Psychological trauma in children. 12 phrases that can not tell a child

Think about what your internal self -esteem and model of behavior in society depend on? Maybe your problems are a consequence of what you heard in childhood from your parents?

What is a psychological trauma?

Psychological trauma is a deep emotional shock (mental wound), which a person could not overcome.

• Psychological trauma occurs when the negative event that a person has encountered goes beyond his ideas about life
• If he manages to find a way to eliminate the problem - on his own or with the help of others, then the event will move from the category of problems to the field of everyday experience
• If the exit does not manage, then in the future, faced with a similar problem, a person will be re -experienced every time

• Over time, unresolved psychological trauma will begin to influence human behavior, even if the threat of repeating the event is insignificant or invented. The stronger the injury, the more serious the imbalances in human behavior
• A striking example: the victim of the attack in the Moscow metro subsequently experiences serious mental discomfort, falling into a crowd of people. In this example, the logical chain “terrorist attack” \u003d “fear of the crowd” lies on the surface
• But more often, the relationship between non -constructive behavior and the traumatic event is not so obvious. The deepest psycho -trauma we get in childhood

The role of an adult in the life of a child. Where do child psychological injuries come from?

• The basic features of a person’s character are laid at the age of 2 to 7 years. This is a deep psychological foundation on which the whole subsequent life is being built
• The basis for the formation of character is communication with other people and experience gained as a result of communication. Who most often communicate with preschool children? With family members
• At the same time, the child communicates with his parents unequivocally. He does not think how good or bad the behavior of parents, because he has not yet mastered the ability to analyze. The child simply copies the behavior of parents. He accepts any of their judgments and actions unconditionally, like the truth in the last instance

According to psychologists' studies, among all the causes of psychological injuries in children, alcoholism and drug addiction are in the first place, in the second - verbal violence in the family (threats, insults, negative assessment). According to the degree of impact on adult life, these reasons ahead of poverty, beatings, divorce of parents or the presence of mentally ill in the family.

Most of the parents injure children unconsciously. Behind the wrong behavior, their own complexes, fears and desire to protect the child from troubles are hidden. This may be a continuation of the psycho -trauma received by the father or mother in childhood from their own parents.

Such unresolved problems can stretch through many generations, because each of us can teach the child only what he can. Maybe your model of behavior with a child is copied from your parents, and it does not seem dangerous to you.

12 phrases that cannot be told to the child. How do they reflect in the adult life of the child?

Psychological injuries of children in the process of education. What are parental attitudes?

Parental attitudes are a kind of behavior code that is formed in a child in the first years of life.

• Installations can be positive and negative. The more positive attitudes, the more successful a person in adulthood. But often, without noticing it, parents lay the attitudes with which their baby will fight all his life
• Do you know your inner voice, a kind of inner critic? He accompanies your deeds and actions, often interferes at the wrong time and makes you do not at all as you planned
• Whose voice is this? Whose teams do we do so meekly perform? Who inside us constantly encourages or criticizes our actions? Being adults, we are desperately looking for the reasons for our troubles in our own character, in external circumstances, without even realizing that the main reason is in child psychological injury

How to avoid negative parental attitudes? How to prepare a child for a future adult life?

If you consciously see what is actually behind your statements to the child, you can easily learn to control your speech.

Some of the most common parental fears and problems that give rise to negative phrases to the child.

• The desire to protect the child from failures. Let the child make a mistake. This is a natural part of growing up. It is important to teach the baby to get out of a conflict situation and cope with the consequences of incorrect actions. Having learned in the small, he will be able to solve much more serious problems in adulthood

• Excessive categorical. Parents who do not suffer objections, as a rule, themselves grew up in an authoritarian family. Do not communicate with your child in an unquestioning form: "I said so and the point." If the baby does not want to fulfill your request, try to explain why you need to do exactly as you want. If the child has his own arguments, let him express them, try to make small concessions. This will allow the baby to understand that his opinion is also valuable, and he has the right to him. Remember how you were suppressed in childhood, and what you felt at the same time

• The choice of anger on the child.If parents cannot find a way out of a difficult situation, are not able to control their lives, tend to blame others, they often “recoup” on the weaker - on children. So they compensate for their own helplessness. Do not allow yourself to break into the child. Even if at this moment you consider your child a source of all troubles, it is not to blame for your problems. Responsibility for your decisions and your state of affairs lies only with you. In any case, the surge of uncontrolled anger will aggravate the situation even more, but will not eliminate its causes

• Lack of time.If your employment does not allow you to spend enough time with your child, determine the specific watches when you will be ready to take part in his affairs. Do not break your promise. If the baby knows that you will definitely find time to listen to his problems and share his games, he will not feel unnecessary and lonely

• The child prevents the business.Let your child help you. The child subconsciously strives to be like you, he needs to feel his involvement in your life and your affairs, his adulthood and value. Even if he just sits nearby, it will give him a feeling of complicity. Do not forget to praise him for help

• Parental complexes.If the parent has low self -esteem, he constantly compares himself, and then the child, with more successful people. It is very important for such a person to have significance in the eyes of others, he is too dependent on the assessment of others
• Do not compare the child with others in a negative way. If you think that he needs to improve some skills, the comparison should only be with him: "This time you get better." If the baby himself notices other people's successes, support him: “You can also work if you work well”

• The one whom parents ignored in childhood is often not capable of empathy with their own child. Do not dismiss children's problems. What you think is a trifle may be an insoluble task for him. Tell the child options, push to independently search for a solution. The main thing is that he learn that in any situation you can find a way out and he can count on your support

Of course, in raising a child it is impossible to do without restrictions and instructions. The main thing is that your words bear a positive charge, and the methods of education do not cause a child’s mental injury, which he will have to cope years later.

Tell your children what you would like to hear from others. Take them what they are. We are all different. Your child differs from you with character, abilities, he will not be your exact copy, does not have to realize all your dreams, let him be himself.

Video. Psychological trauma and its consequences

Video. "Bury Me Behind the Baseboard". Film about children's psycho -traumas.