How to have people: 17 features of a charming person, 10 useful tips, 5 books that should be read, 6 recommendations from Dale Carnegie, 5 techniques of an employee of the US Secret Service

Charm is most often innate quality. And if it is inherent in someone, then such a person easily conquers sympathy, captivates acquaintances and strangers, becoming the center of attention.

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Charming people involuntarily call them in those who surround them, the desire to communicate, turn, ask and be sure to smile. Is it possible to become such a charming person, and what moments help to strengthen the attraction of your charisma?

How to have people: 17 features of a charming person

Let's try to characterize the person whom we consider charming, and highlight his distinctive features. It is always important to understand how the interlocutor differs, to whom many are eager for and communication with.

So, if you are interested in how to have people, remember that the charm consists of a large number of components, including:

Friendly attitude to others. It should be sincere, embedded in the essence of character, since people are sensitive enough in this regard, and fake ostentatious affliction can be misleading once or twice, and later the true nature will manifest itself, and then all the charm will come to naught.
The facial features should also be disposed. This applies to a smile, squinting eyes - such moments involuntarily either have a person to you, or repel, or in extreme cases alarming.
Much depends on the inclination of the head. In some, he is small, talking about attention, that a person listens to your words, for others, is more like a threatening one. Needless to talk about who people will be more likely to reach for.
Sincere smile It will contribute to the fact that your visa will succumb to your charm and want to communicate with you again.
The ability to listen. The charm lies in the fact that a person sincerely heeds his interlocutor, does not interrupt, allowing to express everything that is worried, and besides, he will definitely try to help with advice or sympathy if they need them.
Charming person in principle the hostility and desire to condemn are not inherent.
Its distinguishing features - sincere and honest attitude towards people, Moreover, to all without exception.
A charming person is not capable of lies and pretense in nature, he will not be hypocrite and flatter And thereby only increase its attractiveness.
Empathy, i.e. The ability to empathize, passing the emotions and feelings of the interlocutor through themselves, are also largely characteristic of a charming person, contributing to rapprochement.
Compliment, made by a truly charming person, is always appropriate and can be perceived as offensive.
Self -confidence, objective self -esteem - features also inherent in charming personalities, attracting more and more adherents to them.
Responsiveness and ability to always come to the rescue of a friend, not to leave him alone with a difficult situation, inherent in a charming person to a large extent.
Lack of obsession, tact always have people.
The ability to remember the name of a new person in his environment the first time, an appeal by name - Such features of behavior indicate the sincerity of the location of a person to you, which, of course, adds to him charm.
The ability to establish visual contact, After all, the eyes express many feelings, add charm, while a look allotted aside speaks of indifference to you an interlocutor.
A polite correct speech - An integral feature, which is an integral part of charm.
And most importantly in a charming person - his naturalness. He does not seek to seem the best than it really is, does not create an image, but behaves sincerely.

10 useful tips on how to have people

You do not have charm to the extent that you would like, and this makes you worry and strive to become a pleasant and desired interlocutor?

Then take up 10 useful tips on how to have people:

Feel free to talk about yourself and your feelings that you experience in the process of conversation - So you will open the interlocutor space in which he can appreciate your sincerity and answer the same.
Puzzle or surprise him with a sudden question, Somewhat falling out of the topic of dialogue, but not abstract, but still related to the topic that allows you to look at it from the other side.
Be attentive to your interlocutor and emphasize this in every possible way - with a look, short remarks, a look, fixed on him, and not to the side.
Let the interlocutor understand that he is interesting to you in this capacity, periodically asking, clarifying. Thus, you will demonstrate how interesting the new information is for you.
No less interest should be shown to the topic of the conversation, Again, a request to clarify certain points will help here, especially if the second participant in the dialogue is well informed.
Develop your own style of conversation. To do this, focus on those points that are important for your interlocutor. For example, if the opinion of others matters to him, emphasize that your conversation is important for your common friend or, moreover, he himself asked you to find out this issue with your interlocutor.
Let the interlocutor understand that you share his feelings, that they do not leave you indifferent: “It seems to me that you are pleased”, “you don't seem to like it”, etc.
Share your feelings and feelings from your conversation in a tactful form. If you disagree with something, talk about this correctly, for example, "I have a desire to challenge this statement."
Sometimes it is worth "provoking" his interlocutor to ensure that he has the desire to hit you with your knowledge, to interest you in a conversation.
If there is a need to ask an unpleasant question, address him from a third party: "I was asked to find out."

5 books that should be read to learn to have people

This list of books will help you not only become an interesting interlocutor and have people, but also make a good impression on people as a whole:

Paul Mac Guy "Mastery of Communication." This book also has a subtitle, explaining its goal: to help find a common language with any person. It is built mainly on the analysis of errors made in the process of communication.
Dale Carnegie "How to win friends and influence people" - a textbook guide that has already become a classic in this kind of literature.
James Borg “The Strength of Belief. The art of influencing people " - A collection of tips that help to master the art of convincing others and necessary techniques.
Philip Zimbardo "How to cope with shyness" - a list of clear instructions aimed at dealing with their own shyness, as well as the exercises necessary for this.
Mark Gowlston "I hear you through" - A book about the technique of negotiations, which is the most effective. The main idea is that, first of all, for a successful dialogue, it is necessary to be able to listen to the interlocutor and hear him.

How to have people: 6 recommendations from Dale Carnegie

The most famous and popular book by the American psychologist Dale Carnegie about how to make friends is simply filled with advice. Here are 6 recommendations from it, after which you will learn how to have people to yourself:

Interest in those who surround you should be sincere. The basic rule to achieve a goal to arrange a person to himself is a conversation about himself, that he is as a person, and about what his life is filled with. Everyone needs to be interested in them, showed attention. Doing this, you, and even more so, as often as possible by calling it by name (proven that the sound of your own name is one of the most pleasant for each person), you thereby have it to yourself.
Choose a familiar and convenient theme for your visual a topic for conversation. Or, at least, start with her - so you will immediately interest the interlocutor, because he will feel comfortable. In addition, you will let him know that you are like -minded people, people with similar views and interests. If you need to achieve the location of this person, you should find out in advance what he is interested in, and then your chances of success will increase significantly. Cut the conversation in a positive way, joke and smile, adding ease to the conversation.
Treat with respect to the opinion of the interlocutor. This does not mean that you should blindly agree with everything said. But your point of view, different from the opinion of another participant in the dialogue, must be expressed correctly, trying to find a position in which your views coincide, and disagreement must be argued. You will show yourself cultural and tactful person And in return, you will receive the respect of the interlocutor to your position.
Know how to admit your wrong. Do not try to "get out" and make it clear that "you did not mean." Such techniques, as a rule, only cause distrust and irony. If you were mistaken and realized this yourself, then it is necessary to admit it openly, no matter how unpleasant it is. Everyone can make a mistake, but not everyone can confess a mistake. The more respect people who are capable of this step cause.
Put yourself in the place of the interlocutor. Thus, you look at the subject of a conversation or the situation not from your point of view, but will find yourself in the position of your interlocutor. This will lead to a better understanding, and you it will be easier to find contact points, Based on which you can make a dialogue and your relationship as a whole constructive and positive.
Do not strive to remake anyone. This applies not only to those people with whom you want to establish a connection, but also to your family, to a loved one. Otherwise, relations from constructive can develop into destructive, and there can be no question of harmony in them. It should be remembered that there are no absolutely identical people, and what is the norm for us can be unacceptable to another. Necessarily Show tolerance Both to other people's opinions, and to the character traits, even if you do not like them. This will help you use the location of others and become more spiritually stronger yourself.

Recognize the wrong and do not redo anyone

How to have people: 5 techniques of an employee of the US Secret Service

The legends that go about the successful work of the American special services are largely generated not only by the professional skills of their employees, but also by their ability to have people to themselves. And how to achieve this - formulated a special agent of this organization Jack Shafer, who recommends 5 techniques that help to achieve success in relations with people.

Reception 1. Take a conversation about your interlocutor. It is interesting to say about yourself to any person, and much more interesting than about someone else, including about you. Therefore, delve into what he says, show interest, empathize - this applies to any aspects of the conversation, no matter what they concern: personal life, work, views, etc.
Reception 2. Make intentional mistakes in the conversation. It doesn’t matter if it will be a reservation or error in facts. Such "misses" should be insignificant, nevertheless you will give your interlocutor the opportunity to correct you and thereby feel your superiority. This favors the fact that the atmosphere of your communication will become more relaxed.
Reception 3. Make compliments to your interlocutor. Let him not show open joy, but in his soul he feels the location to you. This is natural - praise is pleasant to any person. If you feel that your compliment can be regarded as frank flattery, make it from someone else's name: "It speaks well of you ..."
Reception 4. Show sympathy and empathy. This is the most appropriate reaction if the interlocutor expresses some complaints or discontent with something. By sharing his problem, showing understanding and sympathizing, you will thereby gain its location.

Reception 5. Contact the interlocutor with an insignificant request. It should be not indilitive to him, for example, explain something to you, convey to someone a small thing, etc. You will not very much make a person, but give him the opportunity to understand that now you are his “debtor”. So a person will feel more confident in communication with you.

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