The impudence is the second happiness, and what is the first one? Who are the people for whom the impudence is the second happiness?

What is the first one, if the second impudence? Why do people behave brazenly and what to do with it? Infurrent people who are they?

The impudence is the second happiness, and what is the first one?

They say that audacity second happiness, and the first happiness is something ephemeral and subtle. Under the first happiness of this winged phrase, most people understand the ability to give to others. An ideal public model where people endlessly love each other, and live like in a paradise garden. However, the Earth is not a paradise, and often we are faced with situations from which we are annoying, for example:

• You are standing in line to the cash desk in the supermarket, and suddenly, from nowhere, a lady appears in front of you, who pushes your purchases on the conveyor tape and folds her in front of you.
• For more than an hour, with poor well-being, sit in line to the therapist, and suddenly some man appears who will crawl into the office out of line. “The impudence is the second happiness,” you will think of willy.
• You tell someone from the household that tomorrow you are early to get up and ask not to make noise. However, your repeated requests ignore. People continue to make noise and have fun.
• A person takes money from you for a certain period, but is in no hurry to give it to. And then he says that you could not at all remind him so often about this duty.
• You agree on a meeting with a girlfriend, and at the appointed time she tells you that she is going shopping now and looks after a new bag or communicates with other friends that she accidentally met.
• You ask a person to give up a place at the computer, he says that he will do it in five minutes. Five minutes later it turns out that he needs another five minutes, and then more.

This list can be continued for a long time. And the general in all these situations is what we begin to experience from them some very black feeling. Others offended us, but for some reason we feel guilty.

If you did this to me, then I deserve it.

"My boundaries were violated, but I could not defend them, which means that I am a non -insignificance, and they will do this further with me," - Here is the black thought that poisons our life. This is on the one hand.

On the other hand, we can restrain us fear. If I now go aboam, for example, to the woman who got into the queue before me, then I will be the same boor as her. And here another winged phrase comes to mind that "I do not want to bread with pigs from one trough ..."

How to find a way out of such a difficult situation? And what the authors of the phrase wanted to say that audacity second happiness? We will talk about this further in our article from the point of view of different concepts.

What is justice?

It would seem even a small child understands what justice is. This is when the apple is divided in half, they respond to love with love, wages correspond to the usefulness of labor.

However, if you really think about it, then justice is just a public contract. That is, once long ago, when people agreed on how they would live together, they accepted a certain set of rules, like:

• Let's not kill me, but I will.
• Let's not steal with you, and you are with me.
• Let's not take my husband or wife from me, and I am with you.

Moreover, as you noticed, some of these agreements are fixed by law, others are not. For different peoples, these agreements vary. In fact, its own justice even for each particular person, and this means that justice does not exist.

More precisely, it exists, but only in our head, specifically its own for each person. Saying, what audacity second happiness He says that arrogant people are those who do not blame themselves for bad deeds, and therefore these people are happier. When we say that someone treated us unfairly, this means that if we ourselves committed such an act, we would have experienced guilt.

Feeling guilt - evil root

The impudence is the second happiness, and the first happiness is not to feel guilty.

The feeling of guilt is extremely destructive. According to experts engaged in psychosomatics, it can lead to quite material and tangible problems with physical health. But where does it come from? And what is the difference between those people for whom the impudence of the second happiness and ordinary townsfolk?

According to Vadim Zelandwhose concept is now popular, people who admit that at least something can be guilty-put themselves below other people. No, this is not ourselves, these are imaginary “others” in our head accuse us of some “bad” actions. The problem is that thought in this way, a person loses faith in himself, he loses the ability to make decisions on his own, which means that he ceases to be a person at all.

What to do?

• Yes, just try to do so as not to feel guilty yourself.
• And if something happened, then not to blame yourself, because to change the past is not in your power.
• Remember that the word "apologize" literally means "get out of guilt", "let go of guilt." That is, you must understand what exactly your mistake was, try to compensate for the damage to the victim, and find alternative ways to respond to a similar situation in order to continue to use only them.
• And, probably, an even more important advice is to revise your own rules and not to be lazy to figure it out again what is good and what is bad.

Are you really to blame that you did not have time to wash the dishes? More precisely, is it really in your situation, when, for example, you have to urgently need to submit a report at work, and you fell ill with sore throat, wash the dishes for you with a good solution?

This is with regard to ourselves, but what to do when others are unfair to us, and the saying, that the impudence of the second happiness is associated with you with someone specific?

Impudence the second happiness - the correct reaction to rudeness

When they talk about people for whom the impudence of the second happiness, usually we are talking about those who, walking over their heads, seek some low! To high ideas.

Sometimes there is a temptation, close your eyes to such behavior and reassure yourself with the thought that you are a highly spiritual person and you are not interested in this.

But, material benefits are needed without exception, and the Maslow pyramid brightly illustrates this. The author wanted to say that any person, in order to be able to realize himself, must first satisfy his basic needs. Some people really do not rise above the second or first level of this pyramid. But now this is not quite our topic.

We only want to say that it is necessary to defend our personal boundaries. Another question is how it is better to do this.

Mikhail Litvak and his "Psychological Aikido"

Councils of psychologists on how to win in disputes. But I would like to highlight the concept of transactional analysis. What is so special about him? Yes, he simply turns communication with people for whom the impudence of the second happiness, into ordinary mathematics.

So, it is believed that each person has three components of personality. And accordingly, three different ways of response to each situation:

• Child. This is ours "Want". All our desires, including light and unreasonable ones, are the fruit of the fantasy of our inner child. The inner child can be selfish and unreasonable, but he is what we want and should live for.
• Parent. This is the part of our personality, in which attitudes and directives are collected. "Necessary", - the keyword of the "parent." Many people have so many such attitudes that they would have been enough for a couple of volumes of the “Big Soviet Encyclopedia”. Installations are often erroneous, but without them it is extremely difficult for us to live. For example, every time I had to think about whether it is worth brushing your teeth and how to tie the laces. You must admit that without attitudes of the "parent" it would be very difficult.
• Adult. The keyword for this personality state: "I think". We are in a state of adult, when we think, weigh, make decisions. In fact, an adult is the only reasonable person from these three. He finds the middle ground and tends to the side of the “child” or the side of the “parent”. The more a person has an adult part of the personality, the more correct he makes decisions.

A hundred times a day we are facing some choice. For example, you decide whether to eat the cake:

• The child wants to eat a cake because it is tasty.
• The parent says that this is harmful food, and it harms health and figure.
• An adult makes a decision.

So, at the interpersonal level, if you communicate with people for whom the impudence of the second happiness, remember that:

• The conflict exists only where crossing transactions are underway.
• That is, you are addressed from the perspective of an adult, and you are responsible from the position of a child or vice versa.
• It is enough to respond from the same position in which your visual impact, and the conflict will be exhausted.

For example, your boss throws a critical remark that in the office there is a dirty floor (parent position). Answer “Yes, dirty. People are very irresponsible to cleanliness. " Or your interlocutor says that he will listen to music as loudly as he wants (the position of the child), say “I also love good music. But now I want silence ”, that is, you do not need to blame it and give directive instructions if you do not want a dispute to start. In general, agree, always agree.

Video: How to answer Hamam to rudeness or "black rhetoric"

Who are the people for whom the impudence is the second happiness?

It happens in different ways, and sometimes the saying that the impudence is the second happiness can be attributed to quite adequate people, and their behavior is an accident. But if you are rude and offended constantly and systematically, then most likely you are dealing with a psychopath.

Not everyone knows that in psychology and psychiatry there are scales and tests, according to which all people have a certain level of different psychopathologies. That is, the level of your hysteria or paranoid ideas can be measured and recorded in numbers. The question is only in the size of these numbers. Values \u200b\u200bto certain ones are considered the norm, overwhelming - are characteristic of people who need hospitalization in a psychiatric hospital. There are those people who occupy an intermediate position between the first and second - people with the so -called personality disorders.

Narcissus

People with narcissistic personality disorder - These are definitely persons for whom the impudence is a second happiness.

• They agree to deal only with the best specialists in their field, and require special attention to their person.
• They can be very sharp in words, constantly blame you for supposedly poorly done work, criticize your appearance
• They ask you to fulfill their order, and then depreciate your efforts. Communication with them is sometimes unbearable.

However, deep down, these are unhappy people. As a child, they were disliked children, often with an untidy appearance. They constantly heard reproaches or ridicule. They are simply excessively vulnerable, and too painful and therefore react vividly to any accusations against them. Nevertheless, communicating with the daffodil is not your holy duty.

Paranoid

From the outside it may seem to be paranoid - This is a person for whom the impudence is a second happiness. These people can accuse you of that you specially stepped on their feet, or threw a piece of paper on their flowerbed due to the fact that you treat them badly, or even come up with a whole story that you supposedly hate them, and They made them many tricks. Inside, people with paranoid personality disorder are for some reason convinced that other people can cause evil to them. This obsessive idea prevents not only to others, but also to themselves.

Sociopaths

Sociopaths are people who neglect the norms of public morality, and sometimes the norms of the law. For example, a person who defiantly celebrates the need in the eyes of a crowd of passers -by - a sociopath, a person who is engaged in apartment thefts is also a sociopath. The saying, that the impudence of the second happiness is clearly about them.

It is interesting that it turns out that people who are in prisons - for the most part psychopaths and need the help of a psychoanalyst.

The deep conviction of people with sociopathy: “People need to master”, and they use this rule as soon as they feel some kind of uncertainty in their own abilities. Their behavior is the costs of complex childhood, and sometimes complex life situations.

Surely in their lives there were people with whom it was impossible to find any constructive dialogue, and violence and deceit began for them the only familiar way to satisfy their needs. However, whether it is worth communicating with sociopaths and other people for whom the impudence of the second happiness is your choice.

You may be interested in our other articles:

• How to politely offend a person?
• Toxic relationships with a man.
• Relations after a divorce.
• How to get out of the co -dependent relationship?

Video: What is modesty?