Learning to say no. The tips of the psychologist.
Content
Many people are quite uncertain and a whole problem for them to answer someone with a refusal, to say no. This is due to low self -esteem and uncertainty, a feeling of guilt and duty. In this article, we will try to figure out why people cannot refuse others and how to learn to say no.
How to learn how to refuse and tell people - no: a psychologist's advice
Below we will consider several reasons why people do not want or cannot refuse.
Causes:
- Guilt. People think that if they refuse some request, then a person will then be offended and angry with them. Perhaps the attitude will deteriorate, therefore, as a person who is asked, it can feel guilty that because of him another person can have any troubles or problems.
- Diffidence. A person is afraid that he refused. Because of this, it seems even weaker and less successful. Basically, for such a reason, people with low self -esteem are afraid to refuse. Therefore, by fulfilling any requests, they try to assert themselves and prove to themselves that they can do a large number of work.
- Do not think that if you refuse, people will be very upset. In fact, everything is not entirely true. Therefore, it all depends on the request itself. The fact is that it is necessary to show people that you have your own boundaries, which you can’t step over and you have the right to not give what they ask. Because you do not consider it necessary to fulfill any specific request.
How to say no, and become more confident in yourself:
- Do not feel guilty for refusal. First of all, you need to find out for yourself that you refuse not a specific person, but refuse to fulfill a certain request. For example, a person takes money for the third time. At the same time, the fact that he had borrowed did not return. Naturally, you do not want to give him money anymore, because you are worried that you can not see it at all. Therefore, the best option is to explain that you do not want to borrow. There is no saying for the reason that you have not received the money that you had to do from you. It is also necessary to get rid of guilt and stop making excuses. You should not explain anything to a person, that is, you do not need to feel guilty. You must refuse confidently and explain that you refused for a certain reason.
- You do not need to constantly apologize, because it is precisely the apologies that provoke guilt and self -doubt. Therefore, just say that you are not ready to fulfill the request today. You can not completely refuse, but postpone the answer. For example, I’ll think about it or in the evening I will tell you if I can help or not.
- Please note that after you begin to refuse people, maybe some of them will stop communicating with you. And there is nothing wrong with this, because most often in such situations only the most faithful friends and people who value you will remain with you. The rest just get off your neck, stop using your kindness. Getting rid of such acquaintances and friends will make your life only better, freeing a lot of time.
Remember, you do not have to help anyone. Even if you think that a person does not have time and that he is strongly loaded. Perhaps he simply does not know how to dispose of his time. This is not your fault, you should not at the expense of your time to fulfill other people's requests and things.
How to say the right thing is not, without remorse: tips and rules
Please note that the word does not need to say correctly. It should not sound rude or indecisive. Because if you say very sharply, perhaps a person will be offended and considers it for rudeness. It should sound quite firm, cold. Uncertainty in pronunciation can perceive as fear. A person can begin to beg and manipulate you with your feelings. Therefore, practice in front of the mirror, there is no talk.
You need to start with some certain little things. For example, a girlfriend called you, but now you have no desire and time to talk to her. Just say that at the moment you are busy and call back, how to get free, or do not promise anything at all. Tell me what to talk at a meeting or at work, because such telephone conversations take a large amount of time that you may not have.
How to teach a child to refuse, say no?
Things are much more complicated with children, because they are more emotional and impressionable. Therefore, peers can be very dissatisfied with your child's refusal. Therefore, you need to explain to the baby that it is not necessary to say not rudely, and not sluggish, but firmly. Try to explain to your child that by his refusal he does not say that he does not want to be friends or communicate with someone. Just at this time, he does not want to fulfill a specific request. At the same time, the refusal does not affect your child’s attitude to a classmate or friend. Now he cannot fulfill what he is asked for any reason.
Explain to the child that after refusal he can be offended or manipulated with them. Tell us that in no case should you pay attention and immediately change your opinion. If the child does not learn to refuse now, in the future they can manipulate even more. Children are very cruel. This is especially appropriate if your schoolboy does not allow someone to write off his homework. Just explain to the child that he should firmly, harshly explain that he spent a certain amount of time on his homework. He does not want a person to just take and write off his homework.
The trouble of another child is that he cannot properly dispose of his time or he was just too lazy to complete his homework. Therefore, your child should not allow to write off homework.
Remember that the ability to refuse to be useful to your child in further life and can help him avoid many unpleasant situations. Because sometimes people who are afraid to refuse, spend a bunch of their personal time. As a result, they do not have time to do really important things. Therefore, it is not necessary for other people's requests to be fulfilled to the detriment of themselves.
It is sometimes very difficult to say, but it is simply necessary. Since in the future the impossibility of refusing can cause non -fulfillment of really important matters and tasks.
Video: Learning to refuse
