What is emotional, physical Abuez in simple words? How the emotional Abuez manifests itself: signs. How to protect yourself from Abuez: methods, reviews

From this article you will learn what the emotional Abuez is, what features it has, and also how to recognize it and fight it.

In any relationship regardless of age, physical violence is unacceptable. However, there is another species that, at first glance, is not visible, even to the closest people. In this case, we are talking about emotional violence or as it is also called - Abueze. This is a fairly thin tool, because a person is so skillfully manipulates that he receives almost power over another. That's just about this type of violence we will tell in our article - what is it, how to recognize and fight it? You will learn the answers further to these and other questions.

What is emotional, physical Abuez in simple words?

As we have already said, the emotional Abuez is a manifestation of violence. Most often, it manifests itself unconsciously, but there are times when a person understands everything and specially manipulates his goal in order to get what he wants. At the same time, a person does not pay attention to other people's feelings, they do not interest him. No, the abuser knows how to feel, because otherwise he would not be able to choose weaknesses of his victims.

When Abuez is unconscious, this means that a person has certain violations in the psyche and he simply does not know how to build relationships differently, without the use of manipulations. It refers to:

• Mothers who are so worried about the child that everyone forbid him
• Husbands who are jealous of their wife before nervous exhaustion
• Too powerful fathers who try to control the whole family so that they do not even allow you to breathe without control

As a rule, in such cases, a person seeks to do everything as best as possible, but only he does not understand what worsens the situation and destroys the emotional state of others. Regardless of the option, this is all violence, which is almost impossible to prove, and even more so to attract to punishment. However, something is not only possible to do this, but it is also necessary, because for their own psyche the consequences can be destructive.

By the way, sometimes physical Abuez is also found. It manifests itself when a person begins to use force to make a partner more flexible. At the same time, he will never apologize. He will accuse his sacrifice that she made herself incorrectly or said, thereby provoking him to such actions. Although, he can use power for no reason.

Emotional Abuez of parents, in childhood: signs

So, the emotional Abuez is manifested in different situations and the first would like to consider when parents apply emotional violence against the child. First of all, you must understand that such people do not look different. They are no different from others, but not in this regard.

There are a number of signs that allow you to determine that emotional violence is committed over the child:

• Rejection. In this case, parents do so that if the child does not want to be as they need, then they refuse him, because they cannot accept it present. This is manifested in simple situations. For example, the child does not want to sleep, but they tell him that they will give it to other people if he will behave badly. Parents constantly say how useless he is and it is not clear why he was born, because now they have to endure him. Well, or instead of this, the child is simply ignored. Rejection is manifested in constant criticism, humiliation, insults, regret that the child is not like that, he is excluded from the events and in general everyone is prohibited, which contradicts parental attitudes. As a result, the child grows up infantile and incapable of independent life.
• Ignoring. Children who ignored in childhood cannot eventually react to their own children. They do not know how to constructively resolve conflicts and withstand intimacy. If a method of ignoring is selected, then this is a children's position, but not in general, but in some situations when it is impossible to cope with your emotions. In the same way, the children do - that's all. But they do not know how to resolve conflicts. In any case, when ignoring is committed, the child does not receive emotions from the parent and falls into frustration, his needs are not completely satisfied.
• Terrorization. In view of threats, mimicking, punishment. This does not always concern the child himself, so parents can behave with each other. A particularly difficult situation when adults break into children, and then, experiencing guilty become affectionate. From here, interpersonal conflict appears inside the child. He does not understand how a loving person can be dangerous and affectionate at the same time. The promise of reprisals makes you be afraid or angry when the child does even in spite to overcome an adult. More parents can threaten to tell others something, this is more common among adolescents.

• Blackmail. This is a kind of manipulation. For example, the parent promises to leave the child alone if he refuses to do something. Parents can blackmail for the simplest reason, even if the child simply does not answer the call.
• Insulation. It is restrictions. Often parents simply do not know how to influence the child and forbid to communicate with peers. For example, they close for a week at home for a bad mark. Some even deprive food and forbid to communicate with home, or take home schooling. This all affects the child poorly, and the parent develops a severe form of emotional abuse.
• Corruption. It does not mean sexual. This can manifest itself in encouraging cruelty to people or animals. Even during sports competitions, you can’t praise the child for this. This also concerns viewing porn films, photos, permission to take alcohol and drugs. This is all illegal, but sometimes manifests itself.
• Exploitation. The most common situation is when children have to raise children. They are charged with responsibility for the younger ones. Coercion or manipulations are just an Abuez, especially the punishment for disobedience. Maybe a child is 12 years old and developed, but he is still immature and certainly he is not up to raising children. Many give birth with the thought that they will help them. And in the end, it turns out that adults wanted a child, and the child is responsible for him.

Ultimately, the child cannot avoid this violence and stop relations with his parents. At least until he becomes an adult. He will have to live in such a family and adapt, and sometimes literally. When parents do not give enough love and affection for children, then they are distorted by the perception of themselves and the surrounding world. They never feel safe. By the way, when girls in childhood grow up as a victim, they are quite capable of entering into a relationship with a tyrant, because they are used to feeling in all guilty.

Emotional Abuez in a relationship: Signs

Most often, the emotional Abuez manifests itself in a relationship. As a rule, it is not noticeable at once even the victim itself. It manifests itself gradually, as the manipulator recognizes its victim and finds pressure points.

In any case, emotional violence in the family appears as the following signs:

• Suscaring. A woman tries not to anger a partner and chooses words for conversation. This means that you got used to your role and try to do everything so as not to get a portion of insults.
• The partner uses Gazlaiting methods. He tries to change the perception of reality, denying or distorting everything that happens. He says that he did not do something, did not say and you make up everything. Over time, this makes you doubt and you even agree. This makes you vulnerable.
• The requirement of a permanent report. This is a serious problem, because innocent checks can initially become real persecution. This is a restriction of freedom of movement and communication.
• The partner tells you offensive things as if jokingly. When you say that you are unpleasant, he claims to be joking. But not in vain they say that in every joke there is a share of truth.
• You have to apologize even if you have not done anything. Often the victims think that they are stupid or only think about themselves, because they have to constantly listen to the accusations against them.
• Too hot or cold. It’s like a swing, it is either loving, then detached and at the same time the reasons are not clear. And you are trying to return its location and blame yourself. This can turn into a person who constantly tries to return the favor of another.
• The partner does not want to recognize the strengths and achievements. At first it is not taken seriously when you are humiliated whether you are depreciated. The fact is that the partner is so trying to eliminate the threat. The way he reacts to achievements says a lot. If he ignores them or is not interested, or at all criticizes, then this is an occasion to think. They are trying to humiliate you and doubt themselves.
• Restrictions for punishment. When there are conditions in the relationship, it creates many problems. Although not always attempts to limit it are Abuez in some ways. Many believe that violence should be physical, but the restrictions are also so, but emotionally.
• You have no sexual attraction. This is more common in women. As a rule, in order to get excited they need to experience confidence. Well, if she is angry or afraid of a partner, then she does not feel safe. Accordingly, her body reacts.
• You feel sorry for him. Abugras are masters of manipulation. They do painfully and make you feel guilty. Well, you feel sorry for them. Victims often ignore the behavior of offenders, because they seem unhappy to them.
• Frequent change of plans. Open control is easy to see, but there is also hidden. This is a change in the planned plans under the guise of "make a surprise." This is control without demand. You first like attention, but then it becomes a habit and your desires fade into the background.

Is Abuez on the part of a woman and how does it manifest?

In rare cases, emotional Abuez is found from women. She is such a dictator, but this is not immediately visible. She does not act physically, she presses psychologically. It is better to bypass such women.

But how to recognize it? Of course, a woman does not begin to release claws immediately. But over time, she shows herself:

• Compares his chosen one with others and and they turn out to be much better
• Constant statements what a bad man
• Threats of divorce even on minor occasions
• Constant forecasts, for example, that a man will sniff if she leaves him
• An exaggeration of their own significance, for example, that a man without it is useless
• Such women constantly make fun of her husband in public, insult and interrupt
• Any success of her husband irritates her and she brings her up instead of praise and claims that they are insignificant
• During a quarrel, they can be ignored to bring to a boiling point
• Sometimes attacks of pathological jealousy arise
• She constantly controls all financial transactions
• Tries to impose in all correspondence, check mail and calls
• Her mood constantly changes. Now she can scream and hate you, but in five minutes to become a passionate mistress
• In the dispute is never inferior and constantly raises the voice so that only her
• Tries to configure children against his father
• Never fulfills promises
• He believes that she is special and everything is forgiven for her. However, she convinces others to this. From this, by the way, she can go to treason - after all, she can do everything
• For no reason begins to tyrant his own children
• Often lies
• Considers his behavior normal and only correct

When a woman is already over 30, it will be almost impossible to re -educate her. It is better to just get away from her and not spoil your nerves. Or just ignore all her manners and try hard to put in place. It will still pass with a young girl. Although, a constant confrontation also has not brought anyone to good, there will be many family wars and the outcome is impossible to predict them.

A man has to cope with this violence himself, because he is ashamed to admit this situation. And from the outside it is still not noticeable. Usually friends and colleagues will know about everything late. This usually happens when a person is already in deep depression.

Abuez, when men refuse you sex: Features

According to statistics, the emotional Abuez in terms of intimacy is found in 75% of couples. So, women have to agree to intimacy when I do not want this at all. The sexual Abuez is understood as a situation when any act or even attempts for it is committed. This is swinging unwanted flirting and coercion.

If you think that this does not threaten you, then remember that the rapist in a relationship first shows itself positively, deserves trust and only then shows its face. Someone happens to someone in a year, or maybe earlier. No one is safe from this. There are many reasons why women do not immediately understand the situation. For example, they are addicted emotionally or physically, no one can ask for help, there are children in a couple or there are other problems.

It is important to understand that sexual and mental violence meet together. Moreover, normal relations imply reciprocity or at least finding a compromise. This is important because here you can hurt just from ignorance. Moreover, if you agree to intimacy, this does not mean that you allow everything. And you can refuse at any time. Often, men force sex a threat of beatings or blackmail. This is the frequent use of Abuez.

Abuez in friendship: Signs

Everyone chooses friends himself. But there are people who are attached themselves and commit an emotional Abuez. Many people believe that abusers are found only in relationships, but this is not so. There are such people among friends. At first, everything is fine, friendship is strong and you understand each other perfectly. Only now everything around him is bad except you.

Gradually, as if for good, they begin to make comments and convince you of non -self -stability. Little control begins, again - for the good. Over time, you believe that the opinion of a friend is really more important and more important to you. And he already describes your shortcomings with might and main, and not only in private, but also in public. At the same time, he can ask for forgiveness for his words, but you will be to blame.

Then the accusations of lack of attention on your part begin. When communicating with others, they roll you hysteria and gradually be given all your friends from you, leaving only one friend. At some point, it becomes poorly moral and it seems that something is wrong with you. Only this is not so.

Moreover, a friend constantly evaluates you, controls and creates such situations when you remain to him. He will never ask what you want, but simply put before the fact.

It’s hard to get rid of such a friend yourself. But this will have to be done. To do this, it is enough to limit communication to the very minimum. It is better to keep such a person away and not talk about personal. Moreover, you will have to learn how to refuse and protect his space.

Abuez at work - how to recognize and confront: features

You can meet the emotional Abuez at work. Only this mobbing is called. This is such a form of emotional violence when an employee is poisoned, then to dismiss. Such behavior in the team is due to competition, a certain model of behavior (victims, informer, upstarts, and so on), an failure to accept the overall style of behavior.

Often with this behavior you have to deal with the boss. There is one excellent tool to combat it - documentation. If you are constantly offended, they require the performance of impossible tasks, abuse the position, then be sure to write everything on a recorder or camera. Then you will receive evidence of bullying. But the method will not work if the abuser does everything so that there is nothing to complain about, but you can’t quit.

Usually, when a person tries to resist such a boss, this only exacerbates the situation. This is not surprising, because if it is configured for negativity, then any attempt to resist will lead to rabies. However, one cannot react positively, because it will not become better from this. That is, it turns out that there is no resistance and it is better not to become.

The most effective way is ignoring, while it is the most difficult of all. It makes sense to warn manipulations at once and not let the abusele into your life. This will not change the boss himself, but you will not become a victim. Employees who were able to save the boss at a distance claim that they are able to control the situation and keep all the negative under control.

How to protect yourself from Abuez: Ways

Unfortunately, but there is practically no means that will help to save itself from the emotional abuse. The rapist itself cannot be converted. All that can be done in this situation is simply reducing the impact of such relationships. Be a healthy egoist - this is the best protection. It is difficult to cultivate in yourself if you want everyone to like and receive approval. That is why people try to please Abuzer, and he cannot like it.

In any case, ignoring the rapist is the best method. When the manipulation of guilt and low self -esteem will not give back, the abuser will simply lose interest. Moreover, be independent. The fact is that the Abuguser wants to rule over his victim, and therefore mockery of self -sufficient people is beyond his power.

Rehabilitation after Abuez: Tips

After the emotional Abuez, it takes some time to restore its psyche. And therefore do not demand everything from yourself and at once. During the restoration of you, bouts of moral pain can roll on you, but remember that this is part of the process and there is nothing wrong with that. Each has its own recovery pace. You will have to work a lot on yourself. Sometimes it may seem that this will never end, but if you work on yourself, then at a certain moment you will feel like a living person.

The internal work is to first recognize the fact of Abuez. Call a spade a spade and state the facts. Accept this, even though it is hard. You can feel powerlessness or anger at this time. This is what you cannot turn away from, you need to live it. In any case, you need to accept everything that happened as a result of damage. Cry, grieve and this is normal.

During the recovery, find what will help you recover. Perhaps there will be moments when you will forget to make up for yourself, and therefore make a list of your sources. This will help you not forget about the internal work and the importance of this process.

Surviving everything alone is very difficult, and therefore do not be afraid to talk with loved ones. In the end, find a psychologist or support group. So it will be easier for you.

Relations after Abuez - how to start?

As a rule, when an emotional Abuez was committed over a person, it is difficult for him to forget everything. Moreover, it’s hard to enter into a new relationship. Although, some tie them to be distracted. This is not prohibited, but you must understand that while the conclusions are not made from the past, you will not find personal happiness.

But, if a lot of time has already passed, then you need to figure out whether you are really ready to let another person into your life. This can be determined by the following signs:

• Think about how dependent on someone else's opinion. Do you make decisions on someone else's opinion? Do you have a sense of value?
• Do not be afraid of past experience, but try to work with it according to the method of repeated immersion. When you are ready for this, painful memories will appear in your memory. You must correctly understand them, as it were to survive - get angry, take offense and understand that you are not alone and you have someone to rely on, that is, on yourself.
• Think about your feelings. What do you feel next to men? Do they value you, are they interested in your needs? Will you act to yourself at the detriment or are you not scared of conflicts?
• Look at yourself and think about if you hide your discontent with your loved ones? You will be surprised, but healthy aggression is normal. It is she who allows you to identify its boundaries and protect yourself from manipulations.

If you decide to enter into a new relationship, then do not hurry so that the emptiness left by the Abuzer will first overgrown with a new life, and then let a new person into your life.

Why don't Abuez’s victims go away?

Often the victim of the emotional Abuez does not go away. Although she perfectly understands that the situation is not normal and you can’t live like that. It is mainly not possible to leave. The reason may be fear or dependence in the material plan. Sometimes people admit that it is really impossible to leave, but it rarely happens. In fact, most women are young and with good income. They may well leave their husband, maybe not immediately, but over time. But this from the side seems to be easy to leave such a man. In fact, the reasons are completely different.

• Home violence is considered the norm. This all has been going on since childhood, when physical punishment is considered the norm at home. Parents motivate this by the fact that everything is done for the good of the child, but only when he grows up, in his understanding the commission of violence remains normal. Accordingly, if he enters into such a relationship, then he will not resist violence
• She accuses herself of everything. Of course, a clever abouler is able to instill in a feeling of guilt. He makes us think that a woman acts wrong and is to blame for this regard. As a result, a woman remains morally depressed, and even with a feeling of guilt. She tries to do something and become better for her man, but only nothing comes out. When she finally understands that there is no way out, it is usually too late.
• Does not evaluate danger. The man beats, but he did not kill. Parents, too, after such education, are proud of their daughter that she is so good. Well, it means that you need to endure and learn to be better, then the husband is responding. In such a situation, criticality is lost. When a person is in a state of constant stress and tries to understand how to behave, he does not have enough strength to figure out that his parents and husband are completely different people. Yes, and public opinion fuels that the family cannot be destroyed. Accordingly, it is necessary to make maximum efforts.
• Game of love. Although there is emotional violence, a man continues to show love. Sometimes even the “honeymoon” suits - he apologizes in everything, says compliments, swears love. But how can you believe it when yesterday he arranged a tantrum for you, or maybe he also beat it? Well, only a complete fool. And the whole point is that women believe that he has changed. As a rule, the abuse makes it so that for a woman it becomes the only close person who knows that she is really better and begins to care for. So it’s hard to believe. To understand that such relationships are possible in a calm version, you will have to contact friends or psychologist in extreme cases.

Often, the victims of violence after leaving lose not only bad, but also good, and therefore they often return, because they think that no one can make you happy.

And while all these reasons are, most girls do not go away. Only when a woman realizes everything and will be ready for changes, then she will decide on them. Otherwise, it will be extremely difficult to get out of such a relationship.

How to deal with an emotional abuse: reviews

The emotional Abuez is not so rare, and therefore they talk a lot about it. In particular, you can find discussions in various forums where people share their experiences. We offer you to study several reviews of other people what they are talking about life with Abuzer:

Video: Abuez in a relationship. 10 signs, how to recognize the abuser? Anna Boginskaya

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