Funny jokes. KVN jokes, short, April, jokes, jokes, scenes

Laughter is a pleasant emotion and the best pastime in any company. Knowledge of jokes and the ability to tell jokes is able to reveal you in a profitable light, teach you to find contact with people and discharge the situation. Funny jokes, jokes and rhymes will certainly please your team, your relatives and loved ones and will become your highlight.

The best jokes of KVN, jokes, jokes, scenes, humorin

KVN is a fascinating competition in which several teams compete with a variety of humorous works: jokes, jokes, scenes, jokes and humorins. This is a unique game, jokes from which become winged and on a long memorable.

The best jokes from KVN:

An interesting case in the hospital:
(Near the doors there is a human figure and smokes nervously)
- Damn, well, when, when? ... Well, how much can you wait? (exhales smoke)
- Ivanova, give birth! (Voice from the corridor)
-Well, damn it ... finally! (quickly extinguishing his cigarette). I'm on my way!!!

An interesting fact: the victim of the killer maniac was unexpectedly lucky!
(A loud and terrifying organ plays in the hall, and a person in the role of a victim slowly backs back, putting his hands forward. Suddenly the victim steps on something ...)
- Op! Chervonchik!

The whispering gypsy falls on the knee and makes the offer to his beloved:
“For a long time I Sol ... Ross, are you Budessa my bus?”
- Dear, why are you whispering?
- Mudsi, no Slop! (shouts gypsies and takes out a ring)
“But, love, where did you get the golden ring from?”
- Let it be opened by a secret! (lowering his head down)

A case near the hospital, under the windows are young fathers and shouting to their beloved wives:
- Marina, who?
- We have a boy, Igor!
- Angela, who?
- We have a girl, Maxim!
- Katya, how to turn on the washing machine?
- You turn on the cord in the outlet and press the red button!
- Thanks! (runs away)
- Oleg, wait! I gave birth!
- Well done!

Short jokes, funny and funny jokes, jokes, short jokes

Funny and short jokes will always become useful in cases of communicating with friends, colleagues and relatives.

The best short jokes:

• If you actively play sports, you can extend your life for about five years, but you need to spend eight years to play sports!
• The boy swore very much, to which the teacher made a remark and asked if he knew the meaning of these words: - Of course I know! (The boy answered) This means that the dad does not start a dad!
• Message at the wardrobe in the theater: "Do not leave valuable things and bills in pockets, the dressing room has a small salary!"
• Grandmother Slavik was "at a dead end" when a fat grandson came to her already
• I go to the house and immediately pleasant: already at the entrance I am met by Wi-Fi
• Only pigeons are able to blaspheme the black car with white, and white black!
• Nowadays, on TV, you can hear good news only during advertising!
• The famous comedian Garik, who is popularly called the "bulldog" was bitten by a Buldog dog named "Garik"
• The rule of the male razor machine: the first blade shaves “cleanly”, the second shaves “even cleaner”, and the third is “long”!

April jokes, funny and funny jokes with jokes

April funny jokes are always able to cheer up and configure people in a positive way in any situation.

April jokes are a special kind of humor, it is to put his friend in an uncomfortable or embarrassment position in any of the possible ways.

Here are a few options for April win -win jokes:

This joke suggests a joke, the meaning of which is the “peculiar revival of objects” - products in the refrigerator. This is an interesting version of a good mood in the morning, when, by non -knowledge, a person opens the door and is horrified for a few seconds from the fact that all products “look” at it. Such eyes can be easily bought in a store for creativity or in the fittings.

This joke involves wrap each item of desktop in food foil. At first glance, this can shock the owner in the first minute, and the remaining thirty to remove the wrapper from each thing while the rest will observe it and smile!

Not a complicated and interesting joke is that a mountain must be installed under the seat of an office chair. The person who belongs to the chair will be scared and shocked when he does not sit.

Good jokes and interesting jokes for everyone

Good jokes and jokes are able to cheer up even on the most sad and unreliable day. Read good jokes and jokes with your friends, tell them to loved ones and make a joyful joy every day.

Good jokes and jokes on different topics:

• It is noted that the higher the person held, the less often his attendance at work
• To give yourself a few extreme minutes and mislead customs, pour a little green tea into foil from cigarettes
• The office employee sitting without a lesson for more than ten minutes can automatically immerse himself in “sleeping mode”
• In the morning, nothing can cheer up as much as a cup of a strong freshly brewed coffee shop, which was washed down with cognac
• I don’t understand: I moved from my parents, bought an apartment and immediately came an account for the services of housing and communal services. Of course I paid for it, but the next month he came again, and then more ... What? Was it necessary not to pay for the first one? Everyone understood that I was a sucker ???
• If I decided to sit at night with a laptop on the Internet, do not turn on the charger in advance. If you sat down, it's time to sleep!
• “Candlelight dinner” is not only romance, it is an effective treatment for hemorrhoids!
• Scientists concluded that in a drop of male sperm of "life" more than in drops of human blood. Conclusion: how much vampires suck blood?

Poems jokes on any topic, funny jokes-rhymes for each

Poems in a comic form will become your highlight in the company or at any event where you can entertain and please guests.

Funny jokes in poetic form:

You don't call me married
I don’t know how to cook, I am a poet!
I am a lazy person and this is my status,
Breakfast, dinner, lunch is alien to me.
I don't go on high stilettos,
And I can’t be educated.
I'm looking for inspiration in jokes
I am not looking for others inspiration!

You left the house and me in a moment,
Where to look for you to me - I don't know.
Your red -haired wig remained on the pillow
I hug him from longing.
On your night table, teeth are thrown
And in a glass, an artificial eye acidifies.
I look at my teeth, I only remember my lips
That they do not kiss me in this morning hour!

Bulldog tried to bite a familiar man,
He fled from him and threw a stone, just did not hit.
That stone in the mother -in -law flew that it passed nearby
"Well, nothing, and so it will go!" He thought and did not say!

Songs jokes, funny short songs, ditties and chants

Funny stiffeners will become interesting entertainment at the festive table and will please anyone with their original text, humor and sarcasm.

Funny table songs:

My beloved is a tractor driver,
I'm in the village of Doyarochka,
We are like bounty and twix
Sweet couple!

A Christmas tree was born in the forest
And there she grew up
She served as a camouflage
Military regiment.

If I were a strong man
My life was B would
Like a fairy tale
And women from night to morning!

There is a question - for me to sports
When to resort?
In the morning lunch, Furset during the day,
Just once!

Jokes jokes, funny jokes for everyone on any topic

Everyone should know a good funny joke, a person without a sense of humor seems dry and boring!

Funny jokes on a variety of topics:

• - What have you fallen?
  - No, damn it, the knee was combed! Well, I think I’ll scratch about asphalt!
• You can’t argue with a naked woman, if only because at any moment she can dress and leave!
• I solve the Scandword, and there the question is "not censorship of three letters." The word immediately occurred to the head, decided to check in the response: it turns out, “mat”!
• -Hello, I would like to order a track from you. Is it possible?
  - Oh sure! How many grams are you?
  - And this is Bowling?
• The woman says to the man:
  - Honey, when we become a husband and wife, we can share the problems equally!
  - Dear, but we have no problem!
  - I say when we become a "husband and wife"!
• The Georgian boy entered the Russian -speaking school, the teacher teaches his tongue:
  - Givi, say "bread"
  - HLEP!
  - No, Givi, I must say softer
  - Help!
  - No, Givi is even softer!
  - Bun!

Riddles jokes, funny riddles with guesses, jokes for all occasions

Working jokes can be an interesting entertainment for any company. Such jokes can be amused by friends and loved ones, colleagues and loved ones. The margin jokes will be an excellent accompaniment of any holiday.

The best jokes-ridges for fun companies:

• What does one half of the tangerine look like?
  (answer: on the second half of the tangerine)
• Imagine the situation: guests suddenly came to you. In the refrigerator there is: a pack of juice, a bottle of beer and mineral water. What are you first to open?
  (Answer: refrigerator!)
• What gift did the wife bring her husband from the beach resort?
  (answer: horns)
• What could be in common between a student and a lizard?
  (Answer: both have "tails")
• When a person happens in his apartment and he has no head?
  (Answer: When it sticks it into the window)
• The grain that managed to visit both the fire and in water and in copper pipes, what is it?
  (answer: moonshine)
• What can not be put even in the largest pot?
  (Answer: Her lid)
• What does not burn, but constantly asks for extinguishing?
  (Answer: Cash debt)
• There is a tape that can not be weaved into a braid. What is this tape?
  (answer: machine gun)
• What place is this when you are sitting by car, a plane behind you, and a horse is in front?
  (Answer: Children's carousel)
• What kind of woman is one who first needs everything, and then in a strict voice will require money?
  (Answer: Controller conductor)

Questions jokes with funny answers, jokes-primals for a fun company

Funny questions with the same humorous answers can be an interesting entertainment for anyone. They will decorate the celebration, help to establish contact between unfamiliar people and just cheer up.

The funny questions of the joke:

• What kind of beast is such or a bird, does it fly and swear?
  (answer: electrician)
• What could be in an empty pocket?
  (answer: hole)
• What twice for his life a person wears for free, but in the third you have to pay?
  (answer: for teeth)
• What are thousands of people doing at night? What are they doing?
  (Answer: They are sitting on the Internet)
• The worst word for men from three letters?
  (Answer: More!)
• What, unfortunately, can not be eaten at lunch?
  (answer: breakfast)
• What definitely is not in absolutely any women's bag?
  (answer: order)
• What kind of monster is there as many as six legs, two heads and one tail?
  (Answer: Horseman)
• What a strange thing between the legs is hanging out? This strange little thing on “x” begins!
  (answer: tail)
• What is the most popular paper format that absolutely everyone uses?
  (Answer: Rolon of toilet paper of fifty -four meters)
• Female milk has one main value. Which one?
  (Answer: his container)
• Why does the largest monkey have gorillas, such large nostrils?
  (Answer: because she has very thumbs)

Answers to jokes and funny questions, answers-firsts to jokes

The answers to jokes-questioning hide special sarcasm in themselves. As a rule, it is impossible to immediately give the correct response to such a puzzle, and therefore they have such a feature.

Answers to jokes, funny answers:

• If a drunk soldier walked in the square past a high tower, he noticed a clock on it and a shot in them, where did he get?
  (Answer: to the police for drunk condition and shooting in a public place)
• What can constantly increase and never in life decrease?
  (Answer: Human age)
• They say that this is most important and most necessary for dinner, what is it?
  (answer: mouth)
• All crows sit on this tree during pouring rain, what kind of tree is this?
  (answer: wet tree)
• Who can be born twice and die only once?
  (Answer: The bird hatches from the egg)
• What is this thing if you drop it, then you can’t raise the tail in any way?
  (Answer: glomerulus of threads)
• Is it possible to bring water in a bucket with a hole?
  (Answer: You can if the water is frozen in the ice)
• The magician claims that he can put a test tube in the center of the room and slowly crawl into it, is it possible?
  (Answer: Perhaps anyone can slowly crawl into the room)

Jokes jokes, funny stories and funny scenes, humorous jokes

A sense of humor has always been valued and appreciated in people. If you own a set of jokes and funny stories, you can definitely arrange friends and even strangers. Laughter is one of the most pleasant emotions on Earth, so it is worth giving others joy!

The funniest jokes and jokes:

• Everyone who wants to imagine how the female brain is enough to open 150 different tabs in a row on a computer and not close them!
• The conversation of two familiar athletes:
  “You don't know how to get a lot of faster?”
  - Well, take dumbbells.
  - No, you do not understand, I need to quickly gain mass!
  - Well, eat them!
• Imagine a run on the early morning on the asphalt, covered with morning dew and filled with fresh light air. What could be more beautiful than her absence?
• A young wife returned from a foreign resort. The husband missed, meets her, feeds her and then notices that his wife has the whole back in bruises and abrasions. She says to her:
  - Darling, you need to urgently consult a doctor!
  The next day, the wife says:
  - The doctor said it was on the "nervous ground."
  The husband was indignant, ran to the doctor with questions, and he answers him:
  - Your deaf wife, and the horns instructed you the same! I told her this from "not even soil"!

A joke to a beloved, how to laugh a loved one, jokes about men

Every woman is obliged to have in her arsenal several interesting jokes or jokes dedicated to men. So she can show that she is not stupid and has a good sense of humor.

Funny jokes and jokes about men:

• The girl asks a man on the beach:
  - Man, will you allow you to meet you for one night, well, a maximum of a couple of nights?
  - What are you, girl, I am a real gentleman - for the whole vacation!
• Two friends communicate:
  “And for a long time you had fun yesterday?”
  - Yes, until the corkscrew is broken!
• Two friends discuss the wife of one of them:
  - Your wife dresses so excellently, where does she get such dresses?
  “You just won't believe it!” Already twice we get an erroneous parcel with a suit from the Internet.
• - Dad, would you like cool beer?
  - Of course! Are you still asking ??
  - No, I'm just mocking!
• The husband comes from work, his wife asks him:
  - Honey, how is your new workplace?
  - Quite decent.
  - Is there a secretary?
  - There is.
  - Is she beautiful?
  - Normal!
  - And how does she dress?
  - Fast!

Favorite jokes, jokes about women and girls, funny jokes

Each man should own a set of funny and funny jokes about women to tell their friends, sign and employees. Some of them will cheer up their mood and beloved girls!

Funny jokes and jokes about women:

• Two friends talk, one complains of life:
  - Imagine, they gave my apartment, but so small, so uncomfortable ... I had to quit!
  - Apartment ??
  - No husband!!
• The woman goes to the balcony and notices under him a smoking figure of a man, shouts:
  - Man, I'm very afraid of you!
  - Why are you afraid of me?
  - You will take me and rape me!
  -But how will I get to you ??
  - And now I will go down!
• The husband returns from a business trip, slowly turns the key in the doorway. The wife hears this, grabs a lover’s thing and says to him:
  -Come on instantly jump from the balcony!
  - What? She gone crazy?! Here is the thirteenth floor!
  - There is no time to believe the superstitions! ONCE!
• Two friends talk on the street:
  - Verochka, I heard you married Seryozha!
  - Yes, dear, we got married!
  - And how do you like marriage? Better?
  - No, dear, it was no better ... but it became more often!
• A woman comes to work, and she has a fingal under her eye. Everyone begins to ask:
  - What do you have? Who is it to you?
  - Husband!
  - Wow! But we thought that he went on a business trip!
  - And I thought so too!
• The wife runs to her husband and shouts:
  - Dear, they just raped me !! What should I do, dear!
  - Eat lemon!
  - Well, why?
  - Yes, so that your muzzle is not so satisfied!

Congratulations with a joke, how to arbitrarily congratulate loved ones with an interesting congratulation?

Congratulations to a joke is an original and peculiar way to bring a good mood to everyone around the celebration. Switch congratulations are always valued, they always bring together and make the holiday more fun.

Comic congratulations on any holiday:

Let your dreams come true,
All goals in life are achieved.
Let the wealth increase
Love and feelings develop.
Problems, tears and hardships
Let them forget the way to you
Sorrow does not step on the threshold.
I give you my "congratulations"!

I want to wish good
So that I can catch the beaver by the tail.
Everyone says to me that the beaver
Unread in the furs of good.
I wish you a strong house,
So that we are more often in it.
So that it has coziness and warmth,
Wealth, laughter and beauty!

I wish you to be immense
Beautiful wife, faithful,
Car Ferrari
Costume from the brand "Armani"
Let life bring positive
Let the cottage stand in the Maldives.
So that the cold bypasses the cold,
So that the caviar is a full stomach!

I want to wish you on your holiday
Fall into the salad with your head,
Then walk and drink with friends,
In order to be alien to drunk.

I wish to lie in my bed
And there to find a beauty there.
I wish you many victories
And a thousand happy years!

Joke scenes with which you can dilute the holiday or amuse friends

Funny scenes can be used in various directions: for entertainment of guests, at a wedding, for KVN contests and private parties. Funny scenes are always a pleasure not only from a joke, but also from acting, facial expressions and gestures of characters.

Funny scenes for any occasion:

• The conversation of the two artists of the theater:
  “Larisa, I heard you got on stage through the director’s bed?”
  - I need homegeners!
  - Larisa, maybe you meant "evidence"?
  - I clearly decided for myself and made my choice!
• Talking in kindergarten:
  - What about this boy?
  - Did he faint?
  - But from what? Why?
  - From tension!
  - And what happened?
  - The teacher played for too long with him in the "Horn Goat!"
• Conversation in Dark Lane:
  - Are you afraid of me?
  - Not!
  - Why?
  - I am an Oriflame Worker!
  - And what does it mean?
  “I can call my“ three friends ”, and they are their“ three friends ”and each of them are“ three more friends ”!
• The conversation of the son and mother:
  - Son, you have a birthday soon, what do you want to get as a gift?
  - Tampon! (The boy shouted confidently, mom was taken aback)
  - But, son, why a swab? Do you know what this thing is?
  - Of course! On TV, they said that with a swab you can go to the beach daily, swim in the sea, dance, run and have fun!
• Conversation of two friends:
  - Imagine, I broke up with my girlfriend!
  - What is it? What happened?
  - The stupid situation came out ... We went together in the shower, she says to me there, they say, let's do bad things ...
  - And what did you do?
  - Sprayed her shampoo in her eyes ...

Jokes of Russian radio, funny statements on various topics

The jokes of Russian radio are a special kind of humor that causes a smile from the first words and is remembered for a long time. These jokes are of special conciseness, brevity and sarcasm, they do not rarely have “black humor” and are always popular.

Funny jokes of Russian radio:

• The saleswoman in the store possessed in so rude voice that no one from the store left without a package
• Children who are sitting in the class by the window and closest to the battery ripen earlier than their classmates
• The manager of the supermarket and the “deadline” responsible for death was killed twice
• Vasily was incredibly afraid of the operation ... by this, he scared away his patient ...
• At the plumbing of Fedor Phmellye, it was so great that for an hour no one could drag him away from the pipe
• At the concert of Sergey Zhukov, two things jumps: singer and pressure
• mom accidentally washed her son’s scarf along with another linen and the Spartak match, the boy was ill for some kind of “pink crap”
• The fact that kefir was too expired by Slavik said Kefir himself
• Statistics claim that more than 80% of people deliberately lie when they thank their hairdresser

Video: " KVN - Biathlon contest - the best jokes in the history of the KVN game "