In this article, we will talk about what is emotional violence and how to detect it.
Content
Physical violence is always actively discussed, because it is noticeable, but they often forget about emotional. That is why it is so difficult to find it, and it does not cause a special response in society. Often psychological violence is even more dangerous than physical.
What is psychological violence?
Tyrans husbands are discussed quite often. When tyranny manifests itself in the form of physical violence, it is immediately clear that you need to run from such a man. Each woman hears just such advice if her husband beats her. That's just there is another type of violence, not so clear - psychological. It is discussed extremely rarely and it is even more dangerous than beatings. If in the latter case only the body is crippled, then the first person is destroyed.
First of all, one should figure out what psychological violence is. In fact, this is a way of non -physical impact on the psyche. As a rule, it can be of several types:
- Control of behavior. The tyrant actively controls who the victim communicates with, what he does, and also makes us talk about every step. Lying from work for at least 5 minutes, you can prepare for a strong scandal.
- Thinking control. In this case, the tyrant imposes its installations. That is, the victim begins to think as a tyrant should. Her own opinion is suppressed and not interested in anyone.
- Control of emotions. A man manipulates a woman and provokes certain emotions in her. They can hesitate from too joyful to the most negative.
- Information control. The tyrant actively checks what the victim is interested in, what she looks, reads and so on.
How emotional violence is manifested: features
The difficulty is that you will never know the psychological tyrant from the first glance. It is worth considering when your partner at the very beginning of the relationship behaves too emotionally. In addition, your relationship develops rapidly and flow into serious unexpectedly. A man talks about how madly he loves you, wants children, a family and so on. Many women believe in this and do not even realize that they can be expected in the end.
Undoubtedly, at first there will be no problems. They will begin later, when the partner begins to pour criticism literally for any reason. Often, such men simply insist that their wife quit work, motivating this by the fact that they themselves can provide their family, and indeed, they are jealous. But do not succumb to this, because you will have to depend on him.
In fact, such concern is nothing more than a manifestation of total control. Your husband wants to know everything and even what you think or may think about. How exactly he will achieve his own is not too important. It can be poisonous ridicule, a demonstration of such grief that you yourself will feel guilty.
When such pressure is constant, you will not even notice how you give up your own attitudes and accept strangers. This is the meaning of emotional violence - the underestimation of a person’s self -esteem, the destruction of his personality. The victim always considers himself stupid, incapable of anything, selfish and so on. The further such a relationship develops, the more the victim depends on his partner. In addition, he tirelessly repeats to her that no one needs her at all with her appearance, skills and so on, and he loves her such a noble knight and will never abandon her.
Another tyrant can pretend to be a victim. Such a position has nothing to do with acceptance and victim. This is such a move when he seems to be ready to give up principles and give, anything, but you will always have something to him.
It is almost impossible to distinguish such tyranny and care. Here it remains only to rely on your feelings. If you always have to feel guilty, but you don’t even understand why, then this is a clear sign that you are subjected to violence.
What is the danger of emotional violence?
One of the main dangers can be considered that nothing would happen to others. Wouldn't they quarrel in this pair? Yes, quarrel, like everyone else. That's just all attempts to complain about misunderstanding. The husband looks for everyone an exemplary family man who else to look for, and his wife seems to be an ungrateful woman who does not understand what a blessing she got.
And besides, when the victim gets to the tyrant, he actively presses that their relationship is perfect and she herself comes up with problems. After all, she is a selfish and does not know how to live happily, and he loves and suffers so poorly.
Of course, when you hear this constantly, it begins to seem that somewhere something went wrong. Everyone claims that a man is perfect, but inwardly a woman resists. As a result, the victim simply ceases to trust itself and becomes completely dependent on the tyrant. And he only needs this - he actively suppresses her even more so that she certainly does not break out of his tenacious hands.
What to do if the husband turned out to be a psychological tyrant?
First of all, do not try to inspire guilty. You are not to blame for anything, and it does not even matter what others say. Immediately, as soon as you realized that you live with a tyrant, you must leave. Nothing good will work out of this, and it is impossible to correct the situation. The longer your relationships last, the more destruction will go to your psyche.
Most often, awareness of the situation comes very late. The victims turn out to be very blurry the boundaries of the personality and she is not even able to resist. Self -confidence disappears and it begins to seem to her that she really does not deserve the best. Therefore, it is important to realize that the problem lies precisely in her husband, and not inside herself.
When you realized in what situation you were, then find support. Someone must support your decision to leave, in case of doubt, to remind you again why you made such a decision. Otherwise, you will not be able to deal with the pressure of your environment and even more so your husband.
In the end, remember what your life you had before. Remember your friends, hobbies, favorite classes. Did you like all this? So why not go back?
At first after parting, limit communication with your ex -husband to a minimum. Gain strength and remember who you are in reality, without your tyrant. This is necessary in order not to succumb to attempts to return you, but they will be - do not hesitate.
When you return your own personality, you can normally and adequately assess the situation and separate your feelings from the imposed.
By the way, it is believed that the best means to survive consequences is a new romance with an adequate person. Communication with a good psychologist works well.
Do not forget to understand all the correctness of what is happening, you need to decide on your feelings. If you are happy, then everything is fine. Trust your feelings, appreciate yourself, because you also deserve happiness like any other person.
How emotional violence is manifested: signs
Violence is not always clear. That is, a man may not raise his hand to a woman, but at the same time constantly humiliates her, intimidates, insults, lies and so on. This is very unpleasant, and in the end leads to terrible consequences for an emotional state. We decided to figure out exactly how it is manifested by emotional violence we offer to familiarize ourselves with its signs.
- You are too attentive to his needs and forget about your
You go in front of him on tiptoe in every sense, the main thing is that he feel good. Perhaps you had to behave like this with your parents and now it was reflected in adulthood. You try to be silent and not express your thoughts. At the same time, an excuse has a poor attitude - you yourself are to blame that you react so sharply to everything. In fact, do not worry. Just understand that you definitely have no relation to this, just a man needs you to feel guilty and do everything as he should.
- You don't communicate with friends
If you do not communicate with girlfriends, do not go to meetings, but just sit at home, because he does not let you in and will swear, then this is very bad. That is, it seems to you that you were cut off from the outside world, because your husband needs a lot of attention. Perhaps you even justify him that he behaves like that. Gradually, this leads to the fact that the victims begin and the truth is to blame themselves for all problems.
- You try to avoid scandal
Instead of saying about your thoughts and feelings, you just be silent and keep everything inside. At the same time, you are trying not to conflict anywhere, even at work. Most likely, you are just tired and you have no desire to express your opinion, so that later you do not have to prove something. Now you cannot defend your own interests and it is easier for you to adapt to this than to worry, that the rebellion will lead to another scandal.
- You don't know what you want
When children have to live with unbalanced quick -tempered parents, they get used to putting them in the first place and always take care of them. In the end, after growing up, a person becomes a parent for his own parents, and then for a loved one. He always justifies them and accuses himself of all failures, and does not think about his needs that it would be good for others.
- You endanger yourself for your beloved
For example, it may be his manner of aggressively and quickly driving a car. You seem to be afraid and get angry with him, but still be silent so as not to provoke a scandal.
- You constantly feel fatigue
You constantly feel terrible fatigue. It is more difficult for you to do the usual things regarding life needs. The head is foggy and you are not even sure that you should think about yourself. You have ceased to consider yourself a competent person. Even knowledge and experience are doubtful.
- You have sex not of your own free
Do not want, but you allow proximity to just not swear once again. Is this more and more often? Or maybe it has already become the norm and you even forgot when the last time you were good? Do not betray yourself, because you give your strength and betray yourself. It gets even worse from this.
- You are constantly his farewell
Recently, you have already dispersed several times and again turned out together only to forgive and promise love to each other until the end of days. You close your eyes to rudeness, constantly give another chance and believe in empty promises that will never be fulfilled.
In true love, both partners are on equal terms and they take and give in a relationship. Of course, sometimes you have to give up principles for the sake of a loved one, but it does not become a habit, rather a one -time case. If two people love each other, then they respect everyone, share guilt and life, and if everything is bad, then they try to look for a way out. But there are no insults and rage.
Video: emotional violence in relationships. Depreciation. Part 2
