Where does the child's inferiority complex come from? The kid mirror our complexes, how to recognize and increase self -esteem in a child?

The nature of the occurrence of low self -esteem in children, future problems of adaptation in their society. Methods of correction and change in the behavior of parents.

Content

The kid, as a sponge, absorbs behavior and language that he hears from day to day. Its subconscious is fertile soil on which the grains of the words of the parents germinate.

Although the latter often forget about it or do not think at all. And in vain - it is difficult to return self -esteem to a child to an adequate level. And if this is not done, his life can become complete tests, dissatisfaction and claims to others.

Why is the self -esteem of a child underestimated? What to do?

Have you heard how mothers or grandmothers communicate with babies at playgrounds, in stores or in clinics? Most often, they scold, hang labels, discuss with other adults, depreciate small successes, compare their child and his behavior with other children.

And this is the most vivid and memorable experience for the subconscious of the crumbs. So it grows with the programs “I am bad”, “I have hands crooked”, “I am not worthy of love and recognition”, “I need to pretend to please loved ones”, etc.

The way out is to start adults to educate themselves, learn to hear your voice of reason, strengthen awareness in all actions and words. The recipe sounds simple, but in practice you need to sweat for its implementation.

Remember that your child is the most beloved and unique. He comes to this world for some time by the grace of the Almighty. That is, we are given it to visit it.

How do you behave with other people who have come to you for a short while? Trying to please, attentive to their words and behavior, afraid to offend or pronounce a sharp word.

Symptoms of an inferiority complex in men

Men are active by nature. Their life flows outside, on the battlefields and mammoth mining for the family. And the determination, assertiveness, strength and authority are expected from a man.
If there is an inferiority complex, its behavior is radically different:

he looks into the bottle
forever expects a favorable moment for action
wound and touchy
looks back at the opinions of the surrounding strangers
looking for excuses for his failures outside himself
it takes a weak position
it is excessively aggressive
surrounds himself with status things and boasts them, for example, a sports car, an apartment in the city center with expensive repair
does not know how or is afraid to build a strong relationship with women

And “legs grow” from childhood and interfere with a full life and realization of a man.

Either my mother took care too and cluttered over him, or dad broadcast similar behavior, or the family was an unspoken taboo on manifestations of love. The list of reasons is long, and the result is disappointing.

Inferiority complex in women

Women are by nature soft and supple. Their field of activity is a family. But the past century in the post -Soviet space succeeded in raising girls according to the male scenario.

There were plenty of reasons - war, hunger, the construction of a “bright future”, when men lacked and the idea of \u200b\u200bthe equality of sexes was not enough and actively advanced.

How does the inferiority complex manifest in women?

the focus of actions outside, avoiding the performance of their duties
feminism
the emphasis on making money, the desire for a lifestyle businesswoman
distrust of men, problems in communicating with them
deafness to the opinion of other people
the desire to earn love and location
the complex of the excellent student
explanation of their behavior external causes
aggressiveness
frequent depression
the requirement of the attention of others to obtain sympathy for his person

However, it is easier for a woman than a man to find in herself negative programs laid down in childhood and shaken self -confidence. And with a strong desire to rewrite them to successful and creative, the woman will cope in the circle of like -minded people in a short time.

The reasons for the inferiority complex

They are numerous and arise at different stages of growing up a child.
Consider some:

words of loved ones, especially with a negative color
lack of faith in a child, but strength and ability
life without support and desire to help the baby in difficult situations for him
parental "deafness" for the real needs of the child
discussion and ridicule of his behavior with strangers
the transfer of their unhappy scenarios for parents
manipulations in communication
education with the predominance of market relations: you are to me, and I am a money to you
lack of access to the parent's body in critical moments for the child
laying out excessive hopes for parents on fragile children's shoulders

Thus, while our society and each parent separately “get sick”, growing children with healthy self -esteem becomes more difficult.

Low self -esteem in a child: children copy the behavior of parents

Nature wisely disposed of by awarding children an invisible thread of attachment to their adult. Look, the ducklings run after the duck and repeat her actions, the fry swim behind the mother-fish, the chicks fly behind the parents-birds. The same thing happens in people.

In children in the brain there is a special department responsible for attachment to parents. With its help, the baby evaluates the adult reaction to his behavior, checks the boundaries of the permitted.

Even when we adults forget about this natural ability of our children, it works properly.

Imagine, mom, dad or both were exhausted at work, returned home, and there the child with his needs for participation, games, love and support. What can adults give if their vital energy is at zero? Only lay a strong foundation of future problems with self -esteem.

How to increase self -esteem and confidence in the child

Different tactics of behavior and methods are applied depending on the age of the child, in which the problem is discovered with self -esteem and self -confidence:

praise for successes and achievements
minimum reduction, and better eradication of the habit of screaming to solve any problems
stop discussing the child’s behavior, compare him with others, hang shortcuts
punish environmentally friendly - without physical and emotional violence
consult and sometimes do as a child says
ask for forgiveness from the baby
to enrich your speech with kind words expressing your emotions and emphasizing the importance and significance of a child in your life
regularly talk and spend time together not at the screens of a TV and a computer, but in nature
never deceive a child, explain something so that he understands
arrange children's holidays with the invitation of kids home
give the right to act independently to the child, trust him
be affordable for communication at any time
develop talents and abilities of a child
interesting in playing sports
carefully study the psychological characteristics of the personality of the child - the choleric to ensure communication with other children, melancholy to give the right to communicate with themselves
take a child as he is, without laying out excessive expectations
give the right to
do not take the position of God in order to control everything
go to the psychologist to the parent, child or both at the same time. The fresh look of a specialist will more often see the roots of the problem much faster than mother's blind eye from everyday life.

The most effective means to increase low self -esteem in a child is the love of the parent. Not selfish and awaiting bonuses in the future, but a disinterested divine all -good love.

How to increase self -esteem for a child 5 - 6 years old?

More often, children at this age, on the contrary, are inherent in high self -esteem. Since parents pamper them, please and forgive a lot.

And yet, if you have a low assessment of themselves in a child 5-6 years old, parents can:

praise, support, talk with a child
use warm and affectionate words
put to the child
develop its natural talents, instill a love of sports, music, dancing
be affordable for communication, do not brush off the child
correctly build a hierarchy of values \u200b\u200bin the head, so that, for example, the work does not stand higher than the child

How to increase self -esteem for a child 7-8 years old?

At this time, the baby goes to school, faces a high amount of communication, children, adults, expectations and requirements. This provokes stress and possible deviations in self -esteem.

For its correction, the methods described above are 5-6 years old, as well as the following:

joint homework
providing the opportunity not to do what causes discomfort in a child, for example, in one approach to solve 20 problems
together get out of nature, tourist trips with tents
allow friends home
to teach on the basis of their own examples how to get out of difficult situations, for example, ridicule of peers

How to increase self -esteem for a child 9 - 10 years old?

A child of this age understands the reaction of adults to his behavior or actions, knows how to predict it. Therefore, it is better to focus on such methods for correcting his self -esteem:

establishing or strengthening friendship between parents and child
granting the right to express their opinion without fear of punishment or ridicule
strengthening a sense of humor in a child
if there is an interest in sports, develop it further
the teaching of the child’s opinion in solving everyday situations
development of taste and style in clothing
other above methods that in your opinion are acceptable

How to increase self -esteem for a child 11 - 12 years old?

Having stepped over a 10-year line, the child enters at the time between childhood and youth. Teenage storms begin to rage in his body, knocking out of the usual style of communication.

Yes, and with peers, communicating a child is getting wished. But only adults can truly support, instill faith in their strengths, recognize the merits and not execute for mistakes. Children are able to cripple self -esteem for their own kind forever.

Therefore, it is important for parents not to miss the moment and in time to proceed with the correction of self -esteem of their child.

Due to the presence of not lived emotions and not passed the life lessons of this age, the parents themselves, communication with children exacerbates. Or you feel damaged in a corner, deeply unhappy, do not see the values \u200b\u200bof your life, wait for something better and depreciate what is already there. What do you, as a parent, give the child, how can you help to eradicate feelings of inferiority and pity for yourself in a child?

Often the most effective and effective method is to appeal to a psychologist and passing a psychocorrection course for all family members or only parents.

How to increase self -esteem in children: tips and reviews

A few tips to improve self -esteem in children:

love, believe, support, calm and talk to them
build friendships, keep abreast of their life and experiences
help adapt in society with examples from your life
develop a sense of humor, physical, intellectual, creative abilities in them
plan leisure so that everyone is interested in
forget about screaming as a way of communication
respect and accept the child as he is, without an attempt to block under your expectations
ask for forgiveness if you offended undeservedly
show an example of a lifestyle that you would like to see in a child in the future

And most importantly - answer yourself honestly if you have problems with self -esteem. Maybe you should start with yourself, work out all the injuries and limiting beliefs, and then help the child with new power?

Reviews

Maria, housewife
We have two beautiful children - a boy and a girl. When my son was a year, I was forced to go to work and help my husband with the payment of a loan for an apartment. In this race, we missed the moment when the son began to manifest the symptoms of low self -esteem. They became especially bright in front of the school. At the Family Council, we decided that it was better for me to leave work and help my son increase self -esteem. I talked with him more, practiced an active hearing, grabbed, supported his initiative. And so we successfully coped with the task. After the birth of my daughter, I have no longer committed such an error as premature access to work.

Victoria, sales manager
The first child was brought up by one. She worked a lot, and she hired a nanny and tried to provide everything necessary. Often on business trips. And in adolescence, the child was faced with problems in evaluating himself and her place in society.
The psychologist helped, whom the best friend recommended to me. He carried out sessions very carefully and scrupulously, determined the reasons and proposed measures to equalize self -esteem. Thank you this man! All methods were effective and now my child is a successful athlete, a student and soul of a company among his friends.

So, we examined the causes of problems with self -esteem in children, its manifestation in men and women and ways to correct self -esteem.