Best KVN jokes all the time: TOP-100

Do you like perky and good humor? Then a selection of the best KVN jokes will surely like you.

Content

KVN is an entertaining humorous program that most people like regardless of age. The viewers saw the first issue back in 1961, but to this day the transfer has not lost its popularity. KVN jokes take root very quickly, and they use them with great pleasure in everyday life. Therefore, we decided to please the connoisseurs of this program and selected for them a selection of 100 best KVN jokes for all the time.

KVN best jokes-funny, greeting, biathlon: TOP-50

Well, now let's move on to the chief - KVN jokes. Read and enjoy.

KVN jokes - funny, greeting, biathlon:

Hello, Doctor! Hello, go through, undress, share? Oh sure.
Dress! Why? Everything is fine, the rumor is in order!
Guys, they now made an indecent offer in the corridor, but I refused. You get a darling smile from your face. And then he carries consent a mile away from your refusal.
The boy Petya hit with a hammer on the fingers of the Trudovik and received five. At least he was heard so.
“What are you laughing there? Let's laugh together! " - It was after these words that the school teacher began drug addiction.
The Patriarch of All Russia stepped on his leg to the president and realized that he had not really prayed before.
In the medieval besieged castle, the defenders did not have shells left, so in the last hours of siege they humiliated rather than defended.
In the supermarket, a very economical woman chose dumplings for so long that she froze her face.
The first true advertising. I am not superfluous in the juice, I am an ambulance, I smell of cherry. We are young talents, e 204 and e 202 - preservatives! And here I am, and here I am, freshly squeezed nitrate sodium! And I am ambusitatonitis! Together we are natural juice!
Firefighters extinguished the fire at the candle production plant in a relaxed romantic setting.
Tea leaves "Lipton" contain antioxidants - a unique substance, which, according to researchers, helps to overestimate the price of tea.
I know what we need! We need to perform more often and after two, three years we will be like Elvis Presley! We will all be there, do not speak.
D’Artagnan, where did you learn how to fenger so well? Aramis, drink with mine, you will not be shaking your hands yet.
I'm already starting to wobble. And this is already visible to others. I tell you Russian with the Latvian accent, you can’t behave like that. Who boiled tea in the plafon? Who turned the pusser in the toilet and wrote on it - “Feng”? People come in - they are mistaken.
Do you know that Azerbaijanis, so that they are strong and strong, are fed with black caviar from childhood? Therefore, they are so small, round, and black.
Hello, I'm Baba Nyura. I am a housekeeper Natasha Koroleva and Igor Nikolaev. They have a lot of concerts, these constant crossings, endless tour. Therefore, the hut is often free, come who wants to have fun!
During the scandal, at a press conference with the Rostov journalist, Philip Kirkorov, without expecting it, stole half the song from the Leningrad group.
The taxi driver Mammadov met merrily on March 8. Seeing a lonely walking young girl, he offered her free travel. The girl refused out of politeness, but the sea of \u200b\u200bpersonal charm and mount Mamedov overcame the girlish modesty.
Novosibirsk scientists calculated that the cow eats less and give more milk, it needs to be fed as less and milk as much as possible!
I asked the ash where my beloved - ash did not answer me, bowing my head. I asked Topol where my beloved. You would still be by the nightstand, the idiot asked!
Grandma shut her grandson so much that their walking speed became the same.
Winnie the Pooh realized that going to visit in the morning was not so wise when he found an owl at home in a rabbit T-shirt.
Solving a demographic problem. In China, condoms from origami will make - while I did it, it has already crossed it.
Oksana was called a golden woman: she washed, stroked, cleaned and cooked deliciously, but she still received her nickname for her teeth.
A passport table worker stood in line in the clinic. So you need, bastard.
A very inattentive wife found out that her husband has a lover, just turning on the left side.
Sorry generously, I understand your holiday. I congratulate the young, but is it possible to make a little more than the music? You understand that in our neighboring conference hall the rally of Satanists. We already called the devil, and he, as Serduchka hears, is asking you to dance!
One very lonely boy, whom no one writes, clicks on the “My page” button in VKontakte until forty times a minute.
In Penza, everything is according to concepts. When a new one appears on the bench near the entrance, grandmothers are interested in where she was sitting before.
Inexperienced mushroom pickers got lost and ate all the mushrooms for two days that they came across. Now they have been found, but their testimony diverge. Even the era does not converge.
And my grandmother came up with the next joke! The head of the ZhEK will burn in hell. Three rubles per kilowatts.
Pyatigorsk is famous for its mineral waters! Know that if you refine in the famous lake, you will die absolutely healthy!
Nyagan pensioner Clara Ivanovna washed the sweater with a dubious powder of her grandson. The sweater sat down, but there is no granddaughter.
A security guard of an intimate store does not sleep at work at night, because he is afraid that the toys will come to life.
A strongly worried drug courier on the border to the question: “For what purpose are you going?”, Replied: “This is for personal use.”
And finally, one fact from childhood. As a child, we did not steam how to dress, our parents bought all the clothes for us, and now you look at children's photos and understand that the parents also did not steam much, how to dress you.
The sound on the TV did not work, so the granny made conclusions about the situation in the country, focusing exclusively on the leading eyebrows.
Sveta always wanted Chihuahua, so twice washed the spaniel in a typewriter at 40 degrees.
Sometimes it happens. An inattentive guy for SMS from his girlfriend: “Dear, I have died a hamster,” out of habit, answered: “Me too.”
On the matinee, a girl in a fairy costume waved a wand, not because she wanted magic, but because she wanted a conductor’s costume, but stupid parents again did everything in their own way.
When the son of a Trudovik read a poem on a stool, the Trudovik realized that he had put more soul into a stool.
So Robin Hood got Cinderella, and the beautiful prince in joy that he did not get Cinderella, gave drunkards and robbers a whole island, which is now known to us as Ireland.
When a passport office worker becomes boring, she makes herself a mother of many children and comes up with funny names for children.
From life. A very ugly girl does not wear a handbag of crocodile leather, because any comparison is not in her favor.
Vasily thought that a tea bag, like a cat, had 9 lives, but, as it turned out, a cat can be brewed only once.
Seryozha cleaned the tangerines to slow music, and Alena ran naked around the Christmas tree. It was their first New Year without parents, and they did not really understand what to do with this freedom.
Many people think where the young family has money for a trip to Moscow. Everything is simple. We committed an imperfect crime, a direct robberry raid. In the supermarket, large shrimps were pierced as small. Well, right Boni and Clyde.
Who does not risk, he does not drink champagne. Who does not drink champagne is the teetotaler. Who is the teetotaler is an ulcer. Who is the ulcer - he risks. Thus, who does not risk - he risks. Do what you want, dear friends, life - perverse, all one!
On the beach with Victor, no one wanted to get acquainted, because he did not grow a mustache, so to seem more courageous, he drank kefir.
Role games ended with a quarrel even without starting. The guy changed into the doctor and asked - girl, did you call a nutritionist?
Vitya really loved to make breakfast in bed, but the foreman did not approve of such behavior in the barracks. What is it for?

Jokes of KVN teams-warm-up, semifinals, final: TOP-50

Next, let's move on to the jokes of the teams that they used for their performances at the warm -up, in the final and the semifinals. Believe me, it will be fun.

The most popular KVN jokes:

Grandma was so fast and very much interfered with borsch that the funnel began to suck furniture in the apartment. "Player", G. Tambov.
Olga Buzova from “House 2” thinks that there are two shells in Kinder Surprise: chocolate-tasty and yellow-not very tasty. Raisy, Irkutsk.
A very obedient boy after Malakhov’s phrase - “Do not switch!”, Watching Channel One seven years. "Bad Company" in Krasnoyarsk.
The bride at the wedding realized that the guests did not like her when the abandoned bouquet flew back to her back. "Young Fathers."
The girl, who first made up for the first time, smoked for the first time, drank, and after 9 months she gave birth to a child. Little Fairy is my first cosmetics. "PEOPLE".
An engineer who for a long time could not draw a plan of evacuation, eventually stupidly set fire to the building and began to wait from where people would climb. "BSU" G. Minsk. Belarus.
At a school with a linguistic bias, a triber can take money in five different languages. Bashgu team, Ufa
It became known why graduates of the 11th grade all night go in the ribbons, because at any time it may need to apply a tourniquet or bandage a wound. KVN team "Dnepr"
The garbage container near Ostankino bears the proud name: “Museum Capital Show“ Field of Wonders »! "Fizteh" Dolgoprudny.
The correspondence of the girl and Santa Claus went so far that now he gives her gifts not only for the New Year, but also on March 8, and on February 14. "Papkapins of Slings" Samara - Volgograd
Interesting observation. As a rule, the most uncultured behavior can be observed on a disco in the House of Culture. "Hudson".
Nikolai Baskov could not pick up a successful angle for Selfi for so long, which captured the entire process of building a multi -storey building, starting from laying the foundation and to renting apartments to residents. A friendly romance.
The paratrooper with experience brings up the daughter very severely. The stronger the leprosy, the greater the height and less working parachute. The team "Come on?!"
My parents have always treated household appliances better than me. I remember my father’s phrase: "Turn off the visa, he needs to rest" . The national team of the city of Vladimir "SGV".
“My priests” - with this phrase, Metropolitan spent four of his friends to the club. "Faculty of Journalism" in St. Petersburg.
The teacher at the exhibition of fur hats stole on the rack thinking that this was a parent meeting. "So" G. Krasnoyarsk.
The guard of the oceanarium is the only person who, with a salary of 15 thousand rubles, tried both Langustees and Omarov. High League, 2018.
Only a Russian person can drink more on the staff than for the whole evening at the table. Pineapple, Vyazma.
A mosquito, biting an alcoholic, then told him about his life for another two hours. "Guran", G. Chita.
As it turned out, Lada Kalina meets all environmental standards: it completely rotates in two years. Vizit Mit, Moscow.
A lesson for the future: a girl with braces for a lifetime remembered that she should not smile into a thunderstorm. KVN team "Dnipro ».
The Tajik boy, playing in the sandbox, automatically evaluates the quality of the sand, the strength of the formwork and the volume of the scoop. "Asia mix", Bishkek.
Putana Angela, who was expelled after the first year, still hit the graduation of her classmates. The national team of the Krasnodar Territory.
The world champion in jumping in the water, throws dumplings into a pan without spray. Dagestan team.
The teacher realized that the sweets were with the liquor when the children began to scold power. Faculty of Journalism, St. Petersburg.
During a fire in an intimate store without a mat you can’t explain what to save. "Wrestlers" G. Surgut.
In the supermarket, the client began to swear, but the saleswoman was not at a loss and just began to roll all the mats with cheese. “Bunnes named after Yaroslav the Wise” by Tver.
Many interesting photos are posted on the Internet. Tell me, what photo should be posted on the Internet to dial a million likes? The more kilograms are in the woman, the less likes on Instagram. The national team of the Republic of Buryatia "Hara-Morin".
It happens that you lie on the couch, drink beer, watch TV! And then the call: - “Did you take your son? Did you buy food? Tomorrow mom arrives, did not forget? What are you silent, Seryozha? " And you are not Seryozha, you are Kolya! And on the soul of a holiday! The team of small peoples.
Boys and girls, as well as their parents! Do you want to hear the tearful stories? The tearful stories and other garbage, the tearful stories in the program "Wait for me." MGIMO "Prepoparas".
Yesterday, your son took a passport from the chemist, pulled out a photo and glued a photo of a boy. The chemist was taken into the army! "Accomplices."
According to the national calendar on August 31-Maria purchase. On this day, parents go shopping in search of a satchel, and if there is no satchel, then the child goes to school with the most beautiful package in the house. Guu.
We have two troubles in Russia - fools and roads. One trouble constantly repairing another. We arrived in Belarus, but here such roads are even! We have a question: "What are you doing fools?" "Russian road" Armavir.
We have a helicopter factory in our city, which makes helicopters for the whole country! - I beg you, the Gomel liquor - this is the factory that makes helicopters for the whole country! Collective MGLU. Minsk.
The promotion in the Korona store- for those who buy beer on Monday morning, the cashier picks up a little quieter. Collective MGLU. Minsk.
Announcement: a passport is lost in Vasiliev Viktor Andreevich, a request to return to the owner Gasparyan Ashot Vaganovich. "New Armenians." Yerevan.
A technical one who has worked at school for 20 years can get a rag from a distance of 100 meters into a moving target. "Pyramid". Vladikavkaz.
Taxi player Abaev, to feel normal, toned the windows of his house. "Pyramid". Vladikavkaz.
The Sidorov family from South Butovo called an ambulance, police and a fireman to detect, who would come faster. Relatives came from Chelyabinsk faster, who found out that the Sidorovs either burned, or someone was imprisoned, or maybe even worse. "Maximum". Tomsk.
Recently collided a truck with cucumbers and a truck with intimate toys. The police arrived at the place for 2 hours played "edible inedible." KVN team of St. Petersburg.
Yesterday Bentley and an old “penny” collided on Kutuzovsky. There are no victims. There are humiliated. The KVN team of Dnepropetrovsk.
If you turn on the light in the kitchen, turn off every 5 seconds, then the cockroaches will die from the shuttle run back and forth. "Minsk Sea."
Rostropovich somehow went on stage and forgot the drum. So he is a cellist! Since then, the cellist! SPBUEIF (St. Petersburg).
I go out into the field, and there a man mows hay. I have fun like this: "God to help you, man!" I look, they are already mowing together ... "Capital Figgles." Kyiv.
A new MMM Luno Road, capable of taking the lunar soil from the Americans, has been brought into near -Earth orbit. "Krivorozhskaya Shpan"
Voronezh is the last city in which vodka coupons were introduced! And these coupons sharply flooded the global securities market! "VII." Voronezh.
The same word was written by the pioneer Vasechkin on the wall, and the writer Petchkin in his new novel. As a result, Petchkin was admitted to the Union of Writers, and Vasechkin was kicked out of the pioneers! LPI (Leningrad).
The Foreign Ministry reports that according to the latest census, the living standards of our people have grown three times! Our people wished to stay unknown ... MGIMO. Moscow.
Having learned that training at the university costs 5,000 rubles, the diplomatic student Petrov asked him to return to him 3,500 rubles for missing lectures. "Odessa gentlemen".
In India, if the girl has a point on her forehead, then she is married, if it is gap, then she is in an active search, and if the monobrovka is complicated. "Rudn", Moscow.

Well, if you do not imagine your life without humor, then you will probably be interested in a few more articles of our site:

YouTube jokes KVN - the most popular cuts

At the end of our article, we bring to your attention a few popular slices of YouTube KVN jokes. They will surely help you brighten up boring evenings.