Depression in our life arises very often for many reasons. You can be surprised, but depression after the wedding, childbirth is also a frequent phenomenon.
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It so happens that the life events that we most expect carry not only happy and unforgettable moments, but also a threat of depression or even a nervous breakdown. Why it happens that we will try to figure out this with this and how to get out of painful conditions for us today.
How to recognize depression after the wedding, childbirth?
Depression - This is a very common disease. And only with its light forms can you fight yourself.
You can recognize depression after the wedding, childbirth by the following signs:
- Emotional- Longing, depression, a feeling of hopelessness, constant anxiety, irritability, a feeling of guilt, loss of faith in oneself, a decrease in self -esteem, inability to feel joy, a decrease in interest in the world.
- Physical - a constant feeling of fatigue, severe fatigue, sleep disturbance, change in appetite, frequent constipation, decreased sexual hectic.
- Behavioral - passivity, difficulties with targeted activity, avoiding society and a tendency to solitude, rejection of parties and entertainment, alcohol abuse and psychoactive substances.
- Mental - Difficulties with concentration, attention, difficulties with decision -making, mostly gloomy and negative thoughts, thoughts about their own unnecessary, suicide or meaninglessness of life.
Depression does not miss - always hits our weakest places. Psychologists advise to give themselves a break and do something pleasant for yourself, and then start looking for the cause of your current state.
The wedding, as well as the birth of a child, bear the change of all our life foundations, beliefs and paradigms. And it doesn’t matter how much time you lived together before the wedding or how many nephews and children of the friends you have nailed - to be prepared for everything that these life events are simply impossible.
This is the main reason that, having been at the peak of happiness, we roll into depression after the wedding, childbirth. Such depression is most difficult to overcome, since people around most often do not understand you. In response to a story about your problems, you can hear phrases that humiliate your feelings and experiences: « Do not bring nonsense, you had a magical wedding ”,“ Rejoice, you got married ”,“ Throw this nonsense out of your head ”,“ Take a child - there will be no time for stupidity ” - This is far from a complete list of phrases that you can hear in response to recognition. Others sincerely do not understand how that it seems to them incredible happiness can make anyone unhappy.
Another difficulty in trying to get out of depression after the wedding, childbirth Scientists call the so -called "nominalization." This is when, instead of starting to act in order to get out of a difficult state, we drive ourselves into an even more difficult position saying “I have depression” and thus tired of the worst.
How to recognize depression after the wedding?
So, get acquainted - depression after the wedding. Yes, and this happens and it does not happen so rarely, although they write about it less often than, for example, about the same postpartum depression. Imagine that the wedding has died out, enthusiasm or laughs about gifts have already been exhausted, but joy has passed somewhere-I don’t want to meet my beloved husband at the door, equip life. And it seems to be too early to say that life in the family does not develop, but at the same time if this condition is delayed, the thoughts of why you got married in fact may appear. And even some thoughts are worse.
What are the reasons for this state?
- The conviction that the wedding is the end.We all grew up on fairy tales that end at the wedding. And then - as if a black hole - it is not written anywhere that children are born, how they live and the like. And so, laying out in full before the celebration and on it, so that the guests were good, our lovers actually remain with a broken trough - the guests diverge, music is silent, but there is no idea about further actions. This leads to the fact that the young family gradually rolls into depression, and not only the wife, but also the husband is inclined to this state.
How to deal with this?
No need to focus on the wedding - it should not be the only goal. Think about housing, the birth of a child, joint travels and purchasing a car. Set a lot of long -playing targets for yourself so that the checkbox near the “Wedding” item in the list is perceived as another victory. Yes, very important, but not the only one.
- Financial issue.
It is customary for us to invest in the wedding all the available finances. Many even take loans to make a truly “royal” celebration. As a result, you get one magical day, and then there comes a period when you need to save and in many ways to deny yourself to repay debts. Of course, the honeymoon in such conditions is postponed for later.
How to deal with this?
Discuss in advance with your partner your wedding and its importance in the life of a partner. Many couples now invite those who wish to a solemn painting, and then roll on a magical journey and at the same time everyone is satisfied - and there was a white dress, and a photo shoot (and you can take it in a dress on the seashore) and a photo with friends on an important day too. Do not think about what they think about you if you do not invite your step -to -date sister to the second cousin.
Organize the holiday only on the basis of your financial capabilities so that there is sure to go on a trip. And, of course, in no case do not take a loan for the wedding. Lush feasts with three hundred relatives, whom you see for the first and last time in your life most often do not pay off and have long been not in fashion. When planning a wedding, think about yourself - this is your X day.
- The first month after the wedding.
Often people are so fascinated by wedding magic and magic of the subsequent journey that the life that began after that is knocking them out of the rut. In fact, wedding oaths and promises are just a word, no matter what kind of warm feelings you invest in them. There is no magic in them.
Do not let them deceive you - in fact, 99% of the couples admit that, despite how much they were together before marriage, the first month after the wedding is the most difficult in their family history. Dreams and reality do not coincide and many feel devoted.
How to deal with this?
Do not build illusions and learn to work on relationships and compromise. Wedding oaths only increase responsibility.
- Transformation into a housekeeper.
Often, after the wedding, we ourselves set ourselves a very tough framework. We put my husband on a certain pedestal, stop or reduce communication with friends, forget about hairdressers and salons and rolling to the level of the housekeeper. This can lead to the fact that you will become dependent and lose our life grip. Result - depression after the wedding And a bunch of complexes.
How to deal with this?
Continue to take care of yourself even after the wedding. Do not refuse to meet with friends and relatives, plan surprises for your husband and in general - live to the full!
- Changing food preferences.
Often wanting to please her husband and cooking his beloved food, as well as trying to have dinner at the same time with him, women are rapidly gaining weight, which leads to depression after the wedding And self -doubt. In turn, a man who married the owner of an ideal figure can also be disappointed.
How to deal with this?
The ring on the finger is not a reason to relax. Do not change your power system, which was before the wedding and do not succumb to persuasion to dinner after the time you are used to. Unless a couple of times a month during a romantic dinner. If your beloved is very important that you are near, when he eats, pour tea yourself or eat some kind of not very high-calorie fruit.
How to recognize depression after childbirth?
Depression after childbirth No less frequent guest in women's life. Statistically, it occurs in ten to fifteen percent of women, but it is difficult to understand how many of us are suffering from depression after childbirth. After all, most of us are quietly experiencing her, without addressing the doctors. Most often, it is faced with the fair sex who had previously had problems with the psyche and those who were very difficult to suffer from childbirth.
When proceeding to determine the causes of your condition, first of all, exclude possible somatic causes of such as, for example, the lack of iron in the body or other substances necessary for the normal functioning of the substances. The pain, breaks, cesarean and other problems during childbirth can also cause subsequent depression after childbirth. If your physical health is normal, look for other reasons for your condition.
- First disappointments.It just so happened that in modern society no one talks about the difficulties in mom's life. Everywhere and all the way - photos and touching stories of happy and beautiful pregnant women and already born mothers, which everyone has time and can. Whose children are constantly clean, and they themselves are always painted, with a good hairstyle and manicure, and always in shape. Even our mothers tell us most often about what obedient and wonderful children we were very rare - about sleepless nights and problems with behavior, about the absence of time for ourselves and other difficulties. All these mi-mi-mi-mi lead to the fact that our fantasy draws an idyllic picture, which, if not completely, then collapses strongly under the influence of reality.
How to deal with this?
It is important to realize what work is behind all these cute photos and stories. When preparing to become a mother, ask your mother how it really was. Morally prepare for difficulties that when pink glasses subside, it hurts you and does not want to give up, because in any case, motherhood is happiness.
- Accumulated fatigue.
We all live in constant stress - exorbitant loads at work, lack of vitamins, poor -quality food, inability to relax, impaired sleep, physiological problems, all this is familiar to everyone. And with the advent of the baby, all this is increasing significantly and can cause depression after childbirth.
How to deal with this?
Do not deny yourself a vacation before the birth of a baby. Try to finish all the things at work until maternity leave and go into it with a calm soul. Walk in the park, read your favorite books, go to courses for expectant mothers, learn to switch and force the brain to relax. Rest well and gain strength. After childbirth, it will be difficult to do.
- Instability and unpredictability.
In the situation with the birth of a child, nothing can be predicted. From what the birth will be before what your favorite baby and his health state will possess. So, some kids constantly cry, others give parents the opportunity to sleep. On the other hand, you cannot plan normally even a vacation. It often happens that your tickets have already been purchased, and the day before departure the baby has a temperature and it is simply impossible to fly. You will not even want to go with such a temperature for a photo shoot. In the first months and even a year after the birth of a child, everything revolves around him and depends only on him.
In addition, if everything is reliably known about childbirth and it can be more or less morally prepared for them, then there is nothing definite about the life of mom and child after. Colic, nights without sleep, fatigue of both parents and related conflicts, untimely appearance of milk, the baby’s abandonment of the chest for unknown reasons, allergies. The list is so long that, believe me, you will not have to get bored. And planning the reaction of loved ones and your own to all these events is even more difficult. In such unstable conditions, it is difficult to maintain calm and not succumb depression after childbirth.
How to deal with this?
The main thing that you should pay attention to during this period is your vacation and good nutrition. Allow yourself a clock during a daytime dream of your crumbs. Do not refuse to plan your life, but if something suddenly goes wrong-do not worry and do not torment yourself with speculations that you could plan better and predict everything.
Could not. Millions of mothers cannot and could not and could not and could not. And this is completely normal. Try to create a certain oasis of stability in this sea of \u200b\u200banxiety, for example, let every Monday, no matter what, mom comes to you. Leave the child on her and go to rest, walk in your favorite places, go to the movies. Do not deny yourself a vacation - now the atmosphere in the house, your baby and much more depends only on you.
- Reactions of people around.
While you are pregnant, all relatives and friends are worried and only bake about you. But as soon as the baby is born, all the attention of relatives switches to him. You will be asked ten times a day what he was ate when he does, what he is doing. You are exhausted by talking about the fact that something is wrong with him-he does not smile, or does not cry, gains weight poorly or is very rapidly gaining weight, will be removed from themselves with reproaches that you put him to sleep so much, they began to plant him late on the pot You are little in the fresh air.
Against the backdrop of your inexperience in this matter, all moments are exhausted in earnest. And in our society, everyone wants to poke a finger into an inexperienced mother - from relatives and friends to people on the street, who, in fact, have no rights at all. However, be prepared to hear that you need to put on the baby a hat or panama, mittens, that he is very easy to dress, cries very much and much more.
How to deal with this?
Ideally, learn how to switch to another topic or laugh it off. Feel free to politely put strangers in place. Learn to switch thoughts from negative to anything constructive or simply pleasant. Do not scroll at the unpleasant situation in the head several times.
- The woman becomes dependent.
This is not so much felt if a girl from under the financial custody of her parents immediately passes under the care of her husband. But today, such situations happen less and less - more often a woman has already earns on herself and her life for a dozen years and is used to manage her finances and serve herself.
Nevertheless, at some stage of pregnancy and further after childbirth, our labor activity is reduced or completely reduced, and then we have to ask her husband's money for some things for himself and the baby. This is completely normal, but for those who had been a mistress to their own, it is really difficult and causes depression after childbirth.
How to deal with this?
When planning a family budget for a month, plan and a certain amount for things you need. Feel free to put cosmetics, linen and clothes on a par with food, medicines and other important family expenses.
- The desire to "save the world."
Having read the stories about the ideal and happy motherhood and having seen before that the magnificent mothers in social networks, after childbirth, we try to become many -armed goddess, who can and manage everything. At the same time, we try to make the life of people around us with the advent of the baby remains the oldest.
Serving the child twenty -four hours a day, we want a husband to whom he sleep early to work, after work, he has the opportunity to relax and the like. And many mothers at the same time manage to work. As a result, the price of the rest of the others becomes exorbitant - you begin to be angry, break down on loved ones and even a child.
How to deal with this?
The truth is that after the birth of a child your life will never be the same. And you, in addition to leaving the baby, cooking and maintaining in cleanliness of the house, you also need to relax, look good and develop. In order to catch everything, you will have to attract loved ones. For example, a husband can walk on the weekend, give him a bottle of water or food at night, download it and play with him after work. And this is not only for your good - psychotherapists argue that it is during communication and caring for the baby that men have a connection with him that is unconditional in a woman.
Changing the diapers, waking up at night and doing much more for his child, a man gets closer to him and begins to feel paternity in full. Therefore - do not be greedy, share your responsibilities. The husband is the same parent as you. Unless can apply to the chest. In addition to the duties of caring for the baby, transfer part of the household chores to him - it may well wash the dishes, sprinkle or wash the floors.
- Give unwillingness.
We have grown and live in a consumer society. Our parents disappeared for weeks at work, leaving us on tired grandmothers, who needed to wash and feed a whole family, and who rarely found time to listen, hug, kiss the like that seemed so important things. And the parents, appearing at home, tired and tortured by work, simply gave in their hands the next toy, clothes or sweets. And we are used to consuming - beautiful things, popularity on Facebook, sensations.
We from schools dream of our store, restaurant, trips to distant countries and yachts. None of us were taught to empathize, correlate our experiences with the experiences of others. They did not teach empathy. Nevertheless, it is the developed emotional intelligence that is the main skill for the mother spending most of the time with the newborn in the first months of his life. The kid is very dependent on the love and care of loved ones. And we, not knowing how and not being ready to give her under the influence of guilt “I am a bad mother,” plunge completely in the child with the thought: “My mother could not cope, and I will be the best mother than she is.”
How to deal with this?
Learn to manage the process. Determine things that you can do and no one else and those that you can ask others. For example, your mother, mother -in -law or other loved ones may well feed and walk with the child. You can even arrange a small vacation. Only in this way you will have the strength to give the baby exactly those emotions that he is vital for him.
- Disorientation.
Already in the maternity hospital, for the first time touching their child, many women feel how their life guidelines, for years they seemed unshakable for them, shake. After all, most of us will not be able to do anything more standing for ourselves in life than the birth of a child. Yes, someone can create a cure for cancer or some unreal masterpiece that will be appreciated for centuries. And all this is important. But the child becomes the most valuable - all plans and dreams of a career and other things almost immediately fade into the background. At the same time, there is almost no time for yourself and to determine new goals and desires.
How to deal with this?
Just relax more, do not load yourself at home and do not dial projects that you can’t finish due to the fact that your time is occupied by the tiny. Everything has its time and you will still have the opportunity to set new goals and succeed where you want.
- Changes in lifestyle.
Any more or less honest mother will tell you that the child is the embodiment of pure chaos. Today they do not eat what they loved to eat yesterday, refuse to sleep at the time or fall asleep right in your arms, as soon as you finally decided to get out with your child somewhere, getting older invent a bunch of tricks so as not to go to bed in the evening.
Even the most obedients require love, attention and care and the less they are, the more they have the need for this. It seems that they may not eat at all - the main thing is to lie down in mom on the handles and hug the elasticity. We have to constantly look for a compromise, adjust your plans for the baby. It leads to depression after childbirth, All plans and dreams of self -realization are rolling into tartarara.
How to deal with this?
If it is important for you to save your previous life as much as possible - hire a nanny, or even before childbirth, agree with your mother to help you with your child at least in the first months. Understand that these difficulties are temporary. The moment will come when the baby goes to the kindergarten and does not want to go home from there. Do not think about “and if” - live today and give the baby love and tenderness with the same joy as he gives them to you.
- Claims to her husband.
It often seems that in the life of a husband with the birth of a child nothing has changed as radically as in yours - he goes to work, communicates with the same people and, in principle, leads the same way of life as before. It does what you now do not seem possible.
But why then statistics indicate that the most couples part in the first year of the child’s life? In fact, something has changed a lot in your husband’s life-he doesn’t have enough of you now. And the fact that you are often clearly not up to sex, and all your emotions are spent on the child, it is not easy for him to accept. Against this background, conflict situations may occur and depression after childbirth.
How to deal with this?
Try not to make complaints about this to your husband. To the maximum retain your proximity - in the first weeks after childbirth, when intimacy is undesirable for you for health reasons and further, when you just do not want sex - hug, kiss, talk on topics that do not concern the child, build joint plans and dreams.
- Guilt.
This feeling provides a state of constant neurosis to most parents. Very few young couples with a child, especially if they became parents for the first time, avoid his influence on their lives. It manifests itself in constant fear of doing something wrong against the background of clearly high and unrealistic “norms”, which we ourselves set for ourselves, comparing ourselves with other parents, tactless remarks of others, our own perfectionism and hyper-resistance for the baby. And at the same time, the worm inside you tells you that your mothers on Instagram and the kids are fed and satisfied and the business flourishes. All. The endless self -digging cycle is launched.
How to deal with this?
Learn to make your life easier and score where it is possible. It is important that everything is in principle normal, do not focus on ideal. Use cleaning gadgets-a robot vacuum cleaner, of course, is not you and will not look into all the cracks, but it will clearly be completely smaller and it will also fully cope with the necessary daily wet cleaning. A dishwasher, multicooker - everything that can make your life easier will be very useful to you. Choose clothes that do not require ironing, a haircut that looks great if the hair is simply washed and the like.
Delegate powers. Between his mother, who constantly presses guilt on your feeling, and a nanny who simply does his job - choose a nanny if possible. Remember that your most important resource is you, your physical and mental state. Therefore, putting your needs above others is normal, because it is you who ensure the normal functioning of the family.
- You have no right to negative emotions.
Yes, yes-this is what people around you think. Mom in the view of the majority around is a piece of cold and very strong iron. She doesn’t hurt when the baby bites her by the nipple, she should rejoice at the compote spilled on the floor, with pleasure to play with the child even if she is sick and with the same pleasure to meet her husband from work. And in between - wash, wash, remove and cook deliciously. We constantly suppress the accumulating negative in ourselves and, as a result, become unable to understand our needs neurotics. And as a result, depression after childbirth
How to deal with this?
Give your emotions a safe way out - dance, sing. If possible, take care of martial arts or just sports. Sit at least a couple of minutes a day in complete silence. If necessary, beat the old dishes, because it is not for nothing that they say that the dishes are fighting to happiness.
- Unified work.
For some strange reason in society, household chores and care for the baby are not considered labor. Rather, it is considered something like a hobby. And mothers often have the idea that if I did not have time to do something one in a day, in fact, was idle. Another side of this medal - the floor washed five minutes ago can be stained with paint, compote or tea and you have to remove everything again and again and this vicious circle has no end, and the result of labor is not visible.
How to deal with this?
Go to any job search site and see how much the cleaning lady costs (ironing and washing windows are considered a separate graph), a nanny, a psychotherapist (for a beloved husband) combined? This is the cost of your work. And add motherly love to this, and you will feel even more valuable and important.
Video: How to overcome postpartum depression?
After the wedding, I had a depressed)) The psychologist advised the Triptofan calm formula to take courses+to delight himself with some trifles ... Well, to be more often with her husband, of course, in order to do not doubt that she took the right step. As a result, this really helped ... As the doctor explained, all this advised the production of the hormone of joy, and depression faded into the background) I realized that I really like my husband and now I don’t regret it at all)
If there really is depression, then it must be treated with a specialist. The drugs should also be prescribed by a doctor, in no case on their own.