The victim complex: examples of women as a victim - why does it appear, how does it manifest, how to get rid of? The victim is a person’s choice or not, what is the benefit?

Find out in the article what the role of the victim is, how to get rid of this role.

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Victim complex: Examples

Surrounded by almost every person, or maybe not even one who constantly complains about life, problems and failures, and other people. It would seem that life does not indulge in constant luck, endless success and a complete lack of problems. But some people to the question "How are you?" They answer “normal”, while others begin the story of a series of failures.

Sometimes it seems better would not affect this acquaintance, you get so much negativity from him. This case is nothing but a victim. Women and men assume the role of the victim. There are a lot of such people.

There are a lot of life situations in which a person becomes a victim. And they can all be very different. If we compare examples of complex life situations, it does not immediately become clear what can still unite such different people. And unites their role as the victim.

Examples of the victim complex:

Inna was beaten by the first husband. She divorced him, married a second time. But the new husband began to raise his hand to the woman. The next day, he cries, asks for forgiveness, for a while he subsides. But then he beats again.
Katerina suffers due to the fact that she is forced to do everything for the benefits of her family, and they do not value her. She works and erases everyone, and removes, and cooks food, and no one appreciates it. Husband, son does not care about her properly and do not thank all the good things that she does for them daily.
Oksana was tortured by the boss. Constantly finds fault, makes comments, reprimand. Oksana, the more afraid of the comments, the more makes mistakes in work.
Natalia has an alcoholic husband. She is constantly trying to help him. What I just did not do to pull it out of the bingers. He still drinks after a while, and she helps him again.
Svetlana is delayed at work. Not for 15-20 minutes, but for several hours. At the same time, they can be called on a weekend, although they promised completely different when arranging.
Lyudmila is constantly sick. Either the heart, then the liver, then the cold, then the operation. She has already suffered so much that the disease has become for her the norm. At the same time, all relatives during her illness take care of her and show interest.
Olga's adult son constantly steals money from her, does not want to work, only feeds promises. Mother constantly gives him money and believes that his son is about to go in a way.
Nina is forced not to work, although she does not like to be a housewife. She raises small children who have no one to leave. She constantly complains that she is tired of such a life, but her situation is simply hopeless.
Larisa is constantly offended. Either a poor -quality product was sold in the store, then a friend promised and did not come, then at work they did not appreciate her efforts, etc.

How to understand that you are a victim: examples from life

All these women are victims. Because of certain people and situations, they suffer very much. Those problems from which they suffer are solved if desired. But the victims do not seek to solve their problems, they are completely bend under the situation, give the right to manage their lives and make a decision for them. Why is this happening?

Video: What is a victim complex?

Psychology of the victim complex

There are people who provoke their behavior and attitude to poor handling them. The distribution of roles in society occurs according to certain rules. When one person begins to portray himself as a victim, the other occupies the role of a villain. Moreover, the "villain" may actually not be like that. Often the victims themselves poison the life of their loved ones and surrounding people. But they do not understand this.

Important: the victim is a life position, a person’s behavior in life. The victims are characterized by such features: helplessness, powerlessness, pity, despondency, inanimateness, fear of failure.

People who have taken on the role of the victim often fall into unpleasant situations, but they do not associate these events with the characteristics of their character. According to their deep conviction, the Universe itself reduces the events in such a way that these people always fall into trouble, never achieve success.

The victim’s complex often begins to be produced in childhood. The phrase accidentally thrown by parents, harmless intimidation, blackmail and manipulations can play a cruel joke with a person in adulthood.

For example:

Mom constantly repeats to the child that he will not love if he does not finish porridge. The child has no choice, he is simply obliged to eat this porridge, because losing maternal love is the worst thing for the baby. But then in adulthood, a person will feel the fear that they will not love him. To do this, he will try to please everyone. Because if you do not please, they will not love.
Many children try to study well, monitor order, behave good only to love them. Some do not understand that you can love not for something, but just like that. And in adulthood. The acute perception of the situation by the child passes with him into adulthood.
If the child has never noticed a child at school, plus his parents did not praise him for successes and achievements, the child can decide that he is worthless. In adulthood, a person will come to terms with the fact that he is not special, that he does not deserve a better life, better work, a higher salary. Such a person will always be content with small, although at heart he would like more. But the fear of failure does not allow him to declare his desires. So he is forced to live and suffer.
Children's fears and complexes warm up situations from adulthood. For example, the girl was always said that she would meet the prince on a white horse. As a result, the girl is waiting for the prince, but he is still not. She enters into a relationship not with the prince, but with an ordinary person. But he can disappoint her with his imperfect attitude, imperfect behavior. Many people know that relationships need to be built and it is normal that people have misunderstandings. But instead of finding out and working on a relationship, a girl or woman can take the role of an incomprehensible, unified victim.

Victim's complex: causes of sacrificial behavior

The reasons for the fact that a person has a victim’s complex is a lot. The main of them can be distinguished:

Low self-esteem. People with low self -esteem are manipulated by everyone who is not too lazy - boss, colleagues, friends, second half, mother -in -law, children. Such people always work more, in any problems, they are to blame, people with low self -esteem sacrifice their interests for the sake of the family. It is easier for them to be always an offended victim and shift guilt on others than to take responsibility for their lives and start living with their interests.
Fear to stand out against the background of others. Often people cannot abandon some decision only for the reason that they do not want to be not like everyone else. Everyone ran - and I also ran. They bought everything - and I bought. This is often used by scammers whose goal is to sell your goods to you, to pull your money. For example, people were collected at the presentation of some product. At the end of two or three people, they want to buy this product. You did not want to buy it, but bought it so as not to stand out with your individuality, so as not to seem like everyone else.
Dependence on the opinions of other people. In the head of many people, such a thing is sitting firmly as "what will they think of me?" Often, a person sacrifices his interests, because he is afraid that they will stop respecting him, laugh at him, condemn him, think badly and everyone is like that. Due to the experience and dependence on the opinions of other people, a person makes the wrong decisions, and then accuses others. A person may not to blame others and endure the insult aloud, but deep down.
Overstated requirements for oneself. Failures can persecute those people who require too much from themselves. This happens to those who were inspired in childhood, that you should always be the best, learn only for five, marry only an ideal person once and for all, to build a country house by 30 years and get an excellent position. When a person sees that he does not achieve suggested goals, an internal conflict begins with himself, disappointment, resentment.
Fear of failure. A person is ready to endure everything, just not to take any steps, if only not to take responsibility. He will work for a penny salary, sitting at home and not at all to earn than to change something. Will come up with sores, just not to lose the care of loved ones. The wife will live with a Tiran husband, as he is afraid to start an independent life. A person is afraid to fail, afraid to make a mistake, it’s easier for him to endure and complain about a difficult fate.

How is the victim's complex manifested?

The victim’s complex can manifest itself in completely different ways.

Consider them:

A woman can completely devote her life to children, her husband. Often you can hear such a phrase from her: “I do not need anything,” “If only you had to be fine.” And everything is like that. Such a woman lives with the interests of all her loved ones, but not her own.
The victims are helpless, they think that they will not cope with a certain situation. Nevertheless, they are able to "put on their neck" someone. They try to be necessary with their care and help, to earn respect and love.
The victim tries that everything is ideal in the house, appearance, relationships with her husband and children. She does not listen to herself, she gets tired, but does not pay attention to it.
The victim denies himself almost everything, tries to cause self -pity.
A victim is constantly dissatisfied with something, he does not see a way out of any situation.
The victim is to blame, but not her. This person always blames other people in what happened and does not recognize his mistakes.
The victim does not know how to defend his position, if necessary. A person accepts any situation with humility, for granted.
Next to the victim is a villain, tyrant, tormentor. She constantly complains about him, but does not leave and does not attempt to stop torment.
The victim does not know how to enjoy life, to experience happiness. Such people do not enjoy rest, they do not like their work. The victim considers himself unworthy of happiness, love, wealth, health.
A person with a complex of victim implicitly obeys strong personalities. He unconsciously provokes others treat himself as a victim.

How to recognize the victim: examples of behavior

Phrases that can often be heard from a person with a victim's complex:

“I have such a character”;
“For the best I don't hope”;
“I do not expect another from you”;
“I am always unlucky”;
“You always mock me”;
"Nothing dedends on me";
“I can’t do it”;
"Nobody helps me, why don't you help me?"
"I am used to doing this";
"Nothing will change, I'm so used to"

Often victims are deprived of friends, they do not want to invite them to visit, do not want to communicate with them on the phone. Their society becomes unbearable, because they constantly whine, complain of life and other people, look for the causes of their failures.

The desire of the victim to please all other people causes an alienation reaction. This reaction is natural. In response, the victim awaits care, support and pity, but receives the wrong reaction. As a result, the victim begins to blame a person, although in fact he is not to blame, he is simple, he has the right to his choice.

Video: victim syndrome

Is the victim’s complex a conscious or unconscious choice?

Many people do not understand why sacrifices live so if they do not like their life. It would seem that I do not like it-change something. But for a person with a victim’s complex, such a life and such behavior is the norm.

Important: the victim’s complex is natural behavior, a person does not deliberately choose this form of relations. At heart, he wants to achieve attention, care, love. But he cannot express his desires differently.

The victim knows that it can be different, that many people live wrong, but this does not concern her. A person with a victim’s complex is confident that in his scenario of life cannot be different. The victim lives on such a scenario all his life, since childhood, so the option to change their behavior is just an abstraction for her.

The victim initially does not want to achieve his behavior to achieve their goals, but she receives secondary benefits from her behavior.

Secondary benefits from the victim complex:

Suffering makes it possible for a person to feel that he is alive. A person gets so used to suffering that he cannot live just without this feeling. If you deprive a person of these suffering, he will feel emptiness.
When the victim gets sick, this gives her the opportunity to feel significant. Close begins to be more often nearby, take care, attention, worry, pity. This is exactly what the victim constantly needs.
Resentment of the victim of other people give the opportunity to feel better than another person. Here he is so bad, but I'm so good.
The rejection of the role of the victim implies the takeing of responsibility for their lives. And this is what many are afraid of. Many are not ready to make their own decision, are not ready to break pain, provide themselves, etc. Take responsibility for your life - this means moving from suffering to business. But it’s easier to just suffer than take some specific steps.

How to get rid of the victim's complex?

Many are interested in the question of whether it is possible to get rid of the victim’s complex. Can. But for this it is necessary to work hard, for a long time and regularly.

People with a victim’s complex are not just shown the help of a psychologist, they need it. The person who turned to the psychologist for help is already taking the first step towards to stop being a victim.

It is pointless to work on yourself, to destroy the victim’s complex in itself until a person admits to himself in his complex. Many deny the fact that they take on the role of the victim.

Important: the most important rule that will help get rid of the victim’s complex is to stop sorry for yourself. Then you need to understand two things - believe in your significance and defend it.

To get out of the victim's role Do the following actions daily:

Stop living with the permission of others. If you want to return the thing to the store, say: "I want to return the thing." Instead of the question of whether it is possible to return this dress. Do not ask the guilty tone of permission to go to a meeting with friends. Replace your intention directly, without a question and justification. Of course, this council does not imply an invasion of other people's boundaries, causing harm to other people. Typical victim behavior is to ask permission to allow himself to be allowed.
If you don't want to help, don't do it. Do not borrow money out of politeness, sitting with the children of a girlfriend, while she arranges her personal life, you should not be constantly a vest for consolation. If you do not want this, tell me directly. But do not rape yourself.
Be sure during the conversation. Do not be afraid to say no, do not look away, if the question is inconvenient, do not stoop, get rid of nervous gestures. During the conversation, stand evenly, speak clearly, do not make makeup. This will demonstrate your confidence.
Do not be afraid to say excess. Many victims are very afraid that any word they said will be used against them. Get rid of this fear. Do not torment yourself with fears that the interlocutor will think about you not that. At the same time, do not go to extremes. Follow the balance in communication, open when communicating, but do not cross the line.
Do not be afraid to declare your rights. If you did not like the goods in the store or brought a poor -quality dish in a restaurant, do not be afraid to refuse such a product. You have every right to do so. It is not necessary to quarrel and rude, but it is necessary to say directly and clearly. Tolerate poor -quality service, pay for bad services, silently dismiss when you were deceived, the destiny of the victim, alas.
Act. While the victim awaits that the changes will come and life will improve, the owner of his life acts. Do not expect that your life will change in a miraculous way, every day take specific steps to approach your goal.
Remember mistakes are inevitable. Do not allow negative experience in the past to sow the fear of defeat in you. If one novel ended with disappointment, this does not mean that all men are bad. If you have not been appreciated at one job, you can become an indispensable employee on another.

How to get rid of the victim's syndrome: tips

At that moment, when you begin to get out of the role of the victim, many people will say that you have changed a lot for the worse. Do not perceive it as a sign that nothing happens and you were defeated again. In fact, you just ceased to be convenient for these people, that's all. You will be very beneficial for yourself, finally you will feel how to be a free person, deprived of an endless sense of obligation to prove something to someone.

The victim’s complex leads not only to psychological discomfort, often a person is also subjected to physical ailments. He can begin to eat poorly, experience insomnia, not experience sexual attraction, not to follow his appearance. Therefore, it is necessary to get rid of the victim’s complex. If you realized that you took on the role of the victim - you are already on the way to victory. This complex brings only negative, there is no benefit in the complex. We wish you to become the master of your life.