What divorced women regret: the main reasons and examples from the life of divorced women

A breakdown of relations never occurs suddenly. Dissatisfaction with each other usually accumulates for a long time, and then in an instant the last drop will fill the bowl of patience with one of the partners, and an explosion occurs.

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It is impossible to calmly survive the divorce, as this is a very painful procedure for a woman. The deceived hopes, bitterness of loss, disappointment, anger at the ex -husband, who did not want to understand her and forgive her, and endless pity for herself - usually a woman is full of all these emotions during and immediately after the divorce. And only time, like the best medicine, is able to save it from torment and part of parting. What are the divorced women regret? And how to withstand a morally broken, sincere woman after such a “bloody war”?

What are the divorced women regret?

The initiators of the scandal are usually women. Like more emotional natures, they in the heat of quarrels can fall on the head of their partner that heap of problems and discontent that oppressed them for a long time. And men all this time lived calmly in a happy ignorance that much in their behavior does not suit his second half.
And since men and women are creatures with completely different psychology, it is incredibly difficult to understand each other and adopt to joint living. Often, under the influence of the moment, the cold mind of a woman seems to be “turned off”, and then she ceases to control her flow of angry, and sometimes even unfair, offensive and painfully wounding words.
The insight soon comes: “What have I done?”, But ... it's too late, and the past relations with my beloved cannot be returned. And along with insight and understanding, because it was possible to stop in time, choose completely different words, and an dear person would be nearby.

So what women mainly regret after the divorce:

"I did everything so that he was fine, and he did not appreciate my efforts" - Such thoughts visit a woman most often after a divorce. And at the same time, she does not even realize that just loss of herself as a person, complete dissolution in her wife and brought their attitude to collapse. Of course, you struck in a cake in order to ensure a comfortable existence, but at the same time completely forgot about your needs, dreams and desires.
Psychologists recommend remembering yourself before your meeting with him - their habits, worldview, mood, appearance etc. And to realize what exactly at the time of acquaintance was interested in you. And then - with a cold and clear mind, impartially analyze all the years that you spent with him, and how you changed during this time.
Having taken the paper and a pen, fix it all - so you will quickly evaluate what reason the husband has cooled to you, and deal with your mistakes. You will understand that the main one is just the fact that you sacrificed yourself to your relationship, and did not even realize this to the end. Yes, the man was comfortable near you, but at some point he suddenly became uninteresting. He lacked that former, which was lingered in the distant past, and meanwhile he had long gone far ahead ... Understand, accept and let go of this situation so that in subsequent relationships already such a mistake to prevent.

“I spent a lot of time at work, only so that he and all other members of the family did not need anything” - So often they say and think successful women after a divorce. And at the same time they try not to even allow the thought that they are deceived. If you attribute yourself to this category, then, most likely, the construction of a career needed you yourself, not your family.
And while you self -asserted at work, the disagreements between you were worshiped and multiplieduntil they have reached a critical point. And the displeasure of the spouse, which arose on the basis of your constant absence in the family circle, has grown into rejection of such a situation. Now you have to reap the bitter fruits of regrets and disappointments about parting and divorce.
Psychologists in such a situation recommend trying to get rid of the load of bitter regrets as soon as possible, since there will be no return to the old. If you understand that you can’t completely subordinate the career, and the family in your life still occupies the main place-this means that you have realized your mistake and repent in it. A little time will pass, you will calm down and will be ready for a new relationship.
In order not to repeat your last mistake, you should learn to separate your personal life from work and abstract from it, returning to the circle of your family, quickly switch to household chores. It should be remembered that you can not compensate your close people with any benefits and capabilities your attention and care.
"I did absolutely everything myself, never asking him for help" - So some women think, when suddenly, without any visible reasons, the husband goes to break the relationship. Here you need to figure out: now you are regretting that you did not attract your spouse to solve home problems, or did you just know that you still won’t wait for help from him?
But, be that as it may, the burden of responsibility for the whole family took on your shoulders, deep down, hoping that the spouse will provide you with his support without any requests. Most likely, in this way you tried to prove to him that you are strong and undemanding, but it so happened that your beloved man considered himself superfluous and unnecessary, and therefore self -destroyed.
Without attracting him to home problems, you deprived him of the opportunity to feel like the head of the family, on whom a lot depends in your house. Psychologists recommend that such excessively independent women learn to be weak. In the eyes of your beloved man, you will not get worse because if you ask him for help from time to time, attracting him to household chores. You will not in any way humiliate you to ask, for example, to work out with children, to beat a shelf in the kitchen, etc. The main thing is to convey to him that all this is very important to you.

"Only I am to blame for the fact that our marriage has broken up" - About this is regretted after the divorce of women, who in all troubles always blame themselves. Stop doing self-flagellation, as it is impossible to discern your mistakes due to the holl of the guilt complex. You should not live the past, because what happened will not change, it is better to realize that the time has come internally to change itself. And to understand, in everything that happens - both in good and in bad - two participate.
What should be done for this? Psychologists advise from all sides to consider the reasons for the gap (preferably impassive) in the algorithm "If in this particular case I did this, and not differently, then ...". When feelings and emotions have already come back to normal, then it will be much easier for you to deal with all this and find the right solution in each of the situational options.
Now is the time to think about what important did you not notice or what you did not do in a relationship? Work on yourself, understand your mistakes and do not allow them in the future. And most importantly-stop blaming yourself always and in everything, because your life is in your hands, and you need to build it at your own free will, and not at someone’s whim.
"I did not leave him, but he left me" - This thought does not even whisper, but loudly shouts to the woman her wounded pride. There are not even bitter regrets about the collapse of the family defeat her. Rather, it brings to rabies a statement of the fact that it did not initiate a divorce.
And now she lives only with her thoughts about revenging the Furious traitor, in order to convince him, others, and herself in her undeniable superiority. In this situation, the main thing is to understand as soon as possible: it does not matter who left whom, and why there was a gap.

The fact that she did not leave the first

May be, Your husband was not a “queen”, but a home dear woman, Next to which he will be comfortable and warm. Try to forget about revenge and the man you had to part with. Ahead of you will definitely meet a man who can appreciate you.
"It turned out that I knew nothing about him at all." - Women who preferred to see in their spouse only his positive qualities in their wife, and for everything else simply closed their eyes in their wife. And so it was impossible to behave, because in the Union of two, confidence, understanding and support that you did not have for the first should be in the first place.
Obviously, you clearly distinguished your spaces, everyone had their own interests, and you really really had nothing to talk about. Such disconnection of interests involuntarily led to a break in relations, because people should be interested in each other. Although it is bitter to admit it, it will have to be: the divorce happened mainly through your fault.
Think about: having agreed to marriage, you wanted to maintain freedom for yourself, or dreamed of walking in life with your chosen one hand in hand, "until death will separate you"? And if you were not at all interested in what your husband lives, then perhaps you just hurried to marriage. With an understanding of this unfortunate fact, your life will not be simplified: you will become even more regretted about the lost opportunities and lost time. But the most important thing in this situation is that you have realized and no longer repeat such errors, so the experience gained will not disappear.
"I sacrificed myself to the family, did not develop, devoted all of myself to him, and he ..." - Often you can hear from women whose husbands left the family. Indeed, for the sake of the family, you went to a certain sacrifice, saying goodbye to study, career, dreams and prospects. You practically stopped dating your friends, go out, believing that the exemplary wife and mother should devote all of herself only to her loved ones.
But forgetting about yourself you have missed a lot in this life. Now, after the divorce, all these regrets are useless - so just throw it out of your head. Do not think that for the sake of your husband you missed time and opportunity, because you yourself have chosen this path for yourself. And by force, no one forced you to this victim, who, as it turned out, was in vain.
Now it’s just the time to take care of yourself, to start all again or restore the old. The main thing in this situation is to stop sorry for yourself, straighten your shoulders and realize your dreams-to continue your studies, to master an interesting profession or hobby, to sign up for your trainings, to go somewhere, finally.
You do not need to be afraid that your self -improvement will badly affect the attitude of your homes towards you. On the contrary, all this will lead to a positive effect: the children will be interested with you, they will appreciate your attention and care more. And in your life, another man who will be interested in being with you.

That she completely devoted herself to him

What divorced women regret: reviews

Victoria, Housewife: I regret that I completely forgot about herself. I understand that nothing can no longer be dismissed back, and it is impossible to return everything in order to correct your mistakes, to build life with your beloved husband completely differently. I loved him so much that it was “dissolved” in him, forgetting about my desires. Probably, at that moment I saw in him a kind of deity, to whom, of his own free will I gave myself to the service. And then our son was born with him, and now I was already breaking between my two beloved deities, giving them all of myself to the bottom, without a trace ... I lived only for them, completely forgetting about myself, about my friends, parents, younger sister. But my victim was in vain, my husband suddenly demanded a divorce, saying that he was bored and uninteresting with me than simply destroyed me morally. Now I already came to my senses a bit and suddenly felt that I had to live for myself.
Julia, student: I regret that I have never requested. We lived with my husband a little over a year. Protecting my love, I protected at the same time his beloved, from all everyday problems. I transferred to absenteeism so that I had the opportunity to work and keep our young family. And he never did this, graciously allowing me to bring money to the house, buy food, cook dinners, wash dishes. Although sometimes tired of insensibility, she didn’t bother with requests to her husband - after all, he needs to study. If I only knew what all this would lead to ... Without any scandals and clarification of the relationship, my husband announced to me that he was returning to his parents, since he was tired of this dull existence. He collected his things and left, and no persuasion helped, it all ended with a divorce. To know in advance what my self -sacrifice will turn into, I would begin to attract my husband to all matters. When you are always together - both during work and leisure, it unites a man and a woman, makes their relationship strong.
Elizabeth, Teacher: Probably, with a marriage, it was necessary to wait. I got married early. For love. At least then it seemed to me then. He was older than me, more experienced. He knew how to impress in society, besides he was far from poor. So he turned my head. At 21 I gave birth to a daughter, at 30 - a son. The house is wealth, children are well -groomed, the husband earns good money, so there is an opportunity to go to beauty salons and shopping. What else is needed for happiness? At least I thought so until some time. But, as it turned out, my spouse did not share my opinion at all. He found another woman who met all his requirements, was interested in his work and problems, at the first request she raced to his dates - but I did not notice all this, since she lived with her interests. Now I regret that I had “jumped out” early, probably if I were older, I would learn to value relationships and pay more attention to my husband.
Tatyana, sales consultant: I am sorry that I did not dare to stop everything earlier. From the very beginning of our marriage, everything went wrong. The husband, who, in the status of the groom, was cute and charming, soon turned into a real despot and grouse. Constant conflicts pissed me off, I was constantly on the verge of a nervous breakdown. And no, in order to immediately stop this torture: I continued to live in eternal stress. I noticed that meanwhile, my character has changed. I used to be funny and open, but living with him, she became closed and irritable. Why have I suffered all this for so long - I don’t understand myself. Most likely, the fear of loneliness loomed in front of me. When I finally decided to divorce, I was freed from all the negativity. Now I feel free and liberated, and is ready for a new relationship. I hope that now I am lucky and regret that I did not put a point earlier.

The stories of divorced women are often similar

As you can see, there are a lot of reasons for regrets of divorced women. But divorce is not the end of life at all. Having received a sad but truly invaluable experience, it is never too late to start all over again. Getting rid of past resentment and negative emotions, you need to boldly walk forward, and new relationships will not be long in coming. The main thing is to consider your past errors, and do not repeat them anymore.

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