Why do you follow the ex -boyfriend how to stop the girl to follow the former: the opinions of psychologists and practical advice

If it happened that you broke up, it is important to learn how to live your life. But it happens that the girl begins to follow the former.

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There are frequent cases when, after parting, one of the partners (and sometimes both) continues to earnestly observe the new life of his former half. Psychologists argue that the depth and duration of emotional experiences in the part of the pair depends on who invested more in the relationship, and who was the initiator of the gap.

And the stronger the stress that a person is experiencing after parting, the stronger he is subject to monitoring his former lover.

This applies to representatives of both sexes. Men often follow their former girls. However, it is women who are most subject to surveillance of their former ones, due to greater emotionality. They are often tormented by thoughts about how the former beloved lives after parting whether he found another, suffers or not. The search for answers to these questions and forces the young lady to follow the former.

Why does the girl follow the former: surveillance in social networks

Casting for the former can happen in different ways:

In reality, when a girl tries to be in places that her former beloved often visits.
In the form of frequent calls or messages in order to remind yourself.
By questioning common friends about the personal life of the former and his new passion.
As constant monitoring of the pages of a former partner on social networks

There is such a thing as “Stalking”, which means the pursuit of a person, which includes calls by phone, harassment, etc. With the advent of social networks on the Internet, a new concept has appeared-“online Stalking”, meaning obsessive observation of a person through his profile and page on the Internet.

The most common and popular type of online start-up is surveillance of your former partner. Studies have shown that about half of people are engaged in such activities.

There are several varieties of online Stalking:

Silent monitoring, in which a person monitors all the events that occur in his life through the statuses of a former partner. In a similar way, the "spy" tries to discover confirmation to some of its personal ideas and thoughts. At the same time, the perception of what is happening will not be objective. The following will see only what he wants to see.
Indirect correspondence, In which a person himself does not write anything, but lively comments on the actions or friends of the former partner, leaving his comments and posts where he can read them. Such behavior indicates that a person wants to prove something either to the former lover or their common acquaintances.
Active participation, When a person writes response and comments, finds out relations in networks, resorts to public insults. In rare cases, the following can even hack his former account.

The main reason why the girl monitors the former is the fact that it is very difficult for a person to recognize and accept the end of the relationship. A surveillancein social networks, it is a certain way to continue them, without communicating in reality with a partner.

Do not panic and do not scold yourself too much if you are not able to stop watching the former. You are not alone in this. Surveillance of a former partner is a very common phenomenon based on ordinary human emotions and aspirations. And the Internet just greatly facilitated this task.

Why does the girl follow the former: the explanation of the psychologist

Psychologists call several reasons forcing you to kill your time in order to diligently and persistently follow your ex. Find out why you were so dependent on it in order to get rid of this state once and for all.

Why does the girl follow the former:

An attempt to keep the lost connection. When you are aware of all the events taking place in the life of a former young man, there may be an illusion that the connection between you is still preserved. This is just your hidden or clear desire not to break the relationship completely. A similar feeling often occurs after a short time after the break. However, if the months have passed, and you still continue to stubbornly monitor the guy, then you still hope to return it or are trying to figure out who is to blame for the break.
Revenge and a sense of gloating. If a man abandoned you, then anger and a desire to take revenge on him. In real life, you do not take any action. And deep down, you really hope that your offender will be punished by life itself or higher powers. To this end, you follow the former. You just want to make sure that he is bad without you, his life and work do not work out for him, and the new chosen one is far from perfect and loses to you in everything. However, in most cases, the “spy” is inclined to be deceived on this subject and see what does not really exist.
Jealousy. Be honest, you can trite jealous of your former to his new girlfriend. Therefore, compare yourself with her, evaluating her appearance and lifestyle.
Boredom. Perhaps in your life there are not enough events and emotions, so you compensate for their lack of surveillance for the former. Thanks to such espionage, your life becomes more interesting and filled with emotions, acute sensations, some kind of meaning and new goals. And you yourself feel a surge of energy and activity.
Low self-esteem. You suffer from self -doubt and are convinced that in your life you will no longer meet a worthy man. You have a firm opinion that your ex was the only chance to be happy and beloved. That is why The girl is watching the formerHoping to guess the moment when he has a desire to resume an interrupted relationship.

The need for comparison. You feel the need to compare yourself with other people or the past life with the real one. That is, you evaluate the quality of your own life by comparison with the successes of others. For this reason, you can compare yourself with the possible girls of your ex -boyfriend. And at the same time strive to understand what he found in them. Perhaps you think that having revealed a secret than they won your loved one, you will get a chance to return it. However, this is an illusion. With a similar comparison, you turn your life into a constant race for a ghostly reward. In addition, if the comparison is not in your favor, you may cover a feeling of envy and irritation.
Control. Sometimes surveillance can indicate the desire to control not only what is happening to you, but also events in someone else's life. Including in the life of a former partner. At the same time, you want to return it not himself, but the ability to control it. You passionately want to know about those things that are now not included in the circle of your control.
An attempt to understand yourself. Watching stealthily after your ex-partner, you are trying to determine whether your life is good without him. Looking through his profile, you thereby find out whether you are on the right track and whether you regret the gap.

There is another interesting explanation why the girl is watching the former. The fact is that viewing the photos of your former with his new chosen one helps to realize that the relationship has already ended, and he no longer belongs to you. Over time, such photos will be perceived as if a completely alien person is depicted on them. And you will not experience negative emotions anymore. Thus, your subconscious mind itself pushes you to “peeping” for the former in order to heal you faster from suffering, as well as get rid of vain hopes to restore relations. Of course, this point of view is quite controversial.

Perhaps your desire to spy on the former over time will pass by itself. Psychologists advise paying attention to what feelings and emotions you experience, looking at the photos of the former lover. Think, maybe it will become easier for you to overcome the pain if you can explain something to him or express it at a personal meeting.

Why does the girl need to stop following the former?

Surprising after a former partner is not as harmless as it might seem at first glance. If such a peeping takes away a significant part of the time and turns into a peculiar duty, then psychologists state the presence of psychological disorders.

After all, you are constantly in a state of stress. And he, in turn, can cause depression. Whatever the reasons for you to lead you, you need to get rid of your former partner.

Psychologists call several reasons why it must be stopped:

If the girl is watching the former This is simply a humiliating and unworthy activity. It leads only to a sense of devastation and disappointment.
Remember that both sides suffer when monitoring. The one who is being followed feels an unprotected victim of persecution. And the Detective, in turn, is also constantly in nervous stress, experiencing aggression. This condition can lead to deep neurosis.
Spying is just wasted time. No matter how you try to find out more about the life of the previous lover through friends or social networks, this information will not be constructive and useful for you.
Having stopped spending your energy and time on the person with whom you parted, you can quickly meet new love and build harmonious relationships.
Looking at the photos of your ex, you just fantasize about how your joint future could be. Your thoughts have nothing to do with reality.
If with the help of social networks you are trying to track the whereabouts of your former, in order to go there, this may well be regarded as a direct violation of the law in order to persecute.

A zealous and persistent desire to keep abreast of all the affairs of his former can turn into an obsessive idea and even real obsession. You run the risk of getting serious psychological trauma. The parting has already become a strong emotional shock for you.

How to stop the girl to follow the former: Practical advice

Of course, it is sometimes very difficult to stop following the former. However, it is necessary to pull yourself together and stop spending your precious time and strength on a person with whom nothing connects you.

We offer you several effective ways that will help the girl to follow the former:

Move the focus to work, your home responsibilities, relationships with the family. At the same time, concentrate all your attention on what happens to you precisely at this particular moment.
Find yourself a hobby, read books, listen to music, sign up for the gym, learn a foreign language. Take all your time so that you simply do not have him for stupid surveillance for a former partner.
Take advantage of this situation to get closer to your family and friends. Surely, when you were in a happy relationship, you were not up to it. So make up for the missed. Close people will always provide you with support: they will offer joint classes, control you so that you do not go to the page of your ex.
Take responsibility for your emotions and actions. Be honest with yourself and answer the questions: “What are you achieving?”, “What do you want to get in the end?”, “Why do you follow the former?”
Put your curiosity. Do not ask common acquaintances about ex-loving. Remember that you put them in a difficult position with similar questions. After all, they treat you and him well. In addition, it is ugly to draw strangers into your personal relationships. And if in the company of friends a situation arises when a conversation about your former comes in, do not support the conversation. Silence and wait until the topic changes.
Enjoy life, not follow the former. Go to the cinema, pamper yourself with beautiful new things or delicacies. Remember that you yourself choose how to live - happily and brightly or dull and boring. Loneliness is just a state, and temporary. And sadness about this is a feeling for which you are responsible for you.

Do not agree to friendship with the former. If this brings you emotional disorder, why do you need to torment yourself? Pity yourself, forget about correctness and politeness. The less you communicate with him, the faster you can forget. Remove your former from the list of friends in social networks, unsubscribe from all updates so that the tibus do not remind him of him or his activity. Thus, you will limit your awareness about what events take place in his life. Psychologists emphasize that maintaining friendly communication on social networks after a breakdown of relations only slows down the process of restoring emotional balance.
Remove the general photos on the phone and wipe its number. Get rid of the temptation to follow the former. So it will be easier for you to control yourself. Modern mobile devices often connect contacts in the telephone reference book with social networks. If necessary, write out the ex-partner data to the notebook and take away from the eyes. So nothing will remind of him, and it will be easier for you to get to be distracted by something else.
Show your willpower. Try to be from a source of disorder and irritation as far as possible. Spend your free time wisely.
Remember that life on Instagram, Twitter or Facebook, as a rule, is very far from real. People on the Internet do not always live the life that they try to demonstrate to others. Therefore, you do not need to view the profiles of the former and somehow interpret the posts that he places. Firstly, you may make mistakes, endowing them with a meaning that he actually did not put there. And secondly, he can post something on the Internet with the goal of hooking you. Do not go on the occasion and do not give anyone the opportunity to upset you.

Keep in mind that your profile on social networks brings information not only to your friends, but also to the former lover. Therefore, think before publishing your photos or posts. After all, posting a photo from a vacation or party in a nightclub, you demonstrate how interesting and bright your life is without the former. And he, in turn, can also begin to prove that he is very good without you. And this will lead to even greater suffering. Try to conduct your profile so that it looks natural, and not on the display.
Pay attention to yourself, trying to improve both physical form and spiritual content: sign up for courses, visit a stylist, take a massage course, sit on a diet. Activity of this kind will distract you from surveillance. In addition, your own achievements will raise your self -esteem. And very soon you will not be worried about what is happening there in the life of your ex. Just improve for yourself, and not in order to prove something to someone.
Try to remember not happy moments with a former lover, but the reasons because of which you broke up. You can even record them on paper. Look at this list more often. Perhaps you will get less bored on a failed relationship. Thus it will help the girl stop watching the former.
Meet new people. Let them oust from your life all thoughts about the former lover. Communicate with those who are not at all familiar with your former partner. So no one will mention him in your presence. Yes, and listening to your past relationships is unlikely to be interested in someone.
Come up with a punishment for another peeping for the former. For example, push up twenty times for each visit to his pages in social networks. Even if you can’t get rid of your pernicious habit, at least improve the figure. You can also reward yourself for good behavior. For example, if you did not follow the former for three days, go to shopping, grabbing friends.

Finally, accept the fact that the relationship between you and the man has already ended, and he now has his own life. This will avoid stress and unnecessary suffering. And you will not return it to tracking what he is doing. Just stopping remembering the past, you will let new people and new relationships into your life.