How and why forgive his father after he left the family? How to forgive a father who left the family for children and adults: techniques for forgiveness, tips

People converge and diverge - it seems a common thing. But what to do if there are strong grievances, especially in children to the father.

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We live in a world where every second married couple breaks up. And this is not just terrible statistics. These are millions of souls of children and adults crippled and trampled by the gap. And, unfortunately, arranging their life and trying to recover emotionally after the divorce, parents think little about the feelings of the third participant in this process - the child.

If in the West they have long been aware of the severe consequences of divorces for the child and try to level them in every possible way, then our people are only on the way to the realization that it is bad not only to them, but also to a small person nearby, and every word and action can cause irreparable harm to the unstable psyche. Pain, resentment and guilt - this is what children have to face after a divorce.

Father left the family: why does resent appear?

Why does the offense have a son or daughter? The most important thing for the harmonious development of the child at any age is calm and happiness of the mother. It gives the child a sense of security and safety, which in turn helps to form a healthy psyche. If mom is good, comfortable for both the child, and in such a situation there is no place for insults.
The child projects the state of the mother if she is inwardly calm. When a discord arises in the relationship of parents, the child loses its sense of safety. If my beloved mother was able to offend the father, the most important person in her life and the life of the child, then what can you expect from other people?
In girls, this is immediately projected on all men, and they initially perceive men as a danger and as unable to protect and help people.

Another aspect - Mother projects her grievances after the father left the family. He breaks away, tells the baby about how bad his father has, draws the child into the conflict of adults, says that the child is as bad as his father.

Why forgive the father who left the family?

Do I need to forgive the father who left the family? The resentment, which many carry through all life, actually affects everything that we do in life. Sometimes it happens that a person has been gone for a long time, and resentment at him still lives in us.
Of course, there are many cases when his father does not give a damn about whether they forgive him or not. It is important to remember that you need forgiveness first of all.
It is not worth thinking that grievances are harmful to someone except you-first of all, they destroy your future and your perspective.

Together with resentment, When the father left the family, In children who have a magical worldview, there is a feeling of guilt. It seems to them that everything that they have ever done or even thought could affect the relations of their parents and provoke the care of the father.
Having hidden resentment in your heart, you cannot be completely happy and make your children happy.
Resentment has a powerful effect for self -esteem and actions of the child, and subsequently an adult. And some personalities are generally so susceptible that their “I” is lost in the whirlpool of resentment.
On the attitude of girls to men The image of the father has a huge influence. Having hidden the resentment against him in action, in adulthood, you yourself, not wanting it, will project it on all men in your environment. A truly happy marriage in this case is possible only after forgiveness.
Have you heard of psychosomatics? So, modern doctors say that forgiveness will lead to release from many chronic diseases - For example, such as bronchitis. And also - overweight will leave, and you will stop jamming all the problems with a sweet or simply inconspicuous amount of food.
Resentments are directly related to what you could achieve in life. With a mountain of offense on the shoulders, it is very difficult to move to the goal and fulfill your dreams. When a person is freed from his complaints, anger, resentment - many desires begin to be fulfilled.
You may not communicate subsequently with the person who was forgiven. Forgiveness - does not imply communication. In addition, many psychologists argue that you need to limit communication with people who make you feel bad and pull “back”. Forgiveness is only to cleanse the badges, anger and resentment, which tighten you and your life in the dark.
After forgiveness the father who left the family, you will stop chopping the topic of how your father has offended you and what a bad father you have and finally find the strength and energy in yourself to take up yourself, your life and the realization of your goals.

How to forgive a father who left the family of children of different ages?

Unfortunately, children cannot overcome the insults that arise in their fragile souls. To help them overcome fears, resentment and self -doubt, which arises after the parting of parents, parents themselves are obliged. The most important thing they can do is to part with friends and do everything possible so that the child at any age does not see quarrels and tantrums, and not to draw a child.

How to forgive if the father left the family to children under three years old?

At such a small age, children cannot realize what is happening on their own, but they can perfectly read the emotional state of an adult. Fear and depression that mother experiences feels the child.
This can manifest itself in health problems, tearfulness, sleep problems, fear of losing the second parent. The kid can start hysteria, even when mom just went to the toilet.

The main thing that needs to be done if the father leaves the family - so that the gap does not affect either the physical or the mental health of children is to take care of himself. A happy and healthy mother is the key to lack of grievances. It is also very important that the child does not see and does not hear screams, quarrels and tantrums.
Try give the child more affection. If possible, organize regular meetings with your father so that the child understands that he was not thrown and feel care and support.

How to forgive if the father left the family to children from 3 to 5 years old?

The child at this age is already aware of much more. At the same time, he is experiencing a crisis of three years, which may be accompanied by frequent tantrums, denial, attempts to rebel against parents.
When father left the family - This is a very strong stress for the child, and the symptoms of the crisis can aggravate, affecting the immunity, provoking chronic diseases.

At this age, the child already understands everything that he is told. Therefore, in addition to non -verbal methods (meetings with the father, the emotional calm of parents, additional hugs and affection) can also be connected verbal.
Tell the child good things about his father, your first meeting and what love to the child was born. Be sure to voice that there are no guilt in the fact that mom and dad parted and tell us about the changes that will occur in your life in connection with the parting.

How to forgive if the father left the family to children from 6 up to 12 years?

If the father left the family, In a child, this can cause various types of fears and experiences that can manifest itself in aggression, conflicts with peers and academic performance. Enuresis may appear.
As at an earlier age, during this period, the child will not be able to overcome the insult. Breeding parents need to overcome conflicts among themselves and do everything in order to protect the child from negativity.

Mom should help first of all. Calm and confidence of the mother is very important for the child. Speak with the child openly - the fewer secrets, the less fears and insults will be in the child. Organize your child meet with your father and try to maintain friendly relations with your husband.
Speak to your child that they love him, no one leaves him, his father is always there and is ready to protect him (if his father makes contact).
Talk about a more good father. Be sure to tell us about the changes that happen to the care of the father.

How to forgive if the father left the family to teenagers?

In adolescence, children, as we all know, are very vulnerable, since during this period too many changes happen with the child. Changes in the family can aggravate stress in which a teenager is already in.
Leaving home, demonstrative attempts to smoke or take alcoholic beverages, absenteeism at school - all this can be a consequence of the situation when father left the family.
If children at an earlier age most often blame their father in what is happening, then adolescents are also offended by their mother.
Teenagers understand much more in life and relationships, so the most important mistake of parents will be an attempt to deceive the child.
Talk to him honestly and a lot - There is no guilt in your parting, about what will happen to your family, that even living separately, the father will not stop loving the child.
Allow, if desired, and the opportunity to live with your father or go to meet him.

How to forgive if the father left the family to an adult?

No matter how much we want to free ourselves from grievances - this is completely not easy. Especially if the negative has accumulated for years.
Get rid of accumulated grievances if you remember all emotions when father left the family - The matter is not simple and, perhaps, you will have to shed one river of tears - but it is worth it.

The first step towards forgiveness must necessarily be the realization that you need it. Not to your father, namely for you. Repeat this several times aloud before the start of forgiveness.

The first thing to pay attention to is that this is that resentment does not go just like that. The pain in the soul needs to cry, to find and survive. That is, everything needs time. You must be prepared to let go of resentment.
You need to accept the fact that The man who went to another woman or just left you and mom - This is not the person you knew. And you should not hope for further communication. It is important to accept this.
Your father, like your mother, has the right to personal life and happiness. Even without you and your mother. As an adult, you must understand this and accept this.
Father is a living person and he is not perfect, like each of us.
Choose the method of forgiveness that is most comfortable for you. If you are brave enough, tell this right to your father in the face, if not, work on the problem yourself.

Father left the family: useful techniques for forgiveness

Useful techniques of forgiveness:

Technique "Letter"

Write a letter to your father. Twate everything that has accumulated on you on paper. Describe the situations in which you felt offended, write about your expectations. Try to remember everything and at the end of each paragraph, be sure to write "dad, I forgive you for that.
Put the letter in the envelope, sign the “dad” (and if you wish, you can send your father in reality) and burn it.

Forgiveness on the advice of psychics

The easiest and easiest way to forgive your father and release all the insults if father left the family Psychics offer. To do this, you will need an ordinary candle from the church, a sheet of paper, a saucer, matches or a lighter and a handle. On a leaflet you need to recall and record all the situations that caused you a feeling of resentment at your father. It may look like this "I am offended by my father, because ...". Light a candle and burn all this with the words "forgive". Ashes can be thrown into garbage or into the street. You will feel relief literally immediately.

Forgiveness on A. Sviyash.

Make a list of grievances against your father. Take a pose that allows you to completely relax - it doesn’t matter whether you want to sit in a lotus pose, go to bed or sit in a chair. Try to relax every muscle, even the front.
Remove your lips, smile a little. Drive all unnecessary thoughts out of your head. Stop the flow. Or try to make thoughts flicker in your head and do not interfere with you.
Restore each of the offenses that you recorded on a leaflet in turn. Experience them up to the smallest detail. Imagine a place in the body where resentment lives, and then how your resentment comes out of this place.
In this case, you need to pronounce the following words: “Dad, I forgive you. I forgive everything that you said or did, for all unpleasant moments. I accept you and love you as you are. And you forgive me, accept and love me as I am. ”
This lesson must be carried out throughout the month, since in the first lesson you probably will not be able to speak and half of this phrase - forgiveness.