How to understand that you are manipulated: types and techniques of manipulations. How to resist manipulations: methods of counteracting the hidden influence of the manipulator, protective phrases

This article will talk about varieties of manipulations and methods of confrontation.

Content

Manipulation of people is a phrase that we often read, often speak, often unconsciously even use. But in this process, few of us understand its essence. And even more so, he is not able to recognize or recognize that in some cases he himself is subjected to manipulation by other people, close relatives or media, and in some cases acts as a manipulator. Let's try to figure out what kind of phenomenon this is, how to recognize him and how not to become his victim.

What is a manipulation by another person: definition

The word "manipulation" has Latin origin (manus - hand, ple - fill) and is interpreted in psychology, as a hidden impact on the psyche of another person in order to obtain a certain benefit from him. In fact, any action that falls under this definition, even the most seemingly harmless can be considered as such.

There are a lot of types and techniques of manipulations, they are differently classified by specialists. We are used to some since childhood and do not consider them to be such. Perhaps we try to avoid some intuitively. And some can easily lead even by noticing this.

Possible goals and techniques of the manipulator

First thing We will try to decide in the very essence of this concept

Remember - any manipulation is carried out secretly and It has the task of achieving control over the behavior of another person.The goals of this can be very different, as well as manipulative tactics.
It is believed that the word "manipulation" itself has a negative shade,although this is not always the case. Of course, from the point of view of personality rights, manipulating someone's behavior is immoral, but Sometimes it happens for good.
- For example, for educational purposes. Remember the parental instruction: “You pass the exams perfectly - we will buy a new computer.” After all, this is also a manipulation. Or in cases of increasing the efficiency of subordinates, when they are paid bonuses depending on the results of the work. Yes, yes, this is also a kind of manipulation!
- There are less pleasant techniques, for example, well-known phrases that each of us once heard from others-“are you weak?”, “If not we, then who?” Or "how hard it is for me to figure it out, you probably get better." This is already hidden effects due to its own benefit.
Manipulations that affect people's relations are already able to significantly complicate our lives, and sometimes change. Quarrels between spouses, relatives, friends are often the result of manipulations from someone else's side.
Well, of course, The greatest danger is manipulations that can significantly affect our psyche,change our life, destroy the family. Such types of manipulations, in fact, are violence against a person, if not more - a crime.

Important: most often manipulations arise due to the desire to avoid responsibility and not seem bad! After all, the manipulator has nothing to do with it - you yourself decided to do this. And also - this is the skill of egoists that they do not know the barriers.

**You can be in the center of events, staying away!**

Varieties of manipulations

Distinguish the following basic and unstable varieties of manipulations:

seduction, which acts on the principle of fulfilling his desires;
seduction or open flattery - These are also a weapon of the manipulator;
psychological violence - This is an open form of suppression of your will;
false substitution of concepts. It is also a manipulation in order to change reality in order to fulfill your intentions. We will dwell on them a little more. Since this species is most often found and has a lot of forms. For example, manipulation through compassion or a complex of guilt, responsibilities, etc.;
powline pressure By the type of "you promised (a)";
resentment- This is also a kind of manipulation to receive what is desired through forgiveness from another person. And as an apology, you can accept the long -awaited present;
speculation- when you use your fears, desires or complexes to achieve your goals;
request for a third party in his presence;
intentional psychological techniques - This is the use of special mechanical principles against you. It has the most dangerous character and the most powerful influence.

This is far from the whole list. But we believe that the very essence of these techniques is already clear to you. And almost every one of us is faced with them every day.

Who can be a manipulator, and who is a victim of manipulation?

First of all, it should be said that All people manipulate each other to one degree or another Or they are trying to do this - human relationships are built on this. Only someone does it professionally and consciously, and someone does not realize this in this. Someone is more prone to manipulating other people, and someone to the role of the victim. Although under certain circumstances they can change places.
In the role of manipulators Not only a close person, a business partner or a familiar can act, but also a politician who carries out election campaigning. Or a TV presenter who tells about political events in the world, a gypsy, offering to tell me for the future, or a sales manager, advertising a product that is unnecessary to you.
As a victim There may be any person who does not understand the essence of manipulation and subject to extraneous influence. Often these are people with low self -esteem, uncertained, prone to fears and incapable of decisive action.

**Reception of strong, the lot of the weak**

Are you subject to manipulations: test

Only five questions that you must honestly answer to evaluate how much you are subject to manipulations.

Do you have a goal in life and strive for its achievement?
Do you plan your day?
Is it easy for you to say “no” to someone who violates your plans, asking for something?
Is it easy for you to ask other people about something important for yourself?
Are you indifferent to the opinion of others in the process of achieving your goal?

If you are confident for all questions answered "yes"- You can be calm, you are not subject to manipulations from other people, but at the same time tend to be a manipulator yourself. Each answer "no"means minus 20% of your ability to withstand manipulative effects.

The opposing barrier is set by our confidence

What types of manipulations do we most often meet in everyday life?

Exaltation of manipulations - These are vulnerable places in the human psyche, in the system of his values, in the worldview, in his own self -esteem, it is the softness of character and self -doubt. How is this manifested in life? Let's try to consider examples.

Surely you have been as a buyer of one or another product,when you first tell you in detail about him, and then they are offered to feel, measure and try. And sometimes they can even give short -term use so that you can appreciate it in your work. For example, they often sell household appliances, cars.
- And as soon as you agree to this, they ask the question: “Did you like it?” A person experiencing discomfort, awkwardness, inability to directly say “no” - already a potential buyer, who will then be blame yourself for an unnecessary purchase,but at this stage it will not be able to refuse it.
Another example - creating emotional stress,when you are forced to make some decision immediately, citing the fact that it will be too late. And it doesn’t matter what kind of decision this is, it is important that you are not given the right to think and accept it consciously! And consequently - Deprive of control over the situation.It is not very surprising that when you go about the manipulator, you often make a decision disadvantageous for yourself.

**It will never be profitable for you!**

Great manipulations in our life, based on the fears of people. We are all afraid of something: loss of work, diseases, treason, divorce, loss of control over young children. Manipulators often use these fears, forcing us take incorrect and rash decisions.Moreover, to these "tricks" often Parents come runningviolating the psyche of their children and destroying the invisible connection of harmonious relationships!
There are concepts such as The opinion of the masses and the technique of repetitions, with which they skillfully manipulate the consciousness of people. For example, in the media, repeating the same thought from time to time, forming a person’s “community of a social platform” with a society with which he identifies himself. This is often combined using complex concepts and terms,with the help of which people who are not particularly versed in the topic create the impression of the significance and veracity of information.
Manipulation of people's consciousness It is present in our life everywhere - in business, in advertising, in brand promotion, in PR of various companies. Today, many have learned techniques presuppositions,when asking a question to a person, they offer him the illusion of choice. Who has not heard the seller’s typical question in the shoe store, only picking up shoes: “What size are you?” The question itself already contains a statement that leaves no choice - to buy or not to buy.

How to recognize the manipulator: signs

First of all, "the enemy needs to know in person!" That is, to have a clear idea of \u200b\u200bthe signs of manipulatory techniques that people can use. And then try to fight this. The following aspects can be attributed to such signs: the following aspects can be attributed:

unnatural and prompted human behavior. It can be expressed in excessive attention, shy intonations, deliberate smiling, light touch or arms over the shoulders;
the desire to listen more and evasion from answers. Sometimes this can speak for shyness, but if this is repeated at every meeting, then it is worth taking a closer look at other bells. Perhaps a person is insincere with you;
but obvious eloquence gives out the manipulator. The fact is that his words have a lot of “water” in order to take you away from the essence of the conversation;
fraighten with a clear raid of falsehood and insincerity. A striking example is the use of phrases “I hope for you”, “I know what you will help”, “What would I do without you”;
double standards. A common technique when the manipulator has many justified reasons for such behavior, and the “victim” has “crosses all sorts of boundaries”;
deprivation of choice for you. The manipulator can skillfully change your opinion, for example, about a trip to the cinema that you have long planned. After all, there is a better idea, and the quality is higher, and you do not understand anything at all;

The manipulator deprives you of your choice!

a noticeable dissonance between words, expression of the eyes and facial expressions.The use of phrases “How glad I am for you!”, “How lucky I am with my friend!” With an absolutely inappropriate expression on the person. It can be running eyes or their insincerity, an unnatural smile.
excessive emotionality in the conversation. It can be expressed through excitement, a strong exaggeration of the meaning of what a person asks for. Or the use of exclamation phrases: “I will go crazy if this does not happen!”, “For me it will be the end of the world!”;
the image of the tragedy and the regime of the victim. It goes with the use of the phrases “You don’t love me”, “You do not value our friendship”, “I am indifferent to you”, which close people usually resort to, trying to achieve or attract attention. To achieve what they need;
causing a feeling of your guilt.A little consonant with the previous point, but different tricks are used. The manipulator is always of nothing to do with it, it is never to blame. If you bring the arguments of his oversight, then he will immediately accuse you of espionage for personal life and complete distrust. And without trust there is no family. And after that you will make a choice in the direction of the family, and with the forgiveness of all small troubles;
manipulation of your self -esteem. It differs in the use of, for example, such appropriate phrases: "What kind of man are you after that?" So often women manipulate one of the essential social roles of a loved one, using this for their own purposes;

This does not allow you to move! — This does not allow you to move forward!

the elevation of the "judge" over your life. Manipulators always become spiritual mentors who criticize your steps, give practical advice, how to correctly, and not as you want. After all, they have more experience! And so it turns out that you in your own eyes sink and cannot develop further;
appeal to mental health. Manipulators often in controversial situations pay attention to the details “raised the voice”, “knock on the table” as an expression of psyche disorders. At the same time, the emphasis on his calmness and judgment. At a subconscious level, you already feel embarrassed;
the reproach of your tastes and positions. We are all different people and each of us has our own hobbies and preferences, which does not make them worse or better. The manipulator, especially a close person, will put pressure on you because you are listening to the wrong group or watching the wrong film that is good in his opinion. Often this technique is used in terms of hobbies so that you do not have your own interests;
your fears The manipulator can also use. For example, your boss who will unload additional work on you, knowing that you are afraid to lose their place in the company. Or, for example, your mistress who is neglecting to your fears to lose a family;
the manipulator does good only if he needs something!

These are only a small part of obvious signs, there may be others. The main thing is to recognize in time that you have a manipulator and protect yourself from its negative impact.

The manipulator sets the course of your thoughts

How to protect yourself from the effects of the manipulator and withstand manipulations: tips

Remember the main rule - You have the right!On a mistake, to your tastes, to expression of their desires or emotions, for mutual respect.

AND You are not obligedcomply with all imposed requirements. Therefore, yes, your tastes yourself are not obliged to match someone’s wishes or views.

First of all, Work on yourself and your self -esteem!We offer you several points on which it is worth focusing on:
- you should not make excuses for your behavior;
- you can change your mind, and you can change tastes;
- at the same time, only you are in the answer for your life! Therefore, do not be afraid to make a mistake;
- you have the right to the phrase "I don't know"! This is not irresponsibility - you just need to think and weigh everything;
- do not be afraid to say if you don't understand something. It's a shame not to try to find out;
- the past should remain in the past. Neither themselves nor other people have the right to reproach you with past events;
- you can still be on some things, views or even people!

**You have the right to be yourself, with all the advantages and disadvantages!**

You should discard the emotions that the manipulator is trying to influence and turn on a cold mind.This will make it possible to try to understand what he really wants from you and for what personal purposes he is trying to use. Usually, as soon as it is possible to cope with emotions, it becomes clear. To do this, set yourself:
- Does his wishes interfere with you to develop?
- Does the interlocutor show you respect?
- Are his requirements and comments substantiated?
- What is your benefit and your interlocutor? Perhaps one gives, and the second receives for two.
After that Try to comprehend how comparable his interests are with yours!To do this, ask him direct questions about his intentions. Sometimes this is enough for the manipulator to refuse them. And he can stumble from such questions:
- By asking a question, do you ask me or affirm me?
- Do I have my opinion on this/issue?
- How do you feel about your request - is it reasonable?
- And what will I get from this?
- Is this judgment fair to me?
- Do you think that I will fulfill your request (change my decision)?

Analyze the true intentions of the puppet — Analyze

If this does not help, and his interests are incident with yours, Find the strength to say a firm “no”. This will be a turning point in your psychological fight and will not leave him a chance of success. If you think that it is impolite or disrespectful, then see the first and main rule!
- If you are still embarrassed, then give yourself (first of all!) And your interlocutor answer why you cannot fulfill his request.
- Suggest solutions to the problem and stand firmly!

Important: if you said no, then you can’t concede in any case! Otherwise, this will say for a weak person who can be easily controlled in the future!

The main weapon from the manipulator - This time to think!Therefore, never rush to make a decision!
Drop to someone else's opinion! Ignore the remarks of the manipulator and depreciate his words in your head.

Note - Work on your self -esteem will help to fix it again. And how to learn to respect yourself, we offer to read in our article "How to increase self -esteem?"

If this person is not your close relative, you should think - Is it worth continuing to communicate with him. In addition to personal discomfort, such communication can hardly bring something useful, and the abandonment of it will significantly increase your internal self-esteem.

Rules of counter -reservations, tips for counter -plants

Here are a few rules for counter -plants

always be polite and calm;
answer briefly using stereotypical phrases. For example, “all lawyers are bad” - “I am not talking for all lawyers. This is my friend!";
smileand try as much as possible tell jokes.This will help you relax and will confuse the manipulator. In this case, it will be easier for you to refuse the request using a comic form;
run To foggy, obscure formulations.Starting a lot to talk, you are already subconsciously justifying! So, you can “put pressure” on you;
good use proverbs and sayings or established phrases;
use in a conversation impersonal shape;
do not go about - Go around the discussions.Even if you have something to say, break the conversation and Leave the last word for you;
do not use irony.An exception is a response and complete confidence in their abilities in terms of discussion ;
hold your aggression and anger. Feel that “boil” - get away from the conversation;
never make excuses!