Anecdotes in adult verses - the best selection

Anecdotes in verses are a great way to have fun with friends, relatives and just close people. In our article you will find a large number of funny poems for adults.

Content

Anecdotes in adult verses - the best selection

Anecdotes in adult verses - the best selection:

I stand like a fool, under your window.
Dressed as an artist, and boots under chrome.
I set the guitar, oh, on the serenade.
And you shouted to me from the balcony: no!
Why are you eating? You are a bad vocalist.
So cats squeak, well, what kind of artist are you?
- And you are so stupid that you don't want to understand,
I am a discreet guy, but I have to become in me.
I don't like me? No need. There are hundreds of you, women,
Understand that I am proud, not a coward or a slave.
Suddenly I see: a neighbor is sitting in negligence
Just under you, on the second floor.

The thief managed to climb into the apartment,
I found everything I needed, and I wanted to get away.
In a huge apartment, I began to look for a way out
And now he stumbles on the bed.
In bed, the hostess - there is a charm
And our thief stole the honor with the owner.
Then he playfully said to the hostess:
- Call my husband - I robbed you,
And that I'm a rapist, what am I between things
Once his wife took possession of him.
She laughs, ringing with a voice:
“I will say that you had me twice!”
Then the thief was indignant - well, Babi language:
- From honest I am thieves and I am not used to lie,
I will not give myself to defeat myself -
Only once I was with you, Madame!
To this, the hostess says to him:
“Are you in a hurry, my dear bandit?”

– What, grandmother, the legs hurt?
- Personed, granddaughter, pitch hell!
- And in childhood, the place was inferior?
- Is always!
- Here are your legs and hurt!

Everything happens in the joke -
Captive once fall
Three soldiers: Russian,
With him, the Frenchman and the Englishman.
They say they:Well, let's -
Choose the execution yourself!
- I am a Frenchman, soldier, man,
I, of course, are guillotine!
After a while, you are my God! -
Returns alive.
Passing, whispered to the British
Like these at the assholes,
Stood idle
Gilliotina rusted ...
The Englishman arched his back:
- Serve the guillotine!
Alive - healthy goes back ...
Russian turn.
Russian got up, looked around everyone:
- Well - it comes out to me!
They say enemies:The male,
Why not guillotine?
- I would be glad! But eka pity,
That she has broken!

This happened in the hospital.
What reason, be silent!
The newly received granny
The doctors asked:
- Well. Grandma, tell us -
Like in 75
You could manage like this
Become pregnant?
- What to do? This happened -
Now you can't turn back
Then my chefs are dear
Well, the whole pioneer detachment.
They have curiosity in small
Boils over the edge -
Show them all thoroughly
Also try to try!

In the hotel boom. Free places - no - no!
The season is in full swing. Stressed days.
On the street night. Everything is striving to fall asleep.
At the rack, a dull virgin stands.
“We would gladly help you, her!”
So the tantrum will happen to her ...
Servant Council Cardon gives:
- Here in Lux a huge man lives -
Where is he just one?
You have no way out - ask him ...
For brevity - stop the run -up words,
In short - she hit the night ...
The second picture: the owner does not sleep -
He silently sits with the newspaper in an armchair.
And with a languid laziness to the question of any
He only nods his head back.
Here is time to bed, and the bed is one.
- Will I lie down to the wall? She asked.
And again a nod, as before, in response,
As if there are no words and sitting.
And so she is languid in bed,
A strange neighbor sits motionless.
- Well, you, idol! Will we be silent for a long time?
And since you are a man - rather in the bed!
The man calmly folded the newspaper:
- The wise father said a lot to me,
That it is better to wait a dozen minutes
How to rush at once and beg for an hour!

At the cinema.
The girl watched the movie
A girlfriend was sitting next to her.
To her right is a maniac.
A friend whispers: “Here is an eccentric!
The guy who is sitting with me
Naughty ... with a hand! "
Girl: “My God!
Do not look, he is sick! "
And a friend whispers to her:
"So he works mine!"

I give dinner to the enemy!
But you can’t drink tea - I can’t.
To it is a cookie, marmalade -
Now I will fall asleep, perhaps sweet ...
But no, the husband came home.
I eat a piece of meat: what if
Have you changed? And potatoes ...
I had a little ...
Ah, I'm not losing weight at all!
But why?! After all, I do not eat!

To lose weight coolly,
We must loudly sing songs -
Sing in bed, sing in flight,
At home to sing and at work,
To sing, cleaning potatoes,
Sing, making lunch,
To sing when visiting a guest
To eat a cake or ice cream.
Sing in the evening hours,
To sing, erasing. Damn ... cowards!
Sing in the entrance, on the couch,
In the toilet to sing in the bathroom,
So that our impudent mouth
I could not break the sandwich!

Jokes in verses are funny

A jokes in verses are funny:

The Lord called Adam with Eve:
"There are two gifts for you." "What is the first?"
"To urinate standing - this is my first gift."
Adam shouts: "Come on here!"
And he set off to check the novelty:
Poured grass, trees, cat, pig,
In short, he did not offend anyone.
Eva looks at him with longing
And he says: "And the second gift, Father?"
“The second gift is the mind, but you know, daughter,
I also give him to Adam,
Not that he will guess everything to me in paradise! "

“Professor, tell me the mercy,
Where did the word "stibd" come from? "
“Well, listen. Once Hannibal
On Tiber on the galleys, he sailed.
Suddenly melted. I need to look for help somewhere,
The whole team ran to the shore.
While they were sitting on shallows
They have one galley. ”
Then the second question was heard in the hall:
"And what was he stolen in Pisa?"

Lieutenant Rzhevsky at a ball with Rostova.
He is cheerful, and she is ready to sob -
The fourth time in the insole is dancing with her
And everything rummages on the back with his hands.
“Lieutenant, stop, people watch!
What are you looking for there? " "I'm looking for a chest."
"Ah, what are you, are your breasts on your back?"
"I was already looking for the front, not there!"

The businessman has a personal problem -
Enlarmed the nail on the leg: A sore subject!
It is rather in his car that he sits down
And rushes into a cosmetic salon.
It turns out that the guy is a good figure:
"I am the best pedicure master."
Client, pale, backs up to the door:
“You went far, Yura, I can handle it!”

Embodying a whole year
Strictness and censorship,
Marivanna goes to class,
Like an embrasure.
So expect from different WLA
Hooligan tricks!
“Let's say children, a few words
In old-fashioned.
Instead of “Oro”, just “RA” -
Strong root.
Gunpowder-prah, and the city-city,
Vran is of course a raven.
Vova, what a booth
In the middle of the lesson? "
“If the raven is a lie,
How then is forty? "

Not a single historical puns
There will be no complete obscurity.
At the congress we are geographical,
Dedicated to the name of the localities.
The scientist reported to the Moscow.
“The case was in our century in the seventeenth:
Tsar Peter the Great rode with the soldiers,
For the night, it was necessary to stay by him.
Security chief, well -deserved warrior,
The village found the right one.
At night he was a bypass. He found
In the guard of the sleeping guard.
He is to Peter: "Make punishment."
The king was busy and abandoned: "Leave him!"
So the village changed the name,
The name "Astafyevo" glued to her.
A scientist from the southern city
Unkind to mockery and views
Smiling, stroking his beard:
“This is not the first time I hear this.
Was in one Stavropol estate
A similar case, I can describe it.
Only the king was in a bad mood,
And the village was called "Ipatievo."

One is not yet old gentleman
On the shore of the Thames went to six to fifteen
And began to push up from the parapet,
Considering exercises in the mind.
Then the policy arose from around the corner.
He looked at the athlete a minute,
Then he said: “Of course, your business,
But, it seems, she has already left. ”

The letter "g" is held in the classroom.
"Life" was called the excellent student Vasya,
"Beetle, iron, acorn, sting" -
Masha Smart said.
"Ass!" - Vova shouted loudly.
"Vova, there is no such word!"
"Strange" - Vovochka in response -
"There is an ass, but no word?!"

Satan appeared to God on Wednesday about eight:
“Out, Lord, help - take a sinner!
From him frost on the skin, you believe, even with me.
I destroyed all the devils for more than four days.
And what the devils were! Young, live and live!
(By the way, where should they be found after death?)
Ghouls, kikimore, demonly translated it,
He hung the best demons, trusting arbitrariness.
On my throne, Father, fell apart as a hero:
“The first level is finished. Where is the exit to the second? "

Lieutenant Rzhevsky on the eve of the wedding
Natasha with the servant changed.
And no-quietly to sleep somewhere:
He sinned in the garden of her estate.
The bride is all in tears, the light is not sweet to her:
“But what about the beautiful, big
And pure, what is between us? "
“I washed it hardly well
And it is not so big ...
But damn it, your flattery is pleasant! "

Lieutenant Rzhevsky lady fenced,
Declaring her: "I’ll go to the courtyard."
“Ah, Rzhevsky, how bad you are!
After all, you can say more delicately.
For example, “I will go to look at the stars” -
This expression is a barman. ”
Lieutenant ran away to the fresh air,
He returned, sat down at the table, grabbed a glass ...
“Did you admire the stars? Wash your hand!
I did not know that you are like that. ”
He answered her: “Madame, don't worry -
I held the telescope with the other hand. "

Jokes about the vowel in verses

Anecdotes about the vowel in verses:

There is no at all with Vova Slav.
And there is no peace to the school.
Vova was called the director
For disassembly - into the office.
- Speak, young laveler,
What is this nonsense?
Who put the technician with a mop,
It's a shame to speak - where!
Who diluted the cabbage soup in the kitchen
Alcohol, what is the sperm in the first -aid post?
Whose now lies in the gym
This ... nitrotoluene? -
You, director, messed up everything.
I shouted in a burning.
Vova thoughtfully, in fact
He answered questions.
It will become silent - and the word will say.
The word will say - quiet again. -
With someone's tips, you are
Vova, it gives me up, you say!
Vova's fist will knock!
Zyrk - to the director in the eye:
- If caught, then the criminal,
But not caught ... you know yourself.
What's next - we will not lie,
But I could not be without a courage
Russian boy Vova ...
People! Sorry - I'm leaving!

I bought a mother -in -law of artificial eyebrows:
Color - in the color of carrots,
With a curl of "permanent",
Ten euro little thing,
Each has Velcro -
Almost the whole pay
Brukhan at the moment.
Proud is unusual:
“I saw by accident!
Take a look: Mida in China,
Try a gift, son -in -law! "
Ah, mother-in-law!
The whole family escaped
The father -in -law shouts:
“Pour! Hercules, neither give nor take! "
Mosls at Vova's Toshi,
But eyebrows are a sign of power.
Thanks to a good mother -in -law -
She spent,
So that there is a son -in -law with an update,
So as not to bend in vova
For the fact that he is unhealthy,
Legal wife.

Vova walked around the field, met the "miracle-yudo".
"Ouch! .. And what a terrible one! "
Vova in fear - ran away.
The ears are long, large,
Yes, the horns are cool.
"Suddenly will it run for me? .."
All of fear, he trembles.
Vova rushed without looking back
That only the heels flashed.
And then he looked around
And immediately ... smiled.
"Miracle Yudo" he-found out!
He laughed at himself.
And the coward at the same moment
He showed him his tongue.
"Miracle-Yudo" was fishing,
The language also showed.
It was a cheerful warm day
The terrible beast evaporated.
Who scared Vova so?
Cool ... cow.

Vovochka broke three bowls of peas.
He asks again, at least loaded on the throat.
- Vova, don't! You will be bad!
- Will be. I know. But you will be worse!

Today, to school, to first grade, Vova went.
During the day, upset and evil, he came home,
The briefcase shook the portfolio, there was no dinner:
- And now, this school will be eleven years?

Slava is the sin of any one.
And then - burns us!
(Mom instructed Vova, sending to first grade).
- Do not smoke, son, at all,
- Let others drink vodka!
- I threw these pranks! I do not smoke! I do not drink!
I prick ..

Vova is ahead in the early morning
To dad with mom in the bedroom:
- Mom, mom, why are you
You jump on dad?
- Daddy's Puzik has grown strongly -
Mom answers
- So that he is blown back,
I download it.
- Aunt Dusya comes to us -
Vova objects
- Papin Puzik regularly
Pouts again.

Poems of jokes are short for adult company

Poems of jokes are short for the company of adults:

Bought a cure for diarrhea
Vasily and hurries home.
He runs and suddenly sneezes ...
And then it goes slowly.

Whether you already remember without a smile
Years of my bliss,
When all members were flexible,
With the exception of one.
Alas, those years flew by
And now a long time ago
All my members were opened
With the exception of one.

I'm for dinner for starters
I ate the cabbage two heads.
Fearing diarrhea
I ate a celery salad.
To prevent constipation,
I ate Chinese tomato.

To be a stable chair,
I rusted the pants with rare.
So as not to annoy the gases,
I erased Kiwi with pineapple.
To have a deep sleep,
Attered the Bulgarian Patisson.
He smoked and was going to sleep.
He lay down, fell asleep and crap.
What is moral? In the fight against evil:
Do not smoke before bedtime!

Where are you going? I'm going to the doctor.
And what are you carrying? Your urine.
Where are you going, an eccentric?
And I am to the doctor, I carry cognac.
Puzzle yourself,
To whom the doctor will help sooner.

I look on my back
I will go to my side again ...
Friends are not coming to me
Hang the poor man.

A woman has her own road
It has obstacles - and do not count!
We, women, do not need a lot,
Only clean up everything that is.

Wife returned from a business trip
He enters the house, undressed slowly.
The cabinet opens ... God, how awkward,
In the closet, two husbands of her husband are a drunk!

I drink banal beer on the balcony
I am carefully for women
Or is everything so beautiful
Or I am completely drunk.

The arrow of the Amur flew by.
Although the eye did not knock out (which is already tolerant).
And he could hurt, perforating the liver!
He flutters! There is nothing to throw ...

I went to this thought day by day.
But only now she suddenly realized
There are full of lovers of me around ...
And extremely few professionals!

The girl is coming to me
Sparkling hips.
A box of vodka carries me
Well done!

A shadow flashed in the eyes of her beloved
And a look flashed, so usually meek.
The last thing I remember on this day,
There was a black disc of a cast -iron frying pan.

I woke up on a wet sheet
Yes, I have never been so bad.
You smiling radiantly to me
Pouring hot black coffee in bed.

From a piece of colored paper
Having taken scissors and glue,
If you have enough courage
You can make one hundred rubles.

Guys, don't believe
Girls from chat.
Everyone has children
And even grandchildren.

One night behind the wall
Something slammed loudly.
This is a woman inflatable
I burst under the neighbor ...

Baby daughter came to her father
And the baby asked:
"Two stripes are good?"
Dad felt bad ...

From Moscow to the very outskirts,
In Russia, which became like a village,
A person passes as a master!
For stupid - I repeat: how ...

I get out of wide trousers,
For a female lure
And everything is indignant: "Yes, you are a citizen ..."
It is clear that I'm not a citizen ...

I'm walking past the cemetery, I smoke Camel,
I look at the mound with cautiously
Suddenly, a voice from the coffin:
"To spend you?"
So very quickly I quit smoking.

Here again they translate the clock,
Everyone yawns like victims of infection ...
I wear my underpants longing
In the sweet hour of the predawn erection.

If you see in the picture
Diver diver,
The plain is drawn
And on it with the legs of the eyes;
The humanoid is drawn
And his green friend,
Sphere, cube, paraboloid,
Sinusoidal circle;
Drawn by Sardina,
Two square blue stumps -
So this is not a picture
And some kind of garbage.

If there is no house at home
And torn children,
Then mom all day
I sat on the Internet!

Jokes in verses are funny

Jokes in verses are funny:

The woman alone, returning from China,
Says to his girlfriend: “And China is like that,
Where all men are "Celestial"
They understand sex wonderful
And they behave tirelessly in love! ..
You need to go there! "
And she rushed to China immediately by ticket,
And now the “contact” in the Chinese situation!
Chinese, who brought her to his home,
I really turned out to be a “Clotannoye” guy!
Having completed your process for the first time,
He fell into such a frantic ecstasy,
That he jumped sharply from bed
Having issued Tarzagni, the cries-threeshes,
Climbed only for a moment under the bed,
And rushed at the woman again!
Then the action was repeated in a row eight times,
But all his potency did not run out the reserve!
Already heated and her body is tired,
But Chinese passion knew no bounds!
When a Kutian lover for the tenth was a “entry”,
She looked under the bed
And there ... the Chinese are a whole platoon!

Baby son came to his father
And he decided to ask:
Dad, dad I want
Know how it appeared!
Dad blushed like cancer
And he said, embarrassed:
In general, son, they think this:
Stork wears children ...
Dad, I live in Moscow!
There are only crows here!
And don't hang me
On the ears of pasta!
That's right, this is so ...
Well then, let's say ...
We went to the department store ...
You lay in cabbage ...
Dad, dad, what kind of nonsense?
This is unrealistic:
To buy a person -
This is criminal!
Well, I don't know the answer -
I have to work!
It may explain the secret
This mother for you ...
Mom also carries nonsense!
In your thoughts the wind!
The fool will understand
How the children are taking!
In general, I want a sister!
Explain to mom,
That everyone will start children -
Lying on the couch !!

Having finished duty, two friends of the doctor,
They go to the stop - "Ilyich Avenue."
The man goes ahead, squats,
Obviously, his ailment oppresses.
The surgeon says: this is a dislocation of the thigh,
There was the same case today, in the morning.
No, the proctologist answers: wait,
The case is typical, here - hemorrhoids.
Having argued on a tabletop, they caught up with a man,
To find out exactly the gait for the reason.
Man, wait, excuse us, excuse us
We are both doctors, you will solve our dispute.
Answer us honestly, without hiding the pain,
The reason for your gait, which?
Dislocation of the thigh? Do you have hemorrhoids?
Or maybe some other case?
All three were mistaken, the man admitted.
I thought I was touched, yes, I was crap.

I handed over to driving yesterday -
My God, what a nonsense!
Then I gazed too much
Then I turned the wrong way ...
And the instructor is nervous, here is fun!
Well, such an insensitive bald!
After all, I did not know where I had to go,
And he yelled with fright: "Not there !!!"
Well, in short, I was grief with him!
He began to vile me angrily,
As if I owe the transition,
For some reason, skip a man!?
What is this ugliness?
Will you allow you to ask you?
Well, where is male nobility-
Pass the woman first?
I haven't understood for a long time,
Why did he shout at me -
"You have again, a hindrance to the right!"
And I thought that he was so to himself.
"Brakes-and-and!" Shouting at the toilet-
Apparently, grabbed him P ....!
He sat for ten minutes, such
And somewhere the devil carried him.
Yes, you went, I think - I’ll leave!
But, he quickly decided his question,
And returning, he threw it to the torpedo,
A pack of paint "for gray hair"!

I am in the village somehow in the summer
Gave in the forehead a dumb object
Miraculously survived, brothers, I,
But I do not remember either Fuya:
What is the name and where was born
Who was friends with, who married
In general, a uniform fool!
I thought so, and Syak,
And he decided to go to the doctor.
The doctor said: give up urine
For analysis, blood, and feces:
Apparently - a professional!
Did everything as a doctor ordered
And secondaryly shown:
The doctor gave me an answer in form:
“Everything is within the norm!
I will add from myself personally:
I can't give you sick leave
You have a friend, talent:
You are a natural simulator! ”
What should I do? What do i do?
To grieve
I did not give up to doctors
And he went into politics.
He began to perform from the tribune,
Promises to give
My talent came in handy
And now I'm a deputy!

- Mom, tell me, what a bear,
White am I or Brown?
- You are white, what's wrong with you?
What are you so gloomy?
- Mom, can I grouse?
Or panda, maybe?
- You are white, my love!
What so gnaws you?
- Yes, nothing gnaws,
Neither illness nor boredom.
Simply, you know, I ... that
Mark, damn it, like a bitch!

Hello, madhouse! There are four of yours
Swans dance in the snowdrifts,
On the weekend they probably
We got drunk somewhere in rubbish.
Send the ambulance here soon, -
They get cold, and then treat!
Yes, exactly yours, I remember them ...
No, not sick, but doctors!

I somehow went home from work
Suddenly, I will meet me a maniac.
I asked him - who are you?
He answered me - yes, so ...
He does not need to be rude to him,
Come to me, my friend.
He smiled strainedly
Port off the air and ran away.
He flew out, the maniac is cowardly.
Why I do not understand.
Maybe not so beautiful
Did I seem to him?

Vulgar poems of jokes for adults

Vulgar verses of jokes for adults:

Darkness friend of youth in the dark is not visible face
- I love you
- Me too
- I want you
- Me too
- What is your name?
- Seryozha
“Wow, damn me too ...

Salty belongings hugging in an armful
Swinging, without any secrets
One day a hat walked through the forest
Under the nose, purring "Ramstein"
Having accepted a little for courage
(She knew a lot about drinks)
I wandered myself with my dear
And then there is a gray wolf to meet
- You can get lost a hat!
Or I'm drunk, I will basement:
- And what, in fact, are I afraid?
I know the road. I love sex.

Once in a student winter hole
The hunter fell, losing support.
“What,” grumbles, “sit here until spring?”
Yes, you are an optimist! - the bear answered.

Yes! I came drunk in the morning!
Sorry, dear, it happened.
But you will not yell: "Where was it?"
Then you will see what you have learned.

Cool poems of jokes for entertainment

Cool poems of jokes for entertainment:

In the middle of the night, the lord wakes up the major:
"My lord! The robbers crept into the house,
They took the silver, come on your safe! "
And the Lord said: “Well, excellent, John!
Drag my faithful "Remington" as soon as possible
And a hunting tweed costume ... with spark. "

Young boor broke into the director:
"My chef sent me with paper to you"
The director politely corrected his:
"He did not send you to me, but directed you."
Then, when I read the paper,
He noticed: "Hmm, really ... sent ..."

The student in the pushing at the corner casts;
Well, I went through the beer - with whom it does not happen!
Suddenly the lady of the Balzakov years is coming,
It shaves him: “How can you! Here are the people!
And, by the way, a young man, will we go to my house?
I'm lonely ... this is near the corner! "

The bus, crowded, is shaking
Suddenly an indignant female voice is heard:
"Man, what are you doing here?"
Everyone was silent. A pause of seconds for ten to twenty.
And the same woman, but softer intonation:
"Man, they will understand us incorrectly ..."
From the site of the back of a strict bass:
"Man, answer her, do not torture us!"

Three Starper sat on the bench.
(And where men are about women conversations!)
And the first began: gentlemen! I was hanging towards the girls
And he admired the delicate hand of Liley.
They often told them in order to start the novel:
"Madame (Madmoiselle), your hand is a charm!"
The second to him in response: “Not a pen, but another
I loved part of the body - smooth, tight breasts;
And, continuing the novel begun,
Kissing them, whispered - ah, your chest is a barman !! ”

Here the third shamckes (he was all older than them)
“Well, gentlemen, I also ran to the fairies!
And what's the chest, all the more just a pen.
I remember, women have such a thing ...
She leads to ecstasy at least anyone!
I just forgot - what, where, and why ...
But Sharman, gentlemen, a flying charm! ”

The man got lost in the forest and yells;
But suddenly someone takes his shoulder.
A man turned around - a healthy bear
He asked him: "What did you think of roaring here?"
- “Duc I got lost, lost the way home.
I scream so that someone will hear me! "
The bear ate it. And so thoughtfully:
“Well, I heard. Fighting, eccentric? "

Boeing is rushing upside down in the sky.
In the cabin, a scream, groans and crying are heard.
But then the stewardess rings the voice:
“Medam and Monsieur, tolerate a little!
Here are the drops of our pilot drip in the nose -
Wheels will turn down the plane. "

"Acquaintance for a serious relationship"
A man in the newspaper found an announcement.
Here is the phone, and without shy
He immediately frankly.
- I'm not a freak, not poor, not a fool,
I agree, since you are young and in the body ...
And “for a serious relationship” - how is it?
- Ah, my God ... Well, let's say, once a week!

— Your wife is sharply losing weight, but how?!
-Yes, he eats in packs without calories “Tick-Tak”;
Weight falls like a thermometer by night;
The breath is fresh ... only weak!

Ah, Nadenka, - Krupskaya once said, said,
I met you in my youth -
And then it started: illegal, links, links,
Arrest, emigration ... Like a jinn from a bottle!
Devastation in the country ... and Kaplan ... my God!
And whatever happened - you are everywhere with me.
- Volodya, I love you, my good,
I will not abandon you in any misfortunes!
- With me, you say, you stay loving?
So, maybe my misfortunes - from you?

The cop menacingly moves a mustache for girls:
- What are we doing, ladies?
- We trade for hours!
- And the roads of the hour? - He squints his eyes.
- Not really - only fifty bucks an hour!

The wasp bite the man between the legs.
Oh, how he suffers!He is all packed.
From pain and his gaze, his clear endure,
But, most importantly, the organ is so important, swollen.
And, seeing all this, the wife suffers,
She asks a friend of the doctor:
- You husband, darling, improve health!
All the pain ...! And leave the swelling!

From fear with sick teeth knocking,
The traffic cop sat down in a dentist's chair.
The traffic cop only a dentist saw
Then, right with joy, all beamed. -
What hurts? Neither light nor dawn rushed.
You finished me yesterday!
And you, in gratitude for the valiant work,
I will take a couple of bright minutes too!

The hedgehog went to the forest path.
He was pleased with himself.
I broke the forest peace.
The most I, - shouted, - cool.
And the bear was walking towards
Lyubov expensive to watch -
Real giant.
The bear was a little drunk.
Soon he met a hedgehog,
But I didn't notice the baby
And accidentally gave under the ass.
Hedgehog, like an acrobat,
Three times turned upside down
Shook off, cursed.
He returned to the track again
Standed a little more
He ran further with the forest.
Shouted louder than the former,
All using the power of the lungs:
- I'm cool ... but very light!

Among scientists for almost a year
Discussion is going on:
- What were the bonds of Friday and Crusoe?
- If you lived like spouses,
Slogging they are a servant!
- If you lived like friends,
Thirty years you can’t live like that!
- If we lived with a cattle,
Cattlecers are not men!
- If you lived like monks,
Hands were often in the groin!

Odessa. Cholera. There is quarantine.
From here without a certificate - not a single home! ..
With a pot of handling an old woman wanders
And it is clear that she sells something.
And here is the merchant. He looked into her pot,
And there, excuse me, a smoking chair.
- Granny! Tell me - have you crazy for a long time?
Well, who is flattered to this shit?
- Well, fall into the chill, your mother
- Who would come to teach to trade?
Analysis is good for a long time
- What you want will give for such shit!

“You don't dry out for the fifth day ...
- Alas, this is hereditary.
- No, you still fill up:
There are no drunkards in your family.
“You didn’t understand me correctly.”
I’ll tell you, it’s easier here:
I'm ten liters of moonshine
He inherited from his mother -in -law.

Jokes in verses new for a fun holiday

Anecdotes in verses are new for a fun holiday:

On a business trip was a man.
He is not used to abstinence.
And so, goes to Tverskaya,
To remove the confused young.
Of course, they call him
And they invite you to frolic.
And he in response: - I cry doubly,
But just the way I want!
There was a catch in this answer
And he found confused by surprise.
And therefore, over and over time,
He received a refusal from everyone.
One, being in appearance,
The girls cheerfully say:
- After all, he is not a beast or a car -
He is a man man.
And how can he scare
In the end, the mother is a nuclear?
- Well, you are my Yakhont,
For a thousand bucks - I'm with you!
And he in response: - I cry doubly,
But only the way I want.
She is a sharp chest forward:
- Went! What is there to pull?
But three minutes flew by
And she rushes dumbfounded
And all of the rage boils:
- Well, scoundrel! Well, parasite!
Confused to her. They stand in a circle:
- What? Didn't get along with my friend?
Well, say, not Tomi
Well, how does he want, damn it?
- Yes, he is a fascist, he is a bastard, a bandit!
- Well, how does he want?
- On credit!

In a business trip in the service
There was a team, once friendly.
And as it were, just joking
They threw a condom
Major, boring colleague,
Returning home and did not know
What awaits him such a catch.
Wife for suitcases - “Oh!
What is this?!" Was put up with the husband,
Said: “Don't boil, Irish,
We were given this to everyone
I didn’t use mine at all. ”
Then a week a garrison
Sausage like a nightmare
Interrogation of husbands, big scandal:
"Where did the condom go?"

The complaint of the geographer
The geographer visited the doctor.
- Where is the pain? Where is the outbreak of the disease?
- The pain is here, at the right shoulder,
A little southwest of the ear!

In one compartment of the carriage one -
Georgian and girl. And no one else.
Girl - peach, apple, Kishmish ...
The Georgian bored: Why are you silent?
- I'm tired of your prefix!
Georgian boiling in surprise:
- Well, this is necessary?! He wants, but he is silent!

In the midst of the holiday season ...
The beach has already been populated to the limit.
A sea of \u200b\u200bfantasies gives birth in minds
Bronze on Militing Feminine bodies. -
The festival of the soul in the sand gold ...
Near the hotel is blazing glass.
So let's go together, just
We'll look into the number one now.
Here the masturbator sits on the balcony,
A powerful binoculars gliding along the beach.
He himself, of course, is in continuous neglect:
- This is already me! And this one is already!
This is yesterday! This one - in the morning!
O! But this one - it would be time for a long time!
Look how I spread my body!
Wow, what are you! Now I am her!

An important prison commission is going on,
The commission leads rehabilitation.
Cases of difficult - over the ears,
Then the trouble shouts
They broke off the shock
In the thirties.
In true excitement
Sweeping the convict,
They ask the first
On the list of music:
- Well, for what, report, you got the deadline?
- I called Monya Liberman a fascist.
- Well, the second, and why did you get your deadline?
- Yes, I called the anti -fascist.
- Third, what are you sitting for? In appearance, a comedian!
- And I am Monya Lieberman, a fascist antifacist.

Vasily Ivanovich! Did you manage to pass
Exam? And tormented your soul?
- asked the square three -leopy to describe
And something yet, I don’t remember, Petrusha!
- And what, described?
- What are you, Petka, neither in tin,
Although I am all so nonsense!
Square three?! No, darling, ok -
Present this and that is even scary!

Vasily gathered fishing in the morning,
I did not wake his wife (five in the morning - it became a pity),
Quietly took fishing rods, a can of worms
And he had tipsy from the door.
I got to the tram - suddenly a downpour with a wall,
Well, then the fate is to return home.
“If this is the matter,” the fisherman decided, “
I'll be back, I’m better to my wife under the barrel. ”
He returned and, completely pleased with his life,
He lay down, clinging to his dear back.
"Well, how is it?" The wife asked half asleep.
“Fuck” - Vasily answered reasonably.
“The owner is good in such weather
The dog will not expel the dog out of the house. ”
“Look,” the wife whispered with a laugh, “
"And my fool - I went fishing ..."

Fresh jokes in verses are the most original

Fresh jokes in verses are the most original:

Helped
Haimovich's wife asked:
- Why are you upset, dear?
- Fate always kept me,
But Rabinovich ... such a bastard.
I owe him a lot of money
And tomorrow my term will end ...
- Abrashenka, do not go from the skin.
Now your friend will be silent.
Hello! My husband has no money.
No. Will not pay. I'm right.
- What to do? Wait for advice ...
- Let Rabinovich get the head.

- Where are you running, my dear chaim?
- I, Benchik, lost my passport.
And he, like snow, alas, melted.
I'm running on the radio to know
The whole city may be found.
- Oh, you ran the wrong way.
And my sarochka will have to
Go so that the city knows the news.

Favorite mother -in -law
- You, friend Berl, do not understand
You praise your mother -in -law all the time.
And do not care!
She complained to me in the grove.
And this, dear, is not a trifle,
Why are you singing your mother -in -law?
- You think I am a fool,
Mother nature error?
I will reveal my big secret:
The spouse is living relics.
In diets - master. The word "no!"
She said when meeting a mother -in -law.
No, I did not approve of our marriage.
I love her like a mother. Like this.

Vulgar
- My anniversary, you hear Fira,
Rabinovich, damn it, spoiled.
I ate a ball, a cheese salad,
I broke all the flowers on the cake.
Miserable elderly cynic
The vulgar joke started.
How I grabbed a file
I went to him ... left ...
- Well done! You are a miracle, Sarah!
- No, alas, on the contrary.
I will not give up from the blow.
Everyone followed him forward
To listen to the joke.

- Come on, buddy, fishing?
There are pikes - in! The size of a stick!
There is bream, yazi and crucian carp,
And there is even herring. Ivasi.
- Oh, you know ... Really, I do not dare.
All because ... I do not know how.
- Yes, so what! Do not know how!
What can I be able to? Pour it - and drink!

Jokes in jokes for adults

Jokes in jokes for adults:

The night is dark. Scary and terrible!
The man went through the cemetery ...
Suddenly to meet another ...
He with a request to bring him home.
“More fun,” he says, “together we go through the cemetery at night.”
- And who are you, dear, are you afraid? Who scares you on the way?
“Yes, I'm afraid of the dead, dear,” the man said cowardly.
“Dear, why are we afraid of?!”
And the fellow traveler laughed.

Once I went to Chukch on the road.
He wanted to go to the taiga.
And I decided to ask about the weather
At the shaman. I went to him.
And it’s a shame to admit to that
That the weather does not know.
He says at random: "Good!"
Chukchi quickly gathered, goes!
And the shaman - to the meteorologist
The prediction has wandered to check.
He looked out the window:
- Good! Chukchi out. I went hunting!

My neighbor is stupid, not otherwise
I asked me yesterday at the meeting:
- What are you planting there in the country?
- In the country, fool, I "plant" the liver!

The girl found a poop in the field.
"What to do with her?" She asked.
“Throw this muck,” the passerby said.
For a long time then he wiped his face.

In her underpants, the husband went to the balcony.
So thin, the ribs are all outward:
“Cover the skeleton, what a style!
- The wife, seeing, shouted to her husband. "
- “You, Swallow do not sing me.
Let them see everything, let the whole district know,
How hard it is to live with you,
And how do you feed the faithful spouse! "
- “You shut up your hill.
You are boldly as you perform in public.
You better take off your underpants
And everyone will understand what you are starving! "

The son came to me, shelmet,
And he asked with longing:
"Classmates", father -
What it is?
What is this site,
Where are gray -haired people
On Real, with a wave of his hand,
Drown in fornication?
Where the path is visible to treason
The goal is clear, and funds,
Where they want to return themselves
In Brezhnev’s childhood?
Where is their peace disturbed?
Where are the nights?
What is this the site -
Explain to me, Father? "
I attracted my son to myself
And he said with longing:
"FSB database" -
That's what we are!

A young man asked the sage:
- Tell me, please, the sage,
Give me the answer to the answer to me clear,
What is better than a woman beautiful?
The sage figured in his head
And, slowly, he answered: "Two!"

Three women go around the village,
Evening, cloudy, dark,
At the fence near the hut
Look, some kind of “log”,
Came closer, hear
Either snoring, or whether a roar
Take a closer look by the road
Lies a drunken man
Baba is the first fly
I unbuttoned the man
And a tested technique
I put my hand there,
No, she said, women
Not my man is lying here,
Mine is probably at Kum,
Vodka "muffles", parasite,
The second put her hand,
And by touching he says -
Yes, Maria is true
It is not your man who lies here,
The third put her hand there suddenly exclaimed -
Business ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
He generally looks like women
Not from our village!

The boxer is upset, lost,
And the coach comforts:
“You scared the enemy,
Everyone knows the fan "
"With what?" - The boxer asked him.
"He thought he killed you!"

Tyson wins in the ring
Correspondents pester:
“Talismans help you
Or are they just lying among the people?
Tell me, Mike, are you superstitious? "
“The people are not lying - all this is true,
My talisman is two horseshoes ...

Hall. Cabinet. In the office of Madame.
“Doctor, I want to tell you about my husband.
It seems to be normal and not to drink,
With a fishing rod in the bathroom sits day and night!
I poured water and catches a fish there! ”
The doctor barely hides a smile:
"The case is serious, it must be treated."
“I agree with you and I will be glad
The doctor help him sooner,
Return to the life of a normal husband,
Only at the same time I ask you to take into account
Fry fish I want to eat!

Jokes in poetry about humorous children

Anecdotes in verses about humorous children:

Tell me, friend, in which class
Now your senior son, Vasya?
-I do not remember something, sorry,
Ask Vasya yourself.

Andryusha grandfather asked,
For which I got five.
- Did you succeed in grammar?
- No, I just sat silently.

- Brought five, mom, I, -
Ilya screamed from the threshold.
- Finally! You see, I could!
But his mother interrupted his son:
- Five dollars are not very many,
And dad is enough for the road.
I won Petrov cards
And I promise to win again.

“Order,” Irishka said in the evening, “
In the dish of the cups, plates and mugs,
In place of albums, magazines and books
And dad's belt: In the diary of Ilyushka.

- Why did you break the ruler? -
Explain to your father, Ilya!
I gave the floor of the ruler Genke
After all, now we are friends with him.

-Again some hooks
You wrote to the notebook.
- Why are you dad, put on your glasses,
After all, this is integral.

I was not averse today
To the younger brother to help.
- What? Tell us a secret.
- To eat a candy helped him.

- Sasha, will you eat an omelet?
- Not!
- Maybe you want a vinaigrette?
- Not!
- Give you juice at lunch?
- Not!
I'm not Sasha, I'm a car
And please give me gasoline.

Father asked his son Kolya,
What did I do in school lessons.
The son answered with importance:
“I waited for the call.”

Svetlana is teaching to literacy father:
- Here is “a”, here is “o”, okay? Well done!
Tell me now, what letter is it?
“Of course, round,” Sveta was not at a loss.

“Again, two deuces,” the mother scolded her son,
After all, I bought you a bike,
You promised me not to be lazy anymore.
- Yes, but I had to study.

“Tell me, what did you remember at school, Gene?” -
- In the buffet, rolls and a change for a change.

Grandmother Seryozha complained:
- The teacher cannot read our poems,
Always brings a tape recorder to class,
And he reads poetry for teachers.

- Tell me, Andryusha is finally
Where is your portfolio? The father asked.
-Why go with him back and forth?
My portfolio is waiting for me in the classroom.

- Give me your diary, Seryozha, -
He asks a friend Stas stubbornly.
- And why do you need it?
- I want to scare my mother.

- What to do so as not to wash the dishes?
-Break some dish.
- And if you are forced to wash again?
- then you need to break the entire service!

Dad asked first -grader Vasya:
- Who, folding, sits in your class?
“This is our teacher,” the son replies, “
We always write, and he is resting.

Why again the deuce? - the mother is worried, -
Well, what did you do, son, again?
Have you bothered the guys again in the lesson?
No, the whole lesson I stood behind the door.

What to do with you, Roma?
You were in the classroom.
- But the teacher himself asked,
So that I lead the way at home.
I did not ask for gifts
But now the question has arisen.
Give me a crocodile
To eat my diary.

Santa Claus came to me
With a thick bag on the back,
More boots of boots,
And the gift is small

Inna asked Tanya:
- Play Fiano.
- What? - answered Tatyana, -
This is Porteno!

I came up with the law of return:
If you ask mom for forgiveness,
Then she immediately forgives me
And he returns his smile.

On weekends at dad
The disease is so strange!
It is called very simple:
Pillow - sofa.

Trees with sultry summer
Always warmly dressed
And they undress in the cold ...
Perhaps they are tempered?

A joke in verses about traffic cops

A joke in verses about traffic cops:

In the heat and to the berth, at any time of the day,
In a harsh series of routine boots,
GAI workers refute prejudice: -
-"Do not whistle, otherwise there will be no money!"

The traffic police inspector took
Striped stick
And in bed to his wife,
Store hairy ...

The lady calls from the cabin
For the nearest post of traffic police.
“I have in my car
The steering wheel was stolen and si-di. "
"We are going to the place urgently."
The voice in the tube said.
“Give a quick address for accurate
The steering wheel is not a question for you. "
New call to the department
I made the cops around.
"I'm on the back seat
I suddenly sat by mistake. "

Who I catch without "rights" - I will go! " -
The inspector said.
But it was not true -
He stipulated himself.
But there was one inspector right -
"Right - who has more rights!"
And "yields", all rights are corrected,
All .. and with "rights" and without "rights".

Jokes in verses for a good mood

Anecdotes in verses for a good mood:

The husband gathered on a business trip.
In the morning it is in a hurry, in a hurry ...
Left, did not say goodbye to his wife,
Let Kokhanaya sleep.
The neighbor drove in a car,
And at work, the chef said:
- The business trip was canceled,
Today you can rest!
Yes, this news is like a reward!
Went on the return trip,
And how the wife will be glad
To relax with your beloved husband!
He approached the door inaudibly
He opened two castles quietly ...
But in the corridor he suddenly heard.
From the bedroom the man's voice!
Well, everything, shame on the whole district!
So the heart suddenly pinched.
Looked, saw someone's ass
And female hands around!
As if they were given the back of the head
I felt horns on my forehead.
I took a big fork in the kitchen,
From your favorite kitchen table.
Silently in the bedroom, he crept in,
From behind the shoulder that was the strength,
Yes, I really tried it here,
And the fork put in the ass!
Then he went to the site
He rose above the floor.
And waiting, cursing for order.
When a man leaves the house.
Here are a few minutes pass
The guest does not come out, neither XPen.
Suddenly he enters the porch from the street,
His Kokhana wife!
She is funny, with a laugh.
Not allowing him to ask a question.
She said: Kolya, your brother and his wife arrived,
We went to rest from the road!
Under moonshine, they laughed together together,
They treated Brother's ass.
And most importantly it came - do not do sharp actions,
Without looking into the eyes first !!

The lights are muffled ... Clothes fall ...
A conjugal bed ... he ... she ...
Hope glows in the eyes of the spouse -
The wife will fulfill his duty today: “Do not rush, baby ...
So good ... A little more! Oh yeah!
A little stronger, but still not too ...
O! You are great ... as always ... "
The smile of happiness on her husband's face,
He was limp, he sleeps in a minute ...
And how much strength the wife needs to spend,
Rightening the ointment into his radiculitis!

Our grandmother taxed.
(Call - rush, just ask!)
The dispatcher calls her in five minutes,
Very clearly clarifying, says:
- Near the house "Mazda", blue metallic!
Late-oo-oo-oo !!! - Grandma kubarom in the yard,
A little at the exit did not endure the fence,
Around the car around the car went around ...
And another time. And the question asked:
- Is this you, husband, Blue Vitalik?

The accountant comes to the store:
Stands and looks at the windows:
“I want to buy a bra to my wife,
What would you suggest me "
“Well, what would you like?
Convedant, pear -shaped? "
“And there is like a spaniel ears,
Color to be black or blue? "

The man came to the store
And only indignant
That there is no meat in it, nothing
And no bread is found.
The guard says to him:
“Under Stalin you will be the end
For a long time, the execution has already threatened "
"And that there are no cartridges?"

To the shop call: “Hello!
Are there threads? " "Lying for a long time!"
"Are they harsh?"
"Yes, it’s scary to approach them"

“I have toilet paper
If you can three rolls "
"What color to give you?"
"White, I will paint it myself soon!"

The wife with her young husband was divorced:
-Well, it grew up, a long time ago from the diapers,
And you behave all like a child!
When will you start growing up, tell me mercy?
“Nothing like that, kitten ...
Oh, look! Come on, the swing is freed

For a beloved wife
The husband looks from the stool:
Drop in the eye, then in another
She pours from a pipette.
The third drop between the legs,
What kind of female insidiousness,
In the surprise of the hubby:
- And why the medicine is there?
- You see, dear,
It’s not so offensive for the eyes
She is strange, what a year
Nothing point blank is visible!

Together with a grumbled old woman
Silents a decrepit grandfather tastes silently
Beans with a bread edge,
That God sent them for lunch.
Suddenly, taking out a spoon of beans,
He was so tricked on his forehead,
That she jumped in pain:
- "What are you, old, stunned!"
And the grandfather with a shame of the mockery:
- “You talk to me
As I recall, I took you not a girl,
Already boils everything inside! "

Here is the registry office behind the shoulders and the wedding is hungry.
And the young husband at the wife asks:
- Tell me, wife, frankly and boldly -
How many men did you have before me?
Silence in response, then there is no sin ...
And then he asked for forgiveness:
- Well, don't be silent, well, I'm sorry, dear!
- Yes, I am not angry, I don’t be silent - I think!

House. It has the thirteenth floor.
Flat. It has a stir -
Visiting a lover. He is trembling.
Where to go - the husband calls?!
Well, the wife is all with passion
He asks for God: - Pity!
Save him! I will accept, loving
Any punishment from you!
And, instantly, the mistress disappeared
And God's voice sounds from heaven:
- I will save you from trouble
But you will die from the water.
The day will come, the deadline will come
And you will drown, my friend!
Here is Sochi. Beach. And wild heat.
She is not a foot to the sea.
He remembers perfectly about the vow ...
But the ticket has come out for a deadline.
There are no tickets: on the plane,
On the train ... just not a ship.
And all she decided to swim -
God is fair, cannot be
So that only mine runs out for sin
He is all who will go on the flight with me.
There is a storm in the open sea,
The steamer is cracking and drowning.
And to God, she is again with a prayer:
- Well, what are you doing, my God? -
You are destroying with me
Three hundreds of innocent souls!
And in response to her through the storm of howl
Gromova's voice came:
- I am you, b ... to her, on this ball
He collected three years together!

Here is a medical institute.
Here anatomy is handed over.
The student is not in a hurry, without embellishment,
Leads the professor a story:
- Skeleton, I do not need an X -ray,
Here was an ear, here was a member ...
- He was not - he was! There is no doubt -
That female. Love, skeleton.

Here the waitress goes to the table
Where the visitor is impatiently waiting.
- You excuse us - just the trouble,
You are a little late - the food ended.
The first is a little, but only mucus.
Well, on the second - at least go to bed yourself!
Food appetite immediately subsided
- The first is not necessary! Only two second ones!