Why they don’t value me: reasons. How to make you start to value and respect you? How to understand that you are trying to please everyone: signs

In this article, we will talk why this happens that you are not appreciated and what to do with it.

Some people try to be good for everyone and do as others should. Of course, they themselves consider themselves good and worthy of respect, but only others do not notice and do not value this. Why is this happening and how to deal with it? Let's find out.

Why they don’t value me and does not put me in anything: reasons

Sometimes it happens that you seem to go out of your skin, but you are not appreciated and does not even notice that you are doing good. But then it is worth showing you in character, then everyone immediately see it. What happened, because you are so good, and everyone should see it. And the whole point is that you yourself are bringing it yourself, although you may not understand this. So what's the deal?

• You do not feel when the "run" begins

This is due to the fact that in childhood you were not appreciated, it was not respected enough and it has not changed too much over time. For you, this situation does not go beyond the usual, but this is not so, and subsequently becomes very late. Is your second half constantly angry, tired or sarcastic? And she also does not value you and she constantly does not like something? It’s not you to blame, but you just came across such a person. However, if you still have not dispersed, then the boundaries have already been overcome by you.

• You forgive too fast

If you were offended or shown disrespect, then in your thoughts it is spinning that it was not on purpose and you immediately forgive the offender. This cannot be done in any case. You need to be able to stand up for yourself, so learn to defend yourself.

• You sacredly believe that loving people do not offend

You look at the world as if it is kind and open, and even such thoughts do not come to you that a loved one can offend, not to appreciate you. That's just such a worldview turns life into existing hell. After all, the one who you love sometimes offends more strongly. Do not forget that if someone loves you, then it will not necessarily treat you well. Such is the reality and we must learn to accept it, so that later it does not hurt very much.

• You are trying to prove to everyone that you are not hopeless

You think that you need to act and constantly remind you that you are an excellent mother, wife, daughter, girlfriend and so on. This is a very big mistake, because people have already formed an opinion about you, and you are trying to change it. If you know your price, then never try to prove something.

• You humiliate your dignity for the sake of relationships

Everyone wants to be loved and it is quite normal. But you don’t have to become a victim and indulge a person in everything, so as not to remain alone. If a person behaves vulgarly towards you, does not appreciate you, then he does not need you, so why humiliate him. Better find the one who really appreciates you.

• You blindly believe that they don't want to offend you

Even pleasant people can use you at any time. After all, you yourself allow you to do it. Do not be naive and do not allow yourself to use. As a rule, people who quickly give up their positions are not valued and therefore no one is afraid to make them something bad, because the response will not follow.

• You are afraid to offend someone, even if you have done evil yourself

You are not used to saying that you do not like and prefer to endure the insult. But you will not do anything to another, because you are afraid to hurt his feelings. Have you thought about yourself? Maybe it's time to fix it? It is probably time to take up yourself and make you start to appreciate.

• You think that others have similar views

Yes, you are trying to protect, love and help everyone. And you sincerely think that others try to do the same. But do not forget that in our world is full of selfish, cunning and spoiled people and not the fact that your acquaintance thinks like you, appreciates you.

• You are empathic, and to others

You somehow do not even think about yourself. If you are offended, then you will experience awkwardness for the offender. That is, you have responsible for other people's feelings and think more about those who injured you.

• You need an assessment

You always wait for you to praise you even for the most little things. And if this does not happen, then it seems to you that you are not appreciated. You expect the offender to recognize his wrong and begin to regret the deed. Believe me, it will not always be and there are really people who do not care about others or consider themselves right. And what can I say, for any trifle, no one will praise either and this is normal.

• When you were offended, you are sparing another

If you had a fight with a girlfriend, then you begin to regret her. Anyway, when you have cooled down, you began to consider yourself guilty and look for ways of reconciliation. This is a wrong position. Think about your feelings. Perhaps a girlfriend is really wrong, does not appreciate you, so why run right away?

• You do not know what respect is

You are sure that respect must be earned and are actively trying to do it. That is, you do not even have such thoughts that respect is given just like that.

• You never think you are right

If you are offended, then even in your thoughts it will not have that you may be right. You will blame yourself for what happened and look for the reasons for yourself.

• You attract powerful people

Egoists and daffodils stretch to you, because you always take the position of the victim. It is more convenient for you, while others use it.

• You are not able to make decisions

You try to look for compromises. You are helpless in decision -making.

• You are uncomfortable to be on equal terms

You constantly need to give something to people to prove that you are really worth something.

• You are not building borders

Here the reasons are different. You are afraid of complications. You try to please other people and do not even understand what you want. At the same time, when your boundaries are violated, they do not appreciate you, you are very unpleasant, but you can’t do anything, because then a person may be offended.

• You feel guilty when you cannot give everything

That is, you always try to give all your best as possible and be upset if you can’t give everything that you can.

• You are afraid to stay alone

You think that it is better to build relationships with others than seeking harmony with yourself. You are scared to be left without love. But, when you stop allowing others to manage your emotions, you will become calmer.

How to make me start to value and respect me?

Many try to give in, so as not to cause anger and grief. They are ready to give up their own interests to make another happy, and then face the fact that there is no gratitude. How to deal with this? How to stop sacrificing yourself and make others value themselves?

• You are not appreciated - conduct an analysis

If you are one of those who are trying for others, then write 5 cases on a sheet of paper when you had to please someone and forget about your interests. Then write what you could do if you put your desires a little higher than strangers. In addition, write down what will happen if you refuse to help or go to some place or at a party.

Now study all the information received and see if everything is so sad. Decide whether this or that outcome will be catastrophic. Is it really scary if suddenly your reaction does not appeal to someone or you will not communicate with this person anymore.

• You are not appreciated - start acting

Understand that all the prejudices are only in the head and you need to fight with them. Just free yourself from them and step back a little from prejudices. Take a look at the reaction of other people. How will they accept that you can now express your own position? Maybe they have long been used to the fact that you agree to everything and do not even think of getting a different answer.

It is worth thinking about whether it is worth talking to a person who does not care about your interests at all and his own is more important to him.

• You are not appreciated - determine the norms of behavior for yourself

It is important to figure out what boundaries you put up for yourself and others. Think about what behavior is considered normal for you and which is not. Do not treat the impatient or pretend that abnormal behavior is the norm.

Again, on the basis of the above situations, determine what you feel when you are not respected and vice versa. Clearly determine for yourself what kind of behavior is normal for you and which is not. In addition, think about the new boundaries that determine the permissible limit.

• You are not appreciated - determine the source of the problem

Often, people who seek the approval of others themselves are immigrants from such social conditions where their opinion did not mean anything and never took into account.

They always expected you that you yourself would understand what others need and will adapt to them? Do you think that the only way to achieve approval is to fulfill other people's desires? If at least one question you give an affirmative answer, then you must understand that not everyone loves weak -lecharacter people.

When people understand what a person is in front of them, then they will use them at least once. As they say - it is a sin to resist. If you always hide behind other people's expectations and plans, then personal potential and individuality can be buried.

• They don’t appreciate you - decide for yourself to help and who is not

Do not build your self -esteem only on what you are doing for others. Of course, mutual assistance is important, but not to please. Try to make a decision yourself whether to help a person.

Remember that most often people appreciate sincere acts, and not those that are done at fear or guilt. Never forget about it, because if you are trying to just please, then your act is clearly not sincerity. Yes, and you yourself are unlikely to help help so unnaturally. Do not help others if it contradicts your interests. After all, you cannot be good for everyone.

• They don't appreciate you - learn to say no "

You should not make excuses for your refusal. Just tell me what you think. For example, if my husband decided to call all friends to relax, and you are tired and you do not want to set the table, then tell me about it than to be freak out later. No one will be offended by you. You can also agree to sit on another day.

Another situation. If a girlfriend calls you to a party, but there will be an unpleasant person for you, then you do not have to cross and go. Better refer to urgent cases, fatigue, and so on.

No need to come up with super complex arguments. Just refuse a person and look at his reaction. As a rule, you yourself will see that no one has been offended by you and you did not fight. If the opposite happens, then people really do not appreciate you and their own “I” for them in the first place.

• You are not appreciated - voice your desires

For example, if you were called to the movie to watch a new film, but you don’t like the genre, then tell me about it and do not be silent. Remind your loved ones that you also have your own taste. If you say about your opinion, you will not become an egoist in their eyes.

No need to be afraid to ask for something. If you think that you are not appreciated and do not do anything for you, then you probably silence your desires. Do not force people to guess what you want. Just tell me about it and watch the development of events.

• You are not appreciated-do something for yourself

Do what used to be forbidden for you and look at the reaction of others. Change your appearance or go to an unusual resting place. Do everything you want and do not even bother with other people's opinions. No need to do only what is expected from you.

You probably have so many ideas in reserve that the opinion of others prevents to embody. Of course, you should not ignore it at all, but also to make a defining factor out of it - too.

• You are not appreciated - you can not be a "rag"

This is completely unacceptable. Respect yourself, just do not become an egoist. It is enough for you to become more confident in yourself and understand that if you do not like something, then you should not do this. Listen to loved ones, but make all decisions yourself.

Sometimes it happens that the needs of others may come first. In this case, if your interests conflict, then it will be more correct to find a compromise or mutually beneficial solution.

How to understand that you are trying to please others that you are not appreciated: signs

There are several obvious signs that show that you are trying to like everyone:

• You are angry for no reason or show passivity
• You are infrequently satisfied with the situation
• You try to suppress or you are suppressed
• You are always in a hurry somewhere for no reason

Again, if you can’t please everyone, then nothing terrible will happen. You certainly will not be left without friends. And if your friend did not communicate with you when you began to express your opinion, then you do not need such a friend. Although, do not “chop off the shoulder” and “close all the doors”, he may still change his mind.

What will happen when you change and stop to please everyone?

Often it can be difficult for others to get used to changes and therefore do not need to treat them too strictly. Just be softer and do not apologize for your actions, because you are not doing anything wrong.

It also happens that people do not accept changes and cannot learn how to value your opinion. They are already used to it. No need to make excuses for them. Usually they are sprayed, but all the negativity is directed at themselves. They, like you, can suppress their desires for the sake of others and believe that it should be so. What is required from you. Gradually, they will cope with your change, and you should reassure them and be more tolerant.

Sometimes some actions poorly affect relations at work. So, in order not to get involved in conflict or disassembly, you should come up with each of its effects. For example, if you refuse the boss, you will simply be fired. In this case, you can please him, even if you do not like it. In the end, this is your work. Still, do not change your appearance too much, especially if you decide to go to the bank for a loan.

The fact that you decided to change, of course, is good, but just do not blame others of such a decision. It is you who wanted to change and not under someone else's pressure, but personally yourself.

To understand your own desires, it takes more than one day. Practice is also important. For example, if the husband offered to order hamburgers for dinner, but you do not want to, then think that you want to eat yourself and offer to order it. Do not think that your proposal will be inappropriate, you try to voice it.

In the end, you must learn that in pursuit of recognition of everyone, you can run into manipulations. Therefore, you urgently need to get rid of the desire to please everyone and then no one can manage you.

Video: Why don't you value you? | Yaroslav Samoilov