How do you not marry, who can not be married? Is it necessary to get married?

As you know, girls are great dreamers, at all times they dream of meeting unearthly pure love and successfully get married. The main female values \u200b\u200balways remain unchanged - this is a harmonious relationship with her husband, built on trust and mutual understanding.

However, in real life, not all dreams are destined to be realized. We list the most dangerous girlish dreams that can cause loneliness.

The reasons for loneliness

The most common cause of loneliness:

• "Find your soul mate." Having believed in the myth of the second half, the girl is in search of a partner perfectly suitable for her. However, it is impossible to determine whether a person is suitable for you or not. The true deep feeling arises gradually. Truly loving people “rub” over time and become the very “halves” that complement each other.
• "Wait for the prince." The girl dreams of an impeccable young man, whom she gives in her imagination the most remarkable qualities. And since the young ladies have very high requests, it should be beautiful, smart and sexy, but most importantly - rich. She reads recommendations where and how to get acquainted with the millionaire. In anticipation of his “prince”, the young lady squeamishly sorting out the gentlemen, refusing to give them a chance. And over time, there are no applicants for the arm and heart around her. After all, the princes, as you know, are not enough for everyone.

• "Wanting the impossible." Sometimes a girl is not mercantile at all, but dreams of a narrowing that cannot be in principle. He wants at the same time spiritual, but enterprising, brutal, but at the same time soft, sexy macho, but at the same time domestic and flexible. However, you need to understand that such opposite qualities can rarely be combined in one person.
• "In fact, there is no love." Often, the girl is convinced that family life in principle cannot be happy. The reason for this opinion can be someone else's experience: the failed marriage of parents, the sad statistics of divorces, the stories of unhappy married friends. Therefore, she is in full confidence that all husbands either drink or go to the left, or earn little. And in this case, what's the difference, whom to marry?
• "All in the past". Sometimes a girl can not let go of her former relationship. She is longing for the past love and are not able to get rid of thoughts about the former lover. She compares all her gentlemen with him. It is not surprising that such a girl cannot get married. In order to find new love, you must completely release the past. A man simply does not have the opportunity to appear in her life. After all, the place next to her is already occupied by her former relations and memories of them.

• "I'm already used to him." It happens that the girl is too amorous and attacked to a young man literally after a couple of dates. And after the first intimate proximity, he comes up with the names of their future children and represents how they are nursed grandchildren together. And although a man can treat her without proper respect, she still marries him, because “attached”.
• "Find a new daddy." Often, the girl physically matured to marry, but psychologically has not yet gained independence. Therefore, in her chosen one, she wants to see a person who can replace her parents. The young lady dreams that her husband will solve all her problems, protect from troubles and any worries. However, over time, everything will turn into a total control of the Tiranian husband. Relations “Strong husband” - “weak wife” in essence are relations of addiction and do not imply equality.

The described illusions prevent the girls from finding a worthy partner and building a strong family with him. But with irregular installations you can cope yourself. The main thing is to realize them and work on themselves. If you do not work them out, it is likely to marry a man who does not need to marry.

How not to get married?

The wedding is a joyful and long -awaited event for any girl. However, sometimes the reasons for being married are wrong and even absurd. In the future, this leads to misunderstanding between spouses and mutual disappointment. Of course, there can be many excuses for unsuccessful marriage. However, often a woman is unhappy in marriage due to the fact that she went down the aisle, guided by the wrong motives.

Psychologists explain how not to get married:

• By calculation. Of course, most of the fairer sex dream of marrying a wealthy man. But to go down the aisle with an unloved person for the sake of his money is a pity and unworthy. Of course, money will make life more comfortable and interesting, but they will not bring happiness and will not replace love. In addition, often quite often a woman who was married becomes a hostage of her greed, without having the right to vote in her own family and being locked in a “golden cage”.

• Because of the fear of loneliness. With age, many girls begin to think that they will not marry. Therefore, they agree to marriage with someone who is not experienced by any feelings, believing that this is their last chance. However, you can not go to the registry office only because you desperate to meet your love. You risk all your life to be unhappy next to an unloved man. After all, marriage is one of the means to strengthen already established successful relations, but not a way to create new ones. Believe me, marriage is not the only way to find happiness.
• To play the wedding of your dreams. Almost all girls dream of a wedding since childhood. They plan their future holiday to the smallest detail and even rehearse it with friends. Such a young lady is aimed at the result at all costs. She marries only in order to celebrate the celebration, which she fantasized for so long. And it often turns out that it becomes more important for a girl to feel like a queen in a white dress than the groom himself. One gets the impression that the event for the bride itself is much more important than the future life together.
• For gifts. No matter how funny and ridiculous it may sound, some girls agree to marriage to receive valuable gifts from guests. Fortunately, such situations are quite rare. If this is your case, and you really want something as a gift, buy it yourself.

• Under the pressure of the partner. It happens that a girl loves her young man, but she is not yet ready to positively answer his hand and heart offer. But she is afraid to refuse, fearing that because of her disagreement they will part. Especially if the guy puts the ultimatum “I will marry or part”. However, do not give in to such a pressure. Do not marry if you do not feel that you are ripe for such a serious step. The main reason that you can get married is your readiness for marriage.
• Because of its low self-esteem. Girls with low self -esteem agree to marriage with anyone, because they are afraid that no one else will offer them a hand and heart. They associate their significance as a person exclusively with marriage, considering this a symbol of success and demand. No need to appreciate yourself so low. Work on yourself, increase your own self -esteem. Until you yourself become a princess, you will not meet the prince.
• Because all your friends are married, and some are not even the first time. Their stories about family life can exert some moral pressure on you. However, marriage should not be created only to be like everyone else. No need to be afraid that you are the only free girl in your company. Enjoy your freedom, watch the happy unions of friends and gain experience from them.
• Out of revenge. It happens that the girl marries an unloved man to take revenge on her former partner or show him what “gold” he once lost. Especially often such a desire appears after the news of his upcoming wedding. But do not compete which of you happier. On such motivation, it is impossible to build a strong family. Be prudent and do not make hasty decisions that in the future can turn into an unhappy family life.

• Not recognizing the chosen one better. Some young ladies so passionately want to marry that they, in principle, do not care who to marry. They are sure that after the wedding they will be able to re -educate any man and make him abandon the usual lifestyle. However, this is an erroneous judgment. Changing an adult is very difficult. Attempts of re -education always lead to conflicts. After all, every person wants him to be accepted as he is. And who gave you the right to decide how exactly your future spouse should live?
• Due to pregnancy. To marry a person to whom you do not have strong feelings, but by chance they became pregnant from him, incorrectly. And do not be afraid of gossip from others. The days passed when a lonely woman with a child caused public condemnation. Being a lonely parent is still better than being an unhappy spouse. The family should be created by love, and not by the "run".
• Because so relatives want. Sometimes parents are too pressed against a daughter in matters of marriage. The reason may be their passionate desire to nurse grandchildren or the desire to arrange the life of a daughter in their likeness. And some parents are trying to impose their choice of candidates for grooms, sincerely believing that they know better who suits their child for marriage. However, do not let your relatives dictate how to live.
• Because you decided so. It happens that the girl determined for herself that she was to marry, and makes her young man marry her. At the same time, she does not care what he thinks about this. By hook or by crook, she achieves her goal: she manipulates, persuades relatives and even gets pregnant. However, there is no happiness in such families. A strong and happy marriage is based on the mutual desire of two people who have decided on their life position and landmarks to create a joint future.
• Out of pity. Often, the girl agrees to go down the aisle, because she is sorry for the guy, and she does not want to hurt him with her refusal. But a marriage, which is based on only sympathy, cannot bring happiness to the side that they “regretted”, nor the “benefactor” himself. And are you ready to solve the problems of your man all your life? So you do not need to play charity. Your victims will not bring any benefit to anyone, and indeed they will hardly be evaluated.

• Because you have wonderful sex with him. Perhaps your gentleman is a real macho, and you will not get out of bed with him. However, good sex is not always a guarantee that outside the bed your relationship will be the same harmonious. Maybe it's about your physiological need for intimacy, and not at all in love. And when after a few years of marriage your passion will gradually subside, it is likely that you and your spouse will have nothing to talk about.
• In order to solve your problems. Sometimes a girl is not married for love, but with the aim of settling some questions: to leave parents, not work, increase her own status, give birth to a child. But if you marry these reasons, you risk subsequently to be a person who will be completely stranger to you. Relations should be built on the desire to be together, and not because it is beneficial for someone.

Family is the result of love, and before creating it, psychologists advise analyzing the reasons why you marry. After all, marriage as an end in itself is a sign of neurosis. It is more correct to want not to marry, but to meet a loved one with whom you will be happy.

Which men do not have to marry?

Sometimes a girl dreams of putting on a wedding dress and a veil so much that she agrees to marriage, not recognizing the character of the future spouse well. She closes her eyes to many of his shortcomings, naively believing that these are insignificant trifles, the girl thinks that after the wedding her love will make him change, but psychologists are sure that there are some categories of men who are not able to change their life attitudes and principles.

What men should be avoided and which men do not need to marry:

• With any type of dependence, namely, alcoholics, drug addicts, gamers. Set away the hope that you can save this "unfortunate." Do not take responsibility for an adult, who, most likely, does not want to change his life. This "unfortunate" will be more likely to drag you along and cripple you the psyche.
• “Bad guys”, informals, marginals who live in their own world, by their own laws, rejecting social morality and values. Of course, such men have always attracted girls with their extraordinary. However, deciding on relations with such an “original”, find out if he shares your views on family life and what your joint future sees.

• Married men. Of course, sometimes adultery can end with a second marriage. However, in most cases, married men do not start a mistress at all in order to marry her. At the same time, the “married man” may swear in eternal love and promise to divorce your wife. However, do not rush to believe such promises. Keep in mind that after a year of your novel he does not leave his wife, then he will never leave.
• Prone to stiffness and outbreaks of aggression. If a person is overcome by bouts of rage, this is a sign of an unhealthy psyche. Do not justify his behavior at work or fatigue. And do not think that he behaves rude only with outsiders, and with you he is “completely different”. This does not happen. Sooner or later, its rigidity will affect you. The behavior that your gentleman allows himself at the beginning of the relationship will multiply by 20.
• Helpless. Pay attention to who in your pair is the organizer and executor of the decisions, and who is only a passive observer and consumer. Think about whether you are ready to pull a load of responsibility on your shoulders all your life. It is unlikely that the situation will change after marriage.
• Too jealous. Of course, it's nice to think that they love you and do not want to share you with anyone. But everything is good in moderation. Sometimes jealousy passes all permissible boundaries and transforms into total control.

• Unpredictable And incomprehensible, from whom you do not know what to expect. Today he arranges a romantic dinner under the stars, and tomorrow he disappears from sight and does not call for weeks. In general, psychologists call unpredictability a sign of an unstable psyche. Relations with such a person are always associated with tension: after all, it is difficult to predict how he will behave this time.

Take a closer look at your chosen one. And if it belongs to one of the above types, think carefully, whether to marry a man. After all, the wrong choice of life partner threatens with bitter disappointment.

Is it necessary to get married?

In society, female happiness and success are still customary to associate with marriage, but if you have not yet met a loved one or simply do not feel ready to marry, you should not worry about this. Do not listen to relatives and acquaintances that “years pass”, and you will remain lonely and unhappy. Do not succumb to pressure from others.

Marriage today is not at all binding on the girl. And there are a number of reasons for this:

• Marriage is not at all a guarantee of a happy life. Family status does not affect mental harmony. There are many unfortunate people in marriage in the world, and many lonely, but at the same time happy. Marriage does not relieve psychological problems if they take place. On the contrary, such problems will go into relations with a man, and will destroy them from the inside.
• Marriage does not guarantee a stable future, both material and personal. Do not expect to get married, you will arrange your life in the best way. Everything in life is changing. So to marry in search of constancy seems, to put it mildly, inappropriate.
• The stamp in the passport does not mean that your loved one will now not go anywhere. Do not think that love is eternal. Unfortunately, the statistics of divorces indicate the opposite. And the engagement ring on her husband’s finger is absolutely not a guarantee that he will remain with you forever.
• Marriage does not always save from loneliness. You can feel lonely even when you share a bed with someone. And, on the contrary, it is quite possible to find like -minded people out of marriage. It can be work colleagues, relatives or friends of interests. Loneliness for a woman is her freedom and independence. Your happiness is completely and completely in your own hands. A self -sufficient person rarely suffers from loneliness.
• Many experts are confident that the institution of marriage is generally in the process of getting out. And very soon partnerships will be replaced.

We are by no means dissuading you from marriage. We just offer to think. If you are in a relationship, and they suit you, the stamp in the passport will not change anything. And if you, in principle, do not strive for relationships, then it is not necessary. Life is beautiful as it is. And getting married or not to get out is your right.

I do not want to get married: how to refuse the guy without offending him?

• Not always a marriage proposal Causes the girl's joyful excitement. The reasons for the unwillingness to marry can be very different: unpreparedness for marriage, uncertainty in the correct choice of a satellite, not enough long -term relationships.
• But not all young ladies are capable answer with refusal. It becomes inconvenient for them wound the feelings of a young man. However, you can’t say “yes” if you really want to say no or are simply not sure of your desires. When it comes to personal life and your future, charity becomes inappropriate.
• Better To tell the guy honestly That you are not yet sure of whether you are ready to spend the rest of life with him and give birth to children from him. So you will protect him from even more disappointment, when, after several years of marriage, he will understand that you went with him as a crown not for love, but out of pity. That's why explain your point of view openly. Perhaps he will be offended by you, and you will part. But this is better than living with an unloved person and regretting your decision all the remaining years.

Use our advice to refuse the guy without offending him:

• If you do not want to get married, when a hand and heart is sentenced in the presence of witnesses, do not say no at all. Your refusal in this situation will be too humiliating for him. Hug the young man and try to take it into a deserted place where you can gently explain your position. Also, in this case, it is not worth saying “yes”, and the next day to declare a true decision. A belated negative answer can be perceived by a guy even more painfully.
• Be sure to express gratitude to the person, who loves you and wants to see your wife. Say that he is a wonderful and worthy man, and you are very touched by his offer. But do not mislead the guy with your behavior and facial expressions. No need to smile or significantly be silent. This can be in vain to encourage him, and he will incorrectly interpret your answer.
• Do not show wit and joke about this. At such a delicate moment, when a young man decides to make an offer, he is very vulnerable. Therefore, show maximum sensitivity.

• If you do not want to part with the guy, say that you are not yet ready for marriage. But be sure to emphasize that you are very valuable with your relationship and it is important to you. Explain specifically why you do not want to get married yet. Let him not think that he is not good enough for you. Perhaps the best option would be a decision on co -living (but only if you really want it).
• After the explanation invite the guy to spend time together and do what both of you like: Go to the cinema, take a walk in the park or play on a computer. If he is too upset by your refusal and wants to be alone, do not insist, give him time to calm down. Be sure to contact him in the evening or the next day.
• When the emotions settle down, discuss what happened to the guy. Explain why you do not want to marry. If you are not sure of your relationship with him, honestly tell me about it. It is better to recognize the existing problems and together find ways to solve them.

To make an offer, courage is required. But in order to reject the proposal, courage must be no less. If you have doubts about marriage, try to figure out the true reasons. Perhaps the point is a man who claims to be your spouse. But, it is likely that the matter is in yourself. Think why you don't want to marry. Awareness of real motives will help you correctly build relationships with men and make your life as you want.

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