
That our life is like a woman,
As you drink, it seems nothing ...

*******

All reserves of vodka
must be taken once
throw into the river from a boat
- The diver teaches ...

*******

The old man went to the young
Ask a glass of vodka,
And she did not give
They didn’t wait for this.

*******

Frighting inflation, drop its chains,
You go all your savings in time ...

And if you immediately met a beauty,
then you will greatly reduce vodka consumption ...

*******

Breaking a bottle of vodka
in the circle of friends, you are once
You will find out who from the gathering
A bending pid ... races.

*******

I drink now much less
And the world has become lower to the step:
There are so many terrible women around
And Friday is an ordinary day ...

*******

Drinking a lot, of course, is harmful,
It’s not enough to drink - it makes no sense ...

*******

Does not pull them to each other,
And they are just fagots.

*******

Once again you are cabbage
And again drunk, they found ...

*******

Yes, there was nothing to be treated:
You treat your soul - grind the liver.

*******

It was not for nothing that the weapon was shook,
And then the cheek - his mirror -
Shram on the cheek - isn't it from the sword?!
Dashing, know, there was a cabin!
- No, then, dove, a trace of the cup -
So the reconciliation was noted ...

*******

About the player Ivan
And a plush sofa
In addition to cards, the player appreciated
Pipe, young lady and grog -
Bonvivan could all
Follow ******* on the sofa!

Is the baron all the baron got out? -
Alas, he emptied the bar!
Baron Alfred Countess Anna
He was invited to the evening called
He hurried to the evening, called
Although it was a pity to part with the bathroom.
To avoid different troubles
I came early for lunch
Lakes, meeting, said,
The hostess will soon be in the hall.
Alfred, who presented Anna's eyes,
Was in a state of nirvana:
Other guests ahead of
I could drink the whole Aperitif!
Hey natural, you will be glad
The find will delight:
There is an antigenic drug!
And this is our vodka!

*******

-Nom alone you drink for three,
For all three heads of their own.
From now on, do not dare to get drunk!
Well, breathe, three -headed snakes!
That's how Gorynych's wife
It was burned by fire ...
If your spouse got drunk,
Then do not ask to breathe. But what if
The heat is still burning inside
And exhale will cause a fire.
Really, me? And loved you?
Can't be? Looks like I forgot.
I do not remember without a tip.
How much vodka was there?
Autumn. In the sky clouds.
Sun a little bit.
I want to on the pens
Vodka and fall asleep.
********

Our colonel, wing gloriously obscenities
Salary, mother -in -law, peaceful atom
Wife for sleeping with a soldier
And the fact that the fifth year is a battleship
He wing the country of pendos
Wing of the Communists and Edrosov
Mensheviks, Socialist Revolutionaries Wings
Zhigul did not forget his old one
He covered the halter
Until the bubble has been brought
And happiness spilled over the body
And quietly, quietly became part of

*******

Autumn has come,
The birds opened
Here I will get a vodka
And I will fall asleep in sorrow ...
Mela Purge all over the earth.
And to the back streets.
A glass of vodka on the table,
Not without a snack.

*******

There was a glass on the table
And now and then
It fell to it in February
Bojing body.

Unable to refuse yourself
Although in a sip,
Until they began to flicker
Dash and dots.

The head trembled with a jacket
Shook the troop.
And words seemed in Morse
From Pasternak.

Snowdown in February,
But now and then
There was a glass on the table.
The glass is sweated.

And nothing was seen -
It is dark like in a mine
SPECTION OF NOW, SPECTION of the HANDS
Brudershaft.

To the cries of the young moon
Already got into ...
At least pull wet pants
Hurried.

It would not be comprehended a big embarrassment -
It would be shame!
While the blues played the blizzard
In the window frame.

On vodka muzzle from the corner,
And the heat of the temptation
He recovered like toasts, two wings
Good.

And from Lohani mayonnaise
Oozed to the floor,
And I climb to you
And rudely pawed.

Everything disappeared in a drunken darkness
Stupid and echoing.
And glasses of vodka on the table
There was a glass.

February is stronger than “Our Father!”
It's time agony ...
Leps and Pasternak merged
In one bottle.

*******

When shit on the soul,
And "Neskafa" does not climb into the throat,
You call me soon
We’ll scrape together to vodka!

The kidneys - knots, fell off,
The liver - bastard, betrayed.
I won’t quit drinking anyway -
The head refused ...

*******

Noticed - a mosquito that tasted the drunk,
Behaves unusually strange
He hits his paw in the chest, swears mom
Pisish, "reeds noisy"- circles circling!

*******

I would drink beer, I would drink vodka,
But so there is a piece of herring.

*******

All the drunks were sour today,
The stranger has charming:
The wine in which the truth roams,
Onishchenko rejected.

I don't remember the booze,
I will not remember and then-
Drunk Valerian
On a brudershaft with a cat.

*******

To sleep to the burn of white
I am not ashamed because
that she and the opposition
Today the colors are one!

I have one flaw:
I am rarely sober. Usually - drunk.
And if I don't drink at all,
I don’t recognize myself.

*******

The French have crying and moan -
Putin was shabby or shabby?
There is now Vincer "Chanton",
And the Napoleon cognac -

Birthday - and in the bath?
So that the day was good,
Do not try and in a drunk
Throw the ice into the pool dry!

Anecdotes about alcohol and drunkenness

Anecdotes about alcohol and drunkenness:

On the planet, the dispute went,
Who invented vodka?
They argue Russian and Pole,
Just will not decide in any way.

It's time to forget this dispute,
It is better to pour vodka.
Take joy to the chest,
And forget about the dispute.

From grain, from grapes,
We drink vodka from potatoes.
Even vodka from manure,
Let's drink, do not blink an eye.

Like a nesting doll, a balalaika,
Like a bear and a samovar.
Vodka is our Russian symbol,
And the treasury from her is fought.

Vodka is our everything,
We can’t live without it.
After all, both in joy and in grief,
We drank, drink, and we will drink.

On birthdays and in christening,
In the anniversary and in the name day.
Flowering faces, but we drink,
As we bite, we pour it again.

*******

Serenada sang Demyan,
Until I was drunk,
And how vodka began to drink,
I could not even speak.

I have one care
Children, husband, family, work.
And my husband has a darkness of worries
Vodka whips, eats and drinks.

I met Vera at the barn
What hides behind your back?
Full, vodka !! A whole liter.
I am isolated now saliva.

Wait, do not rush
Let the vodka bread.
And not without recharging
You can stretch your legs.

*******

Andrei told me yesterday,
"Milka, pour vodka."
Wait for a discharge,
After all, it does not get up from vodka.

It doubles in my eyes
Two wives -do not get up.
Yes, perhaps it is necessary with vodka
Do not part, but skip.

*******

Undress, go through.
Remove felt boots
If vodka was brought
Pour it rather.

I scream, but he does not hear
Vumsmerty is drunk and barely breathing.
You need to ask: "Will you be you?"
This is the only way to wake him.

How lazy the millennoks
He just sleeps and drinks vodka.
Master's debt, infection,
The fifth year does not give.

*******

Vasya threw vodka to drink,
He began to speak in Turkish.
Sex wants or eat,
Not a damn damn understand.

There is a glass on the table
But there is no vodka in the house,
Here is the trouble, it will overdo it,
In a neighboring gastronom.

Better swill vodka!
And not observed.
To her, mushrooms and herring,
The snack relies.

*******

Milka pricked me
With caustic words,
I will drink vodka with grief,
In quiet, behind the stove.

Quarrels, squabbles, we forget
While we drink together,
And the vodka will end when
It’s time to start the fists.

I don't drink tea without crackers
And vodka without a snack.
Drag the cabbage and mushrooms,
Eh, Gulin in Russian.

*******

Boots leaked,
They are already asking for porridge
Sweet vodka drinks without demand,
Without a snack, even.

Like plywood, flew by
Very in a hurry.
The store was closed,
Without vodka, B strangered.

*******

And I kiss my sweet
And I dream to give.
I'm old today, not to sex,
If only she poured vodka.

Lilac was bloomed under the window,
And the wife has a migraine again.
She poured a glass of vodka,
And the migraine was caught up.

Not otherwise someone jinxed
My husband did not climb me.
I'm afraid to fall, I'm afraid
If I do not hold on to half a liter.

*******

The heels broke everything
We will dance barefoot
Do not forget in glasses
Add vodka more often.

Under the table who was
He - the hero, did not shout
So honestly, they poured
He drank, did not miss.

*******

Who is ready for striptease?
He will receive the main prize
I have not yet matured.
Probably did not vodka

I wish you further
Our banquet continued.
There is vodka, a basin snacks,
And the wife is not at home.

*******

The day is longer, the night is shorter,
You can have time for a day.
Drive into the store for vodka,
Intoxicate and sober up.

I disappear without tea
Thirst, I want to drink.
And without vodka I miss
I fly the soul with vodka.

*******

Gave vodka a piglet
He screams - "You, people,
Only people drink without a snack
I'm not a complete idiot. "

*******

My husband drank vodka from a bucket,
"Capacity, speaks."
I handed me flowers
And to drink from the barrel.

We sing a song of friendship,
We raise a glass of vodka.
So that everyone is friends in the world,
I will drink a liter of three- four.

Anecdote about the measure in alcohol

A joke about measure in alcohol:

Once a drunk crawled with a friend
Somehow in a darling house.
“Drink Hotsza again, bl*,
And in the pocket - not a ruble. "
Then the drunk asked his friend:
“Do you want to drink cognac?
There is one bottle
In the bedroom. There is now a wife. "
“I'm quiet. Wait, the old man:
I will turn on with a bottle instantly "
He turned back: “Here is the cognac.
I will not come to my senses
Listen: There, with your wife
Nearby, sleeps ... a stranger man "
"Quiet! What are you yelling, fool?
This is ... his cognac. "

*******

Morning melted in the fog,
Kamyshi rustles.
Graceful, like a lani,
Helpers walked across the field.

- They heard, the other day my neighbor got behind the wheel!
- Help, crazy and ruble,
Did you dig the money for a wheelbarrow?
- Well no. It was caught on the stealing of the steering wheel!

*******

I talked with my husband
He immediately threw it down*hu his own, Sonya
Now does not smoke, and does not drink tequila
Lies in the hospital slowly.

*******

The neighbor - Helkash did not know in drinking a taboo,
Schmurdyaka got drunk, and excited:
In a dream I saw a Buddha on an oak
And a wild cry he scared everyone!

*******

There are many professions, but
Usually I'm shit
I am a drunk!
Who is on a booze fuse -
He became happy forever.
Here is the courage!
And of course we lie to us
That the drunks are dying
Bukolo is a magical dream.
How sweet he is!

*******

At the perfume department of drunks
Musol is a trifle, count twice:
“We are two cologne bottles“ Shipr
And, this ..., the bubble of the Landysh lotion.
The saleswoman was packed with them "perfume"
And, grinning, he asks directly:
"You drink" Shipr ", and the" lily of the valley " - then what?"
"Well, how to say ... Today with us is a lady!"

*******

Dragon under the Christmas tree
Hide you green,
So that life does not become bitter,
And all dreams came true.
When the guests get drunk,
Tell me the dragon.
He is growing up with anger
And the drunks are silent.
Let you meet a salad
You are the first day
You will be rich for a year
And you will not see evil.

*******

We are far from drunken
Although our wives have a different opinion.
But what kind of hop
All nights from Friday to Sunday!

*******

The drunken man goes swems,
Sighs on the go.
“The autopilot ends,
Now I will fall! "

*******

Russia is sleeping, having celebrated the New Year ...
By evening, everyone will stand in a new round dance!
It was great for everyone to frolic until morning!
Wake up, drunks! No one to hang out with

- It’s good where there are no us, -
Helpen Serega said yesterday.
- But in the sobering now
We are not, but there is one hell bad.

*******

Overseas messenger
My mother knocked me down.
Oh, a foreign prince
So tired of waiting!
They will be charged, where
Neither dandy nor Pasha ...
We'll have to get married
For Dimka - a drunk.

*******

Do not look at the fly agaric with reproach:
If the letter "EM" is driven away,
It will become clear: before Buhomor
Witches were harassed by drunks!
In a quiet square, grandmother crumbles a loaf,
Mecks affectionately: “Eat, falcons”.
And, letting a mean tear on the lawn,
Alcoholics crawl from the bushes to her.

*******

Let the mug of the alcoholic Chumaz
Any of the drunkards is happy and healthy
Not a single infection sticks to them
Oh yes ... with the exception of the cops.

*******

White birch under my window,
On the table in a bottle white wine,
I will unscrew the lid with white hands -
I'm not an alcoholic - I want to drink !!!
I'm pouring white vodka in a glass,
I drink for white hoarfrost on a birch ... I drink ...
Everything is white for me today
And the burning is white in my house knocking ...

*******

It’s good to be an alcoholic,
Like a boat on the streets, swim.
And it's nice to think about
What is your house under every fence.

Alcoholic with a nitra experience
Was shed with fun, simple -
In the morning, having drunk a beer,
He was looking for problems
In order not to understand half a liter without understanding.

*******

The question of the alcoholic
If the truth is in fault
How many are there in me then?
In every creative child,
And the boy and the girl,
There is a latent alcoholic
Or even a drug addict.

*******

Eagle pecking the liver liver
Up his paws suddenly fell dead,
Alcoholism cannot be cured,
The eagle did not know anything about this.
There was a terrible alcoholic Prometheus,
For which he was planted with Zeus on the chain,
The poison in the liver accumulated from the Podoka,
Therefore, the eagle overtook death.

*******

To the war with corruption again
Gave money! - I read the summary,
So, it is also necessary to highlight
To fight alcoholism vodka!

Alcohol is useful to patients and children,
Alcoholism - there is nothing to be afraid of:
All 100 percent of men in the world
They cannot make mistakes together.

*******

Visiting drunken musicians
playing heavy rock
He touched the tools with his hands
And he picked up alcoholism

*******

With drunkenness, only ordeals.
Alcoholism is a threat.
Vodka is a medicine,
Only in scanty doses.

*******

I told me dear yesterday,
That he is notorious!
The one who is poor,
Angry alcoholic

There is no evil of trouble in the world
Than the husband is an alcoholic!
Children howl from longing
And my lobby hurts.

*******

Blind came to the house:
I became an alcoholic!
How I see a bottle
Immediately, brothers, blows the roof!

Everything burns in me, burning,
As I see wine.
Every day I drink:
Do not calm my gut!

Once - a bottle, two - a bottle:
I often drink!
Everything is yearning for my Milka,
Alcoholic Brand!

Taster - I am excellent:
I like to tast!
The alcoholic was born
I will die an alcoholic!

Oh, you, stack, foot,
The river suddenly spilled!
Squirrel came to me
And the heart hurts.

*******

The beer has a stall
Two guys met,
Quickly "agreed"
And they turned into pigs.

*******

There is a bottle on the table,
Under the table lies the sage.
This is Kolya's lamented
Local specials on bottles!

My Milenok suddenly washed down
And he became unusable.
Because now around
Gloom and hopelessness.

*******

And our prick
Friends all are drinking companions.
And we do not see salaries
And empty in the refrigerator.

*******

Drunk hedgehog
The hedgehog was in a hurry from work,
Forest rations to the wife.
Local gopher appeared,
He offered to drink the seagulls.
But I saw, on thorns
Hedgehogs stick out mushrooms:
- Let's drink, hedgehog, on the day of the pay!
We deserved a holiday.

Hedgehog denied a long time
The gopher was directly begged
After all, a snack on needles
Disappears. The hedgehog knew
What a prickly hedgehog
Late will not understand
And he will be offended quietly,
Only the gopher pours and pours.

Fly agaric tincture
We drank a lot together.
The hedgehog to the booze was unstable,
Suggled, apparently during the day.
All mushrooms reached him.
And where to rush now?
The hedgehog was barely wandering
Everything he could have managed to drink.

I pulled a song on the road,
I woke wolves in the forest,
Life became more interesting
From mighty cuffs.
All thorns broke off
And they were grown in the way.
The children did not recognize the folder,
In the morning, meeting Kolobok.

If you are looking for entertainment,
You can safely pour
But the script of adventure
It is impossible to predict.

A joke about drunk and alcohol

A joke about drunk and alcohol:

I'm drunk again today
But all the rose from the sofa,
And he carried himself like a flag,
The chest forward and upwards.
The scream is heard crane,
It's me to the middle
I am flying in advance,
I don’t need a doctor.
At the temples, although gray hair,
But I'm a brave man!
I pump a hundred grams on the chest
And again on a distant path ...

*******

I am lying at the very edge of the sea
a little drunk well and let
then the sea will roll on me, then sadness ...

*******

Slogging carols sound outside the window ...
And in the hut everyone is drunk ... in the hut - a madhouse!
But the owner came out, opened the door to people ...
Now without teeth he ...
At least believe, at least do not believe it!

*******

About temporary and constant
Everything in this world is temporary
They say zealously everywhere.
You are temporarily pregnant
But I'm drunk constantly ...

*******

Congratulations to everyone with the old New
And so that you are full and drunk with happiness
Let them help in your life path
Smart, good handsome monkeys!

*******

Sorry for teachers! They are in a drunk
On your holiday, which in October
They are unlikely to be redeemed in the fountain
It’s cold in the yard ...

*******

I asked ash:
Where is my beloved?
I asked Topol:
Who is she with now?
But the huntsman rushed
And he said angrily:
Fall off the tree
Drunk pi ... s!

*******

Every man probably knows
(The conclusion has been verified and accurate over the years):
Drunk lady - prey is simple,
Only a heavy burden is very heavy.

*******

A Christmas tree fell on me.
I boasted drunkenly -
I thought the Christmas tree is a chick
And he kissed the star.

*******

Incomprehensible New Year:
Santa Claus has come not the same!
He sat with dad at the table,
He drank vodka and sang songs!
And my mother came home from work -
Santa Claus was already drunk ...
Needles are pouring from the Christmas tree -
Santa Claus snores at the Christmas tree!
That was the New Year ...
Santa Claus came - not the same.

*******

Sasha walked along the highway
I ate drying.
I poured a beer dress,
Drunk pankushka!

*******

- What is worse than a drunken bastard in the world?
Nn Ikays is too thick a hint.
But he continues to cut himself:
- A bastard is sober, if not ahead!

*******

A drunken grandmother for vodka went
I accidentally found a penny on the rails.
Rides a tram, swinging wagons,
Blue guts on the axis are shining.

*******

Yes! I came drunk in the morning!
Sorry, dear, it happened.
But you will not yell "where was it?"
You will see what you have learned.

*******

Border Guard Day
I drank in the morning to do nonsense
For green men.
I'm drunken now
In the border guard.

*******

Uncle Petya, plumber, is not drunk today,
What happens no more than comets.
He is such a swear, such a bully,
But the Old Testament sits and studies.

*******

Someone in a box for him, not an advertising turbidity,
And the “holy” letter slipped again.
And now Uncle Petya is afraid to breathe,
If you throw it away, God promised to punish.

*******

And they take me away and take me away
In a ringing drunken gloom!
Three white horse, eh three white horse:
Martini, cognac and whisk.

*******

Who knocks on the door to me
With a drunk body on your back?
This husband is early in the morning
They brought from the restaurant.

*******

“You are jealous in vain, Olga.”
And I'm not drunk at all ...
- I only wanted to clarify
My name is Tatyana ...

*******

He wandered like a drunken psychiatric
Dear absurdity, creating ...
It turns out the most strange country
We are still considered not in vain!

*******

Zuhru was stolen by Martians
returned only by morning
Busted - very drunken
Husband Peter boasted to the peasants.

*******

A drunk husband came home from work
Instead of trousers, tights on it,
All in lipstick and perfume
In women's pink underpants!
But don't you dare to swear
Kiss him soon -
The husband is already tired of
The glorious holiday celebrated -
They had a corporate party
Female, together, team
Congratulated them-"Oh, la-la!" -
With the twenty -third of February.

*******

Weaver one of the Ivanovo
I was looking for a man not drunk
But he will only find, he will pour a glass,
And it all starts again.

*******

New Year was celebrated together
In the village of our roots.
In March, you already need to sow
And they are drunk.

It is very difficult to live in the world
If you are not drunk in the morning.
You seem to be on the planet
On the planet of monkeys.

*******

And you are not at all simple Gennady
Oksana speaks strictly
so deftly pretended to be drunk
So naturally scolded.

*******

When Oleg Section to a girlfriend
He was already so drunk
what I said I saw Bayan

*******

Do you remember? You all remember everything, of course
How they got drunk, sorry ... like a pig,
And drunk drowned in a quiet whirlpool,
In which, in trouble, I was found.
You heard? Yes, everyone probably heard
How a remote cancer whistled on the mountain,
When together under the crew of the roof
Family we sawed the hearth.
But she carried ashore on the night of the foggy,
Having not accepted you, cruel water -
Since the sea is knee -deep, drunk,
And the pool - and you can’t say where.
Mom gave her kids to her children:
Petya - hatchet, Serezhenka - awl,
Mitenka is a crowbar, and Vasenka is a knife.
A drunken neighbor does not bother them anymore.

*******

Take the weather again and drink
I took it drank rain I went
I'm standing a chilled wet drunk
also give money

I drink a banal beer on the balcony,
I am carefully for women.
Or is everything so beautiful,
Or I am completely drunk.

*******

If the husband comes home drunk,
Where is the jacket, where the dirt cannot be distinguished,
Then it is probably too late or early
You will have to soak it ...

With her, time is rolling in an apple,
With her as if with vodka a drunkard.
She - love - will take her
And not ashamed.

*******

Crying champagne swept over the table from magnificent dishes.
The guests drank, sang, and then set off on dance.
After there was a lot of laughter, a lot of jokes, dug drunk.
It is a pity that I got drunk right away, and missed the whole holiday.

*******

- Why are all the fish silent? -
Drunk asked five times.
-head in the water in the water ...
Can you say anything?

*******

A Christmas tree was born in the forest, and who gave birth to it?
4 drunk hedgehog and bald crocodile.

*******

Our marriage is cloudless and durable.
Do not strive for other in vain.
And if you want a stormy night
Try drunk, come on!

*******

I'm sitting, drunk on a bench,
Swimming trunks stick to wet
Nose wrapped in snot,
Mascara has dried up under the eyes
There is no heel on shoes
The skirt is torn slightly
7 nails did not happen.
God, where am I so thumping?

*******

Visiting drunken musicians
playing heavy rock
He touched the tools with his hands
And he picked up alcoholism

*******

Oksana took the pillow
For a very drunk Peter
I read morality to her all night
By the morning I finally fucked

*******

Our character is in the adventures of frenzy,
I will have a mile than a chair.
Drunk Russian tourists
The stick poked in frightened sharks.

A joke about life and alcohol

A joke about life and alcohol:

The body is sleeping, it is tired
After all, it thumped yesterday.
The brain is also not to the body,
His departments are sleeping quietly.
Sleeps irrevocable,
And yesterday it was carefree
He was carrying nonsense skillfully
But by the morning everything was silent.

And the stomach sleeps tired,
Only the ulcers were not enough.
Only the liver cannot sleep -
It was necessary to get drunk like that!

*******

Do not swing the land to me, vodka,
Do not throw so insidiously into the bushes!
I am my "model" gait
I will overcome three more miles!
Let the planet circle a little,
I move, nevertheless, go ahead!
We need a navigator for a fig,
After all, the Russians have an autopilot!

*******

Once upon a time in the cold winter time…
I got drunk in a tractor and there is no fence!

Slim legs, two meters long,
In a short skirt stand before me.
Breasts number three sighs sexually,
Looks, laughs, and builds my eyes,
Like a princess from a rainbow fairy tale.
She smiled, straightened her bangs,
How to drag this chick into bed!
I would be sober, at least a little,
I would not allow myself this.

But in the angle of two liters of vodka drunk,
I approached her with an unsteady gait.
Further, what happened - I don’t remember, I was drunk,
Bar, stripper, martini, hookah ...
I woke up in the morning. Lie down next to her
God! What happened to my Princess!
The legs are short, of different lengths.
There are no boobs in front, no from the back.

Priest like a mummy of Tutankhamun ...
I barely reached the balcony.
It happens, damn it, every way is drunk,
Especially if you smoke rubbish.

There are no ugly women, all at once the princesses,
And in the morning of this kind of excesses ...
The ancestors can appear in us,
Such cases are not uncommon.
When I drink, I’ll get drunk right away,
I turn into a monkey.

*******

If the woman is drunk, the law is not written to her ...
Maybe she can be a lioness, maybe a sleepy hoarse!
Not responsible for words, thoughts and deeds -
A woman is always right in a drunken state!
You can’t sleep and not calm her down,
Friendly with a drunk woman is more profitable than arguing!

*******

Lies in a snowdrift girl, laughs,
Her hysteria brings to ecstasy.
So, stupid, not to exist?
Yes, she just got drunk, infection!

*******

We are a hangover in the morning
They did exercises.
No vodka, no snacks,
Aida dance in a squat.

********

I went through my Kolya yesterday,
The fool got to the will,
And now the hangover is tormenting
And the stomach from the Grasses flows.

********

Kum from Big Bodun,
Like a neighbor's punks,
The pancake pissed the whole entrance.
Let him drink less, and eats more.

********

Has the head hurt by morning?
Drink brine or strong tea,
And for the future Fedya,
Do not interfere with beer vodka.

********

I went through my Klim yesterday,
Although they drank with him,
I want to dance and sing
And he is sleeping, well, like a bear.

********

There is a bottle on the table.
Where we will take the willpower,
Pipes burn at an hour of a hangover,
Oh, how I want to give.

********

We are a hangover in the morning
They drank all the mutat.
Under the injection now in the hospital,
We are smeared with alcohol buttocks.

********

Draised the whole evening of the throat,
We drank everything and gobbled up.
Damn there is no habit of your mother
Leave the reserve in the morning.

********

As always, the shepherd is succumbing.
Slightly alive, I stuck to the hut.
And shouts: “Wife, come on,
The husband is sobbing. "

********

In the morning they drink all coffee, tea,
And I can only come in handy
Do not raise the head to the head
E-mine from the bed.

********

With a hangover, a mumbled erysipelas,
Oh, the fate is damned.
Ugly appearance,
And the head hurts.

********

You are great the power of a hangover
And the brine was bored.
A little kefir helped, from him
They sat in the toilet day ...

********

We walked around the whole salary
There was a cool banquet yesterday,
Well it is necessary, so much drink,
There is no grammulk on the sorrough.

********

After the holidays with us,
Opokhmelka is the upper class.
Cucumber brine,
To prove yourself here.

********

We gone to glory,
Barely pull the relics.
And the son -in -law in the brine is cucumber,
The mother -in -law sleeps in the bath ……
Oppa-on, here they pour
This banquet to us.
Behind the glasses, on a freebie,
Let them pour into a glass.
Oppa-on, here they pour
I got intoxicated and "swam"
A friend shouts: “Taban, as you can,
Once the oars did not capture. "

*******

All my gut shouted,
The matchmaker failed, beat him.
I brought vodka to the picnic,
And he did not capture the brine.

Oppa-on, here they pour
For this we came
And snacks, two buckets
We brought with us.

*******

Fog crawls to the village,
Who is not sober, he is drunk,
I'm sitting near the gate
Maybe someone will pour.

We’ll drop a hundred rubles,
I’m ready to give five hundred.
Reluctance with a drunken mug
Again, drive into the store for vodka.

*******

The evening is approaching
And I am not noticed in a booze.
So tired that there is no strength
Who would pour it, and I would drink.

At the head of the table, Kuzin,
The toasts are uttering.
Toast, toasts, there is no end
And what does not pour?

*******

Noisily winter, escorted
Oh, and froze,
How the vodka drank a bucket,
So to sleep and failed.

I drink which a week,
Already the whole snack gobbled up.
I ate all hays at the cow
Vodka jammed with snow

********

In the evenings we put the mash
Manka pinching the thigh.
In general, we live cheerfully,
How to ripen, we drink.

********

Petka Klyuyev drinks a week,
The snack ended.
He sniffs with a sleeve,
So accepted in Russian.

********

I noticed a nyurka right away
Oh, and cool infection.
And if pour a glass,
It’s even wonderful to live.

********

We sat quietly drank
They jammed with a cucumber.
I pushed almost three liters,
He did not hit the mud face.

*

Since such a booze went
Drag the cucumbers from the barrel.
It’s not good to drink without a snack
You can give the ends like that.

********

If I quit drink tomorrow
I will become rich.
I will row the money
Acting shovel.

********

Like on Donskoy Street,
We said goodbye to longing.
They drank vodka, ate the vobla,
Oh, not a frail tuck.

********

If I quit drink tomorrow.
I can love the girls.
The buoy will not fail
I can tirelessly love

********

Who does not smoke or drink,
He lives very boring.
Since there is no reason to get drunk
This is the desire to drown.

********

Vyacheslav reveled in wine
Under the table, however, he did not fall
I will sign up for a master class,
Let him teach us to drink.

********

In the morning I drank a little
Finding two horns on the head.
Then a gift from the wife
How to wear them until spring

********

Right now we will roll three glasses.
And bite with a cucumber
And finish the bottom to the bottom
So we’ll lay face in the salad.

********

The holiday was muddied today
Well, what not to stir up,
Sin with a good company
0.5 do not miss.

********

They did not have time to pour.
TAMADA ESS PARAL
I drank for my wife exactly, I remember
But he missed the mother -in -law.

*

I certainly do not know how to drink.
Because I do not hops
A friend is already drunk, let a tear
And I'm not in any eye.

********

Call the harmonist.
I will order him a cancan
The circle and legs are higher,
But first another hundred grams.

********

Something was sad for me.
I’ll quench the sadness in the fault
Straight to her bottom, infection
So that it does not come even once.

********

There is a bottle on the table,
And in the bottle cognac.
A bottle of vodka is under the table,
And on the coals a barbecue ...

********

I come to my home
Drunk, barely alive.
And the wife, infection.
It beats with a rolling pin at once.

********

Sasha was sober in the insole,
I did not want to drink on the staff.
We can be superstition,
But there is no confidence in sober ..

Anecdote about alcohol and woman

A joke about alcohol and woman:

Yes! I came drunk in the morning!
Sorry, dear, it happened.
But you will not yell "where was it?" -
You will see what you have learned.
*****
I am the best now dance now
The movements of grace are full
And all the men in this hall,
Of course, in love with me!
A flirty look, eyes sparkle,
I am sexy and sweet,
But I suddenly hear:
"You have enough, today you went through ..."
*****
Drunk girl for about an hour
I persuaded to calm down.
It is easier to bring it to ecstasy,
Than to the apartment where it will happen.

*****

My phone rang ...
I think with horror - he is in his purse!
I wanted to get it, a lot is interfered there
I make a strict decision -
All if I get it - I will find a phone!
God, will this ringing end?!
I can get everything in all ...
How can I then remove everything back? What?
The key is from home, keys - from work.
Water bottle? This is since last Saturday.
So. Here are the documents - the sobsor's crust,
Passport, right - to change them soon.
Cosmetics, - horror - there, from a half -kilogram.
Jam and slippers are for mom.
The book is large - the format is four,
About cities, islands and about the world.
Gum - I don’t remember why I bought it?
Paper, leaflets (there are few serious!).
More: mirror, saw - so that the nails are in order,
Coroner, tablets, needle, notebook.
Condoms - eight pieces. Not a little.
Do not think that - I selected the children!
A screwdriver, a vice, is a husband.
And why is the bandage here? I do not need him at all.
Scissors, stapler, pens, ruler,
Disks, comb, perfume, battery.
Judicial agenda - God, forgot!
And the soap dish is only a case without soap.
And also: a glass, lighter, party ticket,
Happy coupon - I keep 10 years.
So. Here he is a bag, jewelry a bunch,
Here it is a joy - a native pay!
Bread, milk, sausage, and cookies
A bottle of wine is for mood!
The bag is empty - there is no phone there ...
Why did you get everything - who will give me an answer?!
And most importantly - how did it all fit?
And how is it all - back? Say for mercy!
Yeah-ah ... How do we, girls, are not proud of ourselves?
All in a small handbag - 20 to 30!

*****

Once I am a friend Sofa and I
Casually fanned in ... strongly ...
It turned out, not by the way,
Sofa Face in the salad,
Well, I lost my mobile ...
Once, my friend Natalya and I
We rested at the hotel in Antalya.
There was a continuous positive
Full Ol inclusive!
But on the beach rested sandals ...
Once I am a friend Daria and I
Welded in the bazaar.
And a chuvikha merchant
We were dashed famously -
I received from Daria by hare!
Once, my friend and I are Nadia
They promoted an uncle to drink ...
Uncle drunk, business by night
Really wants to visit us
He thought that both of us ... Nadi ...
Once, my friend Tanya and I
They danced a drunk Lezginka ...
The dance was with a bang!
Now - the dislocation of the thigh
Makes to lie on the couch ...
Once, my friend and I are Constance
We visited one presentation.
If there are no money,
But an excellent buffet!
Visit, friends, presentations!
We rode with Marina on a wheelbarrow
And they laughed on the way to ... icot ...
Suddenly the accident is bam!
Everything is in order with us
I don't care, Marinina Call ...
My friend Livanova and I
We visited the exhibition new.
There was an artist Rechist,
And handsome and shoulder,
Sorry for the picture, he writes shitty!
Once I am a friend Olya and I
They went through slightly alcohol ...
And Olya confessed to me,
That he used to be Kolya!
Since then, I have not been drinking alcohol ...

*****

I am the best now dance now
The movements of grace are full
And all the men in this hall,
Of course, in love with me!
A flirty look, eyes sparkle,
I am sexy and sweet,
But I suddenly hear:
"You have enough, today you went through ..."

*****

The husband gathered on a business trip.
In the morning to rush, hurries ...
Left, did not say goodbye to his wife,
Let your beloved sleep.
The neighbor drove in a car,
And at work, the chef said:
The business trip was canceled,
So that he rests today.
Yes, this news is like a reward!
Went on the return trip,
And the wife will be glad
Still with your beloved to relax!
He approached the door inaudibly
He opened two castles quietly ...
And in the corridor I suddenly heard
From the bedroom the man's voice!
Well, everything, shame on all of Europe!
And the heart suddenly pinched ...
Looked, saw someone's ass
And female hands around!
As if they were given the back of the head
I felt horns on my forehead ...
I took a big fork in the kitchen,
Which the pies are fried.
Silently in the bedroom, he crept in,
From behind the shoulder that was the strength,
Yes, I really tried it here,
And a fork ... put in the ass!
Then he went to the site,
He rose above the floor ...
And waiting, cursing for order,
When a man leaves the house.
Here are a few minutes pass
The "guest" does not come out, no horseradish.
Suddenly he enters the porch from the street,
His beloved wife!
She is funny, with a laugh
Without giving him a question to ask
She said: “Brother and wife arrived,
We went to rest from the road! "
They laughed together together to vodka,
They treated the asshole ass ...
No need to do sharp actions,
Without looking into the eyes first!

*****

In front of the cute stood naked;
"Everything you want, get!"
Dear drank moonshine
Salo broke - and goodbye.

*****

Original joke about alcohol

Original joke about alcohol:

Late evening - there is no husband,
Only the wife does not sleep, everything is waiting,
Oh, when, oh, when
Will the noble crawl?

Husband often on karachi
He crawled like a prodigal cat,
And from the route, so as not to go astray,
Connected an autopilot!

Every time punishment,
My husband was waiting for a kick under the ass.
Time passed, and here in the hallway
Suddenly, a call was heard!

Wife to the door, an hour late,
Trustly: "Is it you?"
Nothing in response is heard -
Silence from darkness.

What to do, there is no answer
How to be here, what if a stranger?
Maybe even someone was mistaken
Let him go home!

The wife in the bedroom turned back:
"Wow, I will come - I will give a trepak!"
Began to wait, fell into bed
And she asked a snore!

The night passed, the wife woke up,
Outside the window is already dawn,
I reached out, looked around
Everything is clear - there is no husband.

"Well, infection, oh will get!" -
The wife was angry - “Here, a goat! -
Really, besides vodka,
bastard, got a mistress? "

Having reached, to work,
R-time, the key opened the door,
And, about horror under the feet,
What kind of miracle-yudo beast?!

Ba, darling, serene
Sleeps, snoring, opening his mouth.
Wife in the side of shoes in the same way:
"Wake up, idiot!"

My husband's eyes torn and immediately
He asks his wife a question:
“Why didn't you open to me
I slept here all night, like a dog? "

And the wife is at a loss:
“Was you? “Why was he silent?”
The husband answered innocently:
"I have a head for you ... nodded!"

Video: jokes Yuri Nikulin. Collection

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