Survivability is a feature of each person to one degree or another. But it's time to fight her.
Content
In the portrait of a successful person of the 21st century there are such qualities as leadership, the ability to control their feelings and high communicative skills, and these qualities do not leave a place for shyness. Let's find out how to get rid of them.
Why are we shy?
With the development of the economy, society also changes. Accordingly, the further we go to the present, filled with new technologies, social networks and new connections, the more the psychological portrait of modern man changes.
It is in the movie that the knight successfully travels from the Middle Ages to our world and remains successful and even profitably released against the background of others. In reality, he would either go crazy, or did not survive at all. And not only because he does not know how to use the map or does not know where to go to the toilet in the modern city. But rather because today the world is developing rapidly from day to day and people need to change with it and be able to adapt psychologically to these changes.
The most striking example of a clearly outdated psychological phenomenon is constraint. If during the youth of our grandmothers and even mothers, constraint was considered clearly positive quality and shy girls were “in price”, today shyness can become the factor that can seriously ruin your life.
First you need to understand that shyness is a completely natural emotion, which is inherent in all people. But the reasons why we begin to be ashamed of completely different. They depend on our life experience and stories that we experienced - the upbringing and attitude of parents, school, the first love.
Psychologists call several reasons for constraint:
- The first reason is our the desire to be better than anyone else, as a result of which the fear of doing anything is developing (we are all imperfect and even once making a mistake we begin to worry, be shy and relate to ourselves negatively).
- Very high requirements in the family (From childhood, fives, sports medals or other achievements that other children can boast of children can constantly compare children with others).
- Negative experience (when they laugh at the school at the school, they are incorrectly speaking about the result of work or appearance, etc.)
Of course, living in society, it is impossible to avoid the negative influence of society on your personality and it is very difficult to be immune to it.
Shyness and work
Survey interferes in all areas of life. Of course, this emotion is also not in the work of this emotion. Of course, boasting is also not an option for positioning yourself in the labor collective. Today, the price is confident, active and adequately evaluating people.
- The ability to submit and sell yourself (as it doesn’t sound strange) is very important in the modern labor market. After all, whatever your profession you will have to defend your ideas and position.
- Even if you are an excellent professional, no one will know about it if you mumble and be shy at an interview. No matter how you prepare for an interview - only by overcoming shyness you can successfully submit yourself and convey your message to the employer and get the desired position.
Also today, not only labor skills are important for work, but also communication - the ability to attract customers, successfully communicate with customers and partners by phone and in life. All this is difficult to give a shy person.
Shyness and relationship
In personal relationships, shyness will not help either. It is very difficult for a shy person to attract attention and get to know someone in a team, on the street or at any event. Usually shy people get acquainted on the network, since the usual home atmosphere and the computer screen between a person and an interlocutor create a feeling of security.
In addition, shy people do not have many relationships and every new relationship they perceive as the “same”, and this may seem frightening for a potential partner at first. The embarrassment prevents the acquaintance easily and with a certain degree of excitement, which is characteristic of self -confident people.
How to overcome constraint?
Of course, you can try to hide the constraint. But the best way will be to try to realize your problem, accept it and start fighting it. If you have the opportunity and you are not particularly confident in your own abilities, you can sign up for a course to a psychologist. If you decide to deal with your problem yourself, we will try to help you and describe the most effective methods of combating constraint.
Recognize the causes of embarrassment
- Think and describe on a leaflet situation that could affect your shyness. Grandmothers, teachers or classmates at school are any situations in which your self -esteem has suffered. Of course, we do not suggest you return to school and express a grudge. But problem situations must be released. It doesn’t matter how - whether you will burn the list or just find the strength to accept the past. It is important to understand that all this negative has nothing to do with you.
- Psychologists in the case of any negative experience advise using the “cleansing screen” technique. Close your eyes. Imagine the TV screen on which this or that unpleasant scene from your list occurs. Mentally turn away from the screen, take a deep breath and, turning back to the screen, blow the unpleasant picture from it with air. If the picture does not fade the first time, do this until this happens.
- Write down on a leaflet of the situation when you are shy in order to increase anxiety. Describe the situations clearly and in detail. For example - “I'm afraid to speak in front of the audience”, “I am afraid to make the first call to the client”, “I am shy during the interview”, “I am lost to people who have power.”
These two lists will help you better study and realize the situation and at the same time will actually begin to step by step guidance to action. Starting with the most insignificant situation and gradually turning to the most difficult. As you overcome the obstacles, your self -confidence will grow, and the feeling of shyness becomes less and less.
Determine your strengths
You will have to write another list. This time it should be filled with your strong qualities. After all, it is low self -esteem that most often becomes the cause of constraint. Fight with her with all your might, every day and every second reminding yourself about how magnificent you are.
- Try to also look at your shortcomings on the other side and turn them into advantages. For example, you may not be a brilliant speaker, but you will be able to listen to the interlocutor.
- This list can be printed and hanged on a mirror, or keep with you and re -read it from time to time. Also, based on this list, you can write yourself affirmations and read them to increase self -esteem.
- It is well known that our brain can be programmed for positive or negative things. That is, if you repeat to yourself that you are unsuccessful, it will definitely be.
- Affirmations to increase self -esteem use even such famous personalities as Oprah Winfrey. On the Internet you can find tons of information on how to write an affirmation and how to use it to overcome a particular problem.
Purpose: The fight against shyness
So that your fight against shyness is not in vain, it is important to decide on the goal and follow it. Everything that you will do will be more effective if you realize what exactly prevents you from embarrassment in life is that this will help you clearly define the goal. The old problem is easier to overcome if you see a clearly formulated goal.
It is even better if you set the deadlines for the goal. At the same time, it is important to record not streamlined terms, but more specific. For example, you can formulate this way "I will stop being shy in public until August 31, 2019."
Train the necessary skills
To eradicate the habit of interfering life, you will have to systematically hone useful skills day after day. And in order to overcome the constraint you will have to try stronger - after all, it is not just a bad habit - this is a reaction that has been formed for years.
Each person is able to reprogram themselves. To do this, there are many effective practices, among which you can choose one or use several at once.
Affirmations. The famous personal coach and author of the Magic Morning methodology Hal Elrod in his book writes that at first his friend, who was repeating to himself in the soul of affirmation, seemed ridiculous to him. But later: “Reading a positive affirmation from the book“ Think and Rich ”experienced a truly amazing feeling.
She served as a strongest reminder of what unlimited potential is hiding in me - in each of us. And I decided to write my own affirmation. I hastily sketched on the leaf everything that I want from life, who I want to become and what I am ready to go to change my life for the better. And as a result, he felt strong and purposeful. ”
Take this powerful technique that all famous and successful people use. It is able to help not only get rich, but also instill new useful habits and program consciousness for positive thinking and increase self -esteem.
Visualization. A famous example of the effectiveness of visualization is the story of actor Jim Kerry, which only the lazy did not write about. The fact is that Jim, dreaming of an acting career, drew a check for $ 10 million in the column, which usually indicates the date of issue by Kerry made the “A Thanksbound Day of 1995” and in the appointment of the payment “For Acting Services”.
He looked at the check and visualized the happy emotions associated with receiving this money until he received a check of 10 million in 1994. Try and you make a visualization board. And also - do not forget each time before you have an important meeting or an exit to visualize what self -confidence you will radiate and what a splash you will produce - because you are the most cheerful, intelligent and sociable person in the world!
Go beyond your comfort zone
Remember the list of situations in which you are embarrassed and in which the constraint was hindered to you? Now comes the moment when you have to, as the British say "eat this frog."
- Communication with strangers.At least once a day, try to speak with a completely stranger - ideally - with random passers -by. There are great chances that this is your first and last meeting, so feel free to train on it or her.
- Go to the place where the events are seething.And do not just go - behave completely opposite to how you behaved before. For example, go to an art exhibition, but do not quietly consider the paintings from under the corner, but come to get to know the artist, ask him a few questions. Try to get acquainted with people who seemed interesting to you.
- Try to communicate more.In a world that constantly seeks to openly be closed is simply not fashionable. Open to the world and the people around you. Use every chance to contact people. Wish a good day to people whom you often meet, even if you do not know them. Smile passers -by, joke and get acquainted, agree to hold presentations and perform in public if you are offered. At work, try not to eat alone in the kitchen, but to wait for the time when most of your colleagues will have lunch. You will be surprised how many news and ideas fly in the air during lunch and what pleasant people your colleagues can be!
- Get ready for an important conversation.If you have an important meeting or important negotiations, you need to prepare in advance. Write on a sheet of paper what you expect from this meeting or conversation and what you need to say. You can even say phrases that you will have to voice people. Do not forget to visualize a successful conversation and results that you will definitely achieve.
- Get ready for the performance in public.If you have a public performance - be sure to get ready for it regardless of whether you are shy or not. It is worth writing a speech, think about what questions the listeners can ask you after your performance, and prepare answers to them, at least in general terms. Prepare your clothes in which you feel confident, and which you like. Ripe in the audience in which you will perform. Check all the equipment and everything you need for the performance in advance. Visualize your success. All these preparations will give you confidence before the event.
- Go beyond the limits of social networks.Try to smile at someone on the street or in a business center, or in any other public place and get acquainted with someone outside the dating sites. If someone is trying to get to know you, rejoice and do not refuse a person to do this. If the dating site already has an interest to you, go from correspondence to Skype or phone calls, and then to a personal meeting. Such a gradual transition levels the constraint and discomfort and at the meeting you will feel more confident.
- Sign up for a sports section or circle. This step will expand your circle of communication. In addition - all new skills in our lives add self -confidence and will help to liberate. Now there are also many courses for those who want to learn how to communicate, speak to the public and the like. You can also pay attention to the workshops on interests on which you can learn a lot, hone your skills and share your experience with new acquaintances.
Always say, "Yes." This is not only the name of a wonderful comedy with the participation of Jim Kerry. Showing people need to try to abandon the word "no." Try.
Video: Get rid of clamping and shyness
