To establish personal life after a divorce: tips, steps and stages to create a new happy life

Divorce is in any case a psychological trauma, and for both sides, even if the official divorce is a logical completion of relations, and both partners agree with this - the gap still leaves experiences in the soul. It takes time to dull emotions, resentment, memories that will borrow the soul.

It happens that this time is delayed. What to do to cope with such a stressful situation in the shortest possible time as possible and with minimal nerves?

The reasons why after a divorce I can not establish my personal life

The reasons why after a divorce I can not establish my personal life

1. A feeling of loneliness

• It often happens that after stress related to divorce, Especially if he was heavy, in the evenings, when the daytime fuss is quiet, a feeling of complete loneliness in this life can flash. Often, that's why you you cannot establish your personal life after a divorce. Memory “slip” memories that cause sentimental sadness And from which you want to cry.
• In order not to succumb to this sensation, you just need to start making actions, albeit at first automatically. The first thing is to rinse your face with cool water, then, having cheered up a little, or firmly take a telephone line with a conversation with a best friend, or (even better) go to visit her.

2. Feeling of jealousy

• Perhaps, of course, that this is not so much jealousy as echoes of memories The fact that this person was once yours and only yours. Therefore, such a situation is quite real in which, having met it on the other, you will feel an indomitable desire to quarrel, to put his companion in an unsightly light, to say offensive and sharp things.Such a radical step is also possible, like deliberately intimate communication with the first man who came across, and all this is only to prove to him that you are also not alone.
• Do you need it? What do you prove this besides that he is still not indifferent to you? Therefore, correct behavior will remember that you parted, and now both free people who have the right to do the way you please. Indifferent politeness and tolerance are all that you must force yourself to experience at this moment.

3. Surviving nostalgia

• It can cause any things, music, smells, which will remind of the past. Do you have his toothbrush left?
• Throw it ruthlessly - it has long been using the new one. Hide in a distant box all photos, on which you are depicted together, and do not get them, as if you did not want this.
• Avoid those places where possible meeting with the ex -spouse, A random meeting will not bring joy to any of you.

4. Sensation of boredom and routine of life

• Do you move along the Route Work route and, besides it, do not “turn off” anywhere? It is necessary immediately fill life with a lot of surprises, In which you denied yourself when married.
• From work, you were in a hurry to the store, in the mind, wondering what would feed him for dinner? Now hurry to the hairdresser and make a new haircut, go to the cosmetics store and buy yourself new lipsticks, look into the boutique and update the wardrobe. Now you must think and take care only of yourself.

5. Digging in yourself

• Stop all sorts attempts to analyze the situation and think that at some point you could do differently and the matter would not have reached a divorce.
• Firstly, it is not a fact that it could be so, and secondly, if your relationship has reached the stage of gap, then they have exhausted themselves. That's why trying to sort through every word in search of dubious mistakes is the most stupid thing that can be done at the moment.
• You acted as you considered it necessary, therefore, your decision was not only correct, but also the only possible.

6. Moments of despair

• If you suddenly seemed to you that everything is very bad and your divorce - a real tragedy, Better think about those partners that you had before. Those relationship also ended, and you may have seemed a tragedy at that moment to you at that moment. So what? You do not perceive them like that now, but remember without despair and sadness. So it will be this time.
• The best way to not fall into a state forever aching and grumbling suffering He will imagine any of the acquaintances who whines for every reason. Do you really like it and you want to make the same impression?

7. Excessive bravado

• You have inspired yourself so much that you left the past overboard And in any case, a return to the past cannot be that you are absolutely sure that you can call your ex to “just chat”?
• Firstly, such an idea itself already suggests that he is still you not indifferent, and secondly, such self-confidence is fraught with the possibility of new meetings and, quite possibly, relations with who you They were able to part with such difficulty.
• Such “new old” relationships have no prospects, because it is impossible to enter the same river twice (or in isolated cases). But experiences and suffering You can get almost one hundred percent on your head.

8. Psychological aspects

According to psychologists, the main “block” that closes the path to the perception of the new is precisely the fear of changes. And they call the reasons that generate such fear: the following:

• Emotions and feelings associated with the previous relationship, They have not yet cooled down and continue to "get sick." Active communication with children, doing what is loved, will help to drown out this pain, which will increase the number of positive emotions. But new relations in such a period are simply contraindicated, since they will be overlapping a bad emotional background.
• Analyzing your own mistakes, guilt, underestimation of self -esteem - This can happen if you delve into the past for too long, looking for misses. How to outstand yourself with far -fetched mistakes, nurturing a complex of your own inferiority, it is better to immerse yourself in the work.
• "Pucking" grief - When a woman tries to compensate for negative emotions. This will only lead to loss of form, problems with weight and appearance, which in turn will pull new complexes and all the same negative emotions.
• Attempts to resume relationships - This is “sinful” by many women, and often it turns almost into mania. The more often you catch yourself on the desire to call or meet with your ex -spouse, the more decisive such attempts need to be stopped. Moreover, up to the appeal to psychologists, if by its own efforts it is not possible to throw the past from the head.

What needs to be done to establish personal life after a divorce?

• What needs to be done to establish personal life after a divorce? Having come to his senses and calmed down after the shocks associated with the parting, you should think and determine for yourself what the gap was caused. Understand what mistakes could be avoided, what you yourself were wrong, and where your partner behaved incorrectly.
• The main thing is to conduct such a detailed analysis in the first days after parting, when the pain of resentment is still fresh, and there can be no talk of an objective assessment of the situation. You need to wait for time, calm down and “cool”, then you can really look at the former.
• To establish personal life after a divorce, calculate how many advantages you gained due to a divorce. You can spend money at your own discretion without coordinating spending with your spouse and without explaining to him the need to buy new tights. You stopped being a home -made laundry, a cook, a seamstress. You can now meet with a man you like without any obligation to him, and moreover - you do not need to be afraid of scenes of jealousy and scandals.

• Besides, Finally discarding the load of past relations (and even better - mercilessly cutting it off along with unnecessary sentimental memories), you can focus on what you expect from the future. To do this, you need to make a detailed description of a man whom you would like to see next to you.
• Prescribe not only the advantages that your potential chosen one must certainly have, but also possible disadvantages.
• Why disadvantages? Because you already rose glasses were removed And really look at life, realizing that ideal people, consisting of continuous advantages, do not exist in the world.
• So estimate what disadvantages of a man can be acceptable to you, and what you categorically disagree with. Then you can quickly understand (after several meetings), you can be happy with your new chosen one or not.

To establish personal life after a divorce: is it necessary to immediately build a new relationship?

• Do I need to build a new relationship immediately after the divorce? You just should not rush to this. Give yourself divine emotionally and take care of yourself, beloved. Devote all your free time from what you want. Perhaps it cosmetic salons and hairdressers, fitness centers or pools.

• And maybe you just want to just lie on the couch with an interesting book, hiding in a cozy warm blanket. Or, on the contrary, actively relax, going to the mountains, at sea.
• Do exactly as you want - you must realize that you and only you are now the mistress of the situation, only you make decisions. Now you can only reckon with yourself and your desires - you will fully feel all the advantages of this status and do not rush to change it.
• To establish personal life after a divorce, tune in to a wave of positive perception of life. Indeed, right now, on the shoulder, all those classes and things that have always been interesting, but earlier, because of family responsibilities and problems, there was never time for them.
• So there is an opportunity recall all abandoned due to a chronic lack of hobby, Finally meet old friends and friends. It is very good to immerse yourself in work with your head - if you get carried away by it, then, believe, your inspired look, a happy smile and burning eyes will attract the attention of men without any additional efforts.

• And on the contrary, the more you become think about the need to build a new relationship, The stronger this desire will be reflected in your eyes. And this is exactly what men understand very well at the level of intuition (Yes, intuition is also inherent in men, and no less than women!).
• Realizing that the hunt is simply “open” for him, a man it is unlikely to want to continue relations Rather, he will become in every possible way to avoid you.

How to establish personal life after a divorce, likebehave with men?

• Primarily - naturally and at ease. Be yourself, listen to yourself and do the way you want, and not someone else. After you cool from emotions and rethink the lived, you should not show a negative in relation to the former spouse, nor in communication with him, and in conversations about him.

• If you will be to appeal to sympathy your new men, talking about what a despot and a villain, lazy And in general, your previous spouse was a worthless person, you only alert your new friend, or even scare him.
• Complaining of his predecessor, you thereby create a man’s idea of \u200b\u200byourself as about grumbling, all forever dissatisfied and aching neurasthenka. Whether he wants to establish a serious relationship with such a special (despite the fact that men are above all of all their own comfort and calm) - a question from the category of rhetorical.
• You will make a much better impression if about the reasons for the divorce You say correctly without insults and accusations addressed to the ex -spouse. In this case, there are always universal formulations of the type of “dissimilarity of views and characters” or “the relationship approached their logical conclusion.”
• A little advice to those women who have already felt a readiness to establish personal life after a divorce: Do not rush into the pool of feelings with your head, especially if your new partner is the same type as the previous one. In this case, alas, there is a risk of repeating the already traveled path, making the same mistakes and having come as a result of the same result.
• Study your new acquaintance well, and if you find qualities in it, which caused your disagreements and misunderstandings, then it is unlikely that new relationships will turn out differently than just ending.

How to recover after a divorce?

• Before thinking about how make a personal life after a divorceIt is important to recover after it. The main thing is that psychologists advise doing in the first days after the divorce, when the experiences are most strong, this "chill out".
• In order to relieve accumulated stress, any “improvised” available methods, such as beating dishes or playing sports, are suitable. You can "cry" grief or best friend or mother - it also helps.

• But what definitely will not help you, but only exacerbate your already tense state is to start all serious. Unfortunately, it happens that a woman after a divorce begins either abuse alcohol, "Burning" thereby its stress, or Unrestrainedly rushes into a new relationship, Moreover, with several men, thereby trying to convince (primarily herself) that she is in demand and desirable. In addition, it is unacceptable to break into friends, relatives, and even more so - recoup on children.
• As for her ex -husband, attempts to “take revenge” will look like him Funny and helpless. In addition, in such cases, everyone understands where the wind blows, so there is no need to sink to such petty deeds, which, moreover, they will not bring you any benefit.

In general, a woman should remember that after a shock associated with a divorce, the state of depression may begin. You should be ready to resist this phase in order to prevent it from completely “absorb” you. The sooner you cope with the depressive state, the sooner the manifestation of the so -called residual phenomena will end, when a bitter memory may vomit from time to time or suddenly you just want to cry.

• And then it will begin for you The stage of the completion of the old and the outdated, which will clear the scope for new relationships that will not be built on sentimental nostalgic emotions, but on readiness for the positive perception of the new.

How to start a new life after a divorce: tips

1. Clearly define goals which you always wanted to achieve, and could not do it earlier. Now that you are free from your wife’s obligations and household duties, you can do it!
2. Plan the steps with which you will move to your goal, and follow your plan.
3. Put only real achievable tasks for you so that you have no reason to give up and cultivate a complex of loser in yourself.
4. Change your appearance with Hairstyles and wardrobe, But do not forget about the need for internal changes. Analyze that you do not like in the surrounding environment, in your life, what would you like to change. Try to change at least what depends on you: work, the interior of the apartment.
5. Communicate as much as possible - this will not allow you to feel feelings of isolation from the outside world and loneliness. In addition, you will receive support and, possibly, practical tips.
6. Do not let yourself beg Better pay attention to those who need your support. For example, in the case of a divorce of parents, a child, and not at all, is the hardest in psychological terms. So direct all the mental strength not to nagging, but to support your own offspring.
7. Use psychological techniques that are very effective. For example, try to remember the feelings that you experienced when your spouse offended you. You don't want to survive them again?

The main thing is that it is important to know to make a personal life after a divorce - Perceive the divorce simply as an objective reality, as the next stage of your life, which has already been passed. The faster you close the page of the past, the sooner you can open a new one - clean and prepared to write a new novel on it.

Useful articles about relationships:

• Whether to give a second chance to a man, husband after treason, friend
• 17 reasons to quit a man, even if he swears love
• Why does the husband manipulate divorce all the time
• Divorce conspiracy with her husband - when and how to do
• How to survive a heavy divorce for a woman

Video: How to start living after a divorce?