If the partner has dependence on the computer, then it is important to get rid of it. And how to do this to save your family - find out from the article.
Content
In a modern family, one of the problems that destroy the relationship between husband and wife can be the excessive love of one of the spouses for computer games. In most cases, representatives of the strong half of humanity suffer from this dependence. Modern men simply absorbed the world of virtual games. So it turns out that three are involved in a love relationship: man, woman and computer.
How to relate to this problem? And is it considered a problem in general? Is it true to think that the playing spouse is the smallest of possible difficulties in marriage? In this article, we will try to deal with this issue.
Love triangle of the new time: he, she and the computer
Some ladies relate to such a hobby of the spouse quite calmly, arguing something like this: "If only they did not drink, did not walk and sat at home." And other women cannot and do not want to come to terms with such a state of things, jealous of a loved one for an iron rival.
The reasons for the dependence on the computer in men
Many people have their own hobbies: sport, dancing, fishing, collecting various items. A hobby is a great way to get rid of stress. However, if the favorite pastime develops into mania, this already becomes a problem from which both the person and the people close to him will suffer.
Gambling has no ages. Young guys and adults who have a wife and children can get dependent on the computer. Why is the male gender more susceptible to this dependence?
Psychologists explain this fact by male characteristics:
- Almost every representative of the stronger sex, growing up, still remains a child in the soul. And children, as you know, love to play. And all the more so toys that in the past most of us were not always available.
- A man by nature is a hunter and conqueror. But since in modern society to fight, fortunately, it is not necessary, he conquers the peaks of the virtual world. In addition, it is not a secret that women often take into their hands the reins of government in marriage and become a leader in a married couple. A husband in such a family cannot fully realize himself, and therefore goes into the virtual world, where he is always a winner and a hero.
- The reason for dependence on the computer Unrealized boyish dreams may become. Many in childhood dreamed of becoming captains, astronauts or commanders. However, life makes its own adjustments and makes you choose more mundane and not at all romantic professions. But the childish desires have not disappeared anywhere. And a man hurries into a fabulous reality, where there is an opportunity to swim in the ocean, fly to the stars and fight enemies.
- The strong floor, as a rule, is gambling. He always needs the novelty of sensations and emotions. And the routine of everyday life makes a man be bored, as if something was missing. So he finds his entertainment in computer toys.
It should be noted that if your partner’s passion does not affect the level of general income, does not interfere with his main activity and does not affect the attitude towards you and children, then do not worry too much about this. Your spouse is an adult person, and virtual games are his choice and his right. Demonstrating that you should know what a man should do better, you are imposing your opinion, suppressing his will. Over time, this will certainly lead to conflicts.
It is necessary to sound the alarm when, due to games, all life issues are pushed into the background, the attention of the household is not focused, and nothing is interested, except for the computer. According to psychologists, the dependence on the computer in an adult is a kind of not very hostile protest against the imperfection of the surrounding reality.
The causes of dependence on the computer can be different:
- The need to discharge and throw out aggressionwhich has accumulated throughout the working day.
- Problems in one of the spheres of lifewith whom the gamer is not able to cope. During the game, he seeks to forget them and be distracted.
- A person has a lot of free time. Maybe the man quit his job or just has too free schedule. He justifies his passion for games by the fact that he is bored and nothing to do. But it is simply not capable of finding a more worthy and interesting activity for yourself.
- Desire to talk with other people. That is, in real life, a person either lacks communication, or it does not develop with those who surround it. Therefore, he goes into the virtual world.
- Lack of warmth and mental comfort in the family. Perhaps before the relations between the spouses were warm, but over time, their proximity and trust in each other disappeared. So the man pulls to the computer, and not to his wife.
What is the danger of dependence on the computer?
Dependence on the computer is not as harmless as it might seem. After all, a person does not notice how the time spent behind the game is increasingly increasing every day, gradually erasing the feeling of reality.
The gamer and his loved ones may have a whole range of problems:
- Most virtual games that men prefer are quite belligerent. There you need to shoot, fight, kill. And this contributes to the development of aggressiveness in a person, sooner or later pouring on his family members.
- Network online games can cause a man in real life to talk with partners in computer battles. On the one hand, this can play a positive role and contribute to the expansion of his circle of friends, but on the other hand, to negatively affect the family, provoking treason.
- The fake world becomes more interesting and brighter than the real world. The attitude of a play -dependent person is distorted, which leads to difficulties in relations with others. A man can become completely indifferent, as others perceive him. It will be much more important to him what his computer hero looks like.
- For a long time spent in front of the monitor, as you know, negatively affects well -being: the eyes get tired, the back occurs, the head becomes heavy. Instead of the expected rest after work, a fan of play is experiencing physical and mental stress. Often, behind the monitor, he spends all night, lack of sleep. And this affects the concentration of attention and the general physical condition. A person becomes scattered, does not understand well and as if it is somewhere far away.
How to return communication with your beloved, tear off from a computer?
Fighting dependent on the computer, you must understand that if you fight and be indignant about the games, he will not spend less time at the monitor. But quarrels and scandals between you will be inevitable. In this situation, you need to show patience and endurance.
Specialists consider dependence on the computer a disease. Therefore, it is pointless to try to get rid of her symptoms. It is important to eliminate the very reason for this condition.
Use the recommendations of psychologists:
- Talk to your partner. Try to find out the reason for his desire to get away from reality. Talking on this topic, do not scold and do not reproach your husband. And you still do not need to play the role of the victim and switch to personalities. Ask your beloved that it does not suit him in your relationship, and how you can help rectify the situation. Of course, such a conversation must be carried out when the spouse is not passionate about the extermination of virtual opponents. At the same time, try not to turn into ordinary brainwashing.
- Show sincere interest. With enthusiasm, ask about what the husband plays, what so fascinates him in this process, with whom he fights in the virtual world, who is the main rivals, what level he reached, etc. Even if you are not interested, overpass yourself. Attention to the hobbies of a lover will restore the lost emotional connection between you.
- Put your spouse to home duties. Of course, immediately you will not be able to shift too many worries to his shoulders, and even to the detriment of a computer game. Accustom to household business gradually. For example, if you are preparing dinner, ask your husband to sit with children or wipe the dust, take out the garbage. Over time, the circle of responsibilities must be expanded.
- Start playing with your beloved. Well, if you have a second computer. So you can participate in network games. This will help you better know your spouse: what he likes, what is the way of communication, how he is strategically thinking. Joint classes have always been an excellent incentive to rapprochement of partners.
- Pay more attention to your half when he is not busy with the game. Discuss important things for him: things at work, relationships with bosses or subordinates, plans for the future, upcoming travel. Talk heart to heart more often. Try to become a close friend for a man. And do not forget that a friend will not constantly criticize.
- Play the whole family in board or sports games. You can call for a duel of common friends. And if in group games your partner will become a winner, do not forget to praise him at all.
- Ask your spouse to do what he does well: cook, draw, dance, photograph. Ask him to teach you this skill. Let him show his talent more often.
- Give your beloved opportunity to feel like a winner in real life and show your strengths. Do not demonstrate to him your ability to solve all problems on your own. A man should find a way out of a difficult situation. And your female business is to look at a beautiful hero with admiration.
- Make your behavior understand your spouse that in your marriage nothing can decide without his active participation. Show how important his opinion is for you, even for the most insignificant occasion. Convince your loved one that you really appreciate him. Be a fragile woman who is happy to relies on a strong male shoulder.
- Trust your game lover to solve the most important issues in your family. Do not show your uncertainty about whether he can cope. It is the man who should be the main “solver” of problems. And even if something goes wrong with him, do not reproach and do not mock his failure. Support and say that next time everything will work out.
- Remind your partner about his past hobbies. Buy football tickets, offer fishing, purchase a subscription to the gym, give a guitar or easel. Let him begin to engage in a forgotten hobby again.
- Define joint goals with your husband: Journey to an exotic country, a new home, a second education, training for some interesting craft, a parachute jump. Your task is to show a man that in the real world there is a lot of interesting and exciting. And in life there are enough points that are much more interesting than virtual games.
- Make diversity in intimate life. No matter how trite this advice sounds, but sexy linen and a romantic candle dinner will surely make your lover come off the monitor.
- Invite your partner to keep a diary that he spends at the computer. So he will have the opportunity to make sure how many hours he spends in front of the screen to the detriment of real life and communication with loved ones.
- Do not do for your husband what he must do. Do not put his duties on the head of the family on your shoulders. Let him learn to be responsible for his actions as a man.
If you can convince your spouse that he is dear to you, over time he will sit less for computer games, and spend more time with you.
In the case when, despite all the efforts, the husband is still passionate about the computer more than you, psychologists advise simply to come to terms. After all, in fact, there is nothing dangerous in games. Take care of yourself and live a full life: meet your friends, sign up for some courses, attend cosmetic and massage procedures.
Even if it is very difficult for you to put up with the dependence on the computer now, think about the fact that you once love him as it is. Therefore, try to accept all the pros and cons of your loved one.
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